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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm not. I am very uncomfortable giving hugs, kisses, sweet words, etc... I do not like to receive them a lot too. I have always thought that it's best to show love with big actions and hard work rather than just showing words, kisses or hugs.

Are you ENFJs also uncomfortable with this? if so why? Am I the only one?
 

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you are certainly not the only one. i have the same viewpoint as well.
 

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you are certainly not the only one. i have the same viewpoint as well.
You aren't an ENFJ though...

OP:
I would say that all that ENFJ's that I know of are rather affectionate people.

Perhaps your desire to serve and what not fits into your "love language." Have you ever heard of the different love languages?
 

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Perhaps your desire to serve and what not fits into your "love language." Have you ever heard of the different love languages?
That's what I'd start out with, there are several different ways to be affectionate... touchy-feely things like hugs/kisses/touching etc.... Things like giving gifts, doing things together, verbal affection, the list goes on...

Me? YES. But I'm only really affectionate with the people that I'm close to, I wouldn't just randomly hug a stranger because that'd be weird. 0_o
 

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That's what I'd start out with, there are several different ways to be affectionate... touchy-feely things like hugs/kisses/touching etc.... Things like giving gifts, doing things together, verbal affection, the list goes on...

Me? YES. But I'm only really affectionate with the people that I'm close to, I wouldn't just randomly hug a stranger because that'd be weird. 0_o
That last line makes me laugh because I have a friend or two that's totally down with that, haha.
 

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You aren't an ENFJ though...

OP:
I would say that all that ENFJ's that I know of are rather affectionate people.

Perhaps your desire to serve and what not fits into your "love language." Have you ever heard of the different love languages?
true, i forgot to read the "ENFJ.." line at the last paragraph..just noticed it now..
 

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I really hate cultural pressures toward insincere affection. I don't like giving hugs, gifts, praise, etc. simply because it's "appropriate" or I'm "supposed" to...for me, that cheapens the affections I truly feel and mean. Perhaps you have a similar sentiment?

I'm also not 100% sure I'm ENFJ though. It's possible I'm ENFP. Is it normal/possible for Fe users to resent culturally mandated "feeling"?
 

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I really hate cultural pressures toward insincere affection. I don't like giving hugs, gifts, praise, etc. simply because it's "appropriate" or I'm "supposed" to...for me, that cheapens the affections I truly feel and mean. Perhaps you have a similar sentiment?
Oh I totally agree with this... but AFIAK I'm a weak J (usually) anyway.
 

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Being touched is really really intense for me. To be touched means more to me than it would to other people. When I touch I mean it as an intention to bond. I can tell if people are touching me insincerely and it really rankles me. Then again I am an 8 (sx)....Intimacy is really important to me and being touched makes me feel vulnerable. As I understand it ENFJs, while extroverted are also very careful with who they have in their inner circle. Once you are in...your in for good.
 

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When I was younger I never wanted anyone to touch me. It was like a rockstar thing something. Look but don't touch. I wanted to be seen. As I have gotten older that has changed. I am more apt to hug you hi-five or even something cheesier. I have lightened up a little that those awkward moments sometimes looking back that those stand ou as making a difference in certain friendships.
 

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I'm actually VERY affectionate. I didn't realize it until one of my friends described me as the "spastic, touch-feely" one, haha. When I see people I like, I can't help but give them a hug sometimes. It's almost irresistible.
 

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I am with my significant other :) im probably smothering...oops. But with other people not so much touchy touchy wise, but I am with words :).
 

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i have never understood the "hello hug" that many people perform on basically anyone, because i only do that to my closest friends, and it took a while for me to get to the point where i felt it was appropriate.

touching other people is important, but only when it's significant. every hug, kiss, caress, pat, even seemingly innocent things as pokes, tickling or simple touches to get your attention mean something and bring us closer together - therefore should be taken seriously to some extent. ot's not nice to lie, even with touches ^^

same thing goes for verbal affection - i believe you should never say things you don't really mean. also, i rarely tell anyone i love them (or hate them, or anything that implies too strong a meaning for light use), even if i feel like that, because i think words are very powerful and should not be thrown around carelessly, so such things should be only said on suitable occasions, when you feel the time is right.

however, actions that can be interpreted as affectionate, such as giving gifts, help in anything and everything, those i feel more comfortable with, for some reason. maybe it's just the enfjs "people pleasing" side that shows in this, no idea.

basically, well, i guess my being affectionate is well organised, heheh, having categories and clear limitations and everything. i can be as cold when i feel it is appropriate as i can be intensely warm when that is what the other needs and i feel comfortable with.
 

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I'm not. I am very uncomfortable giving hugs, kisses, sweet words, etc... I do not like to receive them a lot too. I have always thought that it's best to show love with big actions and hard work rather than just showing words, kisses or hugs.

Are you ENFJs also uncomfortable with this? if so why? Am I the only one?

What?!?!?!?!?! Are you sure you're ENFJ?!?!?! lol. that is weird for our type. I am on the whole affectionate, but some people I steer clear from showing any affection. I have to be comfortable and feel like it would be received okay. Sometimes I simply can't be bothered being affectionate, but when it comes to people I love, I have to hug them, kiss them and just touch them in some way every day.
 
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
What?!?!?!?!?! Are you sure you're ENFJ?!?!?! lol. that is weird for our type. I am on the whole affectionate, but some people I steer clear from showing any affection. I have to be comfortable and feel like it would be received okay. Sometimes I simply can't be bothered being affectionate, but when it comes to people I love, I have to hug them, kiss them and just touch them in some way every day.
Tests tell me I'm between ENFJ-ENTJ, but my real life shows that my definite function is Feeling. I like to make people feel good and enjoy themselves, have fun and tons of laughter. I also define my life by some strong principles and feelings, like being a good person, being efficient, successful, caring, compassionate, etc, etc, etc.. my actions are guided in a way like Kant's practical reason. The enneagram tells me that I'm either type 3 or type 1. None of them are that affectionate either. But.. I conclude it's just a trait of mine...
 

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How do you think being type 1 differentiates you from the usual ENFJs that are 2's?

I'm a 2w1. They seem quite contradictory actually.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I researched differences between types and I found this, I relate with most of the 1's qualities.

1 and 2

Mistyping frequency: sometimes (usually between 1w2 and 2w1).

One
Impersonal
Autonomous (agree)
Criticize
Focused on principles (agree)
Emotionally restrained (agree)
Logical (more or less agree)
Reserved (agree)
Wants to be right (agree)

Two
Personal (agree)
Merging
Compliment
Focused on people (agree)
Emotionally expressive
Loving
Warm
Wants to be loved (agree)

I really like to help and give support to people, but this is because of strong principles in my life, much less because of recieving love, which is type 2's real end. I like to put in practice values and principles that I consider useful and necessary to live a good life. Compassion and help is one of them. I also relate a lot with type 3. If enneagram allowed it, I would be a 1w3. Anyways, I don't know too much about enneagram, so if there's a mistake with that I wrote point it out.

I don't know my wing.
 

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One
Impersonal
Autonomous (agree)
Criticize
Focused on principles (agree)
Emotionally restrained (agree)
Logical (more or less agree)
Reserved (agree)
Wants to be right (agree)

Two
Personal (agree)
Merging ??
Compliment
Focused on people (agree)
Emotionally expressive
Loving
Warm
Wants to be loved (agree)

The ones I have bold-italic'd are those that I think apply to me.
I will be compassionate, but I will choose according to my own set of values who I do more for. Some I feel are just bludging and being a drain on people, others I feel deserve my help more. I think this is part of the thing where 2 and 1 collide.
 

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growing up, I wasnt so affectionate.. or at least i dont remember.. but the past few years has changes..

Im so affectionate, I wish I walked around with one of those "free hugs" signs around my neck! oh the fun that would provide me
 

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growing up, I wasnt so affectionate.. or at least i dont remember.. but the past few years has changes..

Im so affectionate, I wish I walked around with one of those "free hugs" signs around my neck! oh the fun that would provide me
Yeah! I need to buy a "Free hugs" t shirt! I'm always hugging and kissing people lol
 
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