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@Milkshakes: Haha, yeah, I have no idea... XD in the "You know you are an ESFP when..." thread, a lot of INFP's also pop in and say how much they like being around ESFP's.... Some kind of natural attraction or something...? XD
We can't help it (or I can't, anyway :p) there's just something about you guys.
 

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@Daereon I actually was the one that had the worse jealousy issue(we were teenagers and I was a VERY unhealthy INFP),he was jealous also but would of never admitted it.Also we were in contact for four years prior to this with him knowing I USED to be in love with him,i'm not anymore I still have love for him,but he is definetly not someone I would ever want to romantically/physically be with ever.I just miss the friendship that we had and would love to be able to have that,his actions just confuse me he's done this whole deleting me thing before but usually will add me back.Maybe he has just moved on and doesn't care anymore I'm guessing,which is sad but it is what it is.I would love to re-add him on facebook or send him a message but i'm not sure that'd be the right thing to do.
 

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The slowness with chores is probably passive aggression. ESFP is not naturally good at setting boundaries. I still have trouble if I see the person as having some kind of power in the relationship. If I don't respect them or care, I can be very assertive. If I respect them or want their approval, I can still be assertive but it takes conscious effort - based on personally valuing healthy relationships.

And my form of boundary-setting is still a bit sweet and vulnerable. Rather than snarking I usuall would say something like, "It hurts my feelings when you speak to me that way." If this is happening because of abuse, then that might not change anything. I would hope the parents just don't realize what they are doing.

If she failed in school it could be due to living out the belief of being a failure. If the feedback from parents is as bad as you say. Emotional abuse can create perfectionists and it can also create self-sabotage.

She may be one of those girls who tries to get into a relationship early, maybe even marriage early, as a way to leave home. Not sure, not enough info. I think therapy would be good for her at any rate.
My daughter has befriended this girl and is now very worried. The ESFP is having very risky sexual behavior (having unprotected sex with more than one guy). And it is as you say. She is trying to get pregnant in order to escape the reality of her family.

My daughter wants me to talk some sense in this girl. And this is odd because usually my ENTP daughter does not get "tripped out" by other people's behavior very much. She is very much an advocate herself without judgment, but even she is incredibly worried about this ESFP.

Just to let you know, I've already told the ESFP girl that I'd take her to get on birth control and her parents wouldn't have to know at all. But she seems to indulge in this behavior. She also says the guys don't like condoms. She is also cheating on her boyfriend which is really no big deal because he is not in her league, a couple of years younger, and has cheated on her many times.

I feel like these unsafe guys coupled with unsafe sex is the only way she is dealing with her anger at her parents. I also feel I'm at that crucial point where I've lost her and she has resigned herself to this lifestyle. What as a "cool friend/aunt" can I do? She is only 15. I believe she has no power in her household so she is trying to take her power sexually.

Everything is "fun" for her, so it's going to be hard when I bring up the subject and become a "downer". I really wish she'd spend some time alone with me so we could just talk. But she is so fucking social. That may never happen unless I make the one-on-one really attractive. But I don't even think an invitation to Paris would help at this point. She has let go of caring about her family or what anyone expects of her.

I know she will end up pregnant soon.
 

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My daughter has befriended this girl and is now very worried. The ESFP is having very risky sexual behavior (having unprotected sex with more than one guy). And it is as you say. She is trying to get pregnant in order to escape the reality of her family.

My daughter wants me to talk some sense in this girl. And this is odd because usually my ENTP daughter does not get "tripped out" by other people's behavior very much. She is very much an advocate herself without judgment, but even she is incredibly worried about this ESFP.

Just to let you know, I've already told the ESFP girl that I'd take her to get on birth control and her parents wouldn't have to know at all. But she seems to indulge in this behavior. She also says the guys don't like condoms. She is also cheating on her boyfriend which is really no big deal because he is not in her league, a couple of years younger, and has cheated on her many times.

I feel like these unsafe guys coupled with unsafe sex is the only way she is dealing with her anger at her parents. I also feel I'm at that crucial point where I've lost her and she has resigned herself to this lifestyle. What as a "cool friend/aunt" can I do? She is only 15. I believe she has no power in her household so she is trying to take her power sexually.

Everything is "fun" for her, so it's going to be hard when I bring up the subject and become a "downer". I really wish she'd spend some time alone with me so we could just talk. But she is so fucking social. That may never happen unless I make the one-on-one really attractive. But I don't even think an invitation to Paris would help at this point. She has let go of caring about her family or what anyone expects of her.

I know she will end up pregnant soon.
I will think about this and try to give a more thoughtful response later. For now, I'd suggest telling her that she can get out of her parents' meanness very soon, and she doesn't have to latch onto a man to do it. Give her condoms and tell her, you know the guys say they don't like them, but most of those guys - if they get her pregnant - will not stick around. So she won't even get the benefit of leaving home to start a family. The guy will act like he has no idea they had sex and she'll be on her own with a very expensive consequence.

Take it easy on how much you try to scare her, though. I know for me, scare tactics don't work because if it rattles me too much, I process it in freakout mode and move back into my happy Now space. I don't generally integrate the scary message if this happens. So a little fear, a little scaring, will stick, but a lot will be pushed out.

Also maybe tell her that a baby isn't fun. Help her figure out other ways to feel control, independence, autonomy, etc.
 

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I will think about this and try to give a more thoughtful response later. For now, I'd suggest telling her that she can get out of her parents' meanness very soon, and she doesn't have to latch onto a man to do it. Give her condoms and tell her, you know the guys say they don't like them, but most of those guys - if they get her pregnant - will not stick around. So she won't even get the benefit of leaving home to start a family. The guy will act like he has no idea they had sex and she'll be on her own with a very expensive consequence.

Take it easy on how much you try to scare her, though. I know for me, scare tactics don't work because if it rattles me too much, I process it in freakout mode and move back into my happy Now space. I don't generally integrate the scary message if this happens. So a little fear, a little scaring, will stick, but a lot will be pushed out.

Also maybe tell her that a baby isn't fun. Help her figure out other ways to feel control, independence, autonomy, etc.
How do I get her to spend one-on-one time with me? Do ESFPs like to shop?

So far her and my only common bond is that we LOVE to talk about relationships and the guys we're seeing.

And right now she is not staying with her parents. She is staying with her grandmother this week which means she can sneak out every night when these guys call her.

I just want to know what would be attractive enough to get her to spend time with me. In what environment do ESFPs feel safe to open up? I know she does not want to be put on the spot.
 

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How do I get her to spend one-on-one time with me? Do ESFPs like to shop?

So far her and my only common bond is that we LOVE to talk about relationships and the guys we're seeing.

And right now she is not staying with her parents. She is staying with her grandmother this week which means she can sneak out every night when these guys call her.

I just want to know what would be attractive enough to get her to spend time with me. In what environment do ESFPs feel safe to open up? I know she does not want to be put on the spot.
Shopping is a great idea. Also manicure/pedicure, spa day stuff. I've never met an ESFP who wasn't down for that.
 

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Shopping is a great idea. Also manicure/pedicure, spa day stuff. I've never met an ESFP who wasn't down for that.
OMG!! I feel so stupid!! She has actually mentioned that over and over to me! "We should totally get our nails done." "We should get a pedicure together."'

Duh! Stupid me! Thank you so much @sparkles. You are awesome as always. *Hugs*
 

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@ThatOne: D'awww, thanks :3 But, like I said, its pretty striking that it's all INFP's saying it XD
I have to admit, I haven't really noticed the amount of INFPs doing it, though now that I think about it... there are quite a few of us hanging around. :p

Idk. In my opinion, you guys just have this kind of cheerful, fun, exciting energy about you. I think it might draw some of us (or, rather, a lot of us ;) ) INFPs in. But that's just speculation. I can't speak for the entire INFP population. ;P
 

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Him: "Thanks, im feeling alot better now :) what you up to?"
Me: " Are you sure? :/ you know I'm always here to listen if your upset. Nothing really, I was just waiting for your reply, you?"
Don't ask the "are you sure?" question. At least I know I hate that. It's like, what did I just say? Why would I lie to you about that? =P
 

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I really want an ESFP friend for some reason. Or at least to talk to one. They seem so happy and fun-loving. It intrigues me. :tongue:
So my question is, where can I find you guys, and how do I pick you out from billions of others?
I'll be your friend! I'm right here! :happy:
 

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Sorry for talking in circles. I'll try to be more precise.

Problem: His actions do not make sense to me.

Why would you contact someone and then ignore them when they respond. If it was something that just happened every once in a while, then you are right, totally not a big deal. There are many reasons why you might get distracted, forget about it, whatever. I do that too. But in the past few months he seems to have developed an inability to complete a conversation, even when he is the one to initiate it. I do not understand why someone would keep reaching out in this halfhearted manner.

Ah, you're so straightforward! You took me totally literally :) I'll try to be more clear. He's fun because he's lighthearted, irreverent, spontaneous... he brings a lot when he joins a party. But I can't shake the feeling that he also is dishonest in some way. By "being played around with" I mean mind games, malicious manipulation, that kind of stuff.

I want to understand. I can't decide whether he's just a standard class slightly inconsiderate and/or absentminded person or a real jerk that I'd be better off never responding too again.

edit: the other two posters probly have it right, he's just "one of those guys." I just figured I'd ask if ya'll had any insight to a logical reason he might be acting that way before I just stopped talking to him.
He might not be malicious, he might just not think it's as big a deal as you do, just like I didn't. I mean, if it takes several paragraphs to try to explain it to ME, and I'm listening in the context of trying to figure something out, then imagine how far away from getting that HE must be if you haven't told him that's a problem. If you have told him, disregard, but you didn't say that you did so I figured you hadn't.
 

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He might not be malicious, he might just not think it's as big a deal as you do, just like I didn't. I mean, if it takes several paragraphs to try to explain it to ME, and I'm listening in the context of trying to figure something out, then imagine how far away from getting that HE must be if you haven't told him that's a problem. If you have told him, disregard, but you didn't say that you did so I figured you hadn't.
Lol. Thanks for taking me seriously, and taking the time to try to figure it out. I had told him it was a problem several times, a few times subtly and a couple times bluntly.

I've spent the past two years not thinking it was a big deal, but the nagging sense that something just wasn't right has been growing. Long story short, I actually found out over the weekend that there was a pretty big backstory about why he was just keeping tabs on what I was up to, and I will not be ever talking to him again.


Not going to write off you goofy ESFPs as a group though :)
 

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You know, I love to hate ESFPs. On one hand our interests are completely opposed, but on the other somehow we have things to talk about even if it's not the philosophical or existential crap I love and she tries to pretend to care. I started out not liking her because her artless charm smelled plastic from a mile away and it took me years to figure out unlike other people, she's real. Sometimes she frustrates me with her extreme idealism. She's never had a boyfriend but insists that one day she's going to have her romcom happy ending, and remains unreservedly optimistic that a guy will come and sweep her off her feet without any initiative on her part even when I try to explain to her the reason romcoms are so appealing is because they present an idealized version of what romance is like, which incidentally means it doesn't happen this way in real life.

She said "awwwww", which is her equivalent of LALALA NOT LISTENING (or: While that's all very interesting, let's not talk about this anymore...) and my face just about hit the keyboard. I don't think I've met a person more receptive to criticism to the extent I actually felt bad for it. She made an INTJ feel bad. That just doesn't happen everyday. When she asked me to critique her college essay, I was brutal: "Don't say it this way. You don't have a distinct voice. Colleges don't care about the technical details of your research in an essay about intellectual exploration." "Did you read the second paragraph?" "Honestly, I couldn't get to it. I got lost somewhere between the first sentence and all the medical jargon you threw in there". As always, she doesn't like to disagree with criticism even though sometimes I might have gone overboard.

She is always humble, but doesn't let anything get her down, and even very easily criticizes herself. She might feel very bad about it in the moment but she always picks herself up, a rare, underrated and often unnoticed ability. She's the one person I can't offend if I don't try to (and I usually don't, but some end up offended anyway. Can't please everyone) and I absolutely have never seen her get into ego pissing contests with anybody, something I can't even claim for myself even though it's a virtue I hold as essential to being a mature person. Her simple self-assuredness, under the appearance of humility and openness, is truly admirable.

That's not to say she never annoys me. She still does, with her constant need to have everyone around her, and how she's so self-effacing that anyone can say anything and she'll agree with it, and how she's just so goddamnit unsubtle in thought. But on the other hand she has my utmost admiration in her ability to survive and thrive in this world. She's never the conventionally smart type and knows she's not anything impressive, intellectually, even though many look up to her as a genius because she's the salutatorian. She would readily acknowledge I'm the smarter one and I took pride that at least somebody knows it, and it's amazing coming from the Queen of Academic Excellence herself, when my own grades were not impressive.

I told her all of this once, over Skype, and that was perhaps the one time I gushed so much about her virtues when she might have thought I look down upon her. She said she felt inadequate next to me, but what she didn't know is though I have something she doesn't, she also has an innate strength and resilience I can only dream about. When I told her the contents of this post, she was so happy and appreciative that she actually made me feel like a better person. She then told me: "I have many friends, but sometimes I feel only you really care, even though you seem like you don't." That made my day. Strange how it works out, that your opposite type reads you so easily while people who share more of your preferences don't.

I realize this is not actually a question. Now I want an ESFP friend in my college because she's not there :(
 

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Shopping is a great idea. Also manicure/pedicure, spa day stuff. I've never met an ESFP who wasn't down for that.
Hahaha well there's me~ I can't stand when people touch my feet or are sitting around me and talking like I can't hear them/in another language. It is a big pet peeve. I do like getting my fingernails done though. Dont like spa days... weird as that sounds It urks me.:laughing:
 

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My older brother needs some serious help! He really likes this INFP girl, but let's just say there are some... technical details getting in the way. Some small, minor barriers... ok, she already has a boyfriend.

If you've ever heard the song Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney, that basically sums up his opinion of her. I've never seen him so determined/serious about his affection for someone. I tried pointing out other girls, but he's not listening to me. Well, not really. He kinda pretends he is, but he never really goes after them. I asked our older ISTJ sister and she said he just needed to face reality and that he would get over it. I don't agree though. It's different to the times he used to admire the girls he knew he couldn't have.

I like the girl a lot too! She's really nice to me, and she treats me like an adult, not a 5 year old like my parents do. >_< She looked after me sometimes with my brother. Also, her and my brother have a lot of fun. He was calling her one of his closest friends within two days of meeting her, though I think the idea took longer to grow on her. :tongue: They're really cute together. He makes her happy and vice versa.

What advice can you give him? :/ I don't like seeing him sad. Is there any way for him to get her?
 

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My older brother needs some serious help! He really likes this INFP girl, but let's just say there are some... technical details getting in the way. Some small, minor barriers... ok, she already has a boyfriend.

If you've ever heard the song Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney, that basically sums up his opinion of her. I've never seen him so determined/serious about his affection for someone. I tried pointing out other girls, but he's not listening to me. Well, not really. He kinda pretends he is, but he never really goes after them. I asked our older ISTJ sister and she said he just needed to face reality and that he would get over it. I don't agree though. It's different to the times he used to admire the girls he knew he couldn't have.

I like the girl a lot too! She's really nice to me, and she treats me like an adult, not a 5 year old like my parents do. >_< She looked after me sometimes with my brother. Also, her and my brother have a lot of fun. He was calling her one of his closest friends within two days of meeting her, though I think the idea took longer to grow on her. :tongue: They're really cute together. He makes her happy and vice versa.

What advice can you give him? :/ I don't like seeing him sad. Is there any way for him to get her?
These are all starting to sound quite repetitive... XD
 

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I don't want to quote @Persephone's post and then reply to it in that fashion, so let me just hope Persephone is reading this and then take it from here:

Your description of your mentality most likely fits the way that one of my friends sees me. And as a fellow ESFP, I kind of just want to throw out there that we do not like feeling judged for our lack of interest in a good deal of complex matters, but also that just because we aren't as interested in them as often as you other personality types, does not mean we are totally uncapable - you just really have to catch us in the right context and at the right time, to tap into our intellectual sides.

We also tend to know that bringing up any dissatisfaction with someone who knows more about dissecting opinions and countering them - such is the art of debate - is putting ourselves at risk of a lecture, or a long winded discussion we did not sign up for. I know I do this with my more introverted, intellectual/thinking-oriented friends. Let me just say, you people kind of make us feel inferior, a bit more than we let on.
 
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