[Kynx]

I don't know many ENFPs and only one that I've known a few years and I've got fairly close to (platonically, not romantically) this last year.

I feel like he's a more enthusiastic, more affectionate, bouncy version of myself. I don't need to think about where he's coming from. I guess he feels the same since he's the first person to drop a comment that stopped me in my tracks, with the realisation of 'Wow, he knows my underlying motives! Cool! Also, how annoying!' :laughing:

Anyway, I know I'm often misunderstood, but he seems to be misunderstood to a greater extent than I am. People are really suspicious of his motives and intentions. His reputation is that he's immoral and can't be trusted. I've fell out with half my family defending him because they've heard rumours about him and refuse to put them aside until they find out for themself. No matter how much he proves himself, people seem to play down his good deeds, yet jump on every single fk up he makes (he does fk up a lot, but his heart's in the right place) as proof that they were right all along.
One family member even said he's "too nice"! Wtf? Like it's a mask hiding his evil intentions. Yet, when he refuses to kiss ass and tells them some home truths, they hate him even more for that.

I'm very accurate with my judgements of people anyway and I'm totally convinced he's a genuine decent person. Often when he makes mistakes it seems to be because he's trying to please too many people.

Does this happen to ENFPs often?

If so, are people suspicious of your motives just because they can't imagine being kind without gaining something from it?

Or are there other reasons for this?

 

[Kynx]

As far as I know (And I'm pretty sure I know..) everyone views me as very trustworthy. I work hard to make sure I have people's trust, just in case I need to lie about something important (To protect them.). People aren't suspicious of me at all.
Although I guess it's clear to everyone that I relish responsibility and always do my best for people, so that's why they trust me.

Being trusted is also important to me,
I hate other people thinking I'm lying. It's frustrating.
He does let people down though, it's not intentional, but I guess others might see it as irresponsible through lack of consideration rather than lack of organisation.

 

[Kynx]

Many of us ENFPs are so altruistic that people may peg us a "fake" and thus are not trustworthy. When we make one mistake then they are the first ones to say "See?! I knew he/she couldn't be trusted!"

Does that bother you though?

Personally, I don't care about other people's opinions of me, as long as they have their facts right about me in the first place.

He seems to feel bad about the trouble that's escalated from the original rumours, like he thinks it's his fault. Which it isn't.

 

[Kynx]

Some more detail, the trust issue centred around the rumour, which was that he'd manipulated a lot of money from someone else.

The other people thought this was his motive for being "too nice".

Strange that people prefer to believe the worst in someone, no matter how unreliable their 'information' is.

 

[Kynx]

Anything that requires me being punctual, reliably consistent, and constantly serious will result in me being overlooked. Fair enough, I guess. Those are not my strong points. Still hurts, though, because I take it personally. Hey, I could try!

I've also found that it makes a big difference what personality type we are talking about. Conformists won't trust me, because I'm not a conformist myself. I do follow the major rules, though; I'm not a total anarchist. But they'll just assume that I'm irresponsible altogether, which is not true. Or very serious people will think that, because I inject humour into situations, that I can't be trusted with more serious issues. That's also not true. I take people's problems very seriously, but I just find that my own way of looking at things requires me to see it from all sides--one of which is the funny side. Being funny does not mean you are any less able to solve serious problems. In fact, I find it has the opposite effect and long before serious people are finished debating I've figured out what to do and I'm wondering why they can't see it.

Ironically, people who are "rebels" tend to reject me, because I don't conform to their particular standards of rebellion.

I can get along with pretty much anyone, but I'm never accepted as "one of them". *shrug* I guess I'm not.

Ahh, the personality type is a good point. One situation involved a sensor type reading him from his facial expressions. Which reinforced her opinion because there was a discussion about giving him some money to solve a problem and she noticed him smile at that moment.

When she mentioned this to me I tried to explain it could be due to many reasons, most likely because he was knew money wasn't going to solve the problem. I didn't push it further because I wasn't actually there at the time.

But yes, shows everyone can easily be misinterpreted by different types.

 

[Kynx]

i don't know- this sounds an awful lot like something that happened to me in the not so distant past.

but yes, i've seen from observing others that ENFPs can often try far too hard to be funny and liked. thing is as an INFP and someone who can relate to him further than most, you might look into his "soul" and realise what a great person he is, wheras most will look at his personna and believe it to be ingenuine. it may be (as it is from my observations) that he is ingenuine out of the best intentions of being likeable and nice but people won't descriminate when they sense ingenuinety- and to be perfectly honest even though i certainly wouldn't have said so at the time, i feel i did deserve the same judgement from others and now (as i did when younger) i make sure genuinety is my main aim at all times.

some people would've describe me as very confident, in fact i got several people actually tell me that while travelling, but truthfully i was wearing a personna that i was very good at maintaining as a cover-up for insecurity. now as someone who believes only in being myself i'm far more at peace, and even though i may not always seem so externally confident (i still can be, but only when it comes naturally), internally i'm very secure with myself now.

you also have to consider that they could be right and you wrong- just like every other human being in this world you are probably nowhere near as right nowhere near as often as you think, and it's important to constantly doubt everything you think no matter how certain you think you are (especially when relatively young and inexperienced)

:shocked: I'm always right! :laughing:

Seriously though, I know I'm right this time. I don't jump to conclusions, I keep everything I hear in mind until I have enough information to make my decision.

I used to work for the family of the person he allegedly manipulated and I would have heard it from them. Also, they are on good terms with him and they're not the sort of people who would forgive and forget easily.