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Discussion Starter #1
some people called me "the lovely hateful", or they tell me they both hate and like me!!!
different people , in different groups told me this ... it is not a nickname or something... this happened when they told their feelings about me personally ...
do you have such similar experience? are all INTJ " lovely hateful" s??? is related to the personality type?
just few people told me that they like me with no hate...
do you think most people like and hate you at the same time? like Sherlock Holmes :dry:
 

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Maybe you could try looking for pattern, what kind of people tell that to you. Sometimes we can rub specific types the wrong way, I think.
I may have similar experience to yours and there definitely is a pattern. Several of my guy friends who happen to be INTPs kinda both love and hate me, I think. Specifically, they always compliment me on how competent I am, achiever, doer, yadayada... but they seem to resent the fact as well, because they are nowhere near as good as me. They always keep going on how they are so much worse at *insert activity* than me and wish they were better at it etc. It seems to me that some people just decide they are losers and deserve to suffer for the rest of their lives and they keep competent people around to remind themselves how unworthy they are :( Driven INTJs are one of the best types to fulfill that need to look up to someone and resent them at the same time.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Maybe you could try looking for pattern, what kind of people tell that to you. Sometimes we can rub specific types the wrong way, I think.
I may have similar experience to yours and there definitely is a pattern. Several of my guy friends who happen to be INTPs kinda both love and hate me, I think. Specifically, they always compliment me on how competent I am, achiever, doer, yadayada... but they seem to resent the fact as well, because they are nowhere near as good as me. They always keep going on how they are so much worse at *insert activity* than me and wish they were better at it etc. It seems to me that some people just decide they are losers and deserve to suffer for the rest of their lives and they keep competent people around to remind themselves how unworthy they are :( Driven INTJs are one of the best types to fulfill that need to look up to someone and resent them at the same time.
yes, I agree, it is just like pattern ... but I know that some people who don't show their feelings(like introverts) they have the same feeling about us ...you can understand it from their face and how they look at you ...
 

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Discussion Starter #5
maybe because you don't spend enough time in social activities ...
I am forced to be in crowd of coworkers for 7 hours per day ... I hate it but I have too ... being a lot of time with others ... they will tell you this... you know coworkers are like friends you don't choose them ... they are compulsory friends :)
if you are not in the places like that ...you will have only few friends who you like them and have good dynamic with them... and they don't hate you...
 

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like everyone else, i have a range of traits and behaviours, and i don't expect anyone else in the world to love all of them. but i'm exactly like billy connolly about this: i don't have much time for people who aren't willing or able to make up their minds. or communicate meaningfully.

"i hate you" is not meaningful. "i hate you" said with a smile and followed by its opposite is so non-meaningful and so pointless that i instantly assume that your brain is still in ninth grade. i really do instantly go 'tell me what your actual problem is here, or shut up. or i suppose you could also fuck off.'

Maybe you could try looking for pattern, what kind of people tell that to you.
my position here is: if two people are talking and one person expresses 'hate' then it's on the hater to define what they're talking about. saying it and then just leaving the other person to hang and second-guess and question themselves is inconsiderate enough to be actively obnoxious, unless it's coming from someone too young to know any better.

the op's so-called 'haters' are old enough to be the op's colleagues. that means they're old enough to have jobs and imo that definitely means they're old enough to be capable of a lot better than that.

i will say though that i've noticed women-in-general have this really irritating socialized habit of expressing admiration as 'hate' as if that was a compliment. 'i hate you because you're so smart.' 'i hate you because you seem to have your life together.' 'i hate you because . . . '

sometimes it's just a social protocol. even the person who says it doesn't expect you to take it literally. they expect you to understand that what they're actually saying is 'i admire you'.

i do have a really short fuse for mixed messages and sloppy communication styles, i admit.
 

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maybe because you don't spend enough time in social activities ...
I am forced to be in crowd of coworkers for 7 hours per day ... I hate it but I have too ... being a lot of time with others ... they will tell you this... you know coworkers are like friends you don't choose them ... they are compulsory friends :)
if you are not in the places like that ...you will have only few friends who you like them and have good dynamic with them... and they don't hate you...
I am very social for INTJ
most people think I'm extroverted
INTJ is hated no more than the average person
 

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Sounds like a frenemy, which is nothing to brag about. I could be interpreting your post incorrectly, though.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I am very social for INTJ
most people think I'm extroverted
INTJ is hated no more than the average person
you are generally right ... but I don't mean just 'hate' ... I mean the mix of hate and love...
maybe there is something wrong with me personally , and it is not related to MBTI :)
 

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When people don't know me that well, people sometimes interpret me as overly-serious and maybe even negative. Maybe because I am not big on socializing in big groups and keep to myself. I don't say anything negative but just some of my mannerisms at first glance get interpreted in this way. It kind of depends on the type of person though, how they interpret things. It is a shame because I am person who always likes to look on the bright side even if I do worry quite a bit. I like to look at the positive in everyone.

Once people get to know me, it is obvious that I am not the Negative Nancy they thought me to be. It can take time for me to break out of my shell if I am not completely comfortable. While I do have strong opinions on things, I am hardly hateful. Maybe my sense of humor does have a bit of a dark side.
 
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Did they say what it was about you that they "hated"?

I guess maybe I get that a little bit from extrovert friends and maybe those who use Fe heavily as well. I believe they truly like me as a person and enjoy my company but I do not bend to social pressure and I think that can rub them the wrong way. If I don't feel like going out, I'm not gonna go out no matter how much my friends beg me and try to guilt me. If I don't feel like doing XYZ social/community "obligation", I have no problem saying no. A friend of ours recently had a baby. I don't really like holding babies and fussing over them. I have no problem with people having babies, they're just not for me. So they ragged on me about how I didn't want a turn holding the baby (which was super awkward as I was trying to keep it low key and trying not to offend my friend/the mother).

It's stuff like that that is "socially expected" that I don't always follow along with (some things I do, some things I don't). I do get a sense of irritation from them with those types of situations. And I don't really care. *shrug* I have personal boundaries that I keep and that is how I stay sane. But that may be where potentially a love/hate thing comes around?? I still haven't really been told that or experienced that specifically but I'm just trying to see potentially what you're talking about.

Another example - sometimes I get the vibe that my roommate (ESFP) and her best friend who is often over (ENFP) seem to get miffed if I don't stay and watch TV with them - even if the show is something I don't really care for. If it's a show I like, I'll watch with them; if it's not a show I like (and they didn't bother to ask anyway), then I don't stay. I don't make a big deal about leaving, but I'll eventually quietly get up go to my room and my computer because I'd rather spend my time doing something I like. Sometimes I might say "hey I'm gonna go to my room now". They see it as "you don't want to hang out with us" (as they commented 'playfully' once), I see it as "I don't want to sit here and waste my time watching some show I don't care about".

So, I dunno if these are the types of things you run into. I am a very social introvert but I still very much protect my time and how I spend it and some people don't get that. So then they may get irritated that you don't want to do all the things all the time.

In general, for me, most people who like me seem to like me without any hate factor. Like I said, never been told that myself.
 

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Pretty much. Many ppl love me. Many ppl don't.

Those that truly know us and can appreciate offbeat humor usually do. The one's who hate us, envy us.
 

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I don't interact with enough Irl people to tell you a yes or no answer.

But many people either hate or love me, some maybe a bit of both.
 

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I think actually this friend of mine wasn't completely wrong when he drunkenly slurred, "Nobody like you, you see, everybody hate you."

People who might get the impression of me being lovely is when I'm being charming, namely because I want something from them. "What a nice guy! He looks so serious, but he's so nice and friendly!"

No. I can't think of anyone who actually likes me very much IRL. It's fair, I don't like them either.

Fortunately, that's not required to be friends with people, or to show your face at dumbass family events, like an asshole fulfilling some shitty obligations.

Hateful. Yes. Lovely? Prima facie, absolutely. Otherwise, absolutely not, and no one who knows me would ever say otherwise.

Kind, decent, trustworthy, brave, patient, caring, loyal, warm, passionate. Lots of very good qualities. Not lovely. Not compassionate. Ice water is what should be flowing in the veins, otherwise you'll die of septicemia from all the bullshit floating around in the circulatory system. That's default, unless reason for otherwise.

I don't thinks it's possible for the person who deliberately goes out of his way to fuck people over as savagely as possible who give him shit, and is genuinely glad to hear of the death people who mildly irritated him once, and smiles from within when he hears a car crash or hears a neighbor having trouble cranking the engine on a cold day is lovely.

Or whose "happy place" is imagining coyotes devouring the pet dogs of every millennial turd in that apartment complex next door, because coyotes are awesome, and their dogs are loud.

I love it.
 

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some people called me "the lovely hateful", or they tell me they both hate and like me!!!
different people , in different groups told me this ... it is not a nickname or something... this happened when they told their feelings about me personally ...
do you have such similar experience? are all INTJ " lovely hateful" s??? is related to the personality type?
just few people told me that they like me with no hate...
do you think most people like and hate you at the same time? like Sherlock Holmes :dry:
No. And if they did feel that way, I can't imagine that they would tell me. Maybe back in junior high; thirteen year old girls love doing the whole compliment/insult/joke attack. But among adults? It would be socially unacceptable. Maybe you need to find different people to spend time with.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Did they say what it was about you that they "hated"?

I guess maybe I get that a little bit from extrovert friends and maybe those who use Fe heavily as well. I believe they truly like me as a person and enjoy my company but I do not bend to social pressure and I think that can rub them the wrong way. If I don't feel like going out, I'm not gonna go out no matter how much my friends beg me and try to guilt me. If I don't feel like doing XYZ social/community "obligation", I have no problem saying no. A friend of ours recently had a baby. I don't really like holding babies and fussing over them. I have no problem with people having babies, they're just not for me. So they ragged on me about how I didn't want a turn holding the baby (which was super awkward as I was trying to keep it low key and trying not to offend my friend/the mother).

It's stuff like that that is "socially expected" that I don't always follow along with (some things I do, some things I don't). I do get a sense of irritation from them with those types of situations. And I don't really care. *shrug* I have personal boundaries that I keep and that is how I stay sane. But that may be where potentially a love/hate thing comes around?? I still haven't really been told that or experienced that specifically but I'm just trying to see potentially what you're talking about.

Another example - sometimes I get the vibe that my roommate (ESFP) and her best friend who is often over (ENFP) seem to get miffed if I don't stay and watch TV with them - even if the show is something I don't really care for. If it's a show I like, I'll watch with them; if it's not a show I like (and they didn't bother to ask anyway), then I don't stay. I don't make a big deal about leaving, but I'll eventually quietly get up go to my room and my computer because I'd rather spend my time doing something I like. Sometimes I might say "hey I'm gonna go to my room now". They see it as "you don't want to hang out with us" (as they commented 'playfully' once), I see it as "I don't want to sit here and waste my time watching some show I don't care about".

So, I dunno if these are the types of things you run into. I am a very social introvert but I still very much protect my time and how I spend it and some people don't get that. So then they may get irritated that you don't want to do all the things all the time.

In general, for me, most people who like me seem to like me without any hate factor. Like I said, never been told that myself.
exactly I understand you, we don't do what others expect us socially ...
 

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My answer can be too personally, but I feel this mix of hate and love of a lot of things. In some way, hate end up exciting me to know more about this stuff, like something that intrigues me too much that I want to know the reasons. So, sometimes the "hate" have some positive effect on me because arouses me.

It could be a bit confused lmao
 
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