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I have had, on multiple occasions, people tell me they are afraid of me. Even guys have told me they are afraid of me. One even told me in a letter because he couldn't tell it to my face. I consider myself an extremely calm person and can't remember the last time I blew up at someone. I guess I tend to give of a demeanor as to demand respect, but I give the same respect in return, so what's the problem? I don't want people to be afraid of me! lol... I already have enough trouble making friends as it is.

... does this happen to any other istj's? people telling you they are afraid of you?
 

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Never. As in, no one has ever said that to me. I think that the only way I *might* scare off some guys is because I'm not as "feminine" as our society expects/dictates that women should be. That used to concern me greatly, but now, not so much.

If anything, the reverse is probably true - especially at work. People know that I'm disinclined to say "no" to a request, and therefore (at least in my mind) I'm thinking that they hardly have a reason to be afraid of someone who's usually quite compliant.
 

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Without a doubt, IRL people tend to be intimidated by me. My daughter is getting married next month and my future son-in-law still addresses me as Mr. --------

It amazes me because I view myself as a normal, easy going kind of guy.
 

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Yeah- I can think of this other istj man I know whom people were afraid of..

I remember before i met him, other people on my team were talking about how they didn't want to screw up in front of him as if he would explode and turn into some psycho monster. I didn't get it then, and have never seen him blow up or lose his temper...
 

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I have had, on multiple occasions, people tell me they are afraid of me. Even guys have told me they are afraid of me. One even told me in a letter because he couldn't tell it to my face. I consider myself an extremely calm person and can't remember the last time I blew up at someone. I guess I tend to give of a demeanor as to demand respect, but I give the same respect in return, so what's the problem? I don't want people to be afraid of me! lol... I already have enough trouble making friends as it is.

... does this happen to any other istj's? people telling you they are afraid of you?
people are afraid of me, i actually think the reason why most people are assholes is because they are actually intimidated by my stoic, unforgiving super awsomness.
 

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I have had, on multiple occasions, people tell me they are afraid of me. Even guys have told me they are afraid of me. One even told me in a letter because he couldn't tell it to my face. I consider myself an extremely calm person and can't remember the last time I blew up at someone. I guess I tend to give of a demeanor as to demand respect, but I give the same respect in return, so what's the problem? I don't want people to be afraid of me! lol... I already have enough trouble making friends as it is.

... does this happen to any other istj's? people telling you they are afraid of you?
we're boring too right? its not just me?
 

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I'm not entirely certain if people are afraid of me. Most people that I have known have treated me with respect. The times where I have felt disrespected have largely been at the hands of members of my family or individuals who worked in retail/customer service. I do suspect though there are friends of mine who have been afraid of me, not that I have ever punched their heads in or torn strips off them. I do surprise myself though - on some occasions when I am focused and serious, I unwittingly give very direct instructions and people just seem to do them largely without question! lol.
 

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People are intimidated by me. My grandfather is an ISTJ and he can definitly be intimidating at times. I don't think female ISTJs are as intimidating as male ISTJs, they can be if they want to but they normally don't come off that way without trying like us males.
 

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I've never been told/informed that others are afraid of me...

I tend to pick holes in things and (try to) improve them - others might be afraid of me messing with their systems/methods or pointing out what is not working properly.

A lack of fluffy social "layer" usually makes me direct, specific and, well, blunt (briefly discussing my family structure & asked about a particular relative, my response was "no - he's dead" <awkward silence> ...). Afraid of the directness? Afraid of not knowing how to respond? (Although *I'm* afraid of not knowing how to respond to *them*!)

I hold grudges - they might be are afraid of that? Either afraid of being rejected or losing the friendship.

I am just guessing - I'm trying to "see" what others might when they are with me...
And I have to admit, I do give off a major "leave me alone" vibe... :mellow::frustrating:
 
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I'm intimidated by anyone who's organized and extremely punctual and focused.
I lived 23 years of my life with two strong J parents! Scary!
 

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Yeah- I can think of this other istj man I know whom people were afraid of..

I remember before i met him, other people on my team were talking about how they didn't want to screw up in front of him as if he would explode and turn into some psycho monster. I didn't get it then, and have never seen him blow up or lose his temper...
Yeah, I tend to have few anti-social traits: I seldom lose my cool, act irrational, or eat babies. Logic reigns supreme though, and I do have to reel in those tendencies, time to time, since left unchecked they will run my life and people begin to think I have no emotions. I guess it is mostly because I am blunt, I will call you down in a group of people, and I have no fear of confrontation. I don't tolerate fools gladly, and the bigger fool you are, the more intense my reaction.

As an example, recently a good friend of mine, along with a couple of other friends were having a discussion, and my good friend mentioned that his 7 year old daughter was smarter than his 10 year old son. I immediately stopped him and told him that was a "dumb" thing to say and that those sentiments would bleed over into his interactions with his kids. I proceeded to explain to him the differences of child development and why some kids may not appear to be as smart as other kids, but in reality simply have a different way of approaching life and problem solving. I don't know if I really got through to him, but I do know that the other friends present are probably thinking that I was a bit blunt.

In another situation, a men's prayer breakfast, during prayer requests, one fella quoted an email going around that painted a liberal politician in a bad light, and was going to sanctimoniously ask for prayer for this individual and our government. I don't mind praying for politicians and gov't as we're instructed to do so. However, I do believe in telling the truth and praying for what is needed--not something someone has dreamed up. So there, in front of God and everybody, I corrected him and told him that the politician in question had not done what was being attributed to her. I didn't realize how it was coming across until afterward the silence was deafening...the pastor cleared his throat and said, "Well, let's just pray for all of our leaders." :blushed: I have no problem nailing someone for what the did do or say, but I HATE straw man arguments.

From conversations such as this, I tend to get the reputation that I am unyielding or unforgiving of violation of principle. I dunno....I do know that the greater the magnitude of stupidity displayed, especially where it might impact others, the greater my response will be to correct that stupidity.
 

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People says I'm scary and they are afraid of me, all the times. I'm used to it. I guess the reasons are:

  1. I'm blunt in saying about things that annoyed me. I don't give a damn to "soften" my words.
  2. When I have problem with someone, I confront it right away to their face and demand a solution.
  3. I call people out of their bullshit.
  4. I'm not affected by kind words or compliments or fake politeness. My focus is on actions that comes from the heart.
  5. I'm good at keeping my words and finishing things (almost) perfectly on time. I demand the same thing from others. Unfortunately, not everyone able to do that. So when they failed, I criticize them. And they have nothing to defend themselves from me and that makes them feel stupid/weak/intimidated.
This makes me sounds harsh and hard to get along with. So they were afraid of me.
 

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I don't know if they're decidedly scared, but I feel that some are intimidated. I think my strictness and attention to detail might scare some people off, because they'll be scared of making mistakes and getting criticised afterwards. While I never mean anything personal with my criticising, some people interpret it that way.
 

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Yes. Sometimes I hate it and sometimes it really amuses me, because I'm a rather small and unimposing person.

I do have a recent story that particularly amuses me. I was told that one night at fencing practice a couple of members were going to fence on an unoccupied strip until they saw that it was where I had laid my gear. I have expensive gear, of which I take notoriously good care. Neither of them were willing to move my stuff themselves or risk bothering me with their request. Eventually one of my friends took care of it for them.:crazy:
 

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Yeah, I guess people are intimidated in my presence. I'm very good at reminding people that what they are doing is morally questionable, acting like a gentleman, and applying deodorant/looking presentable. I have won some awards, scholarships, and I've done some pretty cool things that the average Joe or Jane might see as very intimidating. So, yeah, most people see me as out of their league, but on the contrary, I feel that I belong with them because I am just as or even more down-to-earth than they are. I don't do anything to impress anyone; I do things because I enjoy doing them.
 

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I'm always finding people are scared of me, especially when they first see me - That is, before I even open my mouth. I've gotten into a habit of trying to smile and laugh a lot and act a bit bubblier so people stop assuming that I'm some scary biatch... I find it a little unnerving how quickly people assume that I'm a scary person.
 

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I'm always finding people are scared of me, especially when they first see me - That is, before I even open my mouth. I've gotten into a habit of trying to smile and laugh a lot and act a bit bubblier so people stop assuming that I'm some scary biatch... I find it a little unnerving how quickly people assume that I'm a scary person.
Hey, welcome to the forum! Eh, what authority do I have? I'm a newbie myself :wink: I have yet to meet a female ISTJ IRL, so I'm glad to see they exist :proud:

I should mention that even though I think some people are intimidated by me, I am hardly intimidated by anyone. Okay, maybe a little... I probably won't strike up a conversation with a shady person on a street, and I am bit nervous/shy when meeting a group of more than three or four people. But, if I can encounter someone just one-on-one, I find that there's nothing really to be afraid of. So, keep in mind that there are people out there that are willing to talk to you, even if you feel you are intimidating!!!
 

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I may not be an ISTJ anymore, but... People are often intimidated by me, and I think its because I'm out spoken. xD
That TJ is still coming through...:wink:

Sorry your not feeling well. Get better soon.
 
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