[jochris]

My ENFP best friend is Buddhist, and she made a promise to her mother (based on her religion) to remain a virgin until she has a full-time job and has introduced her boyfriend to her parents. She is nineteen and going into her second year in university in autumn, meaning she has at least two or three more years before a full-time job actually becomes possible.

For the last half a year, she has been seeing an ENTJ (not a virgin). They have pretty much covered everything foreplay will allow, but she is sticking to her promise and is still not having sex with him. He really does like her, and so tries his best to be understanding and compromising, but I can tell it's wearing him out quite a bit. She wants to make this work (NF idealist) and develop it into a committed relationship, but I'm not as optimistic about it.

The question is, will you be able to commit fully to a sex-less relationship?

 

[Psilo]

(Where one or both of the people involved are not planning on abstaining from sex.)

Well, both people would have to agree. Sex is a large part of a relationship, even in absence.

I believe I could be in a happy loving relationship without sex. I don't see sex and love as intertwined (though, I wouldn't have sex without love). My view on the subject is not a popular one, however.

 

[Regan]

in this case, if i was with a guy who didn't want to have sex because of his religion, i'd probably end it. i have a huge libido + i'm not religious i don't want a guy who is either. just a personal preference.

so no, i probably couldn't commit to a sexless relationship.

 

[jochris]

Well, both people would have to agree. Sex is a large part of a relationship, even in absence.

I believe I could be in a happy loving relationship without sex. I don't see sex and love as intertwined (though, I wouldn't have sex without love). My view on the subject is not a popular one, however.

See, I'm not sex-crazy, but to me sexual intimacy is a very important part of a relationship. I still value intelligence and connection more, but it's important nonetheless. I would struggle.

 

[snail]

I'm currently in a long-distance, non-sexual, committed relationship with a virgin who is still in college. After he is finished with school, we are hoping to eventually live together, but even then, we still plan to wait until we are certain of a life-long commitment before we have sex. That means I probably have several years to wait. I admit that not even being able to hug him right now is hard, but I have no problem waiting indefinitely for sex. He's totally worth it.
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[Mikbert]

If I'm going to be completely honest, no.

I don't have a huge sex-drive but if I'm going to be in a long-term relationship, I need to have sex.

My ex said that once guys had slept with her, they usually just left her, so we decided to put off sex for a month so we could get to know each other better. To be honest, I think it was a great idea.


I just have certain needs that has to be covered and I want to be fully able to express my love physically, sex is a big part of a relationships and many relationships stand and fall on good/bad sex, or if there is no sex at all.

 

[Stars]

Yes, I'd be able to just fine. I would feel much more deprived if I was in a committed relationship without cuddling, French Kissing, or romantic bonding things like acting in the same play or traveling together or introducing eachother to our friends.

 

[snail]

Yeah, the bonding experiences through shared activities... I want that more than I want sex, too.
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[jochris]

Yeah, the bonding experiences through shared activities... I want that more than I want sex, too.
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See, the way I see it, sex is part of that. It is part of the intimacy we want from a relationship, physical and emotional.

 

[Arioche]

Err...that was hard, incredibly (stupid sex drive!), but I've gone through it, albeit for a short time. The person I'm dating was the type that couldn't really enjoy sex because of her depression and past trauma, and although she told me that it doesn't really matter as long as I enjoy it, I still would have felt incredibly uncomfortable/guilty/bleh if she didn't enjoy it as well (not to mention my self-esteem would've been a killer). On top of that, the people before me that she has dated were total jerks and didn't really care about her enjoyment (good job adding to her trauma guys), so I really wanted to prove that I'm different from them.

So after the first time (in which I stopped half way), there was an absence of....around half a year or so maybe, where I didn't dare do anything drastic. Well, she gradually got over that (or maybe she just got used to me) but I have to admit, as much as I would like to have said that sex and love can be separated, I never knew how hard it could be before that. But I think as long as I really do like that person, I will be able to handle it for some time (with much head to wall collision)

 

[asbreathingflows]

Honestly... no. I can live without sex but the idea of a relationship (of any long-term standing) without that sort of close intimacy would just frustrate the hell out of me. It's not like I need sex to be in a relationship, but I can't help but view it as an important part of affirming affection for both parties.

That said I don't think I could be in a relationship based purely on sex. Been there once already, (probably) wouldn't do it again. Too much of an emotional burden not to let feelings get in the way...

 

[Stars]

On second thought, maybe I should change my answer in this thread to "Yes for several years, but after that...no."

 

[Briggs]

Well.....if I am committed........that means that I am going to stand by this person on a deeper level than physical.
If they were physically incapable (disease/accident etc) would I still be committed. Yes. I am committed, remember?
So, if there is good reason...yes, I would be able to deal with it. Masterbating isnt all that bad :wink:either......... what do you think all these INTJ's (etc) are doing if they arent dating/married anyhow??? :tongue:
My love runs a whole lot deeper than human flesh. It goes into the heart and soul.

 

[snail]

I didn't know the non-sexual variety of INTJs masturbated. I just assumed they weren't interested at all.
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[Briggs]

non-sexual variety.........um, that must not be me......... everyday sister! I have yet to have had a male in my life that can meet my sex drive.

 

[slowriot]

if I loved her enough then yes

 

[OrangeAppled]

I wouldn't commit to a relationship with someone who will never engage in any sexual activity. I would need to know that at some point in the future we would be physically intimate, as I think it's an important part of a romantic relationship, particularly a marriage.

To me, much of foreplay IS sex though. Intercourse is just one part of sex, and not even a necessary part to define an intimate encounter as sex. I also don't see sex drive playing a part in this decision. To me, it's more of a self-control issue, and you can exercise that regardless of your libido.

So I would commit to someone who wanted or needed to wait for some period, especially if it's for religious/spiritual reasons. I respect that a lot. I also don't need to have sex with someone to know if they are right for me. I believe that forming a solid foundation for a relationship equips you to work out any sexual issues, but great sex isn't going to work out other problems in the long run. I also think that making a deep emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection with another human being is much more elusive than finding great physical chemistry, and so when I make that connection with someone, I am gripping onto it and willing to wait anything out.

 

[InvisibleJim]

INTJs are perfectly logical about sex. If the partner will not provide then we won't miss out. As such it isn't held against them. However, there are more subtle requirements for 'some sex' in terms of physical contact. This is usually lower than the sex drive that other types tend to exhibit.

Anyway back on topic.

Only for a months or so.

 

[BehindSmile]

If you truly love someone you will wait until they are ready...

Sex is important in a relationship, but respect and love are more important. This situation isn't a "never" having sex, it is just waiting for your partner to be ready.

If you really love someone, they are worth the wait.
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[jochris]

INTJs are perfectly logical about sex. If the partner will not provide then we won't miss out. As such it isn't held against them. However, there are more subtle requirements for 'some sex' in terms of physical contact. This is usually lower than the sex drive that other types tend to exhibit.

Anyway back on topic.

Only for a months or so.

Yes. I think I can go maybe 1-3 months if I really tried to (I'm sort of already doing that anyway), but not longer than that... and definitely not 2-3 years like my best friend.