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Discussion Starter #1
I think I'm in a "control freak" state right now. When I'm doing teamworks or grupal activities, I leave the benefit of the doubt to my partners' capacity and responsability. But I also fear they will not commit to the activity or they can't grasp things well. That's when I think I do everything better than anyone else, and I start to take charge. I give the initative and lead the group, or let the right person to lead. This fear, while isn't over dominant in me, could get out of control too.

I don't like to speak of the future in total certainty, what it'll be can turn out in many unexpected ways, and you must prepare for all kinds of results. And you must do it in mentally untiring ways.

ENFJs, do you have control problems? Do you feel that you must take charge of any situation? Do you think it's the judging function, any function or a personal problem of yours? Tell me!
 

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Of course I'm a control freak. But I also take into consideration times when I can't act like one, even when I know that I know better than others - that's when 'manipulation' comes in play. Handling people becomes like a game of chess. You have to develop your board and know when to strike but patience is virtue.
 
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Very very recognizable! I even still attempt to do this with my boyfriend, who I've been living with for 5 years now. If I fear something that is important to me will not be sorted as well as I would do it, I try to take over or keep meddling until he gets annoyed by me. It's a hard habit to really get rid off. I can stop it as well, but not without being incredibly conscious about it and almost overcompensate not trying to interfere in any way.
 

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Yes, I've just recently realized that I was a control freak, but luckily it only comes out when I'm passionate about something. But hey, I'm passionate about a lot of things, so... haha. Since reading about the ENFJ manipulative tendencies online, I've been able to identify the upcoming potential manipulative scenarios, and now I withdraw every time I feel like I'm about to get controlling. This is especially true in relationships. I often feel like it's up to me to make a relationship (even a friendship) work out or "click." This can get exhausting, and it's helpful to remind myself to take a step back every now and then. Easier said than done though.

Also, as a little side... I don't think anyone would peg me as controlling, and that's the worst part. =\
 

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I don't think of myself as controlling, in most circumstances. At work I'm certainly anything but.
At home I guess I have my moments when I want things to be done my way or the highway and nobody apears to do it as well as me so I feel that I have to either do it myself or oversee it to make sure it is done correctly. I'm trying not to do it so much though, instead I try to allow the others in our house to do things however imperfect I feel it has been done.
 
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In a group project, I can either commit myself fully to it and need to have my way, or I can not suggest ideas and just carry out the work that needs doing. But I can't seem to find a midpoint. I can't submit some ideas and then become overly enthusiastic about someone else's idea that I don't agree with.
 
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Discussion Starter #8
It's funny that the majority of ENFJs who answered are controlling in relationships. I'm very much easygoing with friends, family, etc. When I get real controlling is in work and study assignments. It's mostly seen as leadership but I'm very explicit in my nervous, demanding attitude so people know how I really feel. But it doesn't annoy them that much, they follow!
 

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My mom, an ENFJ, is a total control freak. She micromanages almost everything, and it drives me bonkers.

On the other hand, she is almost always right, so perhaps I should listen more.. xD
That makes me laugh... when my ENFP friend came to stay at my beach house I was frustrated inwardly at the way she didn't care to offer to get up and do the dishes after a meal or pick things up, just generally be tidy. She either allowed or ordered her ISTJ to do it. I didn't like how blase she was about mess. I hate mess. I think living with a "P" would destroy me. The only reason my house has mess is because my kids keep undoing my good work and at times I get tired of cleaning up constantly and just can't be bothered so I sit down and try to ignore it (unsuccessfully). [sighs] before I had kids my house stayed spotless. Much as I like trying to take control sometimes I can not control strong willed kids and husband so I have to learn to chill a bit.
 
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My mom, an ENFJ, is a total control freak. She micromanages almost everything, and it drives me bonkers.

On the other hand, she is almost always right, so perhaps I should listen more.. xD
She's not right if she's driving you bonkers.
 

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I won't let anyone control me, nor do i want to control others, not cool, either way.
 
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I get what you are saying completely. I think it's the judging side of us that intuitively makes us think that we have the best solution for everything. You feel like you need to take charge so everything will turn out "right." It can be hard to deal with at times and is a continual struggle for me.
 

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I tend to be a control freak at times at work and with my INTP bf. My workplace is unorganized in its structure because it's a small growing company. I've been there for a while and there is a high turnover rate. I have to keep teaching new employees that get hired in the art department. It irritates me when job tasks aren't done in a certain way and I have to teach them how to do it. I know it's not their fault but I tend to get anal about it at times. As for my INTP bf, sometimes I have to motivate him to do certain things. I do have that "J" side but ironically, I'm borderline "P" as well when it comes to other things.
 

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It can be hard not to be a control freak. I have never been controlling, nor has anyone ever considered me controlling, but I am always tempted to take full-command because I think I know what's best. I don't mean any harm, though. I truly just like things to go smoothly.
 

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If I give power away in a group or sit on the sidelines while others lead it's because that's what's best for the group. I don't have to be in control. Shit just has to be working properly or I'll step in.
 

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My ENFJ girlfriend is a control freak and can be manipulative (usually in a non-malicious way towards me, just because she's trying to be helpful). What's funny is that an INTP like me likes to do things on his own and can be controlling too. We've talked about this and agreed to be cooperative, collaborative and patient with each other, but every so often I call her out on manipulating, and often she denies it because I think she doesn't even realize it because she's "just trying to be helpful".
 

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I tend to be a control freak, too. The hardest thing at work becoming a manager was that results no longer depended on my own efforts, but i had to rely on the efforts of my team - and you never can control another person 100%. Steep learning curve, but I think I have gotten better at it.
 

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Now, I'm quite an easygoing person usually who doesn't demand absolute proficiency all the time from everyone. But that being said, it's like I feel during group work and things like it I become different person. Some reason people throw responsibility unto me and then I become scary and crazy and just stress out WAY too much for anyone's liking. People give me work they've done and I double check countless times. And I just have to control everything otherwise I feel things go horribly wrong...Heh.
 

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Yes, I am a control freak. I don't trust people to let them do jobs I know I could do myself. I find it hard to let go of responsibilities and hand them over to someone else, I find it very hard. I almost panic when I have to do it. I am a single mother. When my sons INFP father comes to take care of him I find myself listing off extremely detailed ways of doing AB and C and if it's not done exactly the way I do it I find myself getting really irritated.

If I go out and leave my son with his father or someone else I worry, all sorts of things go through my head....it must really annoy people around me. I know I am hard to live with...I would love some help in this area from ENFJ's who have managed to tackle this aspect of themselves. My son is sick, he has a heart condition...this makes me even worse. We were at a family occasion recently and some of my teenage nieces wanted to hold and cuddle my son (He is very cute!). I find my heart racing with anxiety when they are holding him, in case they drop him or something. I give myself mini panic attacks every night before I go to sleep thinking about when he is learning to walk, what if he fell off something from a great height....why do I do this to myself?
 

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Yes, I am a control freak. I don't trust people to let them do jobs I know I could do myself. I find it hard to let go of responsibilities and hand them over to someone else, I find it very hard. I almost panic when I have to do it. I am a single mother. When my sons INFP father comes to take care of him I find myself listing off extremely detailed ways of doing AB and C and if it's not done exactly the way I do it I find myself getting really irritated.

If I go out and leave my son with his father or someone else I worry, all sorts of things go through my head....it must really annoy people around me. I know I am hard to live with...I would love some help in this area from ENFJ's who have managed to tackle this aspect of themselves. My son is sick, he has a heart condition...this makes me even worse. We were at a family occasion recently and some of my teenage nieces wanted to hold and cuddle my son (He is very cute!). I find my heart racing with anxiety when they are holding him, in case they drop him or something. I give myself mini panic attacks every night before I go to sleep thinking about when he is learning to walk, what if he fell off something from a great height....why do I do this to myself?
I know a lot of mothers like that. I don't think it's an enfj thing. Is he an only child? I hear it gets easier the more you have... so maybe the cure is to have another 3 or 4? ;) I'm just messing around I'm sure it is tough having a child with a medical condition. I wish ya all the best. :)
 
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