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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

I am an INFJ male and I've fallen for my friend who is an ENFP. It's obvious why I like her, our personality types are suited for one another. And while we have a good chemistry between us, it's just not there yet. She likes me a little but but something is holding her back. I have already told her that I like her and we are still talking so I think that's a good sign. But I'm in a different country right now and I'm not sure what I can do from so far away to get her more comfortable with me.

I don't open up much until someone is really interested and she doesn't ask much questions so I don't know how I can get her to know me. What do ENFPs like? What do they look for in a partner? How to impress them?

Any advice would be extremely helpful.
Thanks.
 

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Best thing to do is be yourself. I know that's extremely hard as an INFJ if you're truly into someone, but you have to open up, and sweep the fear and doubt down the sewer. Let it all out, and if it works out, it's meant to happen, if not, you can at least know she saw you for you. Best of luck.
 

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be yourself, be honest, treat her with respect at all times, engage her interests, and be willing to try new things with her. and i would say don't come off too strongly toward her because that might make her uncomfortable. and be willing to accept the fact that she might not be as interested in you as you are in her. don't put all your stock into her as a 'sure thing'. also don't make any assumptions about her. wait for evidence for conformation or for her to tell you about whatever it is you might be thinking about. best i can say, really. good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
That's a really great peace of advice. I am not that close to a lot of people but when I talk with her, I can let it all out. I think it might have come off strongly at times. And yes, I think I should wait for evidence before assuming anything.
Because of the distance and the time difference, we can not talk for longer times. I need to find a way to engage her in conversations more. Can you suggest anything for that?
 

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That's a really great peace of advice. I am not that close to a lot of people but when I talk with her, I can let it all out. I think it might have come off strongly at times. And yes, I think I should wait for evidence before assuming anything.
Because of the distance and the time difference, we can not talk for longer times. I need to find a way to engage her in conversations more. Can you suggest anything for that?
Yes. Just pick up the phone, call say hello. How are you doing, and then tell her what you have been up to.
The hardest part is just starting. :proud:
 

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If she values you as a friend, she may not want to lose you as one.
 

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The whole concept of "making" someone fall in love with you is problematic. You can't make anyone feel anything. Either she has feelings for you or she doesn't. It's that simple. Sure, you might be able to manipulate her into being with you, but that will only make her resent you in the end.
 

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Not sure if that could help you but trying :) I'm ENFP male in relationship with INFJ girl and it was really like instant connection as they say everywhere. Mostly what attracted me in her at first sight was the calm relaxed confidence without her acting as somebody else (be yourself and it would help you). Not sure but now it looks like she took the first step to get things started: just by being around there and let the things happen without interfering too much. So I might theoretically think ENFP will act by themselves and tke on the situation once he/she sees that the situation is suitable for them.
 

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I agree with previous comments, even via using seduction (the positive way to say manipulation) an INFJ may succeed into most types, your favourite ENFP is one of the hardest ones.

And not for being short of trigger an interest about you in the target, but by another characteristic of ENFP that makes long term status a challenge, namely their tendency to polyamory. Be ready to suffer my friend. But, at the end, what's love if is not the most tender suffering?

About practicalities, i suggest you to just try to read your target desires and offer yourself to join in, ENFP seeks at the end the ultimate experience at all levels *and* somebody to share it. Then close your eyes, drop your Si together your shame and pride, and go for it.!! Maybe getting a bail out ready also is good idea, just in case... ;-)
 

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I don't think personality type has anything to do with attraction, she's either into you or she's not I'm afraid! You can't make her feel what she doesn't. The best you can do is continue to be friends and be open, see if she gives any signs of being into you and if she does then be honest with her about where you're at! One of my best friends is an ENFP and she really appreciates it when guys are honest and tell her how they feel. Whilst you can't change her feelings, I think honesty and communication will gain respect and trust
 

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Hah, I think if that thread proved anything is that the vast majority of ENFPs aren't poly.
Well, sorry for telling you that, but just for statistical propose, I counted the first two pages of that thread that 9 of 12 persons cited there and typified as ENFP had polyamory desires. From these 9, seven where actually doing it at practice, one (youself) become mono and another person cited was practising sequential mode. That's technically the majority of ENFP that were related to that post. ;-)

There is nothing wrong in polyamory, it is in some cultural backgrounds accepted, there is -for me- no any argument against it further away of personal preferences (as pink over red or vanilla over chocolate) and I think that at least in some age range it is a pretty common experience or at least desire for anyone.

Just that precisely for what you said in that post, you ENFP types are perfectly equipped for it, so you guys can follow doing it in a successful way if you wish, meanwhile other personality types (as mine) are worse equipped and we run early into trouble with partners or internal breakdown. Don 't feel under criticism, is not a defect, it is feature!!
 

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Well, sorry for telling you that, but just for statistical propose, I counted the first two pages of that thread that 9 of 12 persons cited there and typified as ENFP had polyamory desires. From these 9, seven where actually doing it at practice, one (youself) become mono and another person cited was practising sequential mode. That's technically the majority of ENFP that were related to that post. ;-)

There is nothing wrong in polyamory, it is in some cultural backgrounds accepted, there is -for me- no any argument against it further away of personal preferences (as pink over red or vanilla over chocolate) and I think that at least in some age range it is a pretty common experience or at least desire for anyone.

Just that precisely for what you said in that post, you ENFP types are perfectly equipped for it, so you guys can follow doing it in a successful way if you wish, meanwhile other personality types (as mine) are worse equipped and we run early into trouble with partners or internal breakdown. Don 't feel under criticism, is not a defect, it is feature!!
Most of those ENFPs were also comfortable with monogamous relationships.

I'm just saying because you pointed it out as an issue for a long term relationship with an ENFP, which I don't think is fair. Whether you are saying polyamory is bad or not you are still saying it's a problem.

Also don't be harsh on ENTPs, my partner seemed to be doing fine with polyamory before me. ;)
 
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