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Hi everyone,
I've studied MBTI in my free time for about 7 years now, and I got really confused by the cognitive functions, which lead me down a whole thought process where I typed myself as INFJ but it never felt right. I don't want to tell you a whole long story, my main reason for this post is that I am really considering that I'm actually INFP (largely because I had heavy Fi when I was a kid, I was so focused on being an individual) who mistyped as INFJ because my values are based around treating people with love and respect. A lot of descriptions of Fi out there that I've read online seem like they're written by someone who's either biased against this function, or they just don't know as much as they should to be writing about it and teach Fi as a selfish function (and while it's centered on the self, I've seen it talked about very negatively and that makes me sad). I've been reading books on cognitive functions and those descriptions I can actually see myself in. I've been studying the INFP cognitive functions and trying to understand as best as I can to really make sure that this is my type, and as I do this I keep returning to my question. Really quickly, the basis for this question is I have a friend who I have grown very close to who I totally see as INFP (and she told me she tested as INFP when we first met). She lives by her values, and she relates everything back to how she feels, and I think the last few years she's been in an Fi-Si loop. She's not interested in MBTI, but she does study psychology at university. Anyways, she's the first person I've really connected to (possibly ever). The problem is, I tend to make room for everyone but myself in a conversation unless I have something important to say, and it seems like she processes a lot of her thoughts and feelings out loud so most of our conversations are 80% her and 20% me. I'm pretty used to this dynamic- I always end up being people's unofficial therapist- but it gets frustrating sometimes. Especially when I try to say something about my own life, most of the time she'll let me talk and we'll talk about my situation for maybe 10 minutes, but then the conversation turns back to her life and something she realized. I respect her and honestly love hanging out with her, but it confuses me that we could be the same type and she's so focused on her self while I'm so focused on also myself, but largely my understanding of other people and trying to help them to make a difference in their life (thereby helping myself I guess).
So here's the question: I ask if any of you (or if any of you know any INFPs who you can see this in) also have been in my position, or relate to being maybe emotionally piled onto? It's not that I don't stand up for myself when I see fit, I just find what she's saying interesting and I really appreciate that she lets me into her thoughts process. I know it takes a lot to trust someone enough to do this. And I don't think she's doing it on purpose, and I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel like she's being judged or she did something wrong. Another thing I notice is she can only see things from her perspective, whereas it's natural for me to jump into other people's perspectives and what feelings they had that could have lead them to say what they said or treating her like they treated her. I do this with everything, always shifting perspective and trying to understand, and I can see it annoys her when I do this so I try to hold it back sometimes. I'm always aware of the larger picture, and she sometimes mentions things that confirm she's like this as well, but from everything she's communicated she's very tied into her personal experience and it almost seems like she's trapped within it. Like I said, she's an awesome friend and I can tell she really cares for me as well, and we have really fun philosophical conversations and analyzing human behavior, but I was wondering if there are many INFPs who could relate to the position I've found myself in this situation. I'm honestly not even that healthy emotionally, I'm still trying to figure myself out and I see so many places I need to improve in, so I'm not even sure if it relates back to healthy or unhealthy. I have had issues with insecurity and feeling like I don't have much value, so my position could definitely be related to that.
What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry if the first read of this was confusing, I had a glass of wine before I wrote this
I think I fixed all the errors. Basically, I'm people-focused with strongly held values that come from within, and she's self-focused with strong values that come from within.
I've studied MBTI in my free time for about 7 years now, and I got really confused by the cognitive functions, which lead me down a whole thought process where I typed myself as INFJ but it never felt right. I don't want to tell you a whole long story, my main reason for this post is that I am really considering that I'm actually INFP (largely because I had heavy Fi when I was a kid, I was so focused on being an individual) who mistyped as INFJ because my values are based around treating people with love and respect. A lot of descriptions of Fi out there that I've read online seem like they're written by someone who's either biased against this function, or they just don't know as much as they should to be writing about it and teach Fi as a selfish function (and while it's centered on the self, I've seen it talked about very negatively and that makes me sad). I've been reading books on cognitive functions and those descriptions I can actually see myself in. I've been studying the INFP cognitive functions and trying to understand as best as I can to really make sure that this is my type, and as I do this I keep returning to my question. Really quickly, the basis for this question is I have a friend who I have grown very close to who I totally see as INFP (and she told me she tested as INFP when we first met). She lives by her values, and she relates everything back to how she feels, and I think the last few years she's been in an Fi-Si loop. She's not interested in MBTI, but she does study psychology at university. Anyways, she's the first person I've really connected to (possibly ever). The problem is, I tend to make room for everyone but myself in a conversation unless I have something important to say, and it seems like she processes a lot of her thoughts and feelings out loud so most of our conversations are 80% her and 20% me. I'm pretty used to this dynamic- I always end up being people's unofficial therapist- but it gets frustrating sometimes. Especially when I try to say something about my own life, most of the time she'll let me talk and we'll talk about my situation for maybe 10 minutes, but then the conversation turns back to her life and something she realized. I respect her and honestly love hanging out with her, but it confuses me that we could be the same type and she's so focused on her self while I'm so focused on also myself, but largely my understanding of other people and trying to help them to make a difference in their life (thereby helping myself I guess).
So here's the question: I ask if any of you (or if any of you know any INFPs who you can see this in) also have been in my position, or relate to being maybe emotionally piled onto? It's not that I don't stand up for myself when I see fit, I just find what she's saying interesting and I really appreciate that she lets me into her thoughts process. I know it takes a lot to trust someone enough to do this. And I don't think she's doing it on purpose, and I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel like she's being judged or she did something wrong. Another thing I notice is she can only see things from her perspective, whereas it's natural for me to jump into other people's perspectives and what feelings they had that could have lead them to say what they said or treating her like they treated her. I do this with everything, always shifting perspective and trying to understand, and I can see it annoys her when I do this so I try to hold it back sometimes. I'm always aware of the larger picture, and she sometimes mentions things that confirm she's like this as well, but from everything she's communicated she's very tied into her personal experience and it almost seems like she's trapped within it. Like I said, she's an awesome friend and I can tell she really cares for me as well, and we have really fun philosophical conversations and analyzing human behavior, but I was wondering if there are many INFPs who could relate to the position I've found myself in this situation. I'm honestly not even that healthy emotionally, I'm still trying to figure myself out and I see so many places I need to improve in, so I'm not even sure if it relates back to healthy or unhealthy. I have had issues with insecurity and feeling like I don't have much value, so my position could definitely be related to that.
What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry if the first read of this was confusing, I had a glass of wine before I wrote this