[Zeitgeist]

I have noticed that people within my sphere of influence (friends, family, co-workers) tend to come to me with their problems, looking for comfort, support, a listening ear, and serious conversation before they turn to anyone else, including their own families and spouses. I recieved a phone call today from a friend who decided to contact me before he even contacted his own girlfriend with the news that his friend died last night from a stroke. He was concerned because he works in the same stressful industry as the friend who died and this triggered a serious debate in his mind about the value of his life, work, and his priorities. This is the 4th friend/family member in just the last week to come to me with serious issues before they reached out to anyone else. Whether it is a broken relationship, family troubles, divorce, work problems, death, or just an existential crisis, it seems that every person will look to an INFP in their lives for serious reflection and answers.

There are some pros and cons to this and I will list them accordingly:

Pros:

• You feel useful, needed, and even loved by your friends and family
• It gives you an opportunity to develop your interpersonal skills
• Its a constructive use of Ne and Fi
• It broadens, defines, and adds to your philosophical/spiritual construct
• It gives you a sense of purpose in life where it would otherwise seem useless to be an INFP
• It helps your career..if your career happens to be therapy and counseling (or philosophy)

Cons:

• People become dependent on you
• Having a "listening ear"/being supportive can widen the rift in someone else's relationship
• People will attempt to make you "monkey in the middle" in their relationships
• Alone time is frequently interrupted

Do you have a tendency to be everyone's "therapist" in your group? How has that affected you? Are INFPs the best person for the job? Are we the most qualified? Share your experiences and opinions.

 

[Wellsy]

It doesn't happen much now but there have been times when people I didn't expect to have asked me for serious advice. Like acquaintances asking me for advice about their relationship and perspectives on things and I do try and help but I feel like they should be asking perhaps someone older and more experienced because I've not been in a relationship and you need to understand the person as people vary and there's no one fix it all.
Most of my friends are guys though and I still think they're too proud often to really break down and let it out, because they don't want to look weak even though at times I can see the struggles in their lives.

I'm not sure if im the most suitable person but I do try and do my best and I do really listen and give a no bullshit response. I don't tell people what they might like, hear well they might like hearing what i have to say but that's not the goal, i'm trying to think of a sincere response on how to solve their problem or at the very least comfort/support them so they can do it themselves.

I enjoy listening to people spill themselves, I don't feel taken advantage of or anything. I welcome it because I like to try and help and it's when I don't sound as weird to people, no matter how strange I can be in those moments they open themselves up and they don't care because they want help and I probably give them better responses than some who are just lost and feed them cliches responses.

 

[Pointless Activist]

I am usually the therapist or counselor in my group of friends. People tell me their problems willingly, for some reason unknown to me. I love listening and being able to help with their problems. I don't really feel used at all when this happens. People also tend to trust me with very.... for the lack of a better word... secretive secrets. Is that the same for other INFPs?

 

[Wheeze]

I'm lucky to have several ENFP's in my circle. So they pick up a large amount of the issues.

However I do get the majority of theirs.

 

[Nelly]

My group is similar. Normally the person being told things is this other guy (Don't know personality type) or me. He gives the matter of fact response, and I give the more philosophical response. When it comes to my own problems I try every source available to me, but none of them really gives me the comfort I want because most of my friends are too busy studying for their futures with little free time. Sigh, most of my issues I must solve on my own. Sometimes I wish I could just cuddle into someone's arms and just relax that way. :sad: Would be great if someone lets me do that. (Though boys would just naturally feel a bit uncomfortable for me (>.<)' ). I need a girlfriend...

 

[WhereAreMyKeys]

Yes, I am also the therapist. My problem is that this has been the predominate way of relating to others, which is not healthy!

 

[Mr. Meepers]

I am usually the therapist or counselor in my group of friends. People tell me their problems willingly, for some reason unknown to me. I love listening and being able to help with their problems. I don't really feel used at all when this happens. People also tend to trust me with very.... for the lack of a better word... secretive secrets. Is that the same for other INFPs?

Yeah, this is pretty much true for myself too. I seem to also pick up on my friends' feeling before their other friends find out/notice (for that reason too, since I go and talk to them about it, I know a lot of "secretive secrets")

 

[mimesis]

it seems that every person will look to an INFP in their lives for serious reflection and answers.

I turned my Ne inside out, but I can't figure out, how you could come to such a conclusion. How it seems to you.

 

[Lachesis]

People who are close to me often value my opinion. Sometimes even complete strangers open up to me. For some reason, people who know me but are not that close to me, don't want to hear my opinion or advice. Actually I've explicitly been told to not to give my advice. Such is life.

 

[mimesis]

People who are close to me often value my opinion. Sometimes even complete strangers open up to me. For some reason, people who know me but are not that close to me, don't want to hear my opinion or advice. Actually I've explicitly been told to not to give my advice. Such is life.

Perhaps you should hang a sign "INFP". It seems that people look for that. We're the best (hear say). ;-)

 

[Nixu]

My friends in real life, except one IxTP, don't come to me often. However, earlier, when I had more friends in one online game before most left it, many of my friends in that game came to me whenever they had problems or something bothered them.
I also had a complete stranger open up to me in a train just a month ago. After we stepped out of the train, he ran to catch me and thanked me for listening and for not judging, and then walked away.

I don't know if we are the best type, but I think it's very likely. As the stranger said, we don't judge very much. We also understand the emotions others feel and can relate better than some other types.

 

[mushr00m]

This is my late age career plan, haha, being a philosophical wizard! And I hope to sell a gazzilion books on mushr00mology by the time I am 75.

 

[Lachesis]

Perhaps you should hang a sign "INFP". It seems that people look for that. We're the best (hear say). ;-)

Haha. I can already see people asking: 'what the hell is an INFP?' Well, it would give me good opportunities to explain what MBTI is and then listen why it's just psycho babble.

I'll just get a t-shirt with text, 'free empathy'.

I do agree, we're the best. We're like the Superman, but instead of x-ray vision, we can calm people down with superhuman speeds. Or just act as a emotional garbage bin. LOL

 

[mimesis]

Haha. I can already see people asking: 'what the hell is an INFP?' Well, it would give me good opportunities to explain what MBTI is and then listen why it's just psycho babble.

I'll just get a t-shirt with text, 'free empathy'.

I do agree, we're the best. We're like the Superman, but instead of x-ray vision, we can calm people down with superhuman speeds. Or just act as a emotional garbage bin. LOL

Hehe....let's write that down, item INFP giftshop, T-Shirt, "Free empathy"

I like!

Also: @mushr00m ology. I like that sound. Basically all you need now is a theory. =)

 

[zebraf301]

If you're therapeutic, you're therapeutic. I don't care how many courses a "therapist" took to "earn," the title, if they aren't therapeutic, they aren't therapists. If poeple come to you as a therapist, and leave treated in a way that helps them evolve positively, you are a therapist. No tokens here. With regard to your cons, you need to learn how to create distance post session, in order to avoid dependancy. A fine art, that is.

 

[Zeitgeist]

I turned my Ne inside out, but I can't figure out, how you could come to such a conclusion. How it seems to you.

Its not exclusively INFPs who tend to search for deeper meaning but its certainly less common than the SJ/SP approach to take things at face value and focus on the specific point at hand.

I think your Ne was reading way too much into that statement.

 

[Jade99]

Yep, sometimes they want me to just listen and agree but i'm not a sugar coater. But yes, I'm the token therapist/philospher in my group.

 

[Mr. Meepers]

If you're therapeutic, you're therapeutic. I don't care how many courses a "therapist" took to "earn," the title, if they aren't therapeutic, they aren't therapists. If poeple come to you as a therapist, and leave treated in a way that helps them evolve positively, you are a therapist. No tokens here. With regard to your cons, you need to learn how to create distance post session, in order to avoid dependancy. A fine art, that is.

Reminds me of a school therapist I had when I was a kid. I was having problems with my father and he told me that he is a father and he would never do that (in a way that made it seem like he did not believe me) and he only remember what my father said and not the things I said that contradicted his statements, so the therapist was always trying to "explain" that it was my mother's fault ... I don't want to get into too much details, but he once tried to tell me that it was my mother's fault that my father took me on "vacation" without letting my mother know, without letting myself or any other family members know, without letting me know where I was and where we were going. Don't get me wrong, it was NOT a traumatic experience, but a couple of times I did have to temporarily run away, call my mom collect on a pay phone, and let her know I was okay. ... The guy was a nut case ... I'm sure most psychologists go into the profession because they are very therapeutic, but some should not be allowed to council anyone (... I think he had once advised my other sister to runaway or something like that)

 

[JC77]

Most of my relationships with other people have started out that way.... They like me before they even know me because I listen to them and show them I care. So yes, I am the token philosopher/therapist in my group of friends. One thing that annoys me though is that they always expect me to be there and listen to them and be empathetic but sometimes I see a person (especially if I'm close to them) making the same mistake over and over and over.... and over again... (or they will always come to me to talk about the same topic because none of our other friends are willing to listen anymore) and I just point out the stupidity of their actions, which results in them getting mad and being hurt because such behavior is so uncharateristic of me. My point being, as an INFP I love being there for people and sometimes I feel like I can really put myself in their shoes, but that can backfire because people will expect you to always be that way and we're human too... Sometimes we've had enough lol. That's when I find myself trying really hard not to hurt the other person's feelings but I'm not as responsive as usual and sometimes roll my eyes when they can't see me.... which then makes me feel guilty afterwards lol.

 

[mimesis]

Its not exclusively INFPs who tend to search for deeper meaning but its certainly less common than the SJ/SP approach to take things at face value and focus on the specific point at hand.

I think your Ne was reading way too much into that statement.

But how can you possibly come to a general statement like that? Like @Lachesis stated, most people would think 'what the hell is an INFP'? Look, I know what the theory says, and its almost as if you perceive it just like they describe it. They can use 'it seems'. based on research, and thousands of case studies of INFPs. It seems like you are taking the theory at face value. Besides I know SJs and SPs where people go to, to discuss issues. Do you know how to communicate with someone who takes things at face value?

People are often looking for affirmation, ( maybe that's why @Lachesis is asked specifically not to give his -honest- opinion. ) Not everybody wants to see the 'bigger picture'. It can be insightful, if they get it or if they are even bothered by it, but the same could be said the other way round It can sometimes be refreshing to take things, life, at face value, so I am glad to have these people (SJs SPs) around.