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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So how do the rest of you ISFP's react to conflict. Yes, I've read that we don't do well with it, but I want to know your personal experience. Do you feel sad during or after? Do you have to force yourself not to cry. Try as you might, do you fail to adequately convey your feelings through your words? Do you find yourself crawling into bed to finish crying, only to end up falling asleep?

The questions are actually descriptions of what happens to me. Compounding all this is the fact that I am diabetic, and for unknown reasons, my blood sugar can spike really bad if I get REALLY upset. And when I cry even just a moderate amount, I get a splitting headache, so there's that too. Ugh. :dry:
 
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I'm not really as bad as all that but it is incredibly frustrating to be in an argument for me. I have good friends who respect me and know that I'm not an idiot but it still really annoys me when I can't in an organized fashion present all my points of view.

My words just come out of my mouth in a jumble, my speech is waaaay behind my thought pattern. There's subjective qualities that I just plain can't explain in some things, and in others there's things I've really thought about before but I remember the decision I came to and not the reasons behind it, even though those are really important. The main thing I'm afraid of is sounding badly informed when I consider myself reasonably intelligent.

I can come out of an argument (even the most level-headed of debates) feeling very undone and like there's been some sort of miscarriage of justice and I've taken the bullet for it. I'm pretty lucky though, where I am now in life I don't have reason to have any severe or serious arguments with anyone.
 

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Nerf Herder
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I know this is ISFP question, but can relate as a fellow SP...

It could be an SP thing. I hate arguing just because it usually ends up right where it started...two people still disagreeing. I also always have a hard time getting my views out clearly, or precise enough to truly convey my opinions. If I am to ever make a solid argument on anything, I need to write it down so I can take the time to think of what I am wanting to say and to edit it for precision.

It doesnt really get to me with emotions though. Sometimes though, anger will creep in, but can usually keep myself in check if I recognize it as being irrational or just useless. The times I will actually let the anger out on somebody is if theyre just being an irrational ass thru the whole argument, then at the end I will decide to blow the fuck up on them and say what I really want to say to them, then walk away and leave them to think whatever theyre gonna think. Thats probably just the difference between ISFP and ISTP, but I think the not enjoying arguments is SP all around. Or it could be an ISP as maybe ESPs enjoy it more, theyll have to get back to you on that one.
 

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I know this is ISFP question, but can relate as a fellow SP...

It could be an SP thing. I hate arguing just because it usually ends up right where it started...two people still disagreeing. I also always have a hard time getting my views out clearly, or precise enough to truly convey my opinions. If I am to ever make a solid argument on anything, I need to write it down so I can take the time to think of what I am wanting to say and to edit it for precision.

It doesnt really get to me with emotions though. Sometimes though, anger will creep in, but can usually keep myself in check if I recognize it as being irrational or just useless. The times I will actually let the anger out on somebody is if theyre just being an irrational ass thru the whole argument, then at the end I will decide to blow the fuck up on them and say what I really want to say to them, then walk away and leave them to think whatever theyre gonna think. Thats probably just the difference between ISFP and ISTP, but I think the not enjoying arguments is SP all around. Or it could be an ISP as maybe ESPs enjoy it more, theyll have to get back to you on that one.
My close friend is an ISTP and though he doesn't seem to enjoy arguments he's at least much better at them than I am (that damn logical brain of his), and he'll argue for a lot longer about something important- for example he led a huge debate over the circumstances regarding Osama Bin Laden's death.

Oh, and he never shows his feelings, never loses control, and with every other member of my friend group (of mostly IxTxs) I've discussed feelings, but not with him. He's very much a quintessential ISTP to me.
 

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i know this is the ISFP forum
but im an ENTP and enjoy arguing! :wink:
consequently my ISFP sister hates them and tries to dismiss arguments quickly
makes it even more fun!
 

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i know this is the ISFP forum
but im an ENTP and enjoy arguing! :wink:
consequently my ISFP sister hates them and tries to dismiss arguments quickly
makes it even more fun!
You merciless swine!
For that you receive a Boop!

 

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MOTM June 2011
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I agree with @Roland787. I dislike arguing and I even hate doing it on this site. You wouldn't believe that from all the shit I get myself into but I just happen to be outspoken. I hate how debates truly go nowhere because everyone ends up on the same place they started except they're red faced and irritated. I've never been convinced in an argument nor have I ever convinced someone else.
 

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I've never liked being in arguments, but there's some sort of sadistic pleasure in watching others argue and knowing you're not involved. Horrible, I know.

I think Fi users in particular are terrible with arguments, we want to stay true to ourselves and hate having to hear a logical truth... every time I get into an argument, I can't help but feel that nobody's understood my point and nobody is being considerate enough.
 

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Nerf Herder
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My close friend is an ISTP and though he doesn't seem to enjoy arguments he's at least much better at them than I am (that damn logical brain of his), and he'll argue for a lot longer about something important- for example he led a huge debate over the circumstances regarding Osama Bin Laden's death.

Oh, and he never shows his feelings, never loses control, and with every other member of my friend group (of mostly IxTxs) I've discussed feelings, but not with him. He's very much a quintessential ISTP to me.
Yeah we can and will enjoy certain arguments, when theyre about something that has our interest. Most things I may have an opinion on, but not really an interest enough to actually debate it past the point of just stating my opinions and leaving it at that.

Ive gotten into arguments/debates with my mom and other family members about religion or certain political issues that I very strongly disagree with them on (this mostly happening right after they all finally realized I was atheist, since I never really bothered to tell them until they commented on something and I decided to poke at their logic), and it would go on for a bit without me expressing any emotion because this is a topic that when I'm facing it I can remain serious and its not really a joking matter to me, and no emotion is rational within an objective debate, period. This isnt to say that emotions arent ever rational, but just when having an objective debate then the emotions will subjectify any statement made thru these emotions.

Its very easy for us to keep control of ourselves and not let the emotions go, and even when upset with how an argument is going we can just as easily walk away and be done with, not givin a fuck how the other person interprets it. Sometimes though, as I said, somebody is just being a complete ass and deserves having their shit blown up in their face....rare, but sometimes worth doing. And then we still go and walk away and let them interpret it as they will.

I agree with @Roland787 . I dislike arguing and I even hate doing it on this site. You wouldn't believe that from all the shit I get myself into but I just happen to be outspoken. I hate how debates truly go nowhere because everyone ends up on the same place they started except they're red faced and irritated. I've never been convinced in an argument nor have I ever convinced someone else.
Sometimes it's hard not to get into arguments, even on here. When somebody states something that just seems completely wrong or misguided or out of context, then sometimes we'll feel almost obligated to at least put our two cents into the mix to dilute the amount of misinformation, if that makes sense.

Thing is, even though I may not really ever be convinced to change my opinion to the other side, the debates can still do a pretty good job at at least giving me the reflection to alter my own opinion and incorporate different ideas into it if a point made by somebody else is objective and still logical. Really this is just a way to grow and to develop more precise arguments, other than just reading several opposing articles on a subject.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Oh, perhaps I should have clarified better. I'm not talking about arguments as in "a debate among friends". I'm talking about arguing for things that matter with people that matter. Important/serious issues that occur among family, be it your brother, father, spouse. Sometimes I find myself in an argument with my parents or husband and they are a bit more level headed, logical, and coherent than I am. Even when they're upset.

I can debate with anyone, but I prefer not to. I can debate with friends and still keep cool. When in a confrontation with a friend, I will say what I have to say and still keep pretty calm. When I find myself losing my cool, or getting upset, I will leave.

Arguments that arise within the family are what make me feel terrible. This is what I meant by arguing. Sometimes, especially among spouses, things just have to be hashed out to be settled.

Sorry for the confusion.
 
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I agree with @Roland787. I dislike arguing and I even hate doing it on this site. You wouldn't believe that from all the shit I get myself into but I just happen to be outspoken. I hate how debates truly go nowhere because everyone ends up on the same place they started except they're red faced and irritated. I've never been convinced in an argument nor have I ever convinced someone else.
Big problem with most arguments and debates is that a lot of the time people go into them thinking they can 'win' them. There's not enough of them that want to widen their perspective or knowledge of a topic or are willing to be persuaded otherwise. Heck I'm probably guilty of that myself.
 

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Sometimes it's hard not to get into arguments, even on here. When somebody states something that just seems completely wrong or misguided or out of context, then sometimes we'll feel almost obligated to at least put our two cents into the mix to dilute the amount of misinformation, if that makes sense.

Thing is, even though I may not really ever be convinced to change my opinion to the other side, the debates can still do a pretty good job at at least giving me the reflection to alter my own opinion and incorporate different ideas into it if a point made by somebody else is objective and still logical. Really this is the only way to grow and to develop more precise arguments.
That's how it usually works, I try to quell some misinformation and ignorance but it blows up and I hate to clean up the mess.

I understand that point, I also enjoy reading the posts of people that I agree with because they usually make points I never thought of.
 

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Big problem with most arguments and debates is that a lot of the time people go into them thinking they can 'win' them. There's not enough of them that want to widen their perspective or knowledge of a topic or are willing to be persuaded otherwise. Heck I'm probably guilty of that myself.
If one gets into an argument/debate, more than likely we go in thinking we can "win". There's really no such thing as winning. It's more like, someone gives up because they're tired of replying. I end up ignoring people because there's no way to change their opinion nor mine.
 
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Oh, perhaps I should have clarified better. I'm not talking about arguments as in "a debate among friends". I'm talking about arguing for things that matter with people that matter. Important/serious issues that occur among family, be it your brother, father, spouse.

I can debate with anyone, but I prefer not to. I can debate with friends and still keep cool. When in a confrontation with a friend, I will what what I have to say and still keep pretty calm. When I find myself losing my cool, or getting upset, I will leave.

Arguments that arise within the family are what make me feel terrible. This is what I meant by arguing. Sometimes things just to be said and hashed out in order to get settled.

Sorry for the confusion.
Oh, well that's a whole different kettle of fish isn't it?

I actually don't know what you're talking about, because to be honest I've never had a proper falling-out or super-serious argument with a family member. We sort of just forget conflicts automatically. So I don't really know that sort of severity...
 

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That's how it usually works, I try to quell some misinformation and ignorance but it blows up and I hate to clean up the mess.

I understand that point, I also enjoy reading the posts of people that I agree with because they usually make points I never thought of.
Not even just posts of people I agree with, but even by those who I disagree with. Because even with them being 'wrong' on certain things, they will bring up a point that may or may not be right, but still gets you to think on something and either add to it to correct it in a way, or to alter it to be more precise so as not to be misunderstood or taken out of context again. Either way allows your opinion and viewpoint to grow on the matter.

edit: also to give you the ideas that those who oppose your views will use against your arguments, so as to allow you to give yourself more questions to ask yourself from the 'other side' so you can prepare your statement to oppose those viewsyou havent heard before that will be coming up against you in the future.
 

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Not even just posts of people I agree with, but even by those who I disagree with. Because even with them being 'wrong' on certain things, they will bring up a point that may or may not be right, but still gets you to think on something and either add to it to correct it in a way, or to alter it to be more precise so as not to be misunderstood or taken out of context again. Either way allows your opinion and viewpoint to grow on the matter.

edit: also to give you the ideas that those who oppose your views will use against your arguments, so as to allow you to give yourself more questions to ask yourself from the 'other side' so you can prepare your statement to oppose those viewsyou havent heard before that will be coming up against you in the future.
And then sometimes you stop and think, "Wait, is it really all that necessary or worthwhile to care about what other people think, to the point to where I'm preparing counter-arguments just for such an occasion?" :tongue:
 

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And then sometimes you stop and think, "Wait, is it really all that necessary or worthwhile to care about what other people think, to the point to where I'm preparing counter-arguments just for such an occasion?" :tongue:
Well it's not so much about givin a shit what other people think, but what I myself think. And what I myself think is only as valid as my reasons behind this thinking. If that means thinking of what others might say, so I can then think about that on my own, and taking the counter arguments into what I already know it just furthers the clarification/precision of my own arguments.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Oh, well that's a whole different kettle of fish isn't it?

I actually don't know what you're talking about, because to be honest I've never had a proper falling-out or super-serious argument with a family member. We sort of just forget conflicts automatically. So I don't really know that sort of severity...
You're either pretty young, or very lucky.
 

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Hmm... The angry yelling type argument is really hard for me to deal with. They don't do anything except make everyone feel bad. My brother is an INTJ, and when an argument arose, I felt helpless and hopeless, as he had the perfect answer for any and every response. Even when I refused to react, he had something to say, that would gain him the upper hand. It was infuriating, but there was nothing possible for me to do, so I just tried to get out of them as quickly as possible, with as little reaction as possible. Fortunately we both grew older and wiser, and get along really well now.
 
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