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Sensors can indeed like the hypothetical and the abstract too! Also sometimes, we may be interested in things we normally would not be, simply because YOU are interested in it, so we become interested because of your interest.
Also I agree with the others...I'd take the little hints she's dropping you as a positive. At the very least, I always believe it never hurts to just ask! And since it seems like you guys are somewhat good friends, she already likes you as a person! Better to potentially get something good than to never even try in the first place and live the rest of your life (or however long it takes to move on) in agony.
Thanks, that actually helps a lot. I might as well give it a try. Waiting for something to happen probably doesn't get anywhere. Although probably should prepare for the worst so my Fi doesn't kill me. xD
 

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Discussion Starter #102
It usually ends up being us one on one talking. Another odd thing about her is she isn't exactly the popular person which is a common ESFJ stereotype. I think part of it is she is strangely independent of the rules and an artist as well. At the same time I don't think she finds much chemistry with other Sensing types. It has always made me question if she really is an ESFJ but I couldn't possibly think of her as being anything else. She is incredibly talkative and direct at the same time. Oddly though when I talk about the hypothetical she is interested. But I am almost positive she is Sensing considering her large amount of concrete observations of the people around her.
Well, I'm 100% FeSiNeTi (coginitive function stack of ESFJ), but I've never, ever in my entire life been "popular". I was one of the weird kids growing up-- partially because my family lived out some very alternative life choices that I also lived out be default, but mostly because I'm also pretty artistic and like alternative kinds of things, and I'm not afraid to stand out from the crowd. I like what a like, and I tend to find other people with similar attitudes and outlooks. Out of my 8 closest friends that I've had since high school, only two have been high 'Sensing' types. Most of my friends are introverts and high Ni or Ne types. I love talking about hypothetical topics.

At the end of the day, every type has iNtuition and Sensing, so ESFJs that don't fit all the stereotypes just aren't shocking to me. I don't fit probably 50% or more of the stereotypes for my type. :)
 

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ESFJ relationship questions

Hey you wonderful ESFJs,

ENFJ here and I'm looking to ask a few questions regarding my friendship with an ESFJ girl cause I want to take it further and I'd like to get some perspective.

Thing is, this could be a pretty long story to begin with and then from there, I might have some questions and even more follow up questions after that.

So with that said, is this the best place to ask or should I start a new thread on the forum to keep things more organised?
 

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Hey you wonderful ESFJs,

ENFJ here and I'm looking to ask a few questions regarding my friendship with an ESFJ girl cause I want to take it further and I'd like to get some perspective.

Thing is, this could be a pretty long story to begin with and then from there, I might have some questions and even more follow up questions after that.

So with that said, is this the best place to ask or should I start a new thread on the forum to keep things more organised?
Making a separate thread may catch the attention of more people and allow you to get different inputs :)
(Also ENFJ's are lovely too...idk if it seems like I think so from my posts on your subforums, but I really do admire you guys!)
 

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Making a separate thread may catch the attention of more people and allow you to get different inputs :)
(Also ENFJ's are lovely too...idk if it seems like I think so from my posts on your subforums, but I really do admire you guys!)
Yeah, guess I'll probably do that in awhile's time.

Was apprehensive about starting a relationship thread cause in our subforum, we get bombarded with so many of them when we have a stickied thread just for it.

Plus, I was the one who started the thread so little bias there as well.

But yeah, thanks again for the input.
 

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Yeah, guess I'll probably do that in awhile's time.

Was apprehensive about starting a relationship thread cause in our subforum, we get bombarded with so many of them when we have a stickied thread just for it.

Plus, I was the one who started the thread so little bias there as well.

But yeah, thanks again for the input.
Haha no worries about that! We get so little activity on this forum that we welcome any new threads, even if the topic has been asked 500 times before!
 

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There's an ESFJ I know, who tends to ask for advice, even though she has already made up her mind. And if the advice goes against what she's planning to do, she starts to argue against it.

How should I tell her, and that it's frustrating and she should stop it, for best effect/without hurting all of her feelings?
 

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There's an ESFJ I know, who tends to ask for advice, even though she has already made up her mind. And if the advice goes against what she's planning to do, she starts to argue against it.

How should I tell her, and that it's frustrating and she should stop it, for best effect/without hurting all of her feelings?
Tell her what she wants to hear and apologize for suggesting something else. :laughing: That's what I would do, but I guess I don't mind about her feelings and I'm also an INTP so... "I know where the door is, later guys".
 

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There's an ESFJ I know, who tends to ask for advice, even though she has already made up her mind. And if the advice goes against what she's planning to do, she starts to argue against it.

How should I tell her, and that it's frustrating and she should stop it, for best effect/without hurting all of her feelings?


My wife is ESFJ and I get that alot.

Here is what I do....

I still giver her my advice I just put disclaimers before I start.

for example....

She may ask me .." What do you think I should do about this girl at work who keeps
eating my lunch" ... Well she already knows what she is going to do and that is nothing.
She wont rock the boat. This is clearly not what I would choose and I dont want to just
agree with her to appease the situation.

But ...you can deflect.

So go into it like so......

"Well that dosnt sound to cool. Let me start by saying .. you know this person better
than I do so I can only give you a vague best guess here. That said you need to do what is right for you.
If I was in that situation I would call the person out if I knew it to be them for sure"

The above response has a few key lines that open it up....you know this person better
or...you need to do what is right for you

So basically you told them what you would do but also left open the fact that they need to do what is right for them

win win ...
 

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Discussion Starter #110
There's an ESFJ I know, who tends to ask for advice, even though she has already made up her mind. And if the advice goes against what she's planning to do, she starts to argue against it.

How should I tell her, and that it's frustrating and she should stop it, for best effect/without hurting all of her feelings?
She probably just wants to talk about her problem and has mistakenly gotten into the habit of opening with a question. I get that that would be frustrating, especially for Thinking types who want to solve problems. You could certainly just ask her, "Do you really want my advice or do you just need to vent?" @FueledByEvil also gave a great response with the, "Here's what I would do, but you should do whatever you think is right."

At the end of the day, it kind of depends on what this person's relationship to you is when it comes to telling them to cut it out. If this ESFJ is your girlfriend/partner/spouse, then I would advise soft language-- "Hey babe, if you want to vent about a tough situation, can you open with that first? When you pose a question about a tough situation, I can't help but go into problem solving mode. Help me understand your needs up front so I can do my best to help. Love you."

If this ESFJ is more like a friend/acquaintance/coworker, I think you could be a bit more blunt. "Hey, so, just as a heads up-- if you ask for my advice, I'm going to give it to you. My go-to when asked a question is problem solving. If you want to vent, I'm fine with that, but say so." Or if you think this girl is extra-sensitive or something, you could blend the two a bit to get somewhere in the middle. Personally, I appreciate it when my friends/husband tells me how they want to communicate with them. It typically improves our overall relationship, and we're both able to move on happier together.
 

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There's an ESFJ I know, who tends to ask for advice, even though she has already made up her mind. And if the advice goes against what she's planning to do, she starts to argue against it.

How should I tell her, and that it's frustrating and she should stop it, for best effect/without hurting all of her feelings?
What helps a lot is phrasing it in such a way where you express your own feelings on the matter without expressing blame so much as what you feel about the situation--while affirming that you value your ESFJ friend. Something like "I genuinely am interested in showing you support, but it's hurtful for me to offer advice that is rejected every time. Is this your intention? Can we talk about some ways to avoid this kind of situation?" In general, involving the other person in that kind of discussion by asking for their own feelings and their own contributions to the solution helps to avoid them feeling attacked--instead of a confrontation, then it can be a discussion between the two of you, which helps to share that you value the other person and your relationship with them.
 

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What helps a lot is phrasing it in such a way where you express your own feelings on the matter without expressing blame so much as what you feel about the situation--while affirming that you value your ESFJ friend. Something like "I genuinely am interested in showing you support, but it's hurtful for me to offer advice that is rejected every time. Is this your intention? Can we talk about some ways to avoid this kind of situation?" In general, involving the other person in that kind of discussion by asking for their own feelings and their own contributions to the solution helps to avoid them feeling attacked--instead of a confrontation, then it can be a discussion between the two of you, which helps to share that you value the other person and your relationship with them.
This is such a great reply. I admire you
 
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