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Discussion Starter #1
And if so, do you have any advice?

People often remark that I barely talk but it's not because I am uninteresting, it's just that small talk does not interest me and I don't have a clue what to say as talking about people and other trivial stuff isn't something I enjoy. I am not the loquacious type anyway but sometimes I embarrass myself just seeing how bad I am at making conversation. Small talk will always sound boring to me but I feel like I should learn how to do it because one cannot talk about "deep" stuff everyday/with everyone/when meeting someone.
 

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I think one thing is to remember that is it not really about the weather (not much anyway, it can be interesting at times I think...) or what else you chitchat about. It is about getting a feel for the other person, the atmosphere, to find clues on what might interest them and keys leading on to more interersting conversations (perhaps imediately, perhaps some other day). Read between the lines, listen for emotion in the tone of voice, see to reaction to those subjects being discussed, think later on what it might mean... People are interesting, and there are patterns in them and between them as groups, much to take away from small talk, I think.

And also that it can just be a bridge, to something else, test the ice before walking out into the middle of the lake so to speak.
 

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"small" talk.

Yeah, I'm good for a word or two. ;)

Actually, I can be good at it. Depends a lot on the mood and the reason for the discussion. If I can bend it towards something interesting, I'll be OK.

"Whew," other person says, "it's getting hot out there!"
"Yeah," I say, "but it could be hotter. You know that in early July they usually hold a 135 mile race through death valley, the Badwater Ultra. They sometimes run on the white line of the road to keep their shoes from melting."

Or,

"Nice weather, huh?" the person says.
"It is," I respond, "but you know a good lightning storm now and then livens things up!"

Just an example. Of course, if I'm not in right mood for it, the response is likely just, "I'm sure."

Don't let it stress you. A person of few words can be mysterious.
 

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I am not good at small talk. I am not good at big talk. So what! I can write. That is all I need. That is all I want.

Disclaimer: my opinions and preferences do not reflect or tie into any other INFP in the world.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I think one thing is to remember that is it not really about the weather (not much anyway, it can be interesting at times I think...) or what else you chitchat about. It is about getting a feel for the other person, the atmosphere, to find clues on what might interest them and keys leading on to more interersting conversations (perhaps imediately, perhaps some other day). Read between the lines, listen for emotion in the tone of voice, see to reaction to those subjects being discussed, think later on what it might mean... People are interesting, and there are patterns in them and between them as groups, much to take away from small talk, I think.

And also that it can just be a bridge, to something else, test the ice before walking out into the middle of the lake so to speak.
That's an interesting answer, I always used to see chitchat as something extremely boring and meaningless but I guess you're right to see it as a bridge to something deeper. I'll try to apply your advice as soon as possible, thank you :)

"small" talk.

Yeah, I'm good for a word or two. ;)

Actually, I can be good at it. Depends a lot on the mood and the reason for the discussion. If I can bend it towards something interesting, I'll be OK.

"Whew," other person says, "it's getting hot out there!"
"Yeah," I say, "but it could be hotter. You know that in early July they usually hold a 135 mile race through death valley, the Badwater Ultra. They sometimes run on the white line of the road to keep their shoes from melting."

Or,

"Nice weather, huh?" the person says.
"It is," I respond, "but you know a good lightning storm now and then livens things up!"

Just an example. Of course, if I'm not in right mood for it, the response is likely just, "I'm sure."

Don't let it stress you. A person of few words can be mysterious.
To be honest it doesn't stress me that much, I'm fine with not speaking much. I've always been like that, people who don't know me say that I rarely speak but the ones who know me a little better say that I just don't speak for nothing and that when I speak my words have value. It's just that sometimes small talk is almost required, like when meeting someone, and I just don't know how to do that. I'm quite shy as well so I have a hard time making connections with people. I'd like to be a psychologist so I think that improving my conversational skills is important.

I am not good at small talk. I am not good at big talk. So what! I can write. That is all I need. That is all I want.

Disclaimer: my opinions and preferences do not reflect or tie into any other INFP in the world.
If you're fine with that well that's cool, everyone is different. In my case I think it would be useful. It doesn't mean becoming a different person, it just means being able to chitchat in situations when it's needed.
 

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I'm quite shy as well so I have a hard time making connections with people. I'd like to be a psychologist so I think that improving my conversational skills is important.
I think this is true but you will develop your skills breaking the ice and such. Plus, often when we have an objective in the conversation it becomes easier. Plus, if I went for counseling and my counselor went off on small talk for a long moment, I'd feel like I was wasting my time, could just be me though. But I actually had thought about switching careers into counseling years ago, even started the first course towards a masters degree, so I've been down the road of your thoughts.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I think this is true but you will develop your skills breaking the ice and such. Plus, often when we have an objective in the conversation it becomes easier. Plus, if I went for counseling and my counselor went off on small talk for a long moment, I'd feel like I was wasting my time, could just be me though. But I actually had thought about switching careers into counseling years ago, even started the first course towards a masters degree, so I've been down the road of your thoughts.
I totally agree with you. I don't intend to chitchat for a long moment with my patients, as you said everyone would think like they're wasting their time which would probably be the case, but yeah a bit of small talk can make your patients feel at ease, safe and at home. It's important I think, they've got to feel like they can open up and tell you everything.
 

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I totally agree with you. I don't intend to chitchat for a long moment with my patients, as you said everyone would think like they're wasting their time which would probably be the case, but yeah a bit of small talk can make your patients feel at ease, safe and at home. It's important I think, they've got to feel like they can open up and tell you everything.
Need good people in that field. I was fortunate with the one I went to when I went through a rough patch, but have heard of some others that turned people off of counseling. So, glad you're doing it. Wish you all the best with it.
 

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It's all rather a 50/50 thing for me, depending on the context and what state my mentality is in; I find small talk to be vital with living my life, but I also feel the need to reach an opportunity on sparking up a long-winded conversation with people every now and then, despite feeling a dreadful amount of anxiety-driven thoughts swarming around my brain which stops me from continuing a conversation because I feel that I'm either wasting the other person's time with the petty small-talk or my topics just aren't interesting enough for them. It's an overwhelmingly toxic thought process. I just want to be worth the other persons time whence conversing.
 

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It depends if that small talk has some areas which arouses my interests. Then thats when i ask questions to make the transition out of small talk into 'big' talk, although its always proposed as an invitation to expound. Small talk that contains, whining, complaining, ungratefulness is most likely to not get a response at all. Small talk with expressed dislike for something which ordinarily is regarded as good is likely to get a reply and small talk which carries heavy emotional baggage grips my curiousity the most and tend to be the smal talk i respond to most, if circumstances allow.
 
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