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Do your exes have something in common? (besides you)

Do you have a specific type that you repeat?
 

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1. Yes

2. Yes. I've tried to change it up, it doesn't work, I'm not into it, so now I'm just trying to figure out how to get along with them better. I've made strides.
 

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No, they're very different. ESTP, ENTP, ENTJ, INFP, ISFP. Hey, I've never dated an SJ.


I didn't really date the ESTP. He was after me because he was trying to fuck me before, as it turned out, his wedding. I didn't know that, and I kissed the guy, but he was a ham-handed kisser and unimpressive, so that was that. Thank goodness. People told me later that he was about to get married. Idiot.

The ENTP pursued me a little, and then I pursued him. He was interesting, but terrible in bed.

The ENTJ also pursued me. I wasn't interested at first. He was almost as bad in bed as the ENTP. He intellectualized it too much. He also liked to discuss little things for hours on end, and it got tedious. He also had some weird jealousy issues.

The INFP is my best friend. He pursued me. I don't want to marry him, because he feels more like a brother to me. Gross.

The ISFP was hella hot. I pursued him. As it turned out, he was really good at sex. He had jealousy & other issues, though.


Um... So, that's it.
 

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I've only dated a handful of people, so that's not exactly the best sample size, but so far at least the only thing they've really had in common was being a bit nerdy. Sure, I've had common interests or hobbies with them all, but their personalities were all very different.
 

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Haha, I barely even dated! I mostly couldn't tell you the types of the handful of individuals I went out with, besides my husband. That said, I definitely have a few types that get me most interested, which I can tell from my pattern of crushes. Starting with grade school!
IxFx
xSFP
ESFJ
ISFP
ISFP
ESFP
ENFP
ESFJ
ENFJ
ISFJ (husband:heart:)

Tally...
S: 7/10, F: 10/10!!!

I love warm individuals who are passionate about what/whom they care for.
 

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Regarding mbti type yes they’re all ti users - however none of them are similar in looks personality , interests and ethnic backgrounds.

Entp ( lasted 5 months but I was in middle school so I highly doubt this count as a relationship, we reconnect as Facebook friends when I went to college and he’s a close buddy of mine - I dont have much memory of us dating ) he was very articulate , goes in bout of either being extremely talkative or not talk at all, not that emotional or emotionally aware, talks like an encyclopedia- we have similar tastes in music , films, books , view on politics , more on the serious side - our Ne bounces off one another - he understands my randomness and plays along


Entp( my high school sweetheart , freshman and sophomore year) he’s nothing like my Entp ex n middle school . He’s extremely extroverted , highly energetic , talks nonstop , enjoy being the class clown/smart ass in class , we had a lot in common in the sense of hobbies and creating or experimenting things - he’s the only bf that would read my plays or writing - he is inventive - turned his skateboard into a campfire , experiment with chemistry a lot , very emotional ( despite him being an entp- me enfp - he’s more expressive ), never a dull moment with him bc were always creating or doing something - out talk me by far - I appear extremely quiet next to him . Extremely caring towards those he is close with - not so much with others . Very witty and creative . Passed away 16 months into our relationship- I adore him

Infj - he’s Cuban , wonderful- shy , poetic and artistic , great listener , very romantic , spoil me with affection and thoughtful gifts - very gentle and kind, emotional( in a good way ), protective , would always offer me his sweatshirt / jackets /dress shirt when I’m cold and refuse to take it back when I return it . Like me - we’re both extremely clumsy


Enfj - worst nightmare - We have different wants,
He’s overly attentive, likes to tell me how I’m feeling or what to do when I share something with him which causes me to snap, gets jealous if I were to hug a guy friend and give me the silent treatment I’ll have to ask him what’s wrong for 5 minutes before he answer and then gets shock that I’m angry at him for being jealous , calls and texts nonstop - changed computer screen to a picture of him and me and got upset when I’m not too thrilled about the surprise. Broke up with me when we went out to a pizza party and I walked out of his car before waiting for him to walk in with him by saying “ you better get your ass in the car so I can do my 20 men raid or else I’ll dump your ass” I told him thank you . Following day he blew up my phone with 900 miss call apologizing

Istp- cunning , humorous , very charming in his approach-we were different as night and day . Hes good at things I’m horrid at and vice versa . Apparently opposite attract in our case . Where I excel with abstract knowledge, creating things , seeing multiple possibilities in every situation- he’s more singular focus - down to earth , extremely action oriented. I understand his emotions inside out and he understand my physical self ( when I’m tired , sleepy , cold , hungry , bored - what I’m hungry for - when I’m sick etc etc ) . We combine well obviously- I mean I married the guy - been together for over 15 years


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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No obvious patterns percieved. The only I can find is "I like them".
 

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I've only seriously dated two person, one is ISFP and the other is INFP.

They both are more emotionally expressive than I am, that's the only thing they have in common.
 

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Naw & Yes

Usually they have actually all been extremely different from each other in personality however similar in underlined issue

Except they appear to have chemical use problems a lot. By majority (not always). Back in the day when i was younger it was more so just I was not weary of the right things and permitted more when it was open. Younger I dated obvious addicts. As I got older I definitely steered away from wanting to be with addicts. I come from a family with lots of addiction my dad died young from it, my older sis is a mess from it, etc. So older I at least knew I did not desire to be with an addict.

And yet still I have ended up falling for a few really toxic closeted addicts. They have actually been worse than the overt and obvious addicts. As far as the level of drama and toxicity they bring to people in general. One the most recent was very good at concealing how much of a shit show they really were as far as outward appearances.

I definitely am aware I obviously have a blind spot in this area. As I said I steer away from it I see it blatant but still have had the closeted addicts creep through.

To be honest it’s something I have found very frustrating specifically the most recent instance probably because like socially etc that ex passed herself as someone who was upper middle class and had her shit together as far as being a psychology grad etc. When really she was a compulsive liar, compulsive gambler, compulsive binge drinker, who I later came to realize that after she love bombed me and proposed and then cheated within a short time span that when her ex wife messaged me to ask about her whereabouts and it was revealed basically how the ex wife had left her ass because the ex wife made 6 figures and she was basically gambling and drinking the ex wives earnings.

Anyways I have found I have dated a few people who some were into drinking or gambling and some were not who were really really really bad with money but passed themselves off as a class and lifestyle they could not afford, to me that is weird and fraudulent. Mainly because they made poor life choices etc and passed themselves off as almost condescending. When in actuality despite my being a working class single mother I had my shit way more together as far as priorities, self discipline, and owning all my belongings. I was actually more well off than them. I think where I was put off was how they had this delusional condescending attitude believing the class they tried to pass themselves off as made them better. When I considered them entitled spoiled pricks who masked their idocy with where they came from and credit line but led way more trash lifestyles in actuality than myself. As far as myself having to be more disciplined in order to survive caring for my children.

I’d say all the people I have ever dated have come from more entitlement in their background than myself. And as I said many appeared to have either blatant addiction problems back when I was young to now more so concealed and closeted issue. So it’s definitely something I want to keep on the lookout for and be weary of.

I’m also weary of entitled fucks who want to date me for novelty to add some color to their bland life because I’m sorta a socially acceptable option for them to dabble with. I guess I really am over it. I’d do much better with a self made kinda person who had to work just as hard as myself to kick ass in life. Because that is the kinda person who will appreciate me as opposed to all these entitled little fucks I have been with. So I guess I have had a problem dating entitled people who unconsciously considered themselves better than me despite their horrible lifestyles, poor finance or chemical use choices, just because they came from something more stable and were considered upper middle class on their taxes.

So I’m aware of the underlined issue I just have to be better about spotting the posers who try to pass themselves off as eclectic who are really just fringe yuppies and hipsters who have piggy backed off where they come from and try to pass themselves off as self made. I belong with a like minded self made person who comes from something more humble and has made something of their life through similar brute and determination. When I say this don’t necessarily mean millionaire and money. I simply mean having their shit together in self discipline and from having to make their life on their own not from where they come from, litigation, credit lines, etc etc etc
 

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The only person I've ever been in a serious, committed relationship with was an ISTJ, probably 6w5, disintegrating hard towards 9 towards the end of our relationship. I did truly love him for a while, but he was completely unlike anyone else I've ever had a serious crush on, and more the kind of person I thought would be good for me than the kind of person I was actually really into. Let's say it was a quiet romance, not an intense one.

As for people I've had more passionate feelings towards, a rundown of their shared personality traits would be: chaotic energy, often charismatic, adventurous, slightly selfish exteriors but hearts in the right place, caring and protective towards their inner circle (if not necessarily towards everyone), independent and need a lot of space, good at respecting boundaries, and funny with a darker sense of humour. Give or take some traits, like my first serious crush ever was on an INFP girl who fit some of that description but, although well-liked, was too introverted to be characterized as charismatic, and turned out to be not particularly caring and to have her heart in the wrong place. Those last two things were dealbreakers though.

Type-wise, I'm realizing I have a big soft spot for ENFJs and a lot of chemistry with them. The past two "things" I've had were both with guys I believe were ENFJs. Both relationships were something along the lines of close, emotionally supportive friendships with vague, undefined romantic undertones and a sexual component. We were essentially on the same page of, "I really like/love you, but don't get too attached because I can't promise I won't leave your life one day". Which is a type of relationship I really appreciate for now, as I'm currently focused on figuring out how to fulfill my 5 needs for privacy, independence, and time alone, while still getting the emotionally intense connections which make me happy, and satisfying my extrovert need for social stimulation and companionship. Plus I have no idea where I'll be five years from now.
 

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Beer Guardian
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@Pippi

I find your candor refreshing. So your pattern is men who either don't know how to please you sexually, or have odd jealousy issues, or both?

Out of curiosity, have you ever tried to teach any of these men how to please you sexually, or do you just assume they will ether already know, or learn it on the fly (As for possessiveness/jealousy issues, I agree, total turnoff)?
 

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The patterns I have found in my relationships that last for any length of time are women who are strong-willed and fiercely independent. They don't need me around, they want me around because I add something more to what they already have.

The women I enjoy spending time with can hold her own in any conversation/debate, is playful and witty, has her own idea of how things should work, and isn't afraid to call me on my bullshit as needed, and expects the same from me.

A certain amount of playfulness, passion, and enthusiasm, is always part of the mix. I appreciate a woman who seeks a balance in the "Work hard/Play hard" dichotomy. We work towards common goals, we take the time to appreciate what we have, and we always build towards a better future.

Ultimately, what turns me off is any sense of subservience, controlling, high anxiety, possessiveness/jealousy, or needy/clingy behaviors.
 

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I've accidentally managed to date a bunch of narcissistic, ego driven, gaslighting-experts, controlling - abusive individuals, as well as a people-pleasing pathological liar, and one healthy, kind guy but who unintentionally made me feel invisible. The obvious question is why would you? Well, the answer to that is, no one would - you never can tell they're like that at first, they're amazing in the beginning and these darker sides reveal themselves more and more over time. I'm taking a break from dating now to focus and work on myself as a person.
 

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@Pippi

I find your candor refreshing. So your pattern is men who either don't know how to please you sexually, or have odd jealousy issues, or both?

Out of curiosity, have you ever tried to teach any of these men how to please you sexually, or do you just assume they will ether already know, or learn it on the fly (As for possessiveness/jealousy issues, I agree, total turnoff)?
No, there was no pattern. Two different people having something superficially in common doesn't comprise a pattern, especially when the context would show that they were, in fact, very different attributes. Even if they'd been similar in context, two isn't enough to extrapolate a pattern.

I never said anything about pleasing me. That has nothing to do with it. It isn't about me.

You're twisting & inverting what I say, and then you're asking me personal questions that pertain not to my actual experience, but to your deliberate inversion of what I described.

It's like you say that you don't beat your wife, and then someone asks you, "Okay, but do you beat her on Tuesdays, or on Thursdays?"
 

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I only ever officially been with one person but i don’t think there’s a pattern

First guy was ENFJ (I am ENFP).. had same interests, he was too emotional and deep for my liking but we did get along pretty well

Another was an ISTP who was just so hot lmao he wasn’t interested in me but i was just head over heels over him i’d chase him and he’d text me when he’s bored. Eventually i realised we were two extremely different people and cut him off

One of my favorites was an ENFP like me, hit it off pretty good we’d talk for hours and hours about everything and anything. I loved his company alot, played games together, watched stuff together, but he has been hung up over a girl for years so he and i only really worked as friends.

My ex was ENTP.. pretty funny, were good together but i’m mostly doing the talking/showing/exploring like i’m always telling him things and asking him to tell me stuff but his interests and passion seemed to die down like first year together it was great but he started to focus on just the love side of the relationship like we just meet and say good morning, goodnight and i love you with no activities or things to tell, got me bored pretty quickly but stuck around cause he loved me so much and i cared deeply about him. I left eventually to pursue all my hobbies and interests that i have seemed to forget when with him.

Next guy was an ESFJ , I was in for the looks mostly to be honest. He is extremely good looking oh and he’s actually very intelligent too but we are so different completely different interests completely different views. I adopted his way for a while because of how smitten i was and was actually ready to settle down and just stop exploring .. live the family life but changed my mind eventually when i realised i was unhappy that way.

The one i’m interested in right now is an ENTP that i absolutely adore.. i have known him when i was a teenager and he had always been special to me. Same interests, same sense of humor, same views, his company is my favorite thing in the world but we’re not dating it’s platonic but it’s the most real connection i had with a person.
 

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Beer Guardian
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No, there was no pattern. Two different people having something superficially in common doesn't comprise a pattern, especially when the context would show that they were, in fact, very different attributes. Even if they'd been similar in context, two isn't enough to extrapolate a pattern.

I never said anything about pleasing me. That has nothing to do with it. It isn't about me.

You're twisting & inverting what I say, and then you're asking me personal questions that pertain not to my actual experience, but to your deliberate inversion of what I described.

It's like you say that you don't beat your wife, and then someone asks you, "Okay, but do you beat her on Tuesdays, or on Thursdays?"
I humbly apologize. It was not my intention to offend in any way. It seemed to me the recurring theme in the relationships you described was pretty straightforward. I don't get your analogy at all.
 

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Humans are creatures of habit and like things and people that are familiar. We are attracted to people that we feel might complete us. This is often depicted as begin attracted to our opposites, but more accurately it is being attracted to aspects of a person that fills something we lack while also feeling familiar.

Thus, I think it's only natural to develop a sort of dating pattern formulated around meeting your specific psychological needs. Even if your relationships aren't very similar to past ones, there's usually at least one thing in common that attracted you to them all.
 
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