Are people there for you when you're in need?

Me too. I have a tendency not to ask for help and to try and resolve issues myself. If I ask for help, then I don't straight up and ask. I usually relate my problem in a monologue fashion and ultimately leave the decision to give help up to the person I am relating my problem to. If they don't help, then I try not to resent and try and resolve the issue again myself from a different approach.

I wouldn't suggest going off on a "nobody cares" rant. I often come across in real life as someone who doesn't care about others as I seem to do nothing when I do simply because I have no solution to actually help them or no method to help them find themselves or an answer. Spouting the inadequacy of others in regards to providing emotional support may bring people to your side but may push others further away through loss of confidence or through self-doubt.

My parents are typically there for me, but no, my friends really aren't.
I can, like you said, rush to meet someone for coffee after they do something stupid or pick them up and take them places but they will never ever return the favor.

I probably just need new friends.

But could it be the way we get so stand-offish at times?

I don't know. My friend likes to brag and analyze people and overall, pretend he's super impressive. Well, at a party (I know, odd) he was saying all of his girl friends came to him with their problems because he's SO good at dealing with them and I said, "I never ever come to you with my problems." He said, "I didn't even think you HAD problems. Like, seriously, what's wrong with your life?"
Of course, that was infuriating. But maybe we're just not open enough?

RiverINXP said:

Hi all. I don't post much in here because I think I lean slightly more towards being INTP than INFP. That said, I have something which I suspect is more of an INFP issue.

If someone I care about is going through a tough time, I'm totally there for them. I've found, however, that if I'm the one going through tough times, no one is there for me.

Typical example: I have a friend whom I supported through a bad break up. 3am phone calls, letting her cry on my shoulder for several weeks, meeting her in cafés to talk about things for the 100th time, etc, etc.

A few months later, my father died very unexpectedly. I barely got so much as an "I'm sorry to hear that."

This is just one example of many, with all sorts of different friends.

I tend not to complain too loudly or emotionally about my stuff. Maybe that's the problem? I need to be more melodramatic or something? I also never complain when I feel like people around me are being unsupportive. I feel too embarrassed to say anything.

I'm sorry to get all "woe is me" here, but I have to admit that it's starting to bother me.

Anyone else have this problem?

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I think if you're usually someone who doesn't talk about their issues or personal life, or are seen as "strong" people don't take the initiative to help you unless you directly ask.

Infps' and intps' have similar 'behind the scenes' communication styles.. although I would say intps' are a little more inclined to be direct. But I know that sometimes "asking" is not the point, you'd expect some degree of support from a friend without having to explicitly say "I'd like you to support me more right now". I know I would hate to directly ask someone for support... for several reasons. It takes a lot of courage and I admire those who can do so.

I very rarely talk about my personal life with people, and I very much prefer to sort things out on my own. I don't like "help" or "support" because of my pride and ego I suppose, because I don't want to be a burden and also because I never grew up with "support" from friends or family, so I never learned to be comfortable with it.
It's taken me 19 years to realise everybody needs some degree of support during the times they need it. But I guess you have to be prepared to be emotionally open and thus vulnerable, in order to receive it. That, I find very difficult to do, as I don't suppose you do as well.

I think the only thing you can do, is to foster relationships with people where you both share what's going on. And you make it a habit to do so. So one person is not doing the listening all the time.
I think it comes down to the qualities and characteristics of the person, the relationship you foster, the communication flow within the relationship, and your willingness to be open. Not all people are willing to be supportive (best to consult someone with empathy... ) but sometimes given the chance, people are very happy to help. But they might need prompting. I know melodrama wouldn't work on me, but I would not feel angry if someone asked me "can you help" in fact, I'd much rather them ask directly for help then to fish around for it indirectly by doing things to get my attention.

I know we're (introverts) usually the ones who naturally do the listening, and I don't know about you, but I quite like that role :laughing: but sometimes it's a defense mechanism to constantly focus the shift on others and leave it at that.

I'm sorry about your father, River :sad:

Yes, people are there when I need them. I've had my car break down in the middle of nowhere and I've always been able to call people to pick me up. I've had to couch surf twice in my early 20's for a couple of months and found people to help.

The things that I've found is that I don't expect help from the people I help. Everyone one I help is like contributing to a large karmic pool. Sometimes, I need to draw some out and the various people in my life, some I don't even know that well, have come to help.

I don't expect any type of reciprocation from my friends mostly because I've stopped having friends - www.infpblog.com/relationships/friends/

It's so much easier and alot more fun to have an amorphous blob of relationships without divvying everyone up into friends, good friends, acquaintances, etc. I divide people into two groups: people I like spending time with and people I avoid. The people I like spending time with have always come through on the occasions I need them.