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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
When reading the descriptions about us, it doesn't seem like we're so bad, but what people say in forums... ouch. I feel like ENFJs are the "love 'em or hate 'em type" sometimes.

We're supposedly fake, manipulative, too expressive, smothering, controlling, lacking opinions, possessing cookie-cutter values and no sense of individuality.

I know I come off as superficial at times, but I didn't realize it was to this extent.

What do you guys think about this?
 

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Honestly, every type has good and bad things about them. Forums are not always exactly the best place to get great opinions, if you ask me. It is easy to both get carried away, and to have a mob mentality. I for one am kind of crushing over an ENFJ (I typed them... so could be wrong) right now.

I would, regrettably, probably not like someone on a personal level that had significant amounts of all the "negative" traits you just listed in one person... at least not in the real world. Not that they would necessary be a bad person, just... not someone I could easily get along with.

Any type when taken to the extreme has these kinds of problems.


Take a peek at examples of bad INFP tendencies. Someone who racks up a lot of those would likely be in pretty poor shape too, at least from other peoples point of view.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Be proud of who you are! You are you! I am me... and I am loving it! :proud:
 

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Discussion Starter #3 (Edited)
I would, regrettably, probably not like someone on a personal level that had significant amounts of all the "negative" traits you just listed in one person... at least not in the real world. Not that they would necessary be a bad person, just... not someone I could easily get along with.
You're too nice. :) I'd avoid a person like that like the plague! And I guess this is why I'm concerned... I mean, people seem to like us just fine in real life. We have good intentions (or at least we think we do), and most intuitives grasp this right away. I just don't understand why there are so many negative opinions of us online. Maybe we're not so great on paper.

Also, it doesn't help that there aren't many ENFJs on this forum...
 

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Lol, thanks for the complement! Ah, well I can't speak for others, It probably is due to bad experiences in their personal lives. As for the lack of ENFJ, I would assume it is due to a tendency for a more robust non-net life? I am really just grasping at straws with that one... but it sounds plausible.

Also, a lot of negative feelings can be found online. Its a optimum outlet for venting real life frustrations. You tell (potentially the world) your woes, not hurt anyone in your real life circles, and can remain completely anonymous. I for one like or dislike people on a base by base case, as I think most people on this forum... granted they aren't on a rant... would believe.

Some people just do not get others, I am sure there is a type bias to this as well. Some types just seem to rub others the wrong way. Not that it means they can't get along or anything, but it's a bit more difficult in general.

I was going to expand on this a bit more, but I am a bit tired and losing focus. So I will leave it here for now. I'll send you a friend invite on here. You may accept if you like. No problem if you would rather pass though. :proud:
 

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When reading the descriptions about us, it doesn't seem like we're so bad, but what people say in forums... ouch. I feel like ENFJs are the "love 'em or hate 'em type" sometimes.

We're supposedly fake, manipulative, too expressive, smothering, controlling, lacking opinions, possessing cookie-cutter values and no sense of individuality.

I know I come off as superficial at times, but I didn't realize it was to this extent.

What do you guys think about this?
I have a strong feeling there's a strong influence of "OmarFW" in your feelings about people hating us...that or you went into the chat on PerC and had an argument with INT/ENT types on social issues where you used your feelings...personally, those are the ONLY two places people seem to dislike me...that or if they mess with my girl Meak...NOBODY escapes wrath if I catch wind....NOBODY!


Seriously, though...ENFJ's are rare and special, whenever you're down, take a long look at the "ENFJ's are Amazing" thread the no-longer-posting Pinkrasputin put up, it has a lot of positive words, made me cry, and is most of the reason I came to PerC. Sure, ENFJ's aren't "perfect" but we do our best and are rather emotional. So settle down, you're not being hated on...as much as you think.
 
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We're supposedly fake, manipulative, too expressive, smothering, controlling, lacking opinions, possessing cookie-cutter values and no sense of individuality.

What do you guys think about this?
So....
why the heck do people love Oprah a lot?

It is currently the longest-running daytime television talk show in the United States, having run nationally since September 8, 1986, for over 22 seasons and over 3,500 episode [quote from Wikipedia]

The more people who love her show, the harder people try to destroy her. Remember the recent fake biography that writes nasty things about her?
:proud:

Finally... I got some spare time to spend on this forum. Have been very busy at work.
 

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When reading the descriptions about us, it doesn't seem like we're so bad, but what people say in forums... ouch. I feel like ENFJs are the "love 'em or hate 'em type" sometimes.

We're supposedly fake, manipulative, too expressive, smothering, controlling, lacking opinions, possessing cookie-cutter values and no sense of individuality.

I know I come off as superficial at times, but I didn't realize it was to this extent.

What do you guys think about this?
Well, it's actually interesting see what types are saying those comments and what types a forum is biased towards. Typology, it seems is biased towards INFPs and INTPs but for some reason, some of the T's like to bash Fe and Fi. Then, the Fi users seem to bash Fe and a little vice versa. That means Fe-doms aren't always the most liked. It's like either Fi and Fe are complimentary or they really. clash (it depends on stuck in their ways people are... strong Fi and strong Fe do not get along) Also INTPs aren't usually going to like a strong dose of Fe because they act like a really exaggerated version of a ESFJ when they are stressed out. Other forums are going have different biases. The INFJ forum seems not to like ESXPs. Overall, PC seems to like ENFJs generally.

One other thing to note. Why should we be ashamed? The type doesn't dictate what kind of person we are. It just helps to explain possible underlying motivations for our behavior.
 

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first off I like Oprah,

also Im not ashamed of my bad qualities, but then who says their bad, only those from the outside see it as so...

fake? when people call me fake, they assume my happiness is not genuine! since i seem to be happy all the time! well F**K them!!! i am happy all the time, and when im sad im still happy! their just hating because i can have multiple emotions
running at one time!... yay happy!!! :crazy:

manipulative? Guidence..Direction.. yay for word play!

too expressive? there is nothing wrong with getting others to understand what were saying, not only do we want them to understand, we want them to try and feel how we felt as well. storytelling is a gift!

smothering? okay i dont know how showing affection can be a negative trait! can someone smother me with love and attention please?

controlling? okay... yeah maybe...:dry:

lacking opinions? uhhh not me, i have strong opinions i just choose to keep them to myself!

possessing cookie-cutter values? so now were being hated on for trying to be good and wholesome! just because... nevermind. Yay happy! :)

no sense of individuality? I dont have a sense of individuality because i Like EVERYTHING. im not gonna stick to one trend or belief or value, theres SOOOO many things out there! i want to experience them all!!!


lastly... yay happy!
 

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All types have negatives and positives... I personally think you guys are awesome. Sometimes frustrating...but isn't that true of any personality type? The manipulation thing...yeah...that gets to me. But in my experience the ENFJ doesn't necessarily realize they're doing it...because it comes from a good place. They are only trying to help...and they are sincere. So it can be annoying but at least the ENFJ has a heart...they truly love you...and only want the best for you... I'm sure there are unhealthy ENFJs out there who use this ability for evil...but that can happen in any personality type. We're all capable of some evil...if we want to be.

I think if I didn't personally know an ENFJ and just read some of the descriptions on paper I might have a more negative opinion. But knowing an ENFJ in real life... just goes to show that you can't judge people based on what you read. Each individual is different and has strengths and weaknesses.

Don't ever change you guys...just be you...because there are plenty of people who appreciate and love you just the way you are.
 

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I think if I didn't personally know an ENFJ and just read some of the descriptions on paper I might have a more negative opinion. But knowing an ENFJ in real life... just goes to show that you can't judge people based on what you read. Each individual is different and has strengths and weaknesses.

Don't ever change you guys...just be you...because there are plenty of people who appreciate and love you just the way you are.
.......lovely!
 

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Sometimes..... I say negative things about the people I like the most; almost like a defense mechanism to make sure that they don't hurt me. People seem to focus on the negative as well. If you have a garden full of flowers and one of the flowers is dying.... which one do you think gets more attention? Likewise, when people are asked "what do you think about ___" they will point out what has been brought to their attention that is interesting. What makes it interesting? It must be out of the ordinary. Now.... what is out of the ordinary for ENFJ's? Flaws. Things that we don't like about them. It seems rather obvious that you guys are awesome. Why would anyone want to hear that over and over again? (I don't necessarily believe this. But this may be the kind of mentality).

So for your information.... you guys are quite the connected, attractive, *cough* dare I say sexy?, deep, caring, enthusiastic individuals. And those are my favorite characteristics..... honestly.... not just saying that to make you feel better.... I'm dead serious.
 

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When reading the descriptions about us, it doesn't seem like we're so bad, but what people say in forums... ouch. I feel like ENFJs are the "love 'em or hate 'em type" sometimes.

We're supposedly fake, manipulative, too expressive, smothering, controlling, lacking opinions, possessing cookie-cutter values and no sense of individuality.

I know I come off as superficial at times, but I didn't realize it was to this extent.

What do you guys think about this?
I think im the type to just say "this is how i am, except it or leave" like..even if i wanted to i doubt i could or would change...xD gotta strut our stuff right? cause i mean..what else can we do? except depress ourselves....or try and be someone we arent....either way..:crazy: i'd rather just show off who i am..good and bad ^^

>.<; not to sound full of myself..i normally act on instinct so yeah....good or bad take it or leave it but i for one refuse to change....



also yes, words and how you word things affect how people will reply and how they will go about thinking about the question even...:proud:
 

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So....
why the heck do people love Oprah a lot?

It is currently the longest-running daytime television talk show in the United States, having run nationally since September 8, 1986, for over 22 seasons and over 3,500 episode [quote from Wikipedia]

The more people who love her show, the harder people try to destroy her. Remember the recent fake biography that writes nasty things about her?
:proud:

Finally... I got some spare time to spend on this forum. Have been very busy at work.
Tall poppy syndrome: is a term used to describe a social phenomenon in which people of genuine merit are resented, attacked, cut down, or criticised because their talents or achievements elevate them above or distinguish them from their peers.

I think some people would just love to be as socially adept as us.

Don't feel bad about being an ENFJ. I love it. I am just mostly people focused whereas some are more task focused.
 

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Sometimes..... I say negative things about the people I like the most; almost like a defense mechanism to make sure that they don't hurt me. People seem to focus on the negative as well. If you have a garden full of flowers and one of the flowers is dying.... which one do you think gets more attention? Likewise, when people are asked "what do you think about ___" they will point out what has been brought to their attention that is interesting. What makes it interesting? It must be out of the ordinary. Now.... what is out of the ordinary for ENFJ's? Flaws. Things that we don't like about them. It seems rather obvious that you guys are awesome. Why would anyone want to hear that over and over again? (I don't necessarily believe this. But this may be the kind of mentality).

So for your information.... you guys are quite the connected, attractive, *cough* dare I say sexy?, deep, caring, enthusiastic individuals. And those are my favorite characteristics..... honestly.... not just saying that to make you feel better.... I'm dead serious.
you're a gem x
 

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Tall poppy syndrome......
Happens to me again and again..... anywhere, any age....... It just won't stop.... :sad:
And there's exactly how I learned to tone myself down, more especially when I got into a new environment.
Learned to be more introverted a bit.


Any other ENFJ here had experiences with people with Tall poppy syndrome before?
Did that happen to one person only or Did they move in group?
And how did you deal with that?
Well, other types who want to share are very welcomed though....
 

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Tall poppy syndrome......
Happens to me again and again..... anywhere, any age....... It just won't stop.... :sad:
And there's exactly how I learned to tone myself down, more especially when I got into a new environment.
Learned to be more introverted a bit.


Any other ENFJ here had experiences with people with Tall poppy syndrome before?
Did that happen to one person only or Did they move in group?
And how did you deal with that?
Well, other types who want to share are very welcomed though....
You know what I discovered? I had to make sure that when I was dreaming of new goals I would only share them with someone who was an encourager because they would say stuff like "sure you can do that" and "go for it". Just don't share those thoughts with the people who would knock your dreams. They have no right to make you feel smaller than you were born to be, and you shouldn't let them affect you like that either.

Of course it took me a few years to come to this conclusion, getting older and wiser it seems.

Also, in my experience (I have had it pointed out to me sometimes) people do things like that because they are jealous of something about you, whether it be looks, your mind or the people you have in your life, your finances etc. Jealousy can do nasty things to people. A friend recently told me that a mutual friend was jealous of me because of the way I look and houses I own and my successful marriage. Well what can I do? She will just have to deal with it.
 

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When reading the descriptions about us, it doesn't seem like we're so bad, but what people say in forums... ouch. I feel like ENFJs are the "love 'em or hate 'em type" sometimes.

We're supposedly fake, manipulative, too expressive, smothering, controlling, lacking opinions, possessing cookie-cutter values and no sense of individuality.

I know I come off as superficial at times, but I didn't realize it was to this extent.

What do you guys think about this?
Lol, I must have missed all these bad things about ENFJ...I really didn't see anything that bad...I mean, there are good people and bad people, people in a bad state in their life and people in a good one, I doubt ENFJs can be demons compared to others. In fact, the F function would probably keep them from becoming too evil and if they do get there, they'll definitely be sorry.:happy:
 

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When reading the descriptions about us, it doesn't seem like we're so bad, but what people say in forums... ouch. I feel like ENFJs are the "love 'em or hate 'em type" sometimes.

We're supposedly fake, manipulative, too expressive, smothering, controlling, lacking opinions, possessing cookie-cutter values and no sense of individuality.

I know I come off as superficial at times, but I didn't realize it was to this extent.

What do you guys think about this?
Dont be ashamed...

Snap out of it!

BE HAPPY.

Just do it

:angry:
 
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