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Got yelled at, today, at work, because I did not easily understand something (they wanted me to put something in a box but I didn't know this box had a specific name, so I wanted to put it there but I didn't know if it was the right place...pretty funny moment, actually) and because I didn't "respect" the holy car and almost ""damaged it"" because I'm too brusque, even though I'm pretty sure it was resistant enough. Was pretty pissed off as I was getting yelled at, thought this guy really disliked me and internally insulted him. Yet I couldn't say anything : I can hardly yell back at other people, instead, I simply have a pissed off look on my face but can't even look at them in the eyes. I really suck at confrontations.

Do you also get angry and annoyed when people are mad at you, instead of just feeling "ashamed"? Do you ignore those who're mad at you and try to do something else in order to relax (alone, ideally)? Do you easily forget and "forgive"? I'm trying to figure out what it says about my feelings according to this bloody theory.
I think my brother is onto something with the enneagram.
It's worth it, especially the tritype seems useful in the given context I imagine. But, yeah, it takes a bit to do the test.

Personally, I'll take the critique if I screwed up.
If not: angry indeed, the bossman can expect some of his own medicine right then and there.
 
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I think my brother is onto something with the enneagram.
It's worth it, especially the tritype seems useful in the given context I imagine. But, yeah, it takes a bit to do the test.

Personally, I'll take the critique if I screwed up.
If not: angry indeed, the bossman can expect some of his own medicine right then and there.
I think my coworker's reaction was strongly exaggerated. They know I can be pretty clumsy and sometimes slow (I'm not a pro, it's just a summer job, for me), yet they're impatient. I'm quick to apologize when I fuck up : I know when I screw up and when I don't, but some of them just seem to have a stick up their ass. Your typical grumpy xSTxs.
 

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I think my coworker's reaction was strongly exaggerated. They know I can be pretty clumsy and sometimes slow (I'm not a pro, it's just a summer job, for me), yet they're impatient. I'm quick to apologize when I fuck up : I know when I screw up and when I don't, but some of them just seem to have a stick up their ass. Your typical grumpy xSTxs.
Oh, I know the type all to well. When I worked in a mechanical shop, there was a lot of that.
Put them in their place and such things usually stop; giving you the respect you deserve.
 

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Oh, I know the type all to well. When I worked in a mechanical shop, there was a lot of that.
Put them in their place and such things usually stop; giving you the respect you deserve.
I'm a pretty discreet person : calm, try not to draw attention to myself, not loud...pretty much the opposite of when I'm behind my computer and it's time to be annoying (I guess it's just a way among others to just relax).
 

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Nope. Cog functions don't go into the depths of how we experience specific feelings/emotional reactions .. just how we process them.
I see. I swear to god, I will never (definitely) know what functions I use, it seems to be so complex and when you hesitate between two different functions, you know you're fucked (and the fact there are 8 functions doesn't help).

Good thing Enneagrams seems to be a little less complex.
 

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Extroverted sensors are good fun, but it can quickly become exhausting if you spend a lot of time with them. I'm currently with an ESFP and while it's amazing, my god, can it drain the life out of me more than anything but I love it.
So your experience was similar. That's fascinating because one of my issues with my ex was just how much more extroverted she was than I was and for the longest time that had me questioning my own extroversion.

My reaction to her extroversion wasn't always positive though. There were times when I just wanted to stay home and she'd want to go to her parents, or something or the other and after a while it just got too much. I'm good to go out every other day if I'm enjoying myself, but if it's something I don't enjoy (like being with her family which she wanted more than anything else), I was not interested. Led to a lot of friction over time.

She wanted one thing. i wanted another. We were both controlling and also valued our independence so it was best to call it off after it couldn't work out anymore. Probably the best decision I ever made.
 

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I see. I swear to god, I will never (definitely) know what functions I use, it seems to be so complex and when you hesitate between two different functions, you know you're fucked (and the fact there are 8 functions doesn't help).

Good thing Enneagrams seems to be a little less complex.
It's not 8 functions. It's 4 functions with different attitudes. All you have to figure out which ones you use first and suppress the most and that's really all there is to it.
 

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It's not 8 functions. It's 4 functions with different attitudes. All you have to figure out which ones you use first and suppress the most and that's really all there is to it.
It's not 8 functions. It's 4 functions with different attitudes
Yea, I got the idea but...yea, I fucked up
All you have to figure out which ones you use first
Strangely, this part is pretty difficult. I could see Se and possibly Fi/Ti (in no particular order), but I guess I don't really seem to be a very emotional or a very iNtuitive person...or maybe it's an introverted function and people can't easily see it.
 

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It's not 8 functions. It's 4 functions with different attitudes
Yea, I got the idea but...yea, I fucked up
All you have to figure out which ones you use first
Strangely, this part is pretty difficult. I could see Se and possibly Fi/Ti (in no particular order), but I guess I don't really seem to be a very emotional or a very iNtuitive person...or maybe it's an introverted function and people can't easily see it.
It could be. Keep reading and you'll get it eventually.
 

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So your experience was similar. That's fascinating because one of my issues with my ex was just how much more extroverted she was than I was and for the longest time that had me questioning my own extroversion.

My reaction to her extroversion wasn't always positive though. There were times when I just wanted to stay home and she'd want to go to her parents, or something or the other and after a while it just got too much. I'm good to go out every other day if I'm enjoying myself, but if it's something I don't enjoy (like being with her family which she wanted more than anything else), I was not interested. Led to a lot of friction over time.

She wanted one thing. i wanted another. We were both controlling and also valued our independence so it was best to call it off after it couldn't work out anymore. Probably the best decision I ever made.
Every ESFP I've met has always been way more extroverted than me. I've always felt comfortable not extroverting and I do think it's something that I've seen in a lot of fellow ESTPs. Dunno if it comes from our Ti, but a night in playing videogames, watching tv and reading a book is always a good night. Also even if I'm out with friends, I don't always feel like extroverting hard, sometimes it's nice to take a back seat and just enjoy the experiences as they come so if you're similar I can definitely see how being with an ESFP would make you question your extroversion.

I can definitely see things crashing and burning with my ESFP partner down the line if we start pushing and pulling in opposing directions, but right now I'm at a stage where I'm very happy relinquishing control and just going with it. I honestly can't imagine myself settling down with an ESFP in the long term, I'm always very aware of how on my toes I feel with them and how unsustainable it probably is, but the intoxication is real xD
 

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It could be. Keep reading and you'll get it eventually.
well, it would be easier if I could easily understand Ti or Ni, for example, but sometimes, it's just so unclear or badly explained that all an idiot like me can do is shrug his shoulders and try to form a short summary of what was understood.
 

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I'm always very aware of how on my toes I feel with them and how unsustainable it probably is, but the intoxication is real xD
Isn't it though? :laughing: They are amazing ... But ... dat dark side (The Se-Te loop)... Gotta watch out for that. You seem too similar to me and even your relationship to a great extent based on what I read in the other thread and here.
 

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That F>T can lead to this ... Basically when you tease, you give the signal that you're perfectly ok with it being done to you and sometimes people tend to take it far. There is a way to create boundaries in a positive manner .. You just have to learn the best way to react to something that went too far in the moment right there and then. There's no point in letting the moment pass and then trying to establish boundaries at a later date imo. That creates more friction.
Awesome advice, thanks! I tried it today (went too far again, but this time I started it haha) and just told him straight without making a big thing of it, and he stopped. He still won though 😅 gotta love ESTP's 😊
 

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Isn't it though? :laughing: They are amazing ... But ... dat dark side (The Se-Te loop)... Gotta watch out for that. You seem too similar to me and even your relationship to a great extent based on what I read in the other thread and here.
For real, I think it might have something to do with how quickly you can relate and get comfortable with them. When I was going through my heavy tinder phase, the best first date I went on was with a Greek ESFP who was in my city for the summer. It was such a breath of fresh air from every other one I'd been on. We went to a cat cafe then spent an evening in a park lying down together, looking at the stars and sharing real dark jokes for hours. We then spent a lot of time together that summer and, even though we never hooked up, it was never boring. We're still good friends and I had a great time when I went to visit her for a week earlier this year, but we're like two balls of fire. Connect amazingly, but definitely not good for the long-term.

I think the fact that I let myself get drawn into ESFPs so strongly is a clear sign that I have some maturing to do. Even though I can logically see that shit's fucked, it's not easy to tell your Se that youre gonna pass up on some dope experiences. I think it helps that Fi is our trickster, makes it easier to shelf your feelings and just jump into the sensations.

Also I've had problems with other partners where when everything's going amazingly, and they're super affectionate and into me I start questioning if it's actually what I want. I'm still not sure if that's me getting bored, or if its just inferior Ni wrecking unnecessary havock, but I've found that my feelings for someone are always at their strongest when I feel them pulling away and there's some uncertainty. Again, that's probably a sign of immaturity from me, but the rocky nature of my connection with ESFPs injects the relationships with the adrenaline needed that keeps my feelings for them strong and keeps me from feeling bored.

It's definitely something I plan to work on since that kind of lifestyle is so clearly unsustainable, but I feel like I'll naturally get more comfortable with healthier relationships the more experience I get with them. Almost all of my relationships with women have been extremely casual and detached; I've always made a point to be very careful who I catch feelings for but I've reached a point where I'm happy to be a lot more open and to not be so commitment averse.
 

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@ponsol - I don't remember how old you are. But hey, if this works for you and you're happy with this, why would you want it to change? You seem like you're enjoying life for the most part. I understand the need for constant intense stimulation and new connections .. even chasing after thrills.

I did settle down though with an ISTJ three years after my first divorce because I realized that I was very much done with my thrill seeking, opportunity seizing ways earlier than most people of my type and needed stability in my life which I lacked till my early 30's.

When ESTP's want to settle down, they know. When you are ready to commit, you'll know and you will.
 

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Haha I'm 23 so still at the start of my journey into adulthood but yeah, I'm absolutely loving life right now.

How long have you been with your ISTJ partner, if you dont mind me asking? I'd love to develop a close relationship with one (not necessarily a romantic one) but I haven't really met many in my day to day life. CSJoseph rates the ESTP-ISTJ compatibility as the highest since they have the same functions, just in reverse - so everything you produce is consumed by the other and vice versa. Have you felt this much during your time together?

Also the ISTJ threads on here all seem to be quite ESTP averse which I found surprising. Though I think it might be because we seem too erratic for the comfortable Si lives they want to lead.
 

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Haha I'm 23 so still at the start of my journey into adulthood but yeah, I'm absolutely loving life right now.
Oye. You're too young. DON'T settle down right away dude. Explore the world lol.

How long have you been with your ISTJ partner, if you dont mind me asking? I'd love to develop a close relationship with one (not necessarily a romantic one) but I haven't really met many in my day to day life. CSJoseph rates the ESTP-ISTJ compatibility as the highest since they have the same functions, just in reverse - so everything you produce is consumed by the other and vice versa. Have you felt this much during your time together?
Met her here on PerC 7 years ago right after my divorce actually. We were both mistyped at the time so we just kinda went with the flow (or at least I took her for the ride lol). Funny thing is that the way we lived our life together and function together is what revealed our actual types to us. I have no clue about csjoseph, but he might be on to something because at least for us our compatibility is sky high. She's open to adventure. She enjoys being introduced to new experiences, but is also very grounded in knowing what she wants as well.

She's the stable one in the relationship; the anchor, while I'm the entertainer and doer (lol) and we both rarely ever get in a situation where we both want different things. Our analysis of situations and decision making is based primarily on logic and functionality but has just the right amount of impulsiveness to keep me continuously interested. That said, at my age (37) I'm pretty much a family man first and I'm done for now and my focus is on building a "home" in the proper sense.
@Etherea ; can probably say more on our compatibility.

Also the ISTJ threads on here all seem to be quite ESTP averse which I found surprising. Though I think it might be because we seem too erratic for the comfortable Si lives they want to lead.
The younger versions of us are crazy fuckers. I keep telling my wife that she and I probably would not have really gotten along as well as we do now if I hadn't matured as much as I have through my wild life. At 23 I was a wild child with a rockstar lifestyle. Black Sheep of the family. A lot more conflict oriented and hyper ... I still am to a great extent, but it's not as obvious and is dialed down. I've become more self-aware and reflective.

I don't know for sure if Etherea would have been able to handle that amount of crazy at that age. That said, we are incredibly compatible based on Okcupid questions (97% to be exact lol) so maybe for us the type difference doesn't really come into play as much.
 

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Oye. You're too young. DON'T settle down right away dude. Explore the world lol.
Hahaha I'm still far from settling down. My relationship with the ESFP rn is great, but it's also got a pretty real time limit since she's moving continents soon. It's probably the best way for things to go between us, because we get to end it while things are still fun and lovely, instead of having a stretched out connection where we're constantly patching things up as the fundamental differences between us start becoming more real and a problem (she's 5 years older than me so she's finishing up her explorative phase where I'm just starting it - ) and leave it on a sour note.


Met her here on PerC 7 years ago right after my divorce actually. We were both mistyped at the time so we just kinda went with the flow (or at least I took her for the ride lol). Funny thing is that the way we lived our life together and function together is what revealed our actual types to us. I have no clue about csjoseph, but he might be on to something because at least for us our compatibility is sky high. She's open to adventure. She enjoys being introduced to new experiences, but is also very grounded in knowing what she wants as well.

She's the stable one in the relationship; the anchor, while I'm the entertainer and doer (lol) and we both rarely ever get in a situation where we both want different things. Our analysis of situations and decision making is based primarily on logic and functionality but has just the right amount of impulsiveness to keep me continuously interested. That said, at my age (37) I'm pretty much a family man first and I'm done for now and my focus is on building a "home" in the proper sense.
Etherea ; can probably say more on our compatibility.



The younger versions of us are crazy fuckers. I keep telling my wife that she and I probably would not have really gotten along as well as we do now if I hadn't matured as much as I have through my wild life. At 23 I was a wild child with a rockstar lifestyle. Black Sheep of the family. A lot more conflict oriented and hyper ... I still am to a great extent, but it's not as obvious and is dialed down. I've become more self-aware and reflective.

I don't know for sure if Etherea would have been able to handle that amount of crazy at that age. That said, we are incredibly compatible based on Okcupid questions (97% to be exact lol) so maybe for us the type difference doesn't really come into play as much.
Oh damn, PerC the unexpected matchmaker. But that's awesome though, it sounds like you guys are perfectly in tune with each other.

I kinda want to shower you with questions about it, but I'm sleep deprived and reaching the end of my work day so nothing's coming up hahaha
 

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I watched the csjoseph video you're talking about. He is very accurate in describing our relationship dynamic. Literally lolled at this line

"ESTPs have no clue how they feel but ISTJs have no clue what anyone is feeling so this makes them a perfect match." (Or something to that effect)

So true lolol.
 
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