[ClarifiedMind]

What makes you a good friend? I think I'm a pretty good friend. I'm generous (just don't ask me for money. I'm not stingy but I don't like giving up the cash), loyal and as a woman I don't get caught up in the "girl drama". I find a lot of ISTP's say they hate people, don't give a shit about peoples problems, etc. I can say I do care about my friends problems and I do like to listen to them but for a different reason than others think. When friends talk to me about situations in their lives I like to analyze them, compute the problem in my head and then spit back an answer. I think it's because I don't get bogged down with emotion or compassion that I am able to see things differently than a lot of others. I've been told I give good advice.

So what makes you a good friend? Have you ever been told you were a good friend?

 

[chiagirl27]

I'm an awful lot like you, with the very few people I've let come close to me.

I do find that a lot of people who aren't all that close still come to me with their problems. I enjoy puzzles, and I love figuring out solutions to problems, so I'm a good sounding board. I don't gossip, and I don't get emotional, which probably makes me pretty easy to go to with issues, I dunno. Sometimes it's irksome, but I try to limit contact with most people so I'm not overwhelmed.

I will say that I've dropped out of peoples' lives when shit got too heavy for me. Just fell off the face of the earth, no explanation, no nothing. I've done it a few times, and I'm not terribly proud. I'd say this is my worst quality. One friend was just so emotionally needy - she'd been a close friend in highschool, and her life was COMPLETELY fucked up in adulthood - drugs, affairs, all sorts of INSANE drama. I tried to be her (phone) friend for a few months, and it was so draining. I'd need weeks to recover from one conversation. Finally I stopped responding altogether.

There were a few others like that, just leaning on me SO MUCH, and I couldn't quite access the right way to handle them. I try to keep a pretty safe distance between myself and other people in general, but when they are too needy, it's claustrophobic. And I lose interest, fast. I still feel some guilt over them - but I've let so much time pass, there's no way to mend the fences without a confrontation. And it would be an emotional confrontation, which - SHUDDER - I can't take, at all. I figure, with friends like me - right? If I dropped them as a friend when they needed me most, they probably don't want me as a friend when their lives are going well.

It's a shitty way to be. I don't like it. Just did it to someone recently, and I'm still kicking myself for being so closed off and self-protective.

So, I'd say YES I'm a good friend in general - but I keep a bit of a guard up for a reason, and when you continually break down my barriers I'm probably gonna run.

 

[OctoberSkye]

It depends on what someone considers a good friend. I'm the "take a bullet for you" friend. I let my actions speak for me. I'm incredibly loyal. I will keep all your secrets. If I can spare it and you need it, I'll give it. I'm a really great listener and will give you honest feedback.

However, I will not tell you what you want to hear. I won't ever kiss your ass. It'll rarely cross my mind to compliment you. I'm not affectionate, so sorry touchy-feely types. I don't want to hear about your kid. But, I'll babysit if you need me to.

You can call me any time day or night. I may not answer, but you can still try and it won't bother me none.

If you want to spend time with me, you let me know. It's not that I don't want to see you, I just don't have to.

Good thing is that I'm pretty much down for whatever. It just takes me a while to get going.

 

[ClarifiedMind]

man, how could I forget! I never tell anyone what they want to hear. That has gotten me into a few spats with friends. I tend to stay away from relationship issues because when I say the obvious all of a sudden I'm the bad guy. I have also been guilty of breaking plans or just not showing up. Sometimes I just don't feel like it, and I seem to have friends that like to make plans 3 weeks in advance. I was in hiding from a friend because I didn't show up to her son's birthday party...oops. So now I tell them no more plans let me know right when you're about to do something otherwise it's hit or miss.

Yes, definitely a ride or die friend...definitely take a bullet. But you know what bothers me? When I don't get the same in return. Any way I treat someone I do it so I can get the same treatment in return (this is different from doing stuff for people because I want something in return...all together different situation). When I was much younger I was right behind my friends but when the tables were turned it wasn't always the case. So I kind of stopped being the "friend to the end". Now I speak to my friends like once or twice or week. I do have a friend that tries to call me everyday...I usually don't pick up. It isn't nice I know but it's better than being a crab because I don't want to talk.

Just for the record I have 5 friends...one of them is my husband lol. I make it sound like I have dozens

 

[jroo46]

What makes you a good friend? I think I'm a pretty good friend. I'm generous (just don't ask me for money. I'm not stingy but I don't like giving up the cash), loyal and as a woman I don't get caught up in the "girl drama". I find a lot of ISTP's say they hate people, don't give a shit about peoples problems, etc. I can say I do care about my friends problems and I do like to listen to them but for a different reason than others think. When friends talk to me about situations in their lives I like to analyze them, compute the problem in my head and then spit back an answer. I think it's because I don't get bogged down with emotion or compassion that I am able to see things differently than a lot of others. I've been told I give good advice.

So what makes you a good friend? Have you ever been told you were a good friend?

im a great friend, i hate how bad i am with family. i always feel like my family deserves more, but i give them less to nothing of me and my friends get everything. anyone else feel that way?

 

[MissFixit]

I only have a handful of friends that I confide in. I give advice when they call me, but it's strictly "here's what not to do so you don't F the situation up any worse" type of advice. Triage, if you will.
Tomorrow I was looking forward to my ONE morning to sleep in, and then a friend called and wants to drop off their kid at 8 am so I can babysit. I totally don't want to do it and i almost said no, but then I just couldn't. I got my job through that friend. He only calls me now when he needs a babysitter, though, so I probably won't be answering his calls anymore. :dry:

Generally I find people too exhausting for prolonged contact, and the only friend I have that actually makes me feel BETTER is a woman I met recently...interestingly she's an ENFP and I've never been close to one before...I think I see why ISTPs feel so comfortable with them! Instead of me having to give all the advice, she actually gives ME comfort! ha ha

 

[ThoughtProcess]

October summed it up pretty well.

 

[sofort99]

October summed it up pretty well.

Yes she did.

I'm the friend that will do stuff with you, and bail you out of jail at 3 AM.

Just don't expect me to listen to you talk a lot about your problems.

 

[madhatter]

The problem with a lot of my "friends" is that they would only call me if they wanted something (like answers to the homework). So I have a pretty jaded view on the subject.

 

[Kadjunga]

Octobersky said it very well.
I only count people i know i can trust on and would do anything to help them as a friend, hence why my "list of friends" can be counted on one hand only. Id do anything for them and even though the feeling isn't always mutual, they've never left me hanging when the times got rough.

But for the other "friends" the ones who only try to be yours yet they do stuff behind your back. Couldn't care a rats arse if they exist or not after they've broken my trust. Shady dealings and only in it for personal gain? Good luck getting any help at all.

Also, i dont hate people. I just dont like to be around the uber-talkative ones for too long. Live and Let live is my moto, hence why i try to be friendly to anyone i have to interact with.

 

[chiagirl27]

I just received a text message from a childhood friend of mine. I haven't seen her in years, and we'd spent some time about three or four years ago catching up by phone. She turned out to be intensely emotionally needy, and she would call me at all hours of the night to cry, vent, and look to me for answers to her problems. While I didn't mind being a puzzle-solver (I actually love that stuff), she also needed me to be emotional with her. She would get upset that I wasn't crying with her, or freaking out... that I couldn't mirror her emotions, basically. To her, it meant I didn't care.

We both had terrible childhoods, and she wanted to dwell on that for HOURS on the phone, night after night - how people had wronged us, how our mothers were sick and twisted, how we were abused and mistreated, blah blah blah. I don't look at my life that way, you know? So, it was beyond draining for me. I had to cut her off.

Her text message is really long. Paraphrased, it's "you're a crappy friend, so glad to see you have a successful life, how nice of you to remember me from time to time, thanks for nothing you bitch, have fun with your awesome life."

So... there's at least one person out there who absolutely would NOT consider me a "good friend" :tongue:

I'm not sure how, or whether, to respond. I guess I owe her an explanation for my silence.

 

[jroo46]

I just received a text message from a childhood friend of mine. I haven't seen her in years, and we'd spent some time about three or four years ago catching up by phone. She turned out to be intensely emotionally needy, and she would call me at all hours of the night to cry, vent, and look to me for answers to her problems. While I didn't mind being a puzzle-solver (I actually love that stuff), she also needed me to be emotional with her. She would get upset that I wasn't crying with her, or freaking out... that I couldn't mirror her emotions, basically. To her, it meant I didn't care.

We both had terrible childhoods, and she wanted to dwell on that for HOURS on the phone, night after night - how people had wronged us, how our mothers were sick and twisted, how we were abused and mistreated, blah blah blah. I don't look at my life that way, you know? So, it was beyond draining for me. I had to cut her off.

Her text message is really long. Paraphrased, it's "you're a crappy friend, so glad to see you have a successful life, how nice of you to remember me from time to time, thanks for nothing you bitch, have fun with your awesome life."

So... there's at least one person out there who absolutely would NOT consider me a "good friend" :tongue:

I'm not sure how, or whether, to respond. I guess I owe her an explanation for my silence.

messages like that make me laugh. if you don't think that she'll flip out and hunt you down i'd respond by laughing to her.

 

[chiagirl27]

messages like that make me laugh. if you don't think that she'll flip out and hunt you down i'd respond by laughing to her.

She would absolutely lose her mind if I laughed at her. I mean, if she KNEW I laughed at her.

I'm just gonna ignore her. I've done it for the last year or two, it's a lot easier than dealing with a confrontation.

 

[ThoughtProcess]

Sob sisters are negative people.

 

[DJArendee]

I'm a good friend. Just the other day I went in and put up a lawer act to bail my friends out of conduct trouble at my school.

I find drama is caused by not telling things to someone's face. Not really a problem for me as I say things to people's face without realizing it.