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To keep from derailing The King of Dreams's insightful thread Common Things said to ENFPs, I started this one! The King of Dreams recently cited Robin Williams as an example of the "ENFP Wall." I would guess it is no mystery to ENFPs the dynamics of Mr. Williams' personality. Despite my E, I really need to balance myself with a low-stimulus, secure environment and lots of solitude. It is my way of letting the protective "Wall" behavior relax and allow time to process experiences and get authentic. I've been to the extreme place where "The Wall" took on a life of its own and it took years to recover. Do the rest of you ENFPs do this? If so, what environment/activity do you seek out that helps you?
 

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o.o hmm not really, I like stimulus..I just need to get away from people after a while, because I sense/feel the freaking emotional energy around me or something & it can turn overwhelming, especially when negative (which is like poison in the air), especially if someone is hostile (without explicitly expressing it) towards me or someone else it gets annoying...and it tends to linger like a bad smell.

I read somewhere that they call people like me empaths: Being Empathic versus Being an Empath ....not sure how much I believe that BS.

Basically Empath means Clairsentient: psychics have extremely strong sensations, sometimes described as "gut feelings", which act as their psychic intuition and allow them to gain knowledge from the subconscious and higher realms.

:\ they are fancy terms for intuitive feeler (possibly intuitive dom feeler aka INFJ & ENFPs)

Its basically the only reason I retreat, otherwise I require constant stimulation. :ninja: I don't really like spending to much time around ppl for this reason..it often feels like their feelings are invading my private sphere & I can't shut it out, but I really freaking want to shut it out..because it affects my physical & emotional state.

Family dinner partys can be...HELL.

[HR][/HR]

I retreat to do the following: photography, reading a good book, playing a good video-game, politics on youtube & or reading about politics, anime/series/movie marathon or documentaries. If everything else fails I do physical training or retreat into nature / listen to loud music or talk with my best friend (she doesn't fuck up my emotional/physical state).
 

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i get alone, where I can at least hope no one can hear me. usually this means evacuating my house to "the barn" aka my dad's music studio. I sing, talk to God about life, and verbally process. I don't know about ENFPs, but i know for me, verbally processing things is huge. i can write or draw if inspired or in the right mood, but oftentimes i just end up talking or singing about whatever and ultimately reach a conclusion/revelation where i know myself/feel myself and can move on like you said, authentically, and confidently at that. I think sometimes we operate so much in the moment, outwardly focused, but realize that we're ineffective if we don't get the time alone to really think things through and process so we can know ourselves enough to operate as ourselves. agh, i don't know, just thinking out loud here. :p
 

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i get alone, where I can at least hope no one can hear me. usually this means evacuating my house to "the barn" aka my dad's music studio. I sing, talk to God about life, and verbally process. I don't know about ENFPs, but i know for me, verbally processing things is huge. i can write or draw if inspired or in the right mood, but oftentimes i just end up talking or singing about whatever and ultimately reach a conclusion/revelation where i know myself/feel myself and can move on like you said, authentically, and confidently at that. I think sometimes we operate so much in the moment, outwardly focused, but realize that we're ineffective if we don't get the time alone to really think things through and process so we can know ourselves enough to operate as ourselves. agh, i don't know, just thinking out loud here. :p
WOW...beautifully stated. I concur with you about verbally processing. Processing with God while being alone, and processing with a friend who knows how to encourage me to "feel" through things and not just give me advice or offer solutions. I resist feeling conflict, so it takes some focused work to relax into it and "feel" my way through it. I'd be interested in your "conclusion/revelation" and describing what that is like.
 

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I don't understand this "wall" you're referring to. Please explain.
Crome, You deserve an explanation! I knew I was taking that term for granted! I will quote The King of Dreams on his post first:

I think this speaks to the "wall" we ENFPs put up. It's pretty reminiscent of the wall that Robin Williams had up that people were surprised by when they look at him in retrospect after his untimely death. This "wall" I speak of is a defense that we have. For many types, though, this wall is pretty overt in appearance. You know it's a wall and what it's purpose is (to keep most people out) and so you see it clear as day.... With us, however it's very subtle. Our wall is there but it's decorated in wall paper, photos, paintings, murals and a beautiful mosaic of calligraphy that makes the onlookers go "Ooh" and "Ahh". They are so distracted by our outer nature that they forget that a wall is even there! "Watch the birdy" so to speak.

This is from his thread Common things said to ENFPs page 155 post #1546.

In my own words, "The Wall" is the part of me that is fully in "external" mode. It "turns on" in a crowd if I need to meet and greet, talk to large groups of people, or just entertain. It focuses on others and senses whatever it is they need to keep them talking, keep them feeling invested or engaged, and sustain their immediate purpose. It is the part of my personality that faces exclusively outwards and responds to that "external" by serving its best interest. On its best day it is moving people forwards on a purpose. On my worst days (feeling insecure) it is the "charming" me that can't tell the truth about how I really feel, but fakes it for the sake of the group or conversation. Sometimes as The King Of Dreams said..."The Wall" is a diversion for those I do not trust or who feel are hostile. It is "the me I have to be at the moment for the good of my perceived external world."

Sustaining this external outlook for too long can result in me growing "out of touch" with myself and drives me to seek solitude and isolation so I can balance the external with some internal. that means taking time to process recent experiences and relate them to my self instead of relate myself to them.

Crome, there is something I really appreciate about you and your posts. You rarely let people take their terms for granted. Likewise, I am grateful for the chance to verbalize what I mean by wall. It's an easy thing for me to imagine...a hard thing to make into concrete language. Sincerely, let me know if this description (not definition) satisfies you!
 

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FreeBeer, that sounds intense! I can relate to your need to retreat from the hostility...especially that which is not expressed. It's almost more powerful/destructive/dangerous for being withheld! You seem to thrive on perceptual stimulus and not negative emotional stimulus (well, what healthy person does, really?). I can totally understand your withdrawal still being filled with perceptual stimulus (video games, music, movies) but as something that nourishes yourself instead of draining it or attacking it.

Like you, I am skeptical of the idea that I could actually feel the same feelings another person feels (pure empathy). However, as an ENFP I think we tend to use our own feelings to navigate the feelings of others. This can be exhausting when those feelings are negative or aggressive.

I really like the way you described how you cope with those situations. I'm open to anything else you feel like sharing that helps you recover a sense of strength and power!
 

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WOW...beautifully stated. I concur with you about verbally processing. Processing with God while being alone, and processing with a friend who knows how to encourage me to "feel" through things and not just give me advice or offer solutions. I resist feeling conflict, so it takes some focused work to relax into it and "feel" my way through it. I'd be interested in your "conclusion/revelation" and describing what that is like.
Well...it depends on the situation. I hate to come off as overly spiritual or religious to anyone who's not a christian and doesn't know me personally yet, but a recent example is of a life changing situation i'm going through. I'm 17 years old and about to take my GED, in order to attend a 5 month Discipleship Training School with Youth With A Mission Orlando. The first 3 months will be bible school on steroids, and the last 2 months will be missions overseas in the Middle East/East Asia. I recently evacuated out to the barn to process everything, because I was beginning to have second thoughts on attending the Orlando base (because there are A LOT of other YWAM bases, like everywhere, that i could attend)....but I felt like (oh gosh, i hate explaining this i'm going to sound uberspiritual now) the Holy Spirit was leading me to go back to Orlando, where I just did a summer internship June 5th - August 6th with their Mission Adventures program. I've always moved on, never gone back. I was born in CA, moved to NJ 2 months laters, moved from the country to the ghetto several years later, moved from the ghetto to the suburbs a few years later, got sent to an all girls residential program in Alabama about 6-7 years later, returned home to a new town 2 years later, a few months later i went on a missions trip to the philippines, several months later i left for an internship in orlando, a few months later i returned home, and a couple of months later it was proposed that i leave home early, and now in a couple of months i'm leaving. In all of these instances, i've been moving on, from town to town, place to place. If I was an idiot, i can move on, and be around new people, and learn from my mistakes. But now God's calling me to go back. And looking back i can see a lot of places where i was a major idiot. and i'm going to be around the same people, darn it. so...getting back to my story, i went out to the barn to process going back to orlando: because at this point i honestly didn't want to go. Then after me verbally processing my worrisome and anxiety-filled emotions, i realized some deeper things about myself (or rather was reminded of some deeper things about myself). I'm ultimately head over heels in love with Jesus, and he's brought me this far (from the pits of depression, rage, addiction, aspergers syndrome etc.) to be a leader, then of course he knows what he's doing and will take care of me, as he always has. I've been through a lot of crap, especially for someone my age, but that makes me who i am: i wouldn't be doing what i'm doing, if it weren't for God in my life. He's made me who i am, in my weakness he's made strong, his grace is sufficient, and his power is made perfect in weakness. he uses the foolish to shame the wise, the weak to shame the strong, he takes the things that are not, the sick and despised, to nullify the things that are. I was a sick twisted depraved selfish and manipulative person in a very dark place, once upon a time, but now i'm well known as a ray of sunshine. the fearful and insecure and self-condemning girl i once lived as is no more...the girl who walked off a stage crying is now sharing her story in front of large crowds of people, bringing many to tears. God is the master artist to my mosaic, and the author of my life story, and everything i am, is to his glory. I have failed time and time again, but he is the one who keeps me whole, and has kept me this long. I reached a point where i had given everything for nothing, and felt i had nothing else to live for, so i decided i might as well give everything for Him and see if it was the real deal, otherwise...i had nothing. reading the bible for myself, and getting to know God in a personal relationship gave me the first true joy i'd felt since i was a little girl. i began to have hope again, to have peace, instead of my chaos. I'm sorry if this has gone on for too long, or if i sound like i'm crazy, but i can't help but burst out with who God's made me to be, what he's doing, how he's done so much in life. My conclusion/revelation was my identity, which is grounded in him. I knew i could move forward and trust him, because he'd never failed me. the hardships and trials, he knew i could handle, and would ultimately be willing to go through for the pay off of being able to have an impact of so many people's lives. So...hi. All of that is only a fraction of what keeps me, but he knows me better than anyone else, if the funniest person alive, and knows just the right thing to sat to calm my nerves and remind me to have faith. Sorry, I know i sound like an overspiritual/religious idiot...i normally only talk like this with believer,s so...bear with me. I'm not trying to evangelize or nothing, just bursting out with who i am, what i'm about, and where it all comes from, from the way i see things. Gosh, this is already waaay too long.
 
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A lot of the time my answers are abstract conclusions that I understand, but nobody else gets, while still affirming me in what I'm doing, and can to move forward.
 

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A lot of the time my answers are abstract conclusions that I understand, but nobody else gets, while still affirming me in what I'm doing, and can to move forward.
What matters the most is that you understand them. Some friends jokingly say that I "bend language the wrong way." But I think it is an ENFP trait. One of my favorite expressions for excitedly agreeing to something is to say "Very yes!" I think sometimes, that same trait can alienate me if I "bend language" with the wrong crowd! I'd love for you to describe how those answers and conclusions feel in your head...do they just "appear" in there? Thought is hard to describe (at least for me).
 

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What matters the most is that you understand them. Some friends jokingly say that I "bend language the wrong way." But I think it is an ENFP trait. One of my favorite expressions for excitedly agreeing to something is to say "Very yes!" I think sometimes, that same trait can alienate me if I "bend language" with the wrong crowd! I'd love for you to describe how those answers and conclusions feel in your head...do they just "appear" in there? Thought is hard to describe (at least for me).
Hm...describing that sounds hard. XD
Here's an example of one of the most stupid sounding yet obnoxiously catchy conclusions I ever came to: Relatability does not equal dateability.
I formed this "philosophy" of mine when processing spazzy hormones, feeling huge emotional connections with people who had been through what I've been through...pain-wise, that is. What it came down to, though, was that just because they can relate to something deeply connected to my heart, does not mean that they're the right person for me. Goofy logic quiets my emotionals...logical cliches I can't take seriously enough for them to actually help, i have to reach my own conclusion because when it comes to truths and realities of life, it's not enough for me to hear someone say something for me to move forward as if it were truth. i need to seek it out and figure it out myself, or else it doesn't stick, because i don't trust people to always be "right."
 

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Crome, You deserve an explanation! I knew I was taking that term for granted! I will quote The King of Dreams on his post first:

I think this speaks to the "wall" we ENFPs put up. It's pretty reminiscent of the wall that Robin Williams had up that people were surprised by when they look at him in retrospect after his untimely death. This "wall" I speak of is a defense that we have. For many types, though, this wall is pretty overt in appearance. You know it's a wall and what it's purpose is (to keep most people out) and so you see it clear as day.... With us, however it's very subtle. Our wall is there but it's decorated in wall paper, photos, paintings, murals and a beautiful mosaic of calligraphy that makes the onlookers go "Ooh" and "Ahh". They are so distracted by our outer nature that they forget that a wall is even there! "Watch the birdy" so to speak.

This is from his thread Common things said to ENFPs page 155 post #1546.

In my own words, "The Wall" is the part of me that is fully in "external" mode. It "turns on" in a crowd if I need to meet and greet, talk to large groups of people, or just entertain. It focuses on others and senses whatever it is they need to keep them talking, keep them feeling invested or engaged, and sustain their immediate purpose. It is the part of my personality that faces exclusively outwards and responds to that "external" by serving its best interest. On its best day it is moving people forwards on a purpose. On my worst days (feeling insecure) it is the "charming" me that can't tell the truth about how I really feel, but fakes it for the sake of the group or conversation. Sometimes as The King Of Dreams said..."The Wall" is a diversion for those I do not trust or who feel are hostile. It is "the me I have to be at the moment for the good of my perceived external world."

Sustaining this external outlook for too long can result in me growing "out of touch" with myself and drives me to seek solitude and isolation so I can balance the external with some internal. that means taking time to process recent experiences and relate them to my self instead of relate myself to them.

Crome, there is something I really appreciate about you and your posts. You rarely let people take their terms for granted. Likewise, I am grateful for the chance to verbalize what I mean by wall. It's an easy thing for me to imagine...a hard thing to make into concrete language. Sincerely, let me know if this description (not definition) satisfies you!
Thank you for taking the time to explain. I find it satisfactory. And thank you for the compliment.
 

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Jesus do I need my alone time! I like people but only to a certain extent. Honestly I went about 5 years without any real friends. I'd say hi and talk to people but thats it. Now I have friends but they joke that I go "MIA" for periods of time. They're all Sensors though so just missing lunch is cause for a search party. I just get antsy and need to be alone. If I don't have a way to be alone then I get aggrevated and angry. A lot of times I feel like an introvert.

EDIT: I'm currently sitting alone in my college cafeteria, in the back room, at my own table, in a corner...though it is the corner thats next to the open doorway to the main room. You know, so I can watch people and stuffs. :D
 

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I probably spend more time alone than the average extravert and rarely find myself "craving" socialization, and yet when I am in a social situation (as long as it is fun and lighthearted) I definitely relate to turning "on". It's like I can't tell I am an extravert until I am in a social situation. I feel content by myself, but only because I have nothing to compare it to at that time.
 

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I tend to withdraw when I feel like nobody really likes me, and I don't get any affirmation. (I'm one of those needy ENFPs that probably need more affirmation than the average person.) If I don't feel appreciated, then I don't see any reason to put any more time or energy into trying, and withdraw.

I don't think I put up a MASSIVE wall, because I do desire to be authentic. If I'm not happy, then I DO NOT smile, because I don't want to be fake. But I guess I do make an effort to hide how depressed I'm REALLY feeling, because I'm afraid nobody would really care, and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Same thing if somebody asks "how are you doing?" I WANT to tell them I am miserable, because that's the truth. But I just say I'm fine, because I assume they don't care and are just asking as a social nicety, and I don't want to make them uncomfortable by divulging more information than they really wanted to hear.

What's even worse, is when I am socializing, I become a completely different person. I get all excitable, exuberant, hyper, happy, outgoing, etc. That isn't a wall, that's how I really feel in a comfortable social setting. It's not until after the fact that I start to over-analyze everything and start to second guess people's motives, attitude, and opinion of me. But people remember and know me by my huge bursts of energy while socializing, not the guy who never smiles when he's alone.

Now I'm not nearly as neurotic as I've painted myself out to be, that's just me when I'm at my worst. I'm just trying to figure out and explain my own take on "the wall".
 
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