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Are we Infp intimidating to others?

[INFP] 
9K views 45 replies 28 participants last post by  Sapir 
#1 · (Edited)
ToHello everyone!
Well first i would like to say that i am new here so bare with me as i get used to th environment :) now for my reall post well for a while now I have had something on my mind
that is lately many people have been telling me that i am intimidating or ateast i was or am when someone first meets me. Yet no matter who i ask they all cant put their finger on what exactly it is about me that makes or made them feel this way. The only thing most people say might be the reason is that im strongly appinionated. For the most part most of them say it isn't bad to b intimidating as it means you are strong and can get what you want. I guess i think atleast this all has to do with the fact that i tend to have somewhat two different personalities combined which is common in infps from what i hear. And by that i mean i am a somewhat depressing yet still bubbly happy cute person. You know a bit negative at times and seriouse yet quirky and fun at others. I have considered maybe that is what kind of scares people the fact that they really dont know how to take me in. Some people hate it when i am happy and say its 'creepy' (those would be people who are tyipically more dark) others say im 'too depressing' those would be the happy people. I guess u can never please everyone. i guess the point o this thread is just to see if anyone can relate? I know this has been kind of long but i have really noticed this lately in fact i have so many stories that go along with it. But i think ill let you guys reply for a bit as i think i have written enough as is for now lol
 
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#4 ·
Personally, I'm not all intimidating. I've been told that I sometimes appear unapproachable, so that's as close as I'll get to a definition of "intimidating".

Others though on here have been able to pull off an intimidating look. So we can do it! :laughing:

(It's hard to look really intimidating for me)

I can relate though to being depressed, yet happy. My mood can vary depending on the mood of who I hang out with at the time. I've also been called either too negative or too idealistic by others.
 
#9 ·
Yes, you basically just summed up the whole blessing and curse of being an INFP. I am, obviously, the same way. Most of my friends like me for my jokier/easy-going side (the one that doesn't come out in my writing), and I've noticed that when I get into a downtrodden funk (i.e. at classes), that's when only my closest friends want anything to do with me. It sounds solipsistic but every interaction you have with other people may as well be projected by yourself. That's true for everyone, not just INFP's, but they approach so much differently. An INFP who is met with rejection for the way that they act will try to realize frantically how they have failed, but will only really apply the insights they gain to their most intimate relationships. What is so strange is that the information will still affect the way that they carry themselves, whether that's for better or for worse.

Now the people that tell you to "be more positive" when you are feeling down, or simply acting stoically, really do not understand you and you shouldn't listen to them. My advice is just to stay the way that you are, regardless of whether or not you intimidate other people. We are not supposed to hit it off with other people all the time, and that especially is how INFP's are blessed and cursed: so often we'll only select friends or lovers who are good for us, but our sense of "quality control" might limit us in social situations. All that said, it's best to just keep up what you're doing, to not be deterred by what others say about your personality, and especially to not let anyone deem you as negative.
 
#10 ·
Well, some boy at my school said he was scared of me when I was like 15, but I wouldn't quite say INFPs are intimidating. xD
If anything, we might look a little detached and feel unapproachable to others because of the constant daydreaming and not paying much attention to everyone around us (from my own experience :p), but 'intimidating' wouldn't be quite the word I'd use.
 
#11 ·
I don't know about others, but as for me, I can be intimidating - sometimes. I think I seem too mysterious and secretive and introverted to others, and they end up thinking, "Well, she's weird. I won't even bother talking to her! It's easier to talk to a more approachable person". This usually happens when I'm at school, actually. When I'm in an environment I find pleasing and happy I become enthusiastic, excitable and approachable. But it feels like everyone thinks I'm this emotionless robot. People find that quite intimidating, I guess :sad:
 
#18 ·
LOL....same here! It always seems to be the SPs that sees me in this light, especially SFPs.

But the reason I believe INFPs can be intimidating to some is because people tend to fear what they don't understand, and as we know, us INFPs can be a little bit too deep for some to handle; our dominate Fi hides those intense emotions. And I think what makes that so intimidating is that people "sense" that there's something boiling over underneath that calm exterior, but they don't know what it is, nor when it will blow....like a volcano with steam rising out the top.

Many find hotheads more reassuring because at least you know what you're getting, but with the INFP with that ultra-heavy Fi, you'll never know.
 
#14 ·
From my experience, only one person, probably an ESFP, told me he wasn't intimidated by me. Everyone one else who I've asked in the past have told me they were hesitant to approach me, or said if they met me under different circumstances... they would had never approached me.

I've been told I am "tense" and "rigid." A boss of mine, before we became acquaintances, told my room mate once that he thought I hated working there because I was quiet and was always in a rush to leave.

People normally have a bad impression when they first meet me. Many, especially women, won't approach me. I have mostly friendly, outgoing extroverts who aren't afraid to approach. But even they find me intimidating.
 
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#15 ·
I dont even know were to start. This is so relieving knowing some people out there understand me completely. The thing is i am actually not physiclly intimidating. In fact just today someone swore they were stronger then me and so if they couldnt open the bag neither will i. Of course i proved them wrong but the point is i dont come off as a giant scary mean person (small short female here)yet just like everyone here sayin no one approaches me i mean heck they even approach the quietest people or the most abnoxiouse but god forbid maybe if they approach me i might get them sick with my 'weirdness' ;)
either that or people think i hate them for no reason. Then they go and tell everyone that and i get labeled as 'that loner person that hates people and doesnt conform to the norm so isn't that great. That is why i tend to get along with people either older or younger then me. I guess since they get a chance to kind of meet the part of me they like rather then the part they heard from their friends.
 
#16 ·
Any person in teh word can be intimadating to someone else-it is not necessarily related to type. A certain ESTJ could appear intimidating to an "unsuspecting" INFP, and he/she might not be doing anything wrong other than being himself/herself.

I can be "intimidating" because I have my own "dress code" and image, that it's not too "unwelcoming", but certainly quirky enough for the right, very conservative individual. But not all INFPs dress to express, so this is not an "INFP thing."

Authenticity can be intimdating for many, especially in places were traditional "fake" interactions are required and we still cling to being ourselves. This is not to be confused with just speaking your mind out, as we should not always say what we are thinking (authenticity isn't compromised by wisdom.)

In a dog eat dog environment, kindness and a cooperative attitude can be intimidating for many competitive types-they are expecting another dog to eat and compete with, not an encourager/supporter, so they feel rather awkward and even intimidated by such an unexpected behavior. I would suggest to cling to who you are, and not who are supposed to be in said environments, even if some will try to attack you and/or test your mettle, because you are not like them or are not comforming to that environment's usual behavior.

An offended INFP can be intimidating too regarding values-if you violate theirs, unfairly attacking them, or people they love/care about, you will most certainly be intimidated by their wrath. It's not that INFPs are "fake sweet", but that they won't tolerate some unjust behavior or attack on their values, and at times, those of others.

The important thing is that barring personal character flaws (being rude, intolerant, impatient, etc.) we should avoid thinking about how we are "offending/intimidating" others, because often it's out of control, and it's a matter of perception rather than reality. INFPs CAN be intimidating, but so can be any other type in the right-or wrong-circumstances.)

For instance, if I cared too much about how the way I dress may "intimidate" someone out there, would I feel free to freely dress to express as I really want to? Probably not. Thus, I should not relqinquish the right to be me just because someone out there may disagree with who that is.
 
#17 ·
Yeah.. I must seem odd or weird to most.
I'm kinda clutzy too, which I bet a lot of people pick up on and add it to the weird impression I give.
(Doest help that I'm so large as well. It makes me look like some clumbsy dumb mean oaf, but honestly that's far from the truth)
I get on well with people that are older and kids, just people my own age I can't seem to relate to.

I can't help but act cold and aloof. I've had several bad experiences in my life which has forced me to build up a wall.
 
#19 ·
My face can look very expressionless and aloof whenever I space out (which often happens), and that kind of scares some.

I can't help but act cold and aloof. I've had several bad experiences in my life which has forced me to build up a wall.
I think I can relate to this. I had been harshly teased and mocked for being sentimental, imaginative, and idealistic, since I was a kid. My ideals seemed to gain more respect and consideration when I began to look more distant and aloof.
 
#20 ·
I mean this is what I kinda look like in public.

View attachment 59601

(Sorry it's sideways but my phone decided it wanted to flip it! XD)


You see why I think people might find me intimidating because that introverted lock-in looks kinda glassy and cold.
Like I'm some kind of bouncer or serial killer.


But really I'm just a big soppy teddy! XD


View attachment 59602


(Again, sorry for the sideways pic! :3)
 
#21 ·
I'm not really intimidating, I'm just ... distant. I find people intimidating sometimes so I tend to avoid people and try not to get noticed by others. Also it's also the fact that being in my own world is much more fun than socializing with people, which doesn't help the situation of me not interacting with everyone else.
 
#22 ·
I wouldn't say intimidating. I've been called unapproachable multiple times, with people saying I look too serious. I think it's mostly the introversion, the being too shy to be expressive, that can sometimes come across as intimidating. However, when I'm with friends, I'm very expressive and friendly. I think it's just that first moment of breaking the ice, then the "intimidation," or whatever you want to call it, will fade away.
 
#23 ·
I hide my intensity as best I can, but I can't hide my passion for my values and my interests. That scares people, because most people are nowhere near as enthusiastic about parts of life as me.

People are also scared by my intellect :( which makes me so sad, because I can't change it but I just hate having that effect on people. I only ever want to empower people to be themselves, not to make them feel inferior just by opening my mouth :( Because it doesn't make me a better person than them! There's plenty wrong with me, and plenty wonderful about them but they don't see it and it makes me sad :(
 
#24 ·
I hide my intensity as best I can, but I can't hide my passion for my values and my interests. That scares people, because most people are nowhere near as enthusiastic about parts of life as me. People are also scared by my intellect :( which makes me so sad, because I can't change it but I just hate having that effect on people. I only ever want to empower people to be themselves, not to make them feel inferior just by opening my mouth :( Because it doesn't make me a better person than them! There's plenty wrong with me, and plenty wonderful about them but they don't see it and it makes me sad :(
aww yea I know exactly what you mean. I tend to scare people as well when it comes to intelligence. Because I am not the type of person that is the 'the typical straight a student' You know the ones that sit all day and study and get perfect grades. But rather I have actual cognitive intelligence (rather then fake text book intelligence, that will be forgotten right after that test) And that tends to scare people. Because they will ask something or say something and I will reply, and they cant comprehend why I would know this. And then they feel insulted, and think I think so highly of my self or something, but in reality I am just trying to help. for example one time while watching a movie about a war a student asked how on earth diarrhea was the number one killer in the soldiers. And I said (from across the room) that you lose to much fluids and you become dehydrated. Of course she gave me that grin of 'oh you think you know everything and are so amazing' and just waited for the teacher to answer her instead. Go figure. I just tend to pick up random information just from my surroundings (as I observe and stuff) I am known to be able to summarize books without ever even reading them, just based on the fact that I listen to people talk about it, or i pick up information hear and there. On the other hand I can also relate to being enthusiastic about things no one else cares about haha. One time I came into a room and I was having a pretty good morning, so I was all giggly and happy, and this girl that I am talking to says "stop it's creepy, are you high or something" NO , Can't I just be happy....
 
#26 ·
Considering the only difference between Infp, and Enfp is that one is more outgoing then the other, I can see how inside we would be similar. But I guess I can also see why the infp's you met may have viewed you as completely different, as extroverted people tend to be somewhat frightening to introverts I guess. I have been in a similar situation, were I assumed an extroverted person wouldn't care about the emotional crap I had, but when I contacted him to inform him that I was insulted, he took it to heart, and treated the situation as I would have, which is completely different then what I had expected of an extroverted person. And that is probably because as you mentioned extroverted people can come off as loud, or shallow, which is why I had assumed he wouldn't care (but hey I was wrong). That is partially why I find it so ironic that people are scared of me, as I am not the type that is outgoing, so I would assume that I shouldn't be scary for an extroverted to approach me... but that hasn't happened yet as I tend to end up just sitting alone. ;/ oh well.
 
#27 ·
A lot of good responses here!

I'm glad this topic was brought up, because it has been on my mind lately. I have had a lot of people find me intimidating which I think hilarious! I think these might be the main reasons:

I think people are mostly confused by me a lot of the time for the exact reason mentioned: the seeming duplicity of mind/personality. In the beginning, everyone things I'm quietly angelic and sweet. Then, if I really like them and get comfortable a whole new side comes out that shocks people! What's much more common, though, is that people get it in random bursts, which I can see is confusing. People are often surprised by my stubborness in defending ideas/positions, probably because I seem mild-mannered on the surface, and they can't figure me out.

I have no desire to talk badly about my husband just to fit in. In fact, I have no desire to do anything contrary to my personal beliefs to make small talk with you or to make you feel better about your own inadequacies. Yes, I eat healthily. No, I will not change to make you feel better about your 3,000 calorie lunch. I have such impatience with those who see differences in others as 'threats' and an invitation for competition. I love all kinds of people, I find differences fascinating and am not challenged by them (for the most part). I think this shows a facet of an INFP that is surprisingly very secure and sure of themselves-- which can be surprising and puzzling for someone considered so "quiet" much of the time. I think this is usually why people seem to think we're snobby. Also, I think that this dynamic is such a social norm that if you don't subscribe to it, everyone decides you're against them without even getting the fact that we're actually way more tolerant and accepting because of it.


Which brings me to another point.... how on earth am I supposed to conduct myself so that people don't think I'm a know it all?? I have a good vocabulary, I'm smart, I'm passionate about things and I like intelligent conversation that ventures beyond guffawing at people all the time. That doesn't mean I think I'm better than everyone else in the room, I'm just vocal with my own opinions, no matter how flawed they might be. I would love it for more people willing to match wits with me and challenge me. If I have advice on something that someone is having a problem with I like to share it, as I would hope others would do with me. In my own eyes I am so self effacing and kind to others that this disconnect completely puzzles me!

I'm starting to feel like it's the plight of the INFP to be misunderstood!
 
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#28 ·
I don't see INFP's as intimidating at all. But for some reason I always want to get them talking or reassure them.

I can be a quiet person and quite shy for an ENFP, but if I see someone quiet and/or still I always feel the urge to talk to them, get them out of their shell etc. I think that's why some people may "think" you're intimidating - but you're far from it.

You beautiful INFP's. Still waters run deep.
 
#29 ·
I would love to meet an enfp. For the most part from the ones who have commented ifeel like infp and enfp people would get along well. We both have the same internal aspects but one is just more verbal. I many times wish someone would just come up and talking to me as i really am quite a bubbly nice person once you get to know me. But that doesnt seem to happen. I personally could never understand why people have such a hard time approaching me. I mean even as an introvert when i see someone alone i always go up to them and ask them if they would like company. But with me it seems as even the most extraverted people dont even do that. As if ill bite them or something if they did.
I think the problem is people asume that " if they wanted to talk to someone they would have got up and joined" but i believe that assumption is not nescassey true as it is a lot harder to get up and join a group of people then it is for one person to get up and join that one person alone. But maybe that is just me
 
#30 ·
I think I can come across as a bit intimidating to non-NFs when I'm trying to be flirty. I suddenly switch from my usual quiet & polite state of mind to open & touchy/feely.

Also, some of my friends don't like to argue with me because I get too sensitive and 'hard work'.
 
#32 ·
Yea I have this reputation with people when it comes to arguing. I tend to get pretty defensive when someone says something that is against my principles or feelings, and then people thing im too sensitive, and say I need to calm down and stuff. So sadly that also I think is a factor of people being intimidated by me, since they have this set mind that for some reason every word I speak is waiting to start an argument. Which is actually completely false, because I (as an infp) prefer peace and it gets on my nerves when people start yelling at me. It's complicated really people assume I enjoy arguing, but in reality I am just trying to make them realize that what they said is offensive, then they start arguing and I get the bad reputation. It takes two tango.


Odd, I'm just the opposite - one on one I get quite shy. But in a group of people I feel more at ease.

Hmm I guess that is probably one of the main differences between extroverts and introverts :) That's interesting. Idk for me when I am in groups I always end up being either the quietest as in I feel like everyone is going to judge me, or I end up taking control and leading, strange how that works. But for the most part I feel easier approaching someone alone then with a group, because if they are alone, you can see whether they want to talk to you or not, if not then they are the only ones who you have to face. But if you approach a group, personally at least I feel like I have to pass the judgment of everyone, so then they start questioning why I am talking to them, or what I am doing, or why I am there. You know?

I love seeing how different people are :) It always fascinates me, how everyone views situations differently! :D
 
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