[thegirlcandance]

So I've always read how types such as ENTPs and ESTPs take a while to "grow up". Many I've noticed just simply want to "be free" and "explore" without a thought of settling down. From observation, they all seem to go out and get their good jobs but when it comes to dating they just don't want to take it seriously until quite a bit of time later.

So probably for more of you older ENTPs out there.... at what age or around what ages (time frame) do you guys seem to start having a shift and make the decision of "okay, I've explored enough so now I'll seek to not be hurting these people I date and take them more seriously"??

 

[ENTrePenuer]

When you make me.

 

[yesiknowbut]

Bit of a pointless question, everybody's different and ENTP males have not exactly cornered the market on commitment-phobia.

 

[agokcen]

When I was born.

Seriously...I hate the stereotype of ENTPs being immature and flighty and whatnot, but I guess the unfortunate truth is that it seems to ring true much of the time. This makes life annoying for those of us who have always been mature and "beyond our years."

Sigh...I really exist, I swear!

 

[dagnytaggart]

So I've always read how types such as ENTPs and ESTPs take a while to "grow up". Many I've noticed just simply want to "be free" and "explore" without a thought of settling down. From observation, they all seem to go out and get their good jobs but when it comes to dating they just don't want to take it seriously until quite a bit of time later.

So probably for more of you older ENTPs out there.... at what age or around what ages (time frame) do you guys seem to start having a shift and make the decision of "okay, I've explored enough so now I'll seek to not be hurting these people I date and take them more seriously"??

First, you want to tell me why exploration and spontaneity are indicators of immaturity? You know what happens when you strap yourself down into a cubicle and into a marriage? You grow up all right. And you don't stop. Middle-age spread, premature worry lines and graying. Oh, and fretting over retirement and the dying social security and carpal tunnel in your ass! Come on, twentysomethings, rush over to the swivel chair so you can ferment for the next 40 years. What a life!

No, Peter Pan had it right. He always looks like he's having a good time, so what can be wrong? :wink:

 

[thegirlcandance]

First, you want to tell me why exploration and spontaneity are indicators of immaturity? You know what happens when you strap yourself down into a cubicle and into a marriage? You grow up all right. And you don't stop. Middle-age spread, premature worry lines and graying. Oh, and fretting over retirement and the dying social security and carpal tunnel in your ass! Come on, twentysomethings, rush over to the swivel chair so you can ferment for the next 40 years. What a life!

No, Peter Pan had it right. He always looks like he's having a good time, so what can be wrong? :wink:

I am not saying that ENTPs are immature. In fact, from my experience I have found you to be very mature based on your inner drive and intelligence... in that sense you are more mature than the 20 somethings that are getting married.
However, my point is that ENTPs seem to simply not want to "grow up" so readily according to society, aka things such as marriage. So my question is at what age do you, on average, feel that it is a proper time for such a step in life?

 

[YourMom]

I am not saying that ENTPs are immature. In fact, from my experience I have found you to be very mature based on your inner drive and intelligence... in that sense you are more mature than the 20 somethings that are getting married.
However, my point is that ENTPs seem to simply not want to "grow up" so readily according to society, aka things such as marriage. So my question is at what age do you, on average, feel that it is a proper time for such a step in life?

Marriage is an expired cultural tradition that has no use. All it is is security that your man/woman won't be able to leave you as easily when you have kids. That's the only possible useful part of it. If you do not want kids then marriage is idiotic. 50% of the time shit goes sour and then you have to deal with an expensive divorce. I'd be willing to bet that it's more than 50% when an ENTP is involved.

What the majority of society fails to realize is that a good portion of their societal norms are silly. Working Mon-Fri 9-5 everyday for a set amount of income? Gimme a break. You should not have to be paid for your TIME, but that is what society wants us to have. Routine. No creativity.

Right now I have a tutoring job on the side until my business becomes profitable, and I completely disagree with the philosophy of having to teach a 4-year-old kid to sit down for an hour and learn to read. 4-year-olds are not SUPPOSED to be able to it still for an hour. Having your kid learn to read at 4 is not going to make him any smarter than if he were to learn it at 6 or 7.

And then you get these republican, religious nutjobs who are STILL not convinced that evolution is true. Yes, the earth is 6000 years old, woman was created from a rib, and if you don't go to a designated location every single Sunday morning for an hour to praise an invisible man in the sky, then you will go to a bad place.

My point, girlcandance, is that maturity is relative. In my eyes I am an adult and fully capable. I do not plan on ever having a "normal" life though.

 

[SlowPoke68]

When we're basically done screwing everyone else.

Then you have to be ready for the next phase, which might involve moving to Montana to set up an orphan farm or something. Not everyone's idea of settling down.

 

[yesiknowbut]

I wouldn't equate marriage with growing up. Mind you, I wouldn't equate it to stagnating for the next 40 years, either. I'm 15 years in, and it's probably a more interesting journey than having the same kind of first three months of a relationship over and over.....but each to their own.

As an observation it seems quite common for INFJ women to come in here and ask the guys when they will settle down. What you are asking is when they will start thinking like an INFJ, which of course is never, and more specifically, why the male ENTP you have the hots for is driving you up the wall. There seems to be a desire to plan your life, and you just can't plan for other people to do stuff, you can only plan what you want to do.

 

[SlowPoke68]

As an observation it seems quite common for INFJ women to come in here and ask the guys when they will settle down. What you are asking is when they will start thinking like an INFJ, which of course is never, and more specifically, why the male ENTP you have the hots for is driving you up the wall.

Amen, sister!

 

[vel]

Of the ENTPs I've known, three started looking to settle down around 30-35 age bracket. One started earlier and married exactly when he turned 30 though my feeling is that this relationship is not going to keep. Other guy married at 33 and got divorced at 36. Not much clue about what will happen to the other two, but I know they are seriously looking.

 

[Third Engine]

So probably for more of you older ENTPs out there.... at what age or around what ages (time frame) do you guys seem to start having a shift and make the decision of "okay, I've explored enough so now I'll seek to not be hurting these people I date and take them more seriously"??

I think that's a strawman right there. You may view it that way, but we don't view it as trying to hurt people we date. We just hate being tied down to one thing--be it a person, job, location, whatever-- for our entire lives. Besides, not marrying someone does not equate to hurting them. You can still love someone for a long time without marrying them. I'm not sure having the state sanctify your relationship changes anything, relationship-wise anyways.

I don't really view marriage as really necessary, and an antiquated cultural norm at best, as YourMom summed up. I find it abhorrent actually, but then again, I'm only 19, so I'm probably not the person you're looking for for answers.

 

[st0831]

I'd like a committed "wild and free" partner too

Settling (with boring people) will most like kill a ENTP, in a sense the ENTP cannot explore and create ideas anymore without any interaction and aversion.

Putting me on a farm won't kill me because I can still do crazy things like build my own laboratory (something I treasure), play with animals, make crazy contraptions, etc.

Telling me to do this, do that, not do this, and not do that will kill me. Place a barrier on me and that is the end of it. It's not necessarily the farm or the big city, its the interaction and restriction. I don't think ENTPs will ever give that up. Aside from my definition of settling down (spending a lovely time with a partner doing crazy things), what's yours? If it requires the ENTP to sit at home and be a goody goody, you're never going to find one.

 

[yesiknowbut]

Just to buck the trend, I have a male ENTP friend who married at the age of 23 (26 years ago), has four children and is still blissfully happy with his wife, and as far as I know, faithful.

In the interests of balance and a blow against stereotyping.....

 

[whiteashes]

So I've always read how types such as ENTPs and ESTPs take a while to "grow up". Many I've noticed just simply want to "be free" and "explore" without a thought of settling down. From observation, they all seem to go out and get their good jobs but when it comes to dating they just don't want to take it seriously until quite a bit of time later.

So probably for more of you older ENTPs out there.... at what age or around what ages (time frame) do you guys seem to start having a shift and make the decision of "okay, I've explored enough so now I'll seek to not be hurting these people I date and take them more seriously"??

considering what you intend to know here.

Right answer would be, marriage seems to be an outdated framework according to ENTP values unless you plan to have kids.

But still in my case i would like to get married by 27 or earlier because i love family. And i would specially insist on a partner, who can stay committed so that we dont have to face the divorce. I would hate to go through the divorce in any situation.

I know this might sound bizarre , but there are many ENTP's like me.

 

[thegirlcandance]

I think that's a strawman right there. You may view it that way, but we don't view it as trying to hurt people we date. We just hate being tied down to one thing--be it a person, job, location, whatever-- for our entire lives. Besides, not marrying someone does not equate to hurting them. You can still love someone for a long time without marrying them. I'm not sure having the state sanctify your relationship changes anything, relationship-wise anyways.

My point is that you may not view it in that you intend to hurt the people you date, but the unfortunate truth is that it does hurt the other person whether intentional or not.

And yes I perfectly understand that ENTPs just don't like to be tied down to one thing for their entire lives. On some level, as an INFJ, I don't either. The idea of living in the same place with the same house and same job for the rest of my life bores me. It makes me feel like I'm not taking advantage of all the opportunities to grow in this world.

 

[thegirlcandance]

I'd like a committed "wild and free" partner too

Settling (with boring people) will most like kill a ENTP, in a sense the ENTP cannot explore and create ideas anymore without any interaction and aversion.

Putting me on a farm won't kill me because I can still do crazy things like build my own laboratory (something I treasure), play with animals, make crazy contraptions, etc.

Telling me to do this, do that, not do this, and not do that will kill me. Place a barrier on me and that is the end of it. It's not necessarily the farm or the big city, its the interaction and restriction. I don't think ENTPs will ever give that up. Aside from my definition of settling down (spending a lovely time with a partner doing crazy things), what's yours? If it requires the ENTP to sit at home and be a goody goody, you're never going to find one.

What I find funny is that in your descriptions it sounds like you're referring to "settling down" with an SJ.

Myself, as an INFJ, I hate telling people what to do and hardly ever have during my relationships until it came to points where I just felt like they were failing to cover all the bases on decision making. But even that was just suggestions and ideas on the subject.

My definition of settling down? I guess I mostly just look at the commitment factor of it that I find comforting. It's difficult for me to be with someone if I don't know they are being loyal to me and only focused on loving me and not someone else. This is why I hate not having a "boyfriend/girlfriend" label and just be "seeing each other" because then I have no security of knowing they will be there. The concept of marriage in itself just solidifies that more.. though of course people still do get divorced.
Beyond that I see it as a place and time where I hope to be with someone to work together to encourage each other to grow and reach our full potential together but still as individuals within this world. I can only see myself being able to do that if I'm with someone who I see as an equal, which they would need to have that same underlying drive.
If that makes sense...

 

[ENTPreneur]

Well, I dont fit the stereotype. I had been hurt so many times when growing up that I almost had a phobia of inadvertedly hurting others, including in the dating area. So I carefully pick my victim and then stick faithfully to them until death or something happens and it doesnt work anymore. Even then I fight like a caged fox to fix stuff (SJ inheritance from parents perhaps).

I am super-loyal, but there just must be room for fun and humor in the relationship. Otherwise I suffocate. One problem is that many people come to me with their relationship-problems and one can only take as much without it bringing you down. Also, I seem to attract women with slight psychic disorders. I am lucky in that respect....;-)

EDIT: Got my kid at 29. House year before. That is settling down, right?

 

[chickenburg]

When we're basically done screwing everyone else.

Then you have to be ready for the next phase, which might involve moving to Montana to set up an orphan farm or something. Not everyone's idea of settling down.

yess
I drove through Montana for 2 days a while back
Montana is one of the top5 awesomest places ive been
I want to go there and be a cowboy for a few months

...They might hate me

 

[chronusx]

I started taking things more seriously after I graduated from high school because I finally saw how much me being out of control was hurting my family and friends.