[happycrazy]

Ok...thanks.

 

[The red spirit]

Ok...thanks.

???

 

[Coburn]

Do ESTJs find emotional people weak or can they strike as cute to them too? What do you feel or what goes inside your head when you can not relate to other person's sensitivity?

Entirely depends on context. Emotion in itself is not a weakness and doesn't strike me as wrong. There are times and places where I find it admirable. But when it is used to peddle helplessness or a victim complex, or to demand something of me or others which is not duly owed, I find it ugly.

When I can't relate I think about what I need to say to get through my interaction and get out. I am uncomfortable with emotional people whose emotions I find shallow/irritating.

 

[happycrazy]

Oh I have a real question now...are ESTJs bored by "nice" people?

 

[Cuddly_Cactus]

So, most other forums has one like this, but I couldn't find one here.

(think we'll need one regarding all the stereotypes here...)
So guys (and girls), just go on and shoot any questions you'd like!
(other ESTJs are welcome to answer as well of course, but I guess you don't need an invitation for that..)

I know a lot of people say ESTJ are not very affectionate and kind but I disagree with my experience with a few I know. Which bring me to my question, are ESTJ affectionate and kind to people ingeneral? If not do they just have to be close to the person? And do ESTJ dislike nice people?

 

[L P]

I know a lot of people say ESTJ are not very affectionate and kind but I disagree with my experience with a few I know. Which bring me to my question, are ESTJ affectionate and kind to people ingeneral? If not do they just have to be close to the person? And do ESTJ dislike nice people?

Ok, I'm not ESTJ, but I know a number of them.

Usually people say ESTJs are mean and not affectionate , then someone comes in with an exception like "ESTJs aren't mean and not affectionate contrary to popular belief."
It goes back and forth. ESTJs prefer to be more professional in their approach with strangers, not mean, not too nice, just neutral. With people they are close too they can relax and show affection but it is not in ways that are obvious to people who do not know them, some forms of ESTJ affection can be making you the butt of their jokes (this is a way to draw attention to you and pick you out of a group of people to say "Hey, I notice you, and I like you as a person, otherwise I wouldn't be taking the time to say your name let alone make a joke about you.") Super duper forms of affection are not normal for an ESTJ, they can put on a professional smile, they can be polite to strangers just fine but this does not mean much and only is done because it's how one must conduct themselves in public, or to show they were raised right. This whole professional demeanor is dropped with close friends, as they joke more say more crude things and relax.

ESTJs also do not dislike nice people and they appreciate truly kind people, what they find uncomfortable and distrusting is huge displays of flagrant emotion, they may not know why someone is being so favorable towards them or how honest someone is being when they dole out things like "OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUUUUU! OH MY GOD I'VE MISSED YOUUUU." And it's not common for an ESTJ to show those forms of affection. ESTJ forms of affection come more in the form of acts of service. If an ESTJ ever shows concern in your well being or your problems, they care about you to some extent to supply their greatest strength and asset to you, their energy and their time, because ESTJs can be highly scheduled people and do not give their precious time to things that do not matter to them, because they have something more important to do.

If you are seeking warm compassion, ESTJ will respond with professional and neutral responses. So you will be disappointed.

But as far as people close to them, usually these people can range from work buddies who share their work struggles and listen to their work complaints, a stress reliever and sounding board if you will, old time friends they can reminisce with and share those that their worldview, people they can go out with and have a good time drinking a beer with, to people who can help them relax and laugh because they can playfully bring up things that are unordinary and help the ESTJ get out of a serious mind frame and be silly for a few minutes before they get back to work.

With the ESTJs I've known I usually end up being the silly non threatening friend they at first kinda like to keep around, but then start to REALLY like to keep around lol. I've even made my ESTJ boss, who is a pretty intimidating woman, laugh by saying a silly and unusual joke. It seems like a nice treat if the silliness does not distract one from getting work done.

All the ESTJs I've known they've never been super affectionate, even one girl I knew and friends with was not super affectionate, it's more like they are enthusiastic about helping me if I have a goal or a problem, and that's an easy way to see "Wow this person is a real friend!" and it's easy to see they care about you through that enthusiasm. I remember one time I missed my bus and it was driving to a bus stop a mile down the street, my ESTJ friend who dropped me off at my current bus stop, saw that I missed my bus, and he pulled up to me and said "Hey, let's catch that bus." Like some old time movie crime partner lol, I hopped in the car and he raced after that bus, and he didn't feel burdened or anything, he was excited to help even though it had nothing to do with him, that felt like real friendship, no affection or any of that stuff needed (also we are both guys so that's weird lol). I've also had another ESTJ friend who I let stay at my apartment for 2 months, he fixed me lunch for work everyday he stayed there LOL, without asking, and he cooked for me and my roommate, without asking, we are both guys so it was weird at first but he was happy to do it, and felt like he couldn't stay in my house without contributing something, even though nothing was required, good friend, no extra emotion or affection needed once again, and we are close. I've had another ESTJ friend pay for his own and my plane flight ticket, just because he was excited I agreed to go out of town to an event with him. That to me seems like and ESTJ being "affectionate." But I think with strangers they'd rather be professional, polite, neutral, or just social, but not super emotionally expressive or accommodating to people they do not know.

I mean I've seen an ESTJ talk about how when his daughter started to distance herself from him when she was in her rebellious teens, he just started to bring her in closer, taking her everywhere with him and trying to keep the relationship strong.
I've also seen an ESTJ cry many times in public about his wife who passed away years ago, and the way he talks about her you can tell he loved her and she was everything to him.

So yea, they are people, like everybody else.

I know these are really personalized examples, so at best they just provide a bunch of exceptions to common stereotypes, but at least it shows there is no one way to be ESTJ even if thre are common trends among them.

 

[daleks_exterminate]

Hi ESTJs,

Are you curious of other areas of PerC, but haven't really seen a reason to venture out? Do you like games involving deduction and meeting a listed objective?

If so: Mafia may be a fun game for you. (It's sometimes called Werewolves of Miller's Hollow or Town of Salem and played on a fourm. Perc has own own subfourm for it: https://www.personalitycafe.com/mafia/)

But wait! There's more:
In just a few days, I'll begin signups for a Star Wars themed mafia game. It would be a great way to try it out! Let me know if you'd like to be mentioned for sign ups.

 

[Coburn]

Hi ESTJs,

Are you curious of other areas of PerC, but haven't really seen a reason to venture out? Do you like games involving deduction and meeting a listed objective?

If so: Mafia may be a fun game for you. (It's sometimes called Werewolves of Miller's Hollow or Town of Salem and played on a fourm. Perc has own own subfourm for it: https://www.personalitycafe.com/mafia/)

But wait! There's more:
In just a few days, I'll begin signups for a Star Wars themed mafia game. It would be a great way to try it out! Let me know if you'd like to be mentioned for sign ups.

Hahaha. This is like trying to meet warm bodies in a graveyard. But good luck to you.

 

[Coburn]

Oh I have a real question now...are ESTJs bored by "nice" people?

Not at all. I really appreciate nice people.

I do, however, get bored with people who are nice to the point of being doormats. Or people who lack a certain level of decisiveness.

 

[daleks_exterminate]

Hahaha. This is like trying to meet warm bodies in a graveyard. But good luck to you.

What is that happens to be my favorite place to meet warm bodies?

 

[tamalynn]

Do ESTJ's test potential romatic partners? I feel like I am being tested. Watched... kind of set up to see how I will respond to things. Is this typical of an ESTJ?

 

[Coburn]

Do ESTJ's test potential romatic partners? I feel like I am being tested. Watched... kind of set up to see how I will respond to things. Is this typical of an ESTJ?

Personally, this isn't something I do. Generally speaking, this isn't something ESTJs do. The type is known for being straightforward to a fault.

However, this is something enneagram type sixes have a tendency to do.

 

[Zeptus]

I have always seen my brother as a ESTJ. He used to be extremely outgoing and partying between 18-22, but then settled down and now is more a career and family person... rarely meets friends on spare time. I asked him to take the test and he got ESTJ.. He, himself says that he feels like he is more a introvert (although have good social skills) and his wife who is also a Introvert, sees him as a introvert as well...

Do you ESTJ usually feel like you are introverts, or do you think he might be an ISTJ

 

[L P]

I have always seen my brother as a ESTJ. He used to be extremely outgoing and partying between 18-22, but then settled down and now is more a career and family person... rarely meets friends on spare time. I asked him to take the test and he got ESTJ.. He, himself says that he feels like he is more a introvert (although have good social skills) and his wife who is also a Introvert, sees him as a introvert as well...

Do you ESTJ usually feel like you are introverts, or do you think he might be an ISTJ

I don't know what the deal is with some extroverts thinking they are introverts. I see this misunderstanding occur more than introverts thinking they might be extroverts. Maybe it's a lack of self awareness for some, I'm not sure. But some ESTJs can be very quite and not social, simply because they aren't interested in what the group is talking about, but once you talk to them about themselves or something they know, you can tell this person could have a conversation with a wall, meaning that once they get started they do not require you to speak anymore lol,<< Extrovert. My Pastor is an ESTJ and he think's he's an introvert because sometimes he likes to get alone and take a break from socializing and read a book -_-.

What I honestly think is this, someone will read the extrovert and introvert descriptions, and an extrovert might read the E descriptions through the lens of "this is normal behavior everybody does this." and when they read the I description they see it through the lens of "Oh wow I do that sometimes, that's what that is? Wow I must be an introvert since I do like alone time sometimes." Not realizing that their own surprise at why they might like alone time occasionally is the very thing that exposes them as an extrovert, if alone time is something surprising or "different" or unusual for you, but not really necessary, you are an E.


TLDR:
Sorry, that probably was a load you did not even care to read lol. I agree, I do think some EXTJs can come off like and think they are extroverts, since they can be socially detached because they simply are not interested in the conversation at had.

 

[Zeptus]

I don't know what the deal is with some extroverts thinking they are introverts. I see this misunderstanding occur more than introverts thinking they might be extroverts. Maybe it's a lack of self awareness for some, I'm not sure. But some ESTJs can be very quite and not social, simply because they aren't interested in what the group is talking about, but once you talk to them about themselves or something they know, you can tell this person could have a conversation with a wall, meaning that once they get started they do not require you to speak anymore lol,<< Extrovert. My Pastor is an ESTJ and he think's he's an introvert because sometimes he likes to get alone and take a break from socializing and read a book -_-.

What I honestly think is this, someone will read the extrovert and introvert descriptions, and an extrovert might read the E descriptions through the lens of "this is normal behavior everybody does this." and when they read the I description they see it through the lens of "Oh wow I do that sometimes, that's what that is? Wow I must be an introvert since I do like alone time sometimes." Not realizing that their own surprise at why they might like alone time occasionally is the very thing that exposes them as an extrovert, if alone time is something surprising or "different" or unusual for you, but not really necessary, you are an E.


TLDR:
Sorry, that probably was a load you did not even care to read lol. I agree, I do think some EXTJs can come off like and think they are extroverts, since they can be socially detached because they simply are not interested in the conversation at had.

Thanks for the answer.

In my mind, I determine extroverts/introverts by asking if they get energy from being with people or being alone. Ofcourse most people are a mix and need both a social life and some alone time, if they are not to the other extreme. But you get a general idea of what the preference is.

According to my brother and his wife, he doesnt mind not socializing alot with people on his spare time... His family is enough for him (to put it in perspective, he has been married and been like this the last 8 years, so its not just a phase thing)

So to summarize what i have written into a single question, is a wife and two kids enough social stimulation for some ESTJ long term, or would you get bored?

 

[Coburn]

Thanks for the answer.

In my mind, I determine extroverts/introverts by asking if they get energy from being with people or being alone. Ofcourse most people are a mix and need both a social life and some alone time, if they are not to the other extreme. But you get a general idea of what the preference is.

According to my brother and his wife, he doesnt mind not socializing alot with people on his spare time... His family is enough for him (to put it in perspective, he has been married and been like this the last 8 years, so its not just a phase thing)

So to summarize what i have written into a single question, is a wife and two kids enough social stimulation for some ESTJ long term, or would you get bored?

For some people it's a quality over quantity thing. Some people don't need a lot of different types of people to feel energized: the few they share close relationships with is enough. For others, it's more about getting in that variety of input.

I'd say both versions are extraverted, just expressed in different ways.

 

[LetMeThinkAboutIt]

Do you always think that other people are stupid or incompetents?

 

[Coburn]

Do you always think that other people are stupid or incompetents?

I don't ever think that unless a person gives me proof otherwise. I can't speak for other ESTJs, but I think we generally don't look down on people.

 

[Liquidlucy]

What do you guys think of the INFJ - ESTJ combination on paper?

(Background: I'm in a relationship with one for seven years now. We are a pretty stable couple, I think we value the same things in life and we have the same interests. But as it comes to our dynamics, I sometimes find his need for pointing out all 'the rules' or 'the best ways to do things' a bit overbearing. Feels like it takes away a bit of my freedom I suppose (but maybe that's just me). He finds me neglecting (not on purpose!) these rules very annoying. Any tips from an ESTJ perspective? )

 

[Eren Jaegerbomb]

What do you think about INFP/ESTJ shadow functions?

When I was at work, this one guy just was NOT doing his job properly, it was inefficient for the team, and since the business didn't really have proper management, my friend and I decided to take charge. I got called bossy lol.