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Discussion Starter #3
I don't know that I can point to one or two specific people that I consider role models as much as I notice small things people do that I admire. I will notice a gesture of kindness or an act of selflessness someone does and then I'll try to incorporate that into the way I treat others as well. I admire people whose actions and words align and who are consistently a good person and aren't arrogant or pompous. I appreciate other people who work on being inclusive and considerate. In a leadership setting, I appreciate those who are organized and give clear directions of their expectations and deadlines and know how to say thank you to their employees from time to time.

Honesty, loyalty, kindness, empathy, selflessness, organizational skills, and humor are all character traits I admire.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
These questions are confusing to me. Maybe that's because I feel like I interact and talk to all sorts of people on a daily basis. There pretty much isn't anyone I feel I can't chat up and somehow people come up to me and are comfortable talking to me too even if I don't really know them too well or just in passing. So I guess the answer would be I'm approached often by people I know and people on the outskirts of my circles. People who are absolute total strangers will sometimes greet me in passing going to the grocery store or chat me up in the post office in the waiting line or at a coffee shop trying to figure out what to order / kill time waiting in line. Or if I see another mom having a hard time with their toddler's tantrum somewhere, I'll say a word of support to the mom and she'll start talking with me or something like that. I mean, pretty much anywhere people are who need to fill time with small talk, basically. Haha!
 

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I was trying to be quite general. I'm sorry for the confusion. Nevertheless, the question is answered.

If any clarification means anything, I was talking about how often you get into conversations when you see someone around. Whether they be a stranger, a friend etc.

Last question(s):
If you had to pick a life: one that never changes, or one that constantly has unpredictable and everlasting changes. (I am talking about
the extreme extremities). Consistent vs Volatile (for good or bad) lifestyles.

And why do you pick the one you chose?
 

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Discussion Starter #10
If you had to pick a life: one that never changes, or one that constantly has unpredictable and everlasting changes. (I am talking about
the extreme extremities). Consistent vs Volatile (for good or bad) lifestyles.

And why do you pick the one you chose?
I would pick the one that never changed. I want to believe in my head that I would pick the unpredictable / ever changing one because then I'd be adventurous and cool.... but in reality, I would rather pick the never changing one. I will add one caveat though, ONLY if the never changing one has good feelings. Like my family is happy and we're all in a good place. I actually find a lot of joy in things that other people would say are "mundane." I like hearing about my kids' day in school and catching up with a friend or just chilling with my husband after the kids are in bed. To me it's the little things that make a life.

IRL we're about to make a big move to a new city and switch school for the kids and jobs etc. etc.... so it's honestly all very stressful to me and makes me feel some form of anxiety (even though I don't usually feel like an anxious person). I couldn't imagine feeling this way for eternity. It's horrible, while exciting... it's just too much stress for me.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
What does your ideal day look like?
Wake up around 7am, have breakfast with my family, drop kids off at school, go to yoga, get some tea / coffee with a friend and catch up, run errands / be productive getting things done, get kids from school and chat with them about their day, cook dinner with my husband and eat as a family, put kids to bed and spend the rest of the night watching a show with my husband or meeting up with some of my girlfriends at their house. So I guess, a pretty typical day where everything runs smoothly. (Yes, of course I also would like days with more adventure built into them but if I'm honest with myself, I like those to be reserved to vacation or a certain duration before returning to normal life)


What things in relationships make you the most happy?
Feeling like I'm in a committed and stable relationship where we both are doing our part working towards a common goal / values. I feel happy when the work I do at home or for our family is recognized (with words) and when my husband gives me undivided attention to hear my stories no matter how trivial they may be (obviously for my INTP husband this is a limited amount of time... but during that time I feel like he's truly listening and giving me his all). I feel happy when we're on the same page with life values and how we raise our kids and what's important to us as a family and when we work as a team towards those goals.
 

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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
So is it all really about "all the small details" such as my ESFJ's tell me on a daily?

Who notices all these "small details"?
For one, we notice. Haha! But that aside, yes I do think it's important to us. I think it is what makes our world a kinder place. It's one way to show you care about people by doing small things for them. It's like life drums on at a basic level of busyness and anonymity but when somebody else on their own accord does some small act of kindness or remembers a small detail about you, it can really turn someone's day for the better. I think it makes people feel like they matter and are noticed and not just swimming in a sea of people and work and jobs and busy life, you know? Like it brings a little humanity back.

For instance, this week I noticed it was one of my kids' teachers birthday (via Facebook) and wished her a happy birthday that morning and my daughter decided on her own accord she wanted to make her a card. The teacher was really surprised and touched to read it and that someone would remember. I also wrote a friend (outer circles / acquaintance) of mine in town who is nearing the end of her pregnancy and told her I know how crazy it is at the end to find care for your other kids while you go into labor and I could definitely watch hers for her if she wants (our kids are in the same class etc). She was so relieved because she has no family in town and didn't know what else she would do. She never asked me or hinted on it but I just knew this would be a nice thing to help someone out. Or the other day in passing I told someone I know that I read his article he wrote for the student paper and thought it was wonderful and his face lit up and he was excited it reached other people and meant something to them. Just a few examples, but you get the point.

I think we ESFJs know that other people don't really do these little things a lot or really care to do them, but I guess it's something we feel we can give to the world to meet people's needs before maybe they even know they have one. A simple "thank you" or a sign of appreciation can really make someone's day and it's not that hard to do and pay attention to the people around you. (Secretly or not so secretly if you're married to an ESFJ, we hope that the people who love us will return the same kindness to us. We do a lot for the people we love in our families, so many little things every day noticed and unnoticed, so I guess we just "hope" that they will sometimes return the same thoughtfulness to us even though we understand that others aren't necessarily as good at it is as we are... it's the thought, no wait, the effort that counts)
 

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For one, we notice. Haha! But that aside, yes I do think it's important to us. I think it is what makes our world a kinder place. It's one way to show you care about people by doing small things for them. It's like life drums on at a basic level of busyness and anonymity but when somebody else on their own accord does some small act of kindness or remembers a small detail about you, it can really turn someone's day for the better. I think it makes people feel like they matter and are noticed and not just swimming in a sea of people and work and jobs and busy life, you know? Like it brings a little humanity back.
I know ESFJ notice. I am reminded all the time or is that reprimanded every time...hmhmm
Well you get the idea. :unsure:


I think we ESFJs know that other people don't really do these little things a lot or really care to do them, but I guess it's something we feel we can give to the world to meet people's needs before maybe they even know they have one. A simple "thank you" or a sign of appreciation can really make someone's day and it's not that hard to do and pay attention to the people around you. (Secretly or not so secretly if you're married to an ESFJ, we hope that the people who love us will return the same kindness to us. We do a lot for the people we love in our families, so many little things every day noticed and unnoticed, so I guess we just "hope" that they will sometimes return the same thoughtfulness to us even though we understand that others aren't necessarily as good at it is as we are... it's the thought, no wait, the effort that counts)
I do not believe to be true that there is such a thing as a selfless individual.
(not implying that is where you are going with that)
Yet I will say that the ESFJ I have been privy to are certainly the leaders in
selfless actions.

So there is a theory in psychology that no act is selfless.
They seem to be on the fence about it. The rational being that
when one does selfless actions it is for a reason that secures an
outcome of their preference so indeed the action be it skewed in
perception as to a benefit in physical items to one is in actuality
a way to secure a feeling that is desired by completing the apparent
selfless act.

I tend to vear from that a bit and assume that some actions. Especially
when massively detrimental to an individual yet extremely beneficial for
another can indeed be selfless yet I do not think that to be a good thing
a lot of the times. Depends on the motive I suppose.

Ahhh im getting rambley.

Appreciate the banter. Ignore my ramblings they probably dont make
common sense anyhow.
 

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What does your ideal day look like?

What things in relationships make you the most happy?
My ideal day:
A day out with friends exploring something, somewhere that I've never been, followed by going out for dinner in the evening, and winding down with a few drinks and banter in the evening.

My actual day:
Get up at half 5, get ready for work and feed the cat, drive to work, work, drive home from work, prepare dinner for me and my ISTJ partner, followed by either slouching in front of the TV or the laptop, then bed... repeat 4 more times to the weekend. Sometimes I spice things up by going to the gym before work.

Its honestly not as bad as it sounds though, I enjoy my work and the drive... but not the gym (Gym is boring, but an unfortunate necessity).


What things in relationships make you the most happy:
Having common interests and someone to support you (or to support back) when times are tough.
 

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Why is the sky blue ???
Some say its because God is a big fan of the colour blue.

Others say it's because blue light is scattered in all directions by the tiny molecules of air in the Earth's atmosphere, and since blue is scattered more than other colors, because it travels as shorter, smaller waves, it results in the sky appearing the colour blue to us most of the time (or at least when the sun is up).

Here in Scotland however, we say that the rest of the world is weird because as far as we're concerned the sky is a grey-ish white colour.
 

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so, a lot of people online say I'm ESFJ

here are my doubts about that

I don't really have friends, I don't know why but I can't seem to really get along with most people, I don't really know how to read other people's emotions or needs, or how I come across - seems like ESFJs would be better with all of this. I can see a lot of similarities between myself and many of the types. The odd thing is, I don't really see myself in the SPs or NJs . . . even though some keep pointing me to some kind of SP.

I'm looking to see if any ESFJ relates to this. Maybe dominant Fe doesn't necessarily mean that I would be better at these things.
 

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My ideal day:
A day out with friends exploring something, somewhere that I've never been, followed by going out for dinner in the evening, and winding down with a few drinks and banter in the evening.

My actual day:
Get up at half 5, get ready for work and feed the cat, drive to work, work, drive home from work, prepare dinner for me and my ISTJ partner, followed by either slouching in front of the TV or the laptop, then bed... repeat 4 more times to the weekend. Sometimes I spice things up by going to the gym before work. .
Ohh, can I ask you about how you and your partner deal with arguments or disagreements? I am an ENFJ and my partner is an INTJ and we are so great together until an argument happens. Both of us are so bold headed we don't want to back down if that makes sense :dry:
 
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