Personality Cafe banner

6661 - 6668 of 6668 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,731 Posts
I feel like an alien sometimes.

Not a relationship question per say, but sort of. I can't really relate to men of my own type (INTP), and I don't know any other women. I work in a management position in a STEM field, and while my job is draining (especially when trying to simultaneously do science and maintain harmony among the employees I'm in charge of) it's really rewarding.

Recently we just hired another INTP who is on the same level as me management-wise, and I just hired one to work for me on a temporary basis. We are a dime a dozen in this field, lol.

The thing is, I just don't identify with them all the way.

They're so articulate and specific in their speech. I can be that way as well, but it really takes some doing. Even in a subject I'm really well educated on. I usually have a really hard time verbalizing my thoughts because they’re often not tangible and barely literal. They’re just like pictures or colors or feelings. So I’ll try to explain myself and I can’t get it out properly. Written articulation is much easier, but I still always find myself ending emails with “hopefully that makes sense”. Thankfully my ENTJ boss understands because he has the same problem at times. No one else at work does though, and it’s really frustrating.

While the other INTPs are amiable, they're also serious and brooding and don't have much use for unnecessary interaction. I'm selectively open with others (meaning you see what I want you to see) but I do try to put people in a position to make them feel comfortable with me and to open up naturally. I can always see if people are happy or not and I do try to support them- whether they're a subordinate or a manager above me. And I don't see the others of my type do this or even really give a crap about it.

It makes me wonder if perhaps I'm a freak or a people pleaser that cares too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a cold logical ice lord. (Although the ENTJ husband and ENTJ boss do not agree. Yes, I get to have two of them. Lucky me.) But I value the art of learning how people work, what's going on with them on the inside, underneath it all, and ascertaining why they behave in certain ways. I think logically and strategically speaking, when others are content or they feel heard, everyone experiences better results.

I've always tried to turn this (Fe?) part of me off. Behave like the others. But ultimately it feels wrong, and every time I do, I feel like I'm going to come out of my skin. I have this love/hate relationship with it, like it's an integral part of me but also a hinderance.

What a stupid thing, I know, to worry that you care too much. But I guess the point of this drivel is that I guess I'm secretly and selfishly disappointed that I can't identify with my preferred group, and I really wanted to.

Even if you don't have any words of wisdom, thanks for reading, as it helps simply to vent about it and get it out.
This might not be what you’re going for, but from your description of yourself It sounds like you’re Ni-heavy, like you’ve got enough Fe that you’re having to pull yourself back, and a lesser amount of Ti that you’re having to consciously work at using. All of with resembles the INFJ stack a lot more than the INTP stack.
 

·
Registered
INFJ 3w2
Joined
·
715 Posts
This might not be what you’re going for, but from your description of yourself It sounds like you’re Ni-heavy, like you’ve got enough Fe that you’re having to pull yourself back, and a lesser amount of Ti that you’re having to consciously work at using. All of with resembles the INFJ stack a lot more than the INTP stack.
I've wondered that for a while honestly, so I'm glad you said something. I thought I was an INTJ on this forum for a long time, because I really do value objectivity of thought. I'm blunt and to the point when I can get away with it. (Probably why I have such a love affair with Te doms, lol.) And I'm not outwardly emotional. I'm pretty secretive about my feelings...usually because I feel like they can be put on hold for the greater good.

I suppose if I'm really honest though, and I break my decision making process down into simple pieces, I- 1. Try to ascertain the things or main possibilities that are unseen, 2. Think of how they will affect others as part of the big picture.

Which sounds like ni-fe.

I'm not sure how Ti fits in there then if I was confusing it with Ni. I suppose it's a type of categorization of what I believe to be facts/truths. Obviously those truths are not static and can change with new information, but it's like a subjective understanding of the way things work?

I do see evidence of a crappy use of Se though- sensory overload, obsession with aesthetics when unhealthy (went through a whole phase of seasonal color analysis and style typing to the point where I drove myself mad), occasional over-exercise, etc.

Well this gave me much food for thought, lol. Thank you!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,371 Posts
Hi, i'm not sure if this is connected to me being INFJ, cause i'm new to this community, but heyyy i'll try my luck here.
I've never had a boyfriend, until very recently. I really like this guy, but i'm not sure if in this way everyone else like their significant others.
So always, when i had some feelings towards anybody i felt it really hard and i knew it was real. But my weird ass never could make any move with them. So i was left with the feeling, which was really strong and unrequited. It made me sad ofc but also feel like some sort of hopeless romantic, cause i knew my it was true. I have never ended up with anyone i liked this way (i felt this way maybe 2-3 times in my life, so its not like i have a crush on some random guy every 5 seconds ;p).
But with my current boyfriend i have never had this feeling. It's more like: oh, i feel happy when he tells me cute stuff or we kiss or anything. But i have never felt this strong feeling. I dont know if that means that i dont love him or that i will never be able to do this.
I know he really likes me so i dont want to hurt him later.

Also sorry if i made any mistakes, english isn't my first language ;ppp

I think you should stay with your boyfriend. You probably love him deeply but you haven't realise it yourself. In fact, the way you described about your feelings toward your boyfriend sounds very much like love, given that love is supposed to be a calm peaceful feeling rather than a passionate feeling.

And strong feelings toward someone? That sounds more like infatuation, but desiring to be with someone isn't the same as loving them.

Never break the heart of the person that loves you for someone else who might not love you. The person whom you have strong unrequited feelings for, you can just friendzone them and love them as a friend. Your romantic feelings for them will start to fade off once you stucked them inside the friendzone. But when it comes to the person who loves you, you should give them your heart too and love them back in the romantic way. It actually takes courage to love someone, and they deserve your love in return just by being courageous enough to love you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Carla Rose

·
Registered
ISFP
Joined
·
2,239 Posts
Do you often misinterpret advice for criticism?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,326 Posts
Do you often misinterpret advice for criticism?
Hi @YearseRayneDon :)

Short answer: probably yes.

Like most things, I guess it would depend on the circumstances. Like whether I asked for the advice or not. If I asked for it, I'm aware that something I'm doing is not working & I need help.

If I didn't ask for it, I think maybe I'd feel a bit confused? Advice can be tricky, because in essence it assumes that an action one is performing is lacking & needs some form of fixing/improvement. I think for me, that's where it has potential to get confused as criticism. I can interpret it to mean you think I'm failing at something. And even though failing is necessary to learning, I hold myself to high standards & reeeally don't like it. But I highly value improving myself, so I usually just need a bit of time to analyze & process what's being recommended/recognize that you're trying to help me & I'm good. :)Unless your advice is unwelcome or I think it's full of baloney. Then I won't feel hurt, I'll just move on.

Hope you're having a good day!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
149 Posts
Do you often misinterpret advice for criticism?
No. I find it easy to figure out what the intent behind communication or action is. BUT. Im involved with an INFJ who reacts to info or action EXACTLY like Kelly said above. No aside from Kelly, its like this person analyses constantly if something is to be taken to the heart or lightly or just ignored. I respect the trio there, but what puzzles me is that is finding it very difficult to compartimentalize people based on LAYERED masks. This person finds is difficult to accurately conclude underlying motive and plans, and more particularely the process tweaks that leak out hints of what is about to take place. Its like must have either total authenticity or the other person must be worthless, something like that.

Having a talent to get rid of oneself and viewing the events from a birds pov does help anyone at all to sort of become more objective about what is negative risk and what is calculated risk, so points for having that talent, but I can still smell the low self esteem related to having those fears of becoming rejected or just being not good enough for what ever theres at hand at that given moment. Especially as that is usually advanced social control attempts to subdue this person because this person hurts a lot of egos, by pure presence alone. And with me, that insecurity gives birth to predatory attitudes, it makes me feel like this person is prey to be hunted down and consumed. Ive communicated this, and how there are other people like myself outthere and how this person should become more confident to stimulate impulses of avoiding triggering this persons firmness in others or alternatively confronting ANY conflict but that is a stage where we just arent, yet.

When we first met this person had a vision of what this person could or would accomplish, but as time has now passed some serious months, it has become clearer that knowing oneself did push this person further from the original expectations of what this person thought was achivable. So its nice to see small, but steady and constant self developement. Its like an art gallery full of self perfecting paintings. Really nice.

Just as Kelly said there, when people are genuine about the motives to help, it is easy to accept help. What I have witnessed repeatedly is that compared to the other Ni first group, the INFJs do have a hard time telling who is on their side and who is, idk, real.

But as a woman from a supermarket slotmachine once told me, time will show you who is who.
 
6661 - 6668 of 6668 Posts
Top