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Let me tell you something...I've never been one of those girls whose first impression leaves the room smitten. No. It starts out that way but then all of a sudden I say something right at the very end and leave people either confused or insulted. GOD, WHY THIS PUNISHMENT? I try to be civil and pleasant. I am not aiming to hurt people with my words. Ugh. Perhaps I am dealing with a lot of INFPs or SF types.:confused:


Anyways,

Have you ever been accused of 'serial assholiness'?

How do you deal with sensitive people?

Any advice for developing female INTJ?

Thank you,


Feel free to ask me anything.:happy:
 

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Have you ever been accused of 'serial assholiness'?
Yes. Not in those specific words but the message was pretty clear. Learn to deal with it.. some people have long long toes to step on and the INTJ is perhaps not entirely equipped to recognize them before stomping down on them by accident.

Side note: those that accused never lasted very long in my life, no matter who they were.. life's too short to try and please others.

How do you deal with sensitive people?
Depends. If they are people I care about I will make an effort not to hurt their feeling with me being blunt while also asking that they toughen up a little bit and understand that I am not blunt in order to offend them per se.

If I don't care that much about the sensitive person I don't make that effort and they either deal with it or not. 90% of the time I'm not out to offend anyone on purpose, if they are still offended well.. tough..

Any advice for developing female INTJ?

Uhm.. don't drink and drive?
 

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Welcome to being an INTJ.

Yes, I've studied this "sensitivity" before. Very complex. Alien.
;D
I am usually misunderstood when I try to convey how I feel. It almost always comes off as calculated and unromantic. My significant other is an SF and I've only recently started seeing the gap in our perspectives. It's hard sometimes. I used to be known as the "therapist" in high school because people would come to me with their problems. Granted I was an NF with a weak F function in high school and my personality developed and my T side just evolved over the years to dominate completely.

I can't really say how to deal with SF's because most of my friends are NT's or NF's with strong J functions like me x) There's always a disconnect though when it comes to sensitivity with emotions. I see things in such a straightforward no nonsense kind of way and to most other people that's like "wow you're insensitive"

I would say just try to look at it from their perspective more and realize that the most logical thing isn't always the most practical thing for everyone. x) Absolutely no one sees things in exactly the same way you do (except for us ;D) and that's pretty much the only thing that's helped me so far.
 

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Have you ever been accused of 'serial assholiness'?

How do you deal with sensitive people?
Feel free to ask me anything.:happy:
Serial assholiness: If I voiced my thoughts more often, and if I was male, it would probably happen.
Sensitive people: You have to find the middle ground between ignoring their feelings altogether and being dishonest to protect people's feelings. If I can't decide which reaction would be best for the situation, I don't say anything. I tend to value the truth over feelings though, as dishonesty usually hurts more in the end.

I can be a very sensitive person for people that I have known a long time and grown to trust. Mostly that part is shut away in a little box for 90% of each day. The amount of time it's out of the box has grown smaller and smaller as I've gotten older.
 
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If I'm talking to someone I care about or for some other reason I need to spare their feelings, I'll warn them I'm about to be blunt and I don't intend it personally. People seem to get it.

If you want to get along with people, be prepared to apologize a lot, I suppose.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I had an INTP friend in high school. She was as 'unfeeling' as they come. I remember her ex telling her about his father's death...and she broke up with him the next week. Providing emotional support seemed nearly impossible for her.

Our group made a short poem describing her misanthropic attitude:
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue;
You hate everyone,
Even those who don't know you."
 

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eff all of you. I'm less F that the lot of you. ppppptttt!!!!! :p

But, have accused my dear INTJ of assaholicolism. (addiction to assholery)

Case in point: wants to send my sick toddler to school, "He's not that sick" says INTJ.
Well, Mr. He's-not-that-sick is sick today, splattering virus-laden mucus about the house and staying home as well as contemplating staying home tomorrow so that he can more adequately seed the house with his virus brew.

course, I could also be accused of assholerly.
 

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Have you ever been accused of 'serial assholiness'?
Every day! It is the consequence of always telling
things as they are. No bullshit. Just the truth, how
awful it might be. Most people don't like it. I don't
give a fuck hahaha =D
 

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Oh god yes, I used to get this a lot. It always caught me by surprise, because I had no idea that the social rule I was contravening even existed. And, having been made aware of its presence, I could never really find that it was (usually) a very useful rule. And I would tell people, with bullet-pointed lists, why their social expectations were not only inefficient, but also (in a meta sense) immoral. For as long as it took for them to either agree (never happened) or throw their hands up in frustration.

Being a teenager was both awesome and terrible. ​I miss being "right" all the time.

Even now, I fail at a lot of social obligations. Oh well, man.

Don't let that weird expectation that anyone with tits should be massively Fe get to you, my friend. And, also, do not fear (as overcompensation) the Fi. The Fi is actually awesome, once you unlock it fully.
 

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Have you ever been accused of 'serial assholiness'?

I'm not INTJ but my brother is. He's never been called that, but similar things. He doesn't have much concern for other people's feelings and he's expressed that he really doesn't care. I've lived with him my whole life so I've learned to not take everything he says to heart. But a lot of people say that he has the looks of a "serial killer". He's got that INTJ death glare. :p Haha, and he wonders why he's unapproachable.

How do you deal with sensitive people?

It might help to say, "I'm gonna be blunt so please don't take this too harshly..." before you say something? That or think over things before you say it and ask, "would this sound offensive to this person?"

Any advice for developing female INTJ?

Um, I'm not sure what kind of advice you're looking for. Work on developing your feeling side I guess if hurting people's feelings really does bother you.
 

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Fi alone isn't going to do much for social skills, even in higher order. INFP's make social blunders but people don't care as much.

l wouldn't say assholes, just different priorities.

lf l'm interacting with or trying to get to know an INFP, for example, l know it's going to be a long process in which you have to gain trust. ln all honesty, that's my first turn off so my investment very much depends on the person. l just don't view casual relationships the same way.

With INTJ it's respect, more importantly but tied in with trust. So again, very dependent on the person how far l'll want to take things.

When l can sense l'm analyzed by way of an inner Fi compass and l'm not really looking to become intimately involved with the person, l tend to lose patience gaining the respect and trust.

l haven't really had INTJ friends for that reason, as l can't see the benefit in having friends you have to work that hard for. lt doesn't make me feel special or validated and l prefer an Fe dynamic.

l did prove myself to an INTJ romantically and his fellow INTJ clan were thus forced to accept me afterward.
 

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People usually say how lovely I am. So no, I don't get the assholery thing.

I remember a thread that asked this very same question and we had an influx of people of other types telling INTJs how to 'feel'. It was heinous, rude and filled with assholery.

Aside from that I've always been blunt, straight to the point and fairly belligerent with assholes of the sensitive kind. It's usually only that type of person I have conflict with because for some funny reason they are only seemingly sensitive to themselves and not others.

Advice; You probably aren't half as bad as any other asshole, so be good to yourself.
 

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'Serial assholiness?
The more time I spend around SF's, the brighter the sign gets.


How to deal with sensitive people?
I sometimes apologize, even if I don't understand what I'm apologizing for. Or I brush them off and ignore them. They're especially draining since it requires so much effort not to step on any unforeseen eggshells, confessing feelings is also draining but possible.


Any advice for developing female INTJ?
Learn to predict when the reproaches will come so that you can prepare a dam for the flood. This way you can proceed to any business you have and spend less time making amends for trampled feelings.
 

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I often have the same problem. I've come to realize that I just don't know how I really come off. Sometimes I look back on things I've said to others in the past and I think myself, "wow! That was a real asshole thing to say," even when I wasn't intending to be an ass. So I have discovered that I might come off as brusque and uninterested even when it's in fact the opposite. Now I kind of have to think before I speak, which is really difficult for me.
 

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People usually say how lovely I am. So no, I don't get the assholery thing.

I remember a thread that asked this very same question and we had an influx of people of other types telling INTJs how to 'feel'. It was heinous, rude and filled with assholery.

Aside from that I've always been blunt, straight to the point and fairly belligerent with assholes of the sensitive kind. It's usually only that type of person I have conflict with because for some funny reason they are only seemingly sensitive to themselves and not others.

Advice; You probably aren't half as bad as any other asshole, so be good to yourself.
:)

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