This might not be what you’re going for, but from your description of yourself It sounds like you’re Ni-heavy, like you’ve got enough Fe that you’re having to pull yourself back, and a lesser amount of Ti that you’re having to consciously work at using. All of with resembles the INFJ stack a lot more than the INTP stack.I feel like an alien sometimes.
Not a relationship question per say, but sort of. I can't really relate to men of my own type (INTP), and I don't know any other women. I work in a management position in a STEM field, and while my job is draining (especially when trying to simultaneously do science and maintain harmony among the employees I'm in charge of) it's really rewarding.
Recently we just hired another INTP who is on the same level as me management-wise, and I just hired one to work for me on a temporary basis. We are a dime a dozen in this field, lol.
The thing is, I just don't identify with them all the way.
They're so articulate and specific in their speech. I can be that way as well, but it really takes some doing. Even in a subject I'm really well educated on. I usually have a really hard time verbalizing my thoughts because they’re often not tangible and barely literal. They’re just like pictures or colors or feelings. So I’ll try to explain myself and I can’t get it out properly. Written articulation is much easier, but I still always find myself ending emails with “hopefully that makes sense”. Thankfully my ENTJ boss understands because he has the same problem at times. No one else at work does though, and it’s really frustrating.
While the other INTPs are amiable, they're also serious and brooding and don't have much use for unnecessary interaction. I'm selectively open with others (meaning you see what I want you to see) but I do try to put people in a position to make them feel comfortable with me and to open up naturally. I can always see if people are happy or not and I do try to support them- whether they're a subordinate or a manager above me. And I don't see the others of my type do this or even really give a crap about it.
It makes me wonder if perhaps I'm a freak or a people pleaser that cares too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a cold logical ice lord. (Although the ENTJ husband and ENTJ boss do not agree. Yes, I get to have two of them. Lucky me.) But I value the art of learning how people work, what's going on with them on the inside, underneath it all, and ascertaining why they behave in certain ways. I think logically and strategically speaking, when others are content or they feel heard, everyone experiences better results.
I've always tried to turn this (Fe?) part of me off. Behave like the others. But ultimately it feels wrong, and every time I do, I feel like I'm going to come out of my skin. I have this love/hate relationship with it, like it's an integral part of me but also a hinderance.
What a stupid thing, I know, to worry that you care too much. But I guess the point of this drivel is that I guess I'm secretly and selfishly disappointed that I can't identify with my preferred group, and I really wanted to.
Even if you don't have any words of wisdom, thanks for reading, as it helps simply to vent about it and get it out.