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this question was haunting my mind for a long while, so I wanted to know your opinions about it, because simply I found difficulties to express myself sometimes, I seem to be a quite calm ,even-tempered and reasonable person, I only talk when the topic seems interesting to me, I'm frank and I say what I think with a total honesty, I loathe fake masks and attitudes, therefore many people around me think that they can undrestand me, however, in fact none of them can, I think a lot , I talk a lot to myself because I can't find someone who can undrestand my ideas and my thoughts, there are many topics that I wish if I can talk about it with someone else but my ideas, my interests and point of views seem to be unacceptable to others or rather " unsual " and " strange " so I keep those questions and thoughts to myself , I have never met someone who can really undrestand me, actually I have never met an INFP in my whole lifetime, no one shares the same interests , no one think the same way, no one have the same opinions, it's really frustrating sometimes .
Sometimes I feel weird, I start to doubt myself, I begin to wonder if I'm the reason of the whole problem not them or maybe they're just so narrow minded to accept me ? Everytime I promise myself that I will stop thinking about it, I start thinking about it all over again, and again and again till I feel like my mind is going to explode.
Therefore, I tend to bury myself in my own world, I'm not an antisocial still I don't like being in crowded places or with talkative people because they get on my nervers and I feel uncomfortable around them,
I wish if I can meet an INFP , so maybe we can understand each other better, would it really be helpful if I meet people who have the same personality type ? because it's really hard to find INFPs around, I can see that because I'm an INFP too so I spend my whole day, listening to Music, reading books, writing and watching Movies.. it will be very hard to meet one...:sad:
 

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Well... we certainly give off mixed signals, and I think that that's our biggest problem. We have a constant internal struggle between how we feel, and how much we want other people to know about it. One the one had, we care about so many things and would love to talk with people we know, but on the other, most of the time people don't understand us and just make us angry or sad. We want to protect ourselves from those who don't understand us, so we just don't give anything away at all.

Similarly, because we don't seem to be interested in having acquaintances (We only want close relationships), getting close to people is damned near impossible. We give of one impression to people who don't know us well, and a completely different person comes out when we're with people who we're close to. So potential close friends get scared off by our somewhat aloof exterior.

We sabotage ourselves, in so many ways.

Once I was talking to my mum about how I feel about something, and she said "But you hate people". I got very angry at her because that's so untrue. I used to think that I hated people, but then I realised that I loved them all and was just disappointed that we all waste our lives.

What I now realise is that if it took me my whole life up until now to realise that, then other people have no hope! Somehow, we give the impression that we are unfeeling, unsympathetic, unloving, disinterested hermits when the truth is the exact opposite.


I just thought of another example....

I don't wish people happy birthday, or merry christmas because I think people should celebrate their achievements and such, not just silly dates that they're told are meaningful. I hate how people's actual achievements go unnoticed, yet getting to a certain age is something to congratulate them for. The only thing to celebrate on someone's birthday is that they're not dead, although some people may as well be *ahem* bitterness creeping in....

I don't like people acknowledging my birthday for the same reason. I especially hate it how facebook reminds you of when your friends birthdays are. It means you don't have to think of them, you just send them a stupid sentence. No effort or caring involved. Grrr!

Ok that was off topic. But it does illustrate the point that we seem to be completely alien to most people, with our weird ways and beliefs.
 

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You guys summed up all that I feel too. I want that all powerful close relationship with people. But there are few to any INFP's in real life that I can relate to. And I hate so very much being alone in this world. but is there to associate with in real life? I wish there was a way that INFP's could have a whole country just to ourselves so we could just live in peace. then we could love each other the way we were created to love, naturally and openly and deeply. that is all I want is deep and unconditional love and I can't find that anywhere because people do not see the very things you mentioned above. I get so angry sometimes just because I want that love and this world will not allow me to be the person I want to be.
 

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I don't think any of my acquaintances/friends that I hang out with really understand me. Partly because of the mask I have to wear around them so things don't get awkward. I love conversations that are interesting to me, but nobody ever wants to talk about them. Sometimes, the mask comes off and I think they don't know how to perceive me. I just need more friends who are likeminded, but it's hard to find them IRL.
 

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If people don't understand me then I limit my association with them. I don't mess with them. I have limited alone time and refuse to waste me time on those kind of people.
 

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Another part of the sabotage - The trust issues. Sure, we want someone to open up to, who may understand... there may be someone right there. But. Do you trust them? Do you trust to let them see into your real thoughts? And, what if they end up not understanding? Oh, with such knowledge they gain of you if you open up, they could destroy you, surely, or manipulate, if they're a bad person... But that is always the risk of opening up. There's only about two people I can open up to, and even then, there's still a distance, and when other people try to get close they get pushed away pretty much. Hm. It truly boggles my mind how some people can be so open and trusting of others.
 

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I whole heartedly agree with the points already raised, particularly DanseMacabre

I keep bringing this quote up, but it is so poignent;

One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever come to sit by it. Passersby see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on the way"

I can live without understanding, empathy, kindness... but the notion of walking this whole highway on my own is my greatest sadness. That I will never show anybody who I truly am. That they will even believe there could be more under the surface- that they actually want to know who I truly am.
I think I have found close to that on personality cafe, but I need these people here, in my real life.

I'm not so scared of never finding that as I used to be. If that's how it has to be, then that's ok.
 

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You guys summed up all that I feel too. I want that all powerful close relationship with people. But there are few to any INFP's in real life that I can relate to. And I hate so very much being alone in this world. but is there to associate with in real life? I wish there was a way that INFP's could have a whole country just to ourselves so we could just live in peace. then we could love each other the way we were created to love, naturally and openly and deeply. that is all I want is deep and unconditional love and I can't find that anywhere because people do not see the very things you mentioned above. I get so angry sometimes just because I want that love and this world will not allow me to be the person I want to be.
I think a lot of us wish that, but it's taboo to talk about it, even here. I was the first one here to make a thread about wishing there were an island where the HSPs could get away from the toxic environment that was causing me to feel overwhelmed at the time. Immediately, I was criticized harshly for the idea, labeled an elitist, accused of type-ism, and told all of the reasons it would be impossible even if it weren't evil to want it. This, of course, only caused me to feel more overwhelmed. It was the exact opposite of what I needed, as though I had asked for a glass of cold water while dying of thirst and had been given a cup of salt instead. It isn't really about type. I just want to live somewhere where people care about each other, where it isn't so painful to be sensitive. It would be a blessing under the proper conditions.
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Hmm, I try to avoid 'woe is me, I'm misunderstood' lines of thinking. But, fuck it... I agree something hardcore with this topic.

I guess I do it to myself. I try so hard to maintain autonomy by maintaining privacy, that my life becomes compartmentalized. I don't want to share myself to barely anyone, so people only get the slightest views from their interaction with me, be it work life, family life, friend life etc. Even that doesn't bother me too much. It's when I do reach out for help, for connection, for what have you, and I can't find what I'm looking for, which I'm not sure what it is.

I can feel very stuck in my own head at times. If I'm given the chance to speak, words fail me, if they come at all they just fall flat. Writing helps, but it takes an active listener to hear what I'm trying to say, and they are so hard to find. Then to find one who cares enough to listen... I know I can use dramatic language sometimes, but it's just my attempt at being very clear on not only what I think, but how strongly I feel about it. I think there's quite a bit, if not most, of what I say being lost in translation. It's not like one or two people who miss the point, it's really more people than not who just don't get what I try to tell them. At least, they act like it. I think, thanks to preconceptions that I can't say I don't fall in to nor are they unwarranted, that my sincerity comes out very false sounding. I will never apologize when I don't mean it, but the number of times I do and the reasons I do I'm sure make it sound fake. The same with thank you. My gratitude can be paralyzing, and a thanks just sounds empty. I don't do insincerity, though.

I just want to know if this is a problem many people find themselves in. I know I'm in it almost constantly.

Even just superficially, I'm misunderstood quite a bit. I don't watch much TV, I don't listen to the radio, I'm very out of touch with a great deal of the mainstream life. I don't talk about things people have opinions on, so I get left out quite a bit. I'm sure it's annoying for the other side too, who tend to think I over blow things. They're probably right. He just said school is stressing him out, did I really need to go into a full blown rant of every flaw I see with the education system? No. I could have just said "That sucks."

I know this is just another example of me setting out traps and stepping in them myself. I build walls and then cry of loneliness.

Oh well. All is good, and I suppose that it makes those that do understand, or try very hard to, all the more special. :happy:
Well... we certainly give off mixed signals, and I think that that's our biggest problem. We have a constant internal struggle between how we feel, and how much we want other people to know about it. One the one had, we care about so many things and would love to talk with people we know, but on the other, most of the time people don't understand us and just make us angry or sad. We want to protect ourselves from those who don't understand us, so we just don't give anything away at all.

Similarly, because we don't seem to be interested in having acquaintances (We only want close relationships), getting close to people is damned near impossible. We give of one impression to people who don't know us well, and a completely different person comes out when we're with people who we're close to. So potential close friends get scared off by our somewhat aloof exterior.

We sabotage ourselves, in so many ways.
This
 

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DanseMacarbe: Once I was talking to my mum about how I feel about something, and she said "But you hate people". I got very angry at her because that's so untrue. I used to think that I hated people, but then I realised that I loved them all and was just disappointed that we all waste our lives.
What I now realise is that if it took me my whole life up until now to realise that, then other people have no hope! Somehow, we give the impression that we are unfeeling, unsympathetic, unloving, disinterested hermits when the truth is the exact opposite.


shit, exactly the same here! :proud: that was going to my first point but...you nailed it.


in that we sabotage ourselves, i suppose we do. we are weird, i am weird, but the 'friends' at school say i genuinely scare them. literally, they say i make them feel scared and uneasy, with the things i say and my general aura and character, some say i am going to be a serial killer :sad: this saddens me greatly, that people feel scared of me, i am not violent or malicious, but when i speak they feel uncomfortable. like this morning, i said that Obama was beginning of a "new Washington Menstrual Cycle, there'll be blood on the white walls" - this statement got me some very apprehensive and strange looks :frustrating:
i suppose it could be said that this is a good thing, that the things i say are that meaningful, strange and useful that they make people uncomfortable, all great thinkers, from Freud to Lenny Bruce have stirred complete disgust at what they have said, because it is honest and honesty and truth scares the shit out of people. i don't know, but i do know that i am not going to stop saying things, ever.

another thing, (small scale example) when people ask what i am listening to, they get honest answers like "crepitating Bowel erosion" by Carcass and "Pigswill" by scraping foetus off the wheel. and then next time they ask i am listening to Britney Spears, and it confuses the hell out of them, i suppose as someone said before that inconsistency is another of our faults.

as they say to lawyers and businessmen, they learn that they need to look smart and trustworthy, but to try not to look too intelligent, because generally people are not trusting towards intelligent people, they fear them. being INFP, we are relentless with our character, we don't give it up and have no shame in being who we are, we don't disguise our inner depth, so when people stand above looking down our internal (and eternal :D) abyss and immediately they feel rejected, they feel we are untrustworthy. that we hide so much of ourselves means people do not trust us because they can see that depth is there, but don't trust it. a mystery and aura is built up around us that repels people from us, we gather all these things that make us us and either hide behind them via this 'aura' and internalise everything important. this leads to a very confusing and enigmatic split of our character that makes no sense whatever.

i don't know if others have this, but through i day i will go through cycles of mood, depressive to hyper (and everything in between) and back again continuously. and we are continually changing this mood so people can never pin us down or understand us, and people do NOT like what they cannot understand. not. one. bit.



dammit, i just ranted :( oh, that's another thing, i am a notorious ranter - people say that it "all sounds very intelligent, witty and complicated but...seriously, i don't care."

anyway, sorry for warbling....:blushed:
 

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You guys summed up all that I feel too. I want that all powerful close relationship with people. But there are few to any INFP's in real life that I can relate to. And I hate so very much being alone in this world. but is there to associate with in real life? I wish there was a way that INFP's could have a whole country just to ourselves so we could just live in peace. then we could love each other the way we were created to love, naturally and openly and deeply. that is all I want is deep and unconditional love and I can't find that anywhere because people do not see the very things you mentioned above. I get so angry sometimes just because I want that love and this world will not allow me to be the person I want to be.
I think that would be my idea of hell. I like the variety of life too much and you would lose that if we INFPs were somehow able to set up some kind of commune and all live together.

I think one of the things that a lot of people don't get about me (and by the looks of it a lot of other INFPs) is my attitude towards humanity. I can at times say things that come across as cold and misanthrophic but the actual sentiment behind them is not one of hate at all. I remember once at work back when we had a radio in the kitchen, a story came on during the news segment between the music that said a young boy had been killed because he was playing in a storm drain. This wasnt like a really young kid either, this boy was like 13 or something and old enough to know better so I said "fuck him, if he's stupid enough to do something like that in the first place then he deserves it." You should have seen the look my co-workers gave me, it was as if Id denied the Holocaust or something.

It was quickly forgotten but Ill never forget what my manager said - "Thats an evil thing to say." Im full of empathy and compassion but there's only so much to go around and I think that kids with cancer or people living in Third World countries are far more deserving of my sympathy than some idiot who died because he was playing the fool. I despair because a lot of people think that a comment like that comes out of a hatred for people when it doesnt. I say things like that not because I hate people but because I love them, because I know we are far better than that. As a species we have intellectually evolved beyond the point where we touch the fence with the sign "Danger - High Voltage!" but some people just sell themselves short, they start believeing themselves to be idiots and so they start acting like idiots. In essence, they deny their intellectual evolution.

It is impossible to explain that to some people because it completely goes against the way they view the world.
 

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I never really thought about how 'the world' perceives me. But I have been told by a person that I am 'complex'. It is probably by virtue of being introverted.. and also that I naturally unravel very slowly. I suppose that is often misconstrued as being purposely deceptive.. but even still, I wonder why people have that impression of me, considering I integrate fairly well into social norms. It's like my old teachers would make the comment that I had so much untapped potential. I bet 50% of that is just encouragement and sympathy, but there is something about 'us' that encourages everybody else to fill in the gaps about who we are.. they see the tip of the iceberg, and very readily extrapolate from there, who they believe we are, whether that be a negative or positive image. People claim it's only a 'certain bunch of people' who see the world through subjectively through values. But where does prejudice come from? that is a subjective lens that anyone can put on.
Stereotypes have hard wired our brains. If someone doesn't fit into a neat little box, it is baffling (which is fine) but it is also disconcerting. Anyone 'a bit different' is unpredictable, which has negative connotations.

I don't claim to understand everybody, and I make assumptions too. Like Moon Pix mentioned, diversity- I think we have as much commonalities as differences, and I also like it that way. .. and moreover I don't demand or expect to be understood.. rather, its the assumptions I would want to do away with. Psilo mentioned active listening and that is an excellent point. People arent willing to look past the surface.. and misconceptions-
It is impossible to explain that to some people because it completely goes against the way they view the world.


Oh well. All is good, and I suppose that it makes those that do understand, or try very hard to, all the more special. :happy:
Precisely.. and it makes it easy to love people very greatly, not for what they do for you, or can do for you, but just for who they are.


edit: what then for people who see past the assumptions and get to know us? my parents have known me for 18 years and wouldn't have a clue about who I am. And vice versa..




This cartoon is pretty much my life summed up; the general population being Hobbes and Calvin being me.
People would approach this cartoon and the attitudes contained within it very differently. Some might think it's illogical and would ask 'why does he have to make it so difficult for himself'? others would say 'that is exactly how I am'.
 

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in that we sabotage ourselves, i suppose we do. we are weird, i am weird, but the 'friends' at school say i genuinely scare them. literally, they say i make them feel scared and uneasy, with the things i say and my general aura and character, some say i am going to be a serial killer :sad: this saddens me greatly, that people feel scared of me, i am not violent or malicious, but when i speak they feel uncomfortable. like this morning, i said that Obama was beginning of a "new Washington Menstrual Cycle, there'll be blood on the white walls" - this statement got me some very apprehensive and strange looks :frustrating:
i suppose it could be said that this is a good thing, that the things i say are that meaningful, strange and useful that they make people uncomfortable, all great thinkers, from Freud to Lenny Bruce have stirred complete disgust at what they have said, because it is honest and honesty and truth scares the shit out of people. i don't know, but i do know that i am not going to stop saying things, ever.
Exactly! Honesty is so offensive...it's such a pity. And you know, I get told that I scare people too. So does my father, who's an INFP. I had no idea that I scare people, but I too speak my mind when other people are trying to avoid a matter. I suppose I also dress in a strange manner. If I'm feeling angry or aggressive, I dress in that way. Once a litle boy ran away vrying when he saw me walking along the street. It was really weird, because as I was walking I was thinking about what a lovely morning it was and how beautiful all the children were aying at their kindy....

another thing, (small scale example) when people ask what i am listening to, they get honest answers like "crepitating Bowel erosion" by Carcass and "Pigswill" by scraping foetus off the wheel. and then next time they ask i am listening to Britney Spears, and it confuses the hell out of them, i suppose as someone said before that inconsistency is another of our faults.
My gosh <.< This too. I listen to a huge amount of things, from classical music, to death rock, to synth pop. I don't like my friends' music, and they don't like mine. They really hate some of it, like the death rocky Cinema Strange.

as they say to lawyers and businessmen, they learn that they need to look smart and trustworthy, but to try not to look too intelligent, because generally people are not trusting towards intelligent people, they fear them. being INFP, we are relentless with our character, we don't give it up and have no shame in being who we are, we don't disguise our inner depth, so when people stand above looking down our internal (and eternal :D) abyss and immediately they feel rejected, they feel we are untrustworthy. that we hide so much of ourselves means people do not trust us because they can see that depth is there, but don't trust it. a mystery and aura is built up around us that repels people from us, we gather all these things that make us us and either hide behind them via this 'aura' and internalise everything important. this leads to a very confusing and enigmatic split of our character that makes no sense whatever.
Well said

i don't know if others have this, but through i day i will go through cycles of mood, depressive to hyper (and everything in between) and back again continuously. and we are continually changing this mood so people can never pin us down or understand us, and people do NOT like what they cannot understand. not. one. bit.

dammit, i just ranted :( oh, that's another thing, i am a notorious ranter - people say that it "all sounds very intelligent, witty and complicated but...seriously, i don't care."

anyway, sorry for warbling....:blushed:
Hehe. I'm a notorious ranter too =D My high school english class used to be subject to some beauties. Usually about consumerism/western society, religion and the importance of history. They all thought I was completely mad, but I know that they were also fascinated. They have a strange sort of respect for us, even if they do think that were bonkers.

Actually, my English teacher used to think that I was suicidal. I am still mystified by that, seeing that I once wrote a speech on how important hope is, and how special humans are for they feel that emotion. Perhaps she was overwhelmed by my inexplicable enthusiasm for issues most people don't care about. And the mood thing, absolutely..
 

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As the great philosopher Popeye once said, "I yam what I yam and that's all I yam". :crazy:

I got tired of trying to wear masks to please people. I'm stickin' to just bein' myself. If I'm hard to understand, GREAT!!! That's means the people who actually stick by me are real friends. The rest of the world can kiss my ass if they don't like me.
 

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I'm releived to hear people talking about the "unraveling" thing- I feel that way all the time- I can't squeeze my whole personality out in 5 minutes-which, when you think about it, is actually a really good thing. I try to give most people credit enough to figure it out, and when that doesn't work, I try to give God enough credit to sort it out. I've had some really good friends who have figured out that I have alot of sides- and even when they don't quite get it- they just smile at me and say "that sounds really cool- I have no idea of what's that like- maybe you could tell me more?". It's not always like that- but I figure , some people, I just have to patient with.
 

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It is deeply saddening to read these things. Mainly because I thought I was the only one who had these horrible feelings of being misunderstood, or potentially crazy, and was thanking God that there was no one else out there that felt as I did.

On the other hand, I am eternally grateful to have personality cafe to connect with others with my typing and know that somewhere, out there, I will meet one of you wonderful peoples and feel at home with myself, and my surroundings.

I also find it quite interesting about what is all being said. I have often put on the mask of our opposit ESTJ in order for people to accept me, or even be somewhat interested in what I have to say. It is rare that I ever show my true self to anyone, and even then, people don't notice it. I am normally ignored, or invisible to friends, or family, and the population in general. A fly on the wall is what I feel like. I can freely watch and study other people, and their interactions. And while doing this action, I find myself analyzing people and how they communicate with each other, without a second thought. They do not seem to think about how they are moving, or don't seem conscious about how they are discussing things. I am very much aware of my body language while talking to people, and my tone of voice, also I am aware of what I am convaying through the use of my words (language, I feel is an extremely important thing when communcating with others and is used to freely. But I'm an INFP, and I don't expect others to view the world of language as I do).

Often times, I do like being alone, and thinking about what others are thinking when they are alone. I don't expect extroverts to wonder about the meaning of life, or people, or whys and hows when they are alone or even when they are around people. And this makes me happy that I am a type who can see deeper than the eye of the world and who can understand others because of the insight I have been given. I am happy that I can relate to anyone of any type and any age (even if I'm not very comfortable with it), but there is always that question of "Is there someone around who can relate to me on the very same level?".

When I think about how lonely I can become (though I do really like being alone), it saddens me, and makes me think "do others feel as I do? Do they think the same as I do?" To which, after a few moments, I realize that I am probably one of the only types who thinks in this fashion. Granted there are other types who may have similar thoughts, but I believe the mind of an INFP is so complex (honestly, it really is. We have so much to think about, and at the same time, so many ideas floating around, it's sort of hard to keep them organized and in control) that we tend to go in this downward spiral of unrealistic thoughts and ideas that seem strange and crazy to others.

When I think about it, I do not want to be any other type, but I do wish that our type weren't as rare as it is. I do feel very special because of my rarity, and how the world views us (some of the greatest people are/were INFPs, meaning they made an impact in society and history), but at the same time, I just wish we were more understood so I wouldn't have to feel so alone, and so I wouldn't have to feel as if I'm going mental every time I look inside.

As an INFP, and I'm assuming the majority of us do this, I sit and think about what is right and wrong and try to see situations from others points of view. And yesterday, while doing this, I was thinking was I right in feeling how I did? Was it right of them (friend) to treat me the way they did? Should I take it? Is that the right thing to do? Or should I stand up for myself? I should stand up for myself. But maybe they are right! Maybe I over reacted. I bet I'm just very dramatic and taking this all wrong. But, this is how someone would feel. They would feel violated, and little. Unless, they weren't me. Most people would drop it, wouldn't they? Shouldn't I just do that? I should be worrying about myself, and how I treat people, but I do want to show others how they should deal with people instead of the way he treated me. I should be the bigger person, though. I should ignore it because I will become stronger. But, I don't want to be treated like this. Would I become stronger if I stuck up for myself? Oh my gosh, I'm going crazy. I'm seriously nuts. Who thinks like this? Who cares? Why does it matter to me what they did? I probably should listen to them, because they see something in me that I cannot from the outside. I'm seriously insane. I need to stop. Just forget it.

And whilst in this thought process, I was thinking all of this and crying, while also feeling extremely still and calm inside. I felt pain, I felt sadness, I felt hurt, and my eyes were crying out tears, but I felt apart from my body as if I were putting on a show for another person. I felt like I was watching myself do this, and thinking, all at the same time, WOW I'm being so ridiculous and silly. This is crazy. I need to stop crying. It is nice to cry.

Sometimes, it amazes me how things can get inside my head. And I'm so glad no one else (apart from the 2.2 million other INFPs out there) has to deal with things the way I do. Because, if anyone really knew what was going on in my head, and if they knew my thinking process, I would be in an insane asylum.

....LOL that was a lot. Sorry! I just had to get that out. It's been a rough couple of days.

I have one INFP friend, she was a good friend, and my INFJ friend (I think jealousy is part of this type. She's very childish, but my age) texted her about something, probably me, and ever since, she hasn't talked to me. It's been eating me up inside that I have no one to relate to about how I feel or anything. .

Anyway, done with my own rant :crazy: (we should write a book called "INFP rants: thoughts in an idealist's mind") lol.
 

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It'd be a crazy book. Maybe interesting to people who want to know the mind of the toutured. Or crazy. Gah! Whatever we are.
 
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