Not particularly. My life can be sad enough; why add to it with optional things like sad books or movies? I like those endings to be upbeat, even if it's bordering on the unrealistic.
Are you "attracted to sad things"?
I was reading a post about INFJs being attracted to sad things, particularly with music, movies, tv shows, books, etc., and I wondered how many of you could relate to that statement? Personally, I've always liked sad music, and movies/shows with sad/dark themes. Which is weird because I'm a fairly happy person in my day-to-day life, but there's something about sad music in particular that I'm attracted to. In a strange, cathartic way, it just hurts so good.
One girl wrote how "sadness has this strange, intriguing quality to it.. It's something not everyone understands because when you're happy, everyone is eager to go along with it, but when you're sad, it's something that wants to be avoided and not inspected too much. It's this lonely bottom of a well that everyone experiences but not everyone shares. Maybe INFJs like the idea of connections of the unseen or unknown. Most of the time, I find something so beautiful underneath it all. Sometimes things to me are so sad that it's beautiful or so beautiful that it's sad. I think INFJs are primarily capable of feeling that; other types have a hard time correlating the two."
The bolded sentences really resonate with me. Any of you relate to the notion of being attracted to sad things?
One girl wrote how "sadness has this strange, intriguing quality to it.. It's something not everyone understands because when you're happy, everyone is eager to go along with it, but when you're sad, it's something that wants to be avoided and not inspected too much. It's this lonely bottom of a well that everyone experiences but not everyone shares. Maybe INFJs like the idea of connections of the unseen or unknown. Most of the time, I find something so beautiful underneath it all. Sometimes things to me are so sad that it's beautiful or so beautiful that it's sad. I think INFJs are primarily capable of feeling that; other types have a hard time correlating the two."
The bolded sentences really resonate with me. Any of you relate to the notion of being attracted to sad things?
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Fair enough! I'm the opposite of you when it comes to endings. I like unpredictable endings, which explains why Game of Thrones is one of my favourite shows. The good guys aren't predisposed to win and save the day, and they're sometimes killed off.
So much so. Overwhelmingly so.
I relate catharsis to it as well. For as long as I can remember, I've intrinsically linked sadness/suffering with a doorway to its duals - elation/love/resilience, etc. Somewhat of a constant, humming undertone to my existence/general existence. I'm very much drawn to the notion that such afflictions are not only doorways to their parallels, but deeply entangled. In this way, things being "so sad that it's beautiful or so beautiful that it's sad" speaks so much to me. It rushes through me. It's an unavoidable association of either construct that's made of the mind at some level.
I'm currently obsessing over the life and works of Sylvia Plath. That probably says enough. The realness of it (for me) is staggering. I guess that's another thing - the authenticity of all the extremes of the human condition. Vulnerability, etc. There's a real purity in it all.
I relate catharsis to it as well. For as long as I can remember, I've intrinsically linked sadness/suffering with a doorway to its duals - elation/love/resilience, etc. Somewhat of a constant, humming undertone to my existence/general existence. I'm very much drawn to the notion that such afflictions are not only doorways to their parallels, but deeply entangled. In this way, things being "so sad that it's beautiful or so beautiful that it's sad" speaks so much to me. It rushes through me. It's an unavoidable association of either construct that's made of the mind at some level.
I'm currently obsessing over the life and works of Sylvia Plath. That probably says enough. The realness of it (for me) is staggering. I guess that's another thing - the authenticity of all the extremes of the human condition. Vulnerability, etc. There's a real purity in it all.
Some like dark chocolate, some like white! :chuncky: I like a surprise ending once in a while, but I admit it makes me very sad to see my favorite characters not get what they deserve via karma. (Although there have been times when my favorite characters are the villain and I'm sad they finally get killed off. I'm looking at you, Grand Admiral Thrawn!)
Very much so. I'm not a sad person in real life, but I'm drawn to melancholy, the bittersweet.
For me, I love a happy ending, but I want to feel like the characters had to work for it. Somehow seeing them be put through the emotional ringer makes the ending satisfying.
For me, I love a happy ending, but I want to feel like the characters had to work for it. Somehow seeing them be put through the emotional ringer makes the ending satisfying.
I contribute it to a lack of Fi.
We rely on external expressions of emotions to truly feel something. Happiness is a great emotion, and I thoroughly enjoy a fun, happy ending, just how I enjoy some chocolate.
But I also enjoy a bag of chips from time to time. Sadness, when expressed well, can be really interesting to feel. To me, it is in those moments I almost feel as if I'm touching my Fi--I'm touching who I am, by using these other emotions as a catalyst. Which doesn't make sense because I don't relate to why they are sad, but regardless...
I enjoy bittersweet endings for this reason. If it's too sad and depressing, the journey feels unrewarding; if it's too happy and go-lucky, the philosophical/intellectual/emotional purpose feels unrewarding.
We rely on external expressions of emotions to truly feel something. Happiness is a great emotion, and I thoroughly enjoy a fun, happy ending, just how I enjoy some chocolate.
But I also enjoy a bag of chips from time to time. Sadness, when expressed well, can be really interesting to feel. To me, it is in those moments I almost feel as if I'm touching my Fi--I'm touching who I am, by using these other emotions as a catalyst. Which doesn't make sense because I don't relate to why they are sad, but regardless...
I enjoy bittersweet endings for this reason. If it's too sad and depressing, the journey feels unrewarding; if it's too happy and go-lucky, the philosophical/intellectual/emotional purpose feels unrewarding.
Beautifully said. Sylvia Plath certainly had an interesting life and it shows in her work. I love her poem "Mad Girl's Love Song." Authenticity is a word that came up for me as well when I came across this topic. I also like how you linked sadness with elation. We're taught to seek and constantly maintain a state of happiness, so when we get sad, some people's first instinct is to cheer themselves up and rid themselves of their sadness. I think it's important to find balance between sadness/happiness. Too much of one leads to the neglect of the other.
I don't know if you've heard of the band Daughter, but their album "If You Leave" has that perfect balance between sadness and happiness. I've posted a link to their track "Shallows" below (studio and live version). It's one of the few songs that can make me feel hopeless and hopeful simultaneously. I've never seen a singer sing with such heartbreaking emotion like Elena does.
Sadsturbators unite!
I suppose I don't think of them as "sad things" but rather "True and profound things"
But there is much overlap between the two, no?
A song about, say, a father burying their child... Yes, that's obviously sad. But I'm attracted to the strength, the intensity of the emotions and just how awful such an experience that must be and how poignantly the song captures the universal in the specific and the specific in the universal, not the depressing factor.
I didn't have a specific song in mind when I made up that example, but if anyone knows of some good dead kid songs, I'm game to hear them.
But there is much overlap between the two, no?
A song about, say, a father burying their child... Yes, that's obviously sad. But I'm attracted to the strength, the intensity of the emotions and just how awful such an experience that must be and how poignantly the song captures the universal in the specific and the specific in the universal, not the depressing factor.
I didn't have a specific song in mind when I made up that example, but if anyone knows of some good dead kid songs, I'm game to hear them.
I absolutely love endings that are beautiful, but in their symbol, like you can see in Pan's Labyrinth, The Fountain, The Wrestler, Requiem for a Dream, Man on Fire etc.
A story does not necessarily need to keep the main character at the end for it to be all kind of wonderful and eternal. I love the whole creative process in which people realise that pain is inextricably bonded with beauty, because it's a never ending process of destruction and creation. Like you'd literally do a new ecdysis of your mind and soul, you'd reborn as a new entity each time something hit you hard, to better cope with life on another level.
Human kind is as cruel and unfair as pain can be, but it progress precisely because sometimes, our peers lack of humanity thus many souls get inspired to be better. I think it's good to remember it and celebrate as much as we can with our own lights, through actions, through little things, through stories.
That pain is not the end. It's everything surrounding it that we should keep in mind
Have you heard Fisher's take on the poem? I love that the song captures that haunting quality that I feel after reading the poem.
I very much feel the same way about it. Here's the first song that came to mind. Written in Honor of Clapton's 4 year old son, who fell from a window of the 53rd-floor of the appartment of his mother's friend.
Despite what I have seen assumed on occasion, Japan isn't the ultimate INFJ country (not only will the skill with which people hide their true feelings be a harsh wake-up call to some who believe in Fe to the point of borderline supernatural, but it is stubbornly traditional in numerous ways that defy logic and seeing as INFJs are introverts who nonetheless typically value deep conversation, the language barrier is a huge hurdle), but I love, love, love the whole concept to 'mono no aware'.
(You'll have to google that because I can't post links, but spoiler: it's partly to do with finding beauty in sadness.)
(You'll have to google that because I can't post links, but spoiler: it's partly to do with finding beauty in sadness.)
I can wallow in it.
melancholy, the bittersweet, the nostalgic, and such, it is really not all that healthy at times i believe.
I am not doing it so much at the momment, but I can sit infront of the computer listening to some specific music, and i will be in this specific mode. Where i am actually not so sure if i tune out of or into myself. But it is a rather depressive and sad state, I wont be thinking much, but just sitting there. Maybe not knowing what I really am feeling about.
I will sometimes say that I have mastered, or tamed depression, sadness, and such. (something not quite right about that, when i think about it).
I wont get uncontrollable fits of sadness, where the tears will flood, my nose running, and sobbing.
Long time since that has been happening now. But my eyes easily can get tearful wet, and for that i am sometimes glad, still human, empathetic, able to cry and all.
But do I seek out sadness?, directly attracted to?. I am not sure. Sometimes i can be in a sad mood, maybe i will go the beach and wallow in it. Everything just being so sad, etc. But sometimes this behaviour of mine id compare to a alcoholic going to the bar when things get heated. It does not always really help to solve the affairs always.
But this, listening to music with a feeling is what nearly everybody does. There is upbeat music, Music about romance, Music about heartbreak, Music about anger, etc. There are also songs which are full of ego and about hurting others (but that we sometimes dont hear)
It sometimes gets too much, I will switch the radio channel and say "I dont want to listen to this #"¤"! right now".
When maybe I had enough of wallowing in my own pity or whatever after a breakup, sometimes you maybe want to tell the singer "Get a grip of yourself", Dry your eyes mate, as a song goes.
To me, this state of almost sitting as a sad zombie with futility feelings, etc to some music or whatever, goes quite far back.
It is self soothing in some way, but not always the best. For example maybe being that way when i should not be, It could be a loss where it really was not. Or feeling rejected when i was not really, or whatever. Doing it for someone who did not really care anyway. Beating one self up too much and that.
melancholy, the bittersweet, the nostalgic, and such, it is really not all that healthy at times i believe.
I am not doing it so much at the momment, but I can sit infront of the computer listening to some specific music, and i will be in this specific mode. Where i am actually not so sure if i tune out of or into myself. But it is a rather depressive and sad state, I wont be thinking much, but just sitting there. Maybe not knowing what I really am feeling about.
I will sometimes say that I have mastered, or tamed depression, sadness, and such. (something not quite right about that, when i think about it).
I wont get uncontrollable fits of sadness, where the tears will flood, my nose running, and sobbing.
Long time since that has been happening now. But my eyes easily can get tearful wet, and for that i am sometimes glad, still human, empathetic, able to cry and all.
But do I seek out sadness?, directly attracted to?. I am not sure. Sometimes i can be in a sad mood, maybe i will go the beach and wallow in it. Everything just being so sad, etc. But sometimes this behaviour of mine id compare to a alcoholic going to the bar when things get heated. It does not always really help to solve the affairs always.
But this, listening to music with a feeling is what nearly everybody does. There is upbeat music, Music about romance, Music about heartbreak, Music about anger, etc. There are also songs which are full of ego and about hurting others (but that we sometimes dont hear)
It sometimes gets too much, I will switch the radio channel and say "I dont want to listen to this #"¤"! right now".
When maybe I had enough of wallowing in my own pity or whatever after a breakup, sometimes you maybe want to tell the singer "Get a grip of yourself", Dry your eyes mate, as a song goes.
To me, this state of almost sitting as a sad zombie with futility feelings, etc to some music or whatever, goes quite far back.
It is self soothing in some way, but not always the best. For example maybe being that way when i should not be, It could be a loss where it really was not. Or feeling rejected when i was not really, or whatever. Doing it for someone who did not really care anyway. Beating one self up too much and that.
absolutely. I've always been this way and gravitated toward books, film, music, etc. that invoke sadness and loss. there is a kind of beauty in it. I think it's because I spent a lot of my life dealing with pain and melancholy and when I experience a work of art that speaks to that it's validating and reassuring in a way, like there are others out in the universe who understand and have gone through it too.
Yes, absolutely. Transformation is generally birthed from struggle and sadness is often a catalyst. It might be more accurate to say that I'm drawn to hardships in general than actual sadness.
This is exactly how I feel. It's not that I dislike happy stories, it's that they just feel too easy. Watching people overcome their problems, internally or externally, makes the reward seem somehow justified. Even if they are never rewarded (Game of Thrones style) it still invests me in their journey. When a story is too perfect it doesn't feel real. I suppose it's all about contrast.
In my experience, introverts tend to be more attracted to sad things than extraverts. As an INFP, I love melancholic music and bittersweet endings; but I suppose that sort of comes with the territory! Maybe it's an IXFX thing. I have trouble imagining my ENFP and ESFP friends seeking external sources of sadness, but I can see my ISFP and ISFJ friends reveling in it.
That definitely applies to me.
I've always had an attraction to tragic stories, tragic songs, tragic moments in history, etc. It's because I feel drawn to people who are alone and suffering; I have a need to feel their pain and honor their struggles.
The INFJ affinity for the tragic, the sad, the suffering is cleverly articulated by a quote from Leonard Cohen, who may or may not have been an INFJ himself.
"I don't consider myself a pessimist at all. I think of a pessimist as someone who is waiting for it to rain. And I [am already] completely soaked to the skin."- Leonard Cohen
I've always had an attraction to tragic stories, tragic songs, tragic moments in history, etc. It's because I feel drawn to people who are alone and suffering; I have a need to feel their pain and honor their struggles.
The INFJ affinity for the tragic, the sad, the suffering is cleverly articulated by a quote from Leonard Cohen, who may or may not have been an INFJ himself.
"I don't consider myself a pessimist at all. I think of a pessimist as someone who is waiting for it to rain. And I [am already] completely soaked to the skin."- Leonard Cohen
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