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Discussion Starter #1
I have just recently found out I am to be a father as my girl is now pregnant.
I was curious what to expect of fatherhood and being a parent from another ESTP's point of view?
Any advice would be helpful.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Half and half it was a pleasant surprise we weren't to surprised about
 

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Congrats!

I have three daughters. Coming from a mother's point of view may be different but I'll try to help. There are differences with our ESTP parenting. For instance, I am like a friend to my kids. I talk to my teenagers about everything, I want a clear line of communication. I joke, I'm sarcastic, a bit of a kid myself but they know my role. They don't cross me. I find some inappropriate things funny that other parents may not. Unfortunately, they've picked up on my humor and dish it out quite often. My husband usually just shakes his head and laughs. I was pretty strict when they were toddlers, I think that age is your opportunity to set a foundation.

The baby stage is interesting, you'll be there for a while. Just enjoy it. Expect some sleepless nights. Expect your SO to be exhausted. You're both going to be put in a place of unselfishness, learn from it. I didn't have any experience with children when I was single. I didn't have that natural maternal drive. Babies didn't give me the feelings other women talked about. I couldn't even imagine myself married to one person forever, let alone being a mother.

That all changes when it's your baby. You fall in love the moment you see them. You'll know what to do. This is going to stretch you as a person.
This topic makes me want to go squeeze a baby right now.
 
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Congrats!
+1! Mega congrats to you, Bro! You are "The Lion King!"

I have three daughters. Coming from a mother's point of view may be different but I'll try to help.
The similarities between ESTP men and women are at times staggering, as you will see in my parenting responses as compared to NJchicks. :)

There are differences with our ESTP parenting. For instance, I am like a friend to my kids. I talk to my teenagers about everything, I want a clear line of communication. I joke, I'm sarcastic, a bit of a kid myself but they know my role. They don't cross me. I find some inappropriate things funny that other parents may not.
+1, this is the standard in my house too. I have two daughters, 8 and 5. We get along very well, and I am friendly with them when it's play time, or when there is not anything major that has to get done. But, business is business, and play time is play time, and both of them know I am in charge 100% of the time. If I say turn the laptops off, ot turn off the Wii, or put away the art supplies, it means do it now. I expect my kids to do what they were told to do, when they were told to do it. And, if they keep their affairs in order as such and tow the line, I give them alot of latitude to enjoy their free time, which they understand and appreciate.

I am very consistent with my kids, I don't act differently to try and get down to their level, I act like a normal adult, and am getting them to interact with me on my level. This technique works great for language development and manners. Both of my children can out talk and out smart their peers, and even other kids that are older than them. Both of their teachers have alwyas been shocked at their ability to communicate. Don't baby talk to your children, and they will not talk like babies.

My humor is pretty bizarre, and I am basically somewhat of a loon anyway. I could not hide these facts if my life depended on it. So, my kids have a whacked out sense of humor too, but it's great. Since they were very small I would hide around the corner from them ,and when they walk by jump out and yell "Boo!" and scare the daylights out of them. They would run after me screaming, throwing their teddy bears at me, whatever, trying to get Dad back. Then, both of them started to stalk me. I will be working in my den, doing things on the computer, and one of them will ninja crawl around the bed, behind my chair, and jump up and scream, scaring the daylights out of me now, LOL! It's funny as hell. I bought 3 of the Nerf ninja swords, so we sword fight all the time. I bought some Everlast punching pads and junior size boxing gloves, and we do boxing practice all the time. Both of my girls have a right cross that can drop another kid to the ground, they are mean little boogers! Yeah!

No matter what though, YOU need to establish early on that YOU are IN CHARGE. Kids are happier and easier to deal with when there are clear boundaries as to their role as a child, and the leadership role of their parents.

Your child's character is set by the time they are three. In the first year, you can't give them enough love and attention. Spend as much time as you can with them, look into their eyes and talk to them. When my kids were asleep in their crib, I would sit and watch them, looking right at their eyes, and sometimes they would wake up, and see that Dad was there, and that he was watching over them, and they would smile and close their eyes and go back to sleep, becuase they knew they were safe. Those moments are so important in establishing your role as their Father and protector. If you are there, they will feel safe, and when they are awake, they will want to play with you.

Don't moan and make a boo boo lip when your baby falls while learning to walk. Clap your hands and raise them up and say "Yay! Good job you're OK! Awesome!" I did this with both of my kids, and neither of them would cry and come running for coddling when they fell down and got scraped up a little bit. They both got up, wiped their knees off, and kept trucking.

Your job as a parent is to teach them to be independent, and to be able to care for themselves as one day you will be gone. The earlier you foster independence and security, the better off your kid will be for the rest of thier lives.

I can't stress enough how importnat it is that you try to develop a sense of SECURE ATTACHMENT in your child. Adults with SECURE ATTACHMENT are generally happier and more at peace with themselves, and successful in their interpersonal relationships. Here's two articles to get you started:

KIDS: Attachment theory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia AND
ADULTS: Attachment in adults - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

There's so much to cover, but I can only go over so much in one post!

Unfortunately, they've picked up on my humor and dish it out quite often. My husband usually just shakes his head and laughs.
OMG, my 5-year old is a stand up comedian. Every teacher in her school and every member of our family is shocked at how witty, direct, and humorous she is. Her sister is a card too, but she is more reserved, so you just hear less out of her, but when does pipe up it's good stuff too. Two different children, two different personalities.

I was pretty strict when they were toddlers, I think that age is your opportunity to set a foundation.
Yes, totally agree with you here, NJ. If you establish their place in the family when they are toddlers, and encourage them to have good manners, and be polite, and respectful, and praise them when they do what they are told, you are laying the groundwork for them to be well adjusted kids and later adults. Parents who let their kids run around the house and destroy it and then put it all together again while Johnny is sleeping ewnd up with spoiled brat nightmarish childdren. When we were done playing, we would clean up our mess and sing the clean up song: "Clean up, clean up, everybody does their share!" And they never questioned it. We led by example, and they followed suit, and now it is default behavior.

The baby stage is interesting, you'll be there for a while. Just enjoy it. Expect some sleepless nights. Expect your SO to be exhausted.
I think an evolutionary adaption is for parents to repress the first 90 days of their child's lives. :laughing: LOL!

I was SOOOOOO tired. My wife was too as she breast fed. Do your share of changing the diapers, and see if you can do a feeding (formula, dude, not man boobs, Haaa!) in the middle of the night to give your wife some rest, she will greatly appreciate that if you do.

Also, I can't recommend the following book enough, it is a great text to get your baby on a program, and to create some sanity.

On Becoming Baby Wise:
Amazon.com: On Becoming Baby Wise: The Classic Sleep Reference Guide Used by Over 1,000,000 Parents Worldwide (9780971453203): Gary Ezzo, Robert Bucknam: Books

You're both going to be put in a place of unselfishness, learn from it.
Yes. Help your wife, and she will help you, and together you'll build a beautiful family.
Heads up. Dad's get forgotten a bit when the baby is in its first year. Its natural, you might feel a little isolated, or even under appreciated. Don't let it get to that. Speak up. Tell your wife you want some time alone with her to reconnect. You both need that. Find a babysitter in your family or a close friend once the baby is between 3 and 6 months old. Even if you two sneak out for a quick dinner when the baby is put down for a nap, it will do you both good.

I didn't have any experience with children when I was single. I didn't have that natural maternal drive. Babies didn't give me the feelings other women talked about. I couldn't even imagine myself married to one person forever, let alone being a mother.
I didn't have ANY experience with kids until becoming a Dad! YIKES!

That all changes when it's your baby. You fall in love the moment you see them. You'll know what to do. This is going to stretch you as a person.
This topic makes me want to go squeeze a baby right now.
Fatherhood is one of the most rewarding experiences in this world. You are blessed to have a chance to be a Father. Do your best, you'll screw up a few things, but forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes, and keep trucking. You will become better at managing your time than ever before. Get your rest now Bro, do some planning, and spend time with wifey, take a trip while she is still small and comfortable and can travel. My wife and I went to Vancouver and the Olympic Peninsula before our eldest was born. It was a great trip, it made the first year of parenthood easier as we had some vacation time under our belts to help deal with being new parent shut ins. ;-)
 
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