[Zeitgeist]

I got this idea while whining about the INTJs I've dated and how much they don't understand me. Undoubtedly, many of you are currently in a relationship with an ENFP, INFP, or INFJ or you want to be. If the desire is there and you just don't know how to approach or deal with an NF personality, here's your chance to ask one! I encourage ENFPs and INFJs to jump in and answer questions too, perhaps you're better at translating than I am (particularly the Ni-DOM INFJs). I will cover some of the basics here and you're welcome to ask anything you like.

- Facts and rationality are not as important to an NF in a relationship than to an NT. If you're going to apply cold logic to a relationship topic, try to put a human spin on it somehow.

- It is less important to be right than to establish and maintain harmony within a relationship.

- We don't always want answers or solutions, sometimes we just want to talk.

- You base your happiness and success largely on the success of your career/personal achievements whereas an NF tends to base more of their success and happiness on the success of their interpersonal relationships.

- We want to make the world a better/more efficient place just like you do. Chances are good that we agree on what that means.

- Words are not inconsequential, they hurt like stones, cut like razor blades, and can change the course of any relationship. Wield them with care.

- Most, if not all 'N's in my opinion are intellectuals to some capacity. We all feel that intelligence is one of the most important factors in relationship compatibility.

That's all I got for now. I'll think of more later. Ask away!

 

[White River]

Do you lead people on, or are very ambigious about your feelings when you like someone?

 

[Zeitgeist]

Do you lead people on, or are very ambigious about your feelings when you like someone?

I can't speak for INFPs or INFJs, but I know personally I don't. In fact, I don't even know how to "play the game" of love where I'm supposed to be more mysterious and less "available". Example: waiting 3 days before calling, acting like I'm not interested, etc. Something about my internal value/honesty system does not allow me to pretend to feel one way about a person if I actually feel something else. INFPs are known to be ruthless if they feel forced into such a contrived situation. We (INFPs) don't know how to pretend shit. INFJs, on the other hand, know the game well and might use subtle tricks like getting you do something at their behest but making it seem like it was your idea. They're much smarter and more calculating that way, although still well-intentioned.

With an INFP, you're safe to assume that the INFP feels whatever way they say they feel about you. The only point of confusion might be where an INFP might 'soften' the blow by pointing out or focusing on more positive points which the INFP feels sincerely about. It is an avoidance tactic but if you ask an INFP point blank how they feel, it is impossible for us to lie.

 

[Hapalo]

How many times should I whip INFPs ?
Should I scream " IT IS YOUR FAULT WORLD PEACE IS NOT A REALITY" or "THERE ARE CHILDREN IN AFRICA STARVING RIGHT NOW" while the whipping occurs ?
Are INFPs more prone to masochism?

 

[Zeitgeist]

How many times should I whip INFPs ?
Should I scream " IT IS YOUR FAULT WORLD PEACE IS NOT A REALITY" or "THERE ARE CHILDREN IN AFRICA STARVING RIGHT NOW" while the whipping occurs ?
Are INFPs more prone to masochism?

Until INFPs get off their f-ing lazy asses and fix the world already, Gosh! We're too ADD to feed all the starving children plus we lack efficient systems (and math skills) to feed said children and create world peace. It would help if we weren't too busy riding unicorns, frolicking in fields of Juniper, while braiding each other's hair!

Masochist? Sure, if you count all the martyrdom going on in Fi land.

 

[Kintsugi]

Do you lead people on, or are very ambigious about your feelings when you like someone?

I think that whether somebody leads another person on is more to do with the individual rather than 'type.' However, having said this, ENFP (and perhaps INFPs as well - I'm not sure about this) have a certain stereotype attached that suggests that this type are prone to 'firting' and 'leading' potential love interests on. Obviously I can't speak for ALL ENFPs here, however, what I will say is that our open, friendly and warm nature often leads others to presume we are flirting with them when interacting - it really comes down to misinterpretation. ENFPs can be very good at bringing people out of their shell; I have often wondered how this process happens, I think it may be due to a number of different reasons (that will vary greatly from person to person) In my own personal experience, I would say that when I am actively making an attempt to reach out and connect with someone on a 'deeper level', I will appear and come across as being very intense. Many people mistake this kind of intensity as flirting (or in some cases they freak out and run away)

In my early 20s I was really not aware of why my behaviour kept being interpreted in such a way. I assumed that everybody acted the same way, I thought this was normal. It was only after a string of very unfortunate situations that I finally took time to do some serious introspection and soon realised that not everybody communciated in the same way as I do. Many people like to keep conversations quite light and almost 'superficial.' I'm not like this at all - in fact, I despise small talk. Having said this I can do it - and I also understand that I can not be this 'intense' with everyone I meet. The result of this being that as I have gotten older, I find myself becoming more introverted than I was in my younger years. I think part of this is down to the fact that I'd rather interact with people who don't find my communication style alarming...

What was my point :dry::tongue:

Oh yes! Ambiguious with my feelings...

I guess so, a little. It's that damn Ne always seeing all the the bloody possibilities!!! I think in my case I need to learn to trust Fi a little more when it comes to romance and understanding my feelings (although this is entirely about me, not ENFPs in general)

Although, on a few occasions when I have fallen for somebody I have made quite blatant, dramatic and quite outrageous declarations of love (the kind that make me what to curl up into a little ball and die when I think about it :frustrating

I think I'm a nightmare when it comes to these things

 

[Adasta]

Do you lead people on, or are very ambigious about your feelings when you like someone?

I think what happens with INFPs is, if we don't feel the same way, we will try every method to make you understand without saying it. That isn't leading someone on, but a frustrated person might see it as such. We generally hate letting someone down, and it seems less painful to give them hints that might allow them to realise the truth without having to say it.

Having said that, I don't think I can be disingenuous about my feelings. If pressed, I will respond honestly.

With an INFP, you're safe to assume that the INFP feels whatever way they say they feel about you. The only point of confusion might be where an INFP might 'soften' the blow by pointing out or focusing on more positive points which the INFP feels sincerely about. It is an avoidance tactic but if you ask an INFP point blank how they feel, it is impossible for us to lie.

Precisely.

 

[Zeitgeist]

I think that whether somebody leads another person on is more to do with the individual rather than 'type.' However, having said this, ENFP (and perhaps INFPs as well - I'm not sure about this) have a certain stereotype attached that suggests that this type are prone to 'firting' and 'leading' potential love interests on. Obviously I can't speak for ALL ENFPs here, however, what I will say is that our open, friendly and warm nature often leads others to presume we are flirting with them when interacting - it really comes down to misinterpretation. ENFPs can be very good at bringing people out of their shell; I have often wondered how this process happens, I think it may be due to a number of different reasons (that will vary greatly from person to person) In my own personal experience, I would say that when I am actively making an attempt to reach out and connect with someone on a 'deeper level', I will appear and come across as being very intense. Many people mistake this kind of intensity as flirting (or in some cases they freak out and run away)

In my early 20s I was really not aware of why my behaviour kept being interpreted in such a way. I assumed that everybody acted the same way, I thought this was normal. It was only after a string of very unfortunate situations that I finally took time to do some serious introspection and soon realised that not everybody communciated in the same way as I do. Many people like to keep conversations quite light and almost 'superficial.' I'm not like this at all - in fact, I despise small talk. Having said this I can do it - and I also understand that I can not be this 'intense' with everyone I meet. The result of this being that as I have gotten older, I find myself becoming more introverted than I was in my younger years. I think part of this is down to the fact that I'd rather interact with people who don't find my communication style alarming...

What was my point :dry::tongue:

Oh yes! Ambiguious with my feelings...

I guess so, a little. It's that damn Ne always seeing all the the bloody possibilities!!! I think in my case I need to learn to trust Fi a little more when it comes to romance and understanding my feelings (although this is entirely about me, not ENFPs in general)

Although, on a few occasions when I have fallen for somebody I have made quite blatant, dramatic and quite outrageous declarations of love (the kind that make me what to curl up into a little ball and die when I think about it :frustrating

I think I'm a nightmare when it comes to these things

Wow, Kookietookie thank you for that insight. I didn't realize how uncomfortable ENFPs found "small talk" to be. I thought was just an INFP thing. :-D yay, for commonalities! That said, I don't "flirt" or even communicate in such a way that looks like flirting. I think that's just an ENFP thing lol but I was quite moved by the intentions behind the "flirting" or similar type behavior. It's a very Ne desire to reach people on a deeper level and though we approach it differently, ENFPs and INFPs seem to have the same goal! Wow, did you know that? I didn't! I just thought you guys enjoyed socializing, lol. But thank you, really! I love to read about the similarities and the differences, it's very interesting.

 

[Kintsugi]

Wow, Kookietookie thank you for that insight. I didn't realize how uncomfortable ENFPs found "small talk" to be. I thought was just an INFP thing. :-D yay, for commonalities! That said, I don't "flirt" or even communicate in such a way that looks like flirting. I think that's just an ENFP thing lol but I was quite moved by the intentions behind the "flirting" or similar type behavior. It's a very Ne desire to reach people on a deeper level and though we approach it differently, ENFPs and INFPs seem to have the same goal! Wow, did you know that? I didn't! I just thought you guys enjoyed socializing, lol. But thank you, really! I love to read about the similarities and the differences, it's very interesting.

I'm actually painfully shy when it comes to the whole 'flirting' thing, in fact, it doesn't even really register on my radar (but because I can be very chatty and goofy when I'm working on Ne-drive - people assume that I have heaps of confidence. This actually sucks because I'm not that way AT ALL) People who know me well may describe me as being a little 'naive' when it comes to men - I can be quite oblvious when somebody is trying to flirt with me (which then results in me being labeled a 'cock tease' :dry

Perhaps as both INFPs and ENFPs get older and their functions develop, we will find more similarities between us (we can both relate to the Ne and Fi in each of us) Sometimes I wish I had an INFP in my life to help me with my Fi a little bit, I know I have struggled with it in the past, especially in my teens/early 20s. The same probably goes for INFPs and their Ne development.

The thing about being an ENFP is that although we are 'extraverts' Ne actually works in quite an 'introverted' way - because intuition is something that ultimately takes place within the mind - we are CONSTANTLY inside our own heads (although we rely on external sources to stimulate Ne - just like ENTPs. another difference is that we can often 'think aloud', which again makes us appear more extraverted) When Fi starts to kick in for an ENFP (around the teens) we suddenly become a lot more introspective and in some cases, and not as 'social' (I'm using myself as an example here - I'm not an expert on ENFPs :tongue

I think this is why ENxPs are sometimes called the most introverted extraverts. It's to do with having Ne as the dominant function.

 

[Wizardry]

- Facts and rationality are not as important to an NF in a relationship than to an NT. If you're going to apply cold logic to a relationship topic, try to put a human spin on it somehow.

If you're going to date an NT make sure they come from a good family and have some feeler siblings, parents, or otherwise someone they are close to and can achieve peaceful interaction. Otherwise, thats just something that they can't understand without a long time of slowly teaching them, IMO. Though ultimately it will come down to their willingness to meet you there. All they hear is "BLAH, BLAH...I'm fucking up your inner harmony and chill time, blah, blah". Its like, "Ok, I get you are upset and have some feelings going on but what are the solid reasons as to why? What can I do about it? Will this be a recurring problem?" In any case it depends on the exact scenario you are typing about here because sometimes NT's are just being douche bags and sometimes they really just DON'T KNOW and there is a bad communication gap.

- It is less important to be right than to establish and maintain harmony within a relationship.

This depends on what you are trying to be "right" about. This depends entirely on the scenario.

Also when you get us defending one point we dissociate and unhinge, at least I do. Its like I focus in on the "goal" or idea I currently think to be true and completely fade out and work it like a lone emotionless man defending a castle and fervently work all around defending against the outside info. I actually enjoy this and derive great amounts of satisfaction from that process. The payoff for me isn't "being right" but actively working an idea because of all the novel side things I discover whilst defending. Then when I have time to myself and I can reflect over the "castle" and work out the weak points. The "castle" might end up being rebuilt entirely as I work it out for weaknesses. This natural tendency is great in most areas of life and achieving goals. Obviously, this is fucking stupid for a working romantic relationship. Where you are correct that its not about being "right" but about being "right for two people".

In relationships I'd end up with them complaining about that, too. I had one guy where I'd point out that drinking just made him more miserable (it did and he would be hungover), he'd be stuck someplace he probably wouldn't want to be (or end up with another DUI), the people he was going to see made him bitchy and rant for about a week straight since they were "so terrible". From my POV I saw it as helping him to be happier but it quickly grew out into other things and a big "YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT". I'd just roll my eyes at this point because I was only arguing about it for his sake because from my vantage I saw a person perpetually putting himself knowingly into situations that brought him a lot of unhappiness based on those logical points. I wanted to support him and protect him and aid him in having a peaceful existence with as little pain as possible.

Also, its more effective to show joy about things than just plain bitching or to appear hurt instead of angry. I've never had a shortage of people angry at me and the learned behavior there is to attack and defend, anger meets anger sort of thing. But I fold rather easily if I appear to have hurt them so their sadness is met with a desire to make it better. There are also certain tones of voice that I will completely drop all attention to, even if I really want to for the sake of peace. Its just a full brain shift that says, "Fuck this shit" and I have to leave.

- We don't always want answers or solutions, sometimes we just want to talk.

You state this before you begin to talk about whatever it is you want to talk about and it shouldn't be a problem. If they mess up just gently remind them, if they keep doing it start swatting (playfully) with a newspaper or something. It keeps me from "phasing out" and I also used to find it amusing. My brother used to get all emotioned up about something then prance around like a stuck up princess and if I was doing what you mentioned he would go, "NO" and swat me with something. If he hurt me he would instantly do a lunge hug and say he was sorry. It was the cutest thing on the planet, lol. Just don't get angry because finding answers and solutions is what WE DO. Its like bitching at a fish to not wiggle its fins and the fish is sitting there like, "Uh, wtf is going on?" Then the fish gets off balance and realizes its upside down or otherwise disoriented.

- You base your happiness and success largely on the success of your career/personal achievements whereas an NF tends to base more of their success and happiness on the success of their interpersonal relationships.

This depends on their values. I tend to agree with you that being there for family is vastly more important. The career thing is usually more about being independent, having freedom, being respected by society, being able to afford toys and hobbies (without which we would probably die, even if just a spiritual death), and its an arena we do well at when properly motivated. Look for one that values family, they exist.

- We want to make the world a better/more efficient place just like you do. Chances are good that we agree on what that means.

Agreed.

- Words are not inconsequential, they hurt like stones, cut like razor blades, and can change the course of any relationship. Wield them with care.

This is something that I don't know could ever be fixed without taking the time to get both people to fully understand things. The thing is that when someone looks at me and calls me some name I usually just laugh at them, I find it hilarious. A lot of the time when communicating its just a completely different sensitivity to the words. Like, if you are sitting there and complaining about how something isn't going your way I might start to objectively identify everything I see that hinders you. From my point of view its like you have a bone broken and I want to set it back so it grows back how it should be. This is what I do with myself so it doesn't make sense not to apply it to others if they express a need for that sort of thing. From your vantage I seem like some brute yanking your leg around and hurting you further, LOL. Again, the NT's raised around F's usually have some better idea of how to work things better because if you are talking to someone with the intent of being kind and helpful and instead end up with someone screaming at you, I'd say you are fucking up pretty badly and need to re-evaluate. There are the immature NT's that KNOW and get pleasure from being needlessly cruel, they are giving in to their base (less desirable) nature.

- Most, if not all 'N's in my opinion are intellectuals to some capacity. We all feel that intelligence is one of the most important factors in relationship compatibility.

I think it just comes down to respecting your partner and mutual enjoyment of time together, whatever the "type" or intelligence. I will say its a bit of a let down if you can't intellectually meet your partner and they can't add to what you are working on. But its unfair to assume you will get all your needs from one person and you can get intellectual input from other non-romantic means. People can also surprise you. If you meet them with some respect and start to slowly warm them up to things and make the learning enjoyable then sometimes you can get some unexpected results.

 

[slytherin360]

This is more of a question for INTJ from an INFP (but other types feel free to answer).
I always read discussions of INTJ being drawn to ENFP, whether it be romantically or otherwise. I was just wondering what draws you guys to them more so than to us INFP? Are introverts drawn to more extroverted types to "bring them out of their shell", so to speak?
Speaking for myself as an INFP, I am always drawn to other introverts and could never see myself in a relationship with an extrovert. It would be far too draining on a long-term basis. But that could just be me. INFP seem to be the "milder" version of the ENFP, yet I don't see the same amount of interest in our type from INTJ.
I love INTJ but they always seem to be chasing after our extroverted counterparts. Just curious as to why this is .

 

[Zeitgeist]

This is more of a question for INTJ from an INFP (but other types feel free to answer).
I always read discussions of INTJ being drawn to ENFP, whether it be romantically or otherwise. I was just wondering what draws you guys to them more so than to us INFP? Are introverts drawn to more extroverted types to "bring them out of their shell", so to speak?
Speaking for myself as an INFP, I am always drawn to other introverts and could never see myself in a relationship with an extrovert. It would be far too draining on a long-term basis. But that could just be me. INFP seem to be the "milder" version of the ENFP, yet I don't see the same amount of interest in our type from INTJ.
I love INTJ but they always seem to be chasing after our extroverted counterparts. Just curious as to why this is .

^^^^^^^^ yes, please explain!

 

[White River]

Firstly, another question for you INFPs - would you say you are more comfortable expressing your feelings through an intermediate medium than you are directly? For example, indirectly by giving someone quotes, pictures, songs, poetry etc that symbolises how you feel rather than just saying 'I feel x'?

This is more of a question for INTJ from an INFP (but other types feel free to answer).
I always read discussions of INTJ being drawn to ENFP, whether it be romantically or otherwise. I was just wondering what draws you guys to them more so than to us INFP? Are introverts drawn to more extroverted types to "bring them out of their shell", so to speak?
Speaking for myself as an INFP, I am always drawn to other introverts and could never see myself in a relationship with an extrovert. It would be far too draining on a long-term basis. But that could just be me. INFP seem to be the "milder" version of the ENFP, yet I don't see the same amount of interest in our type from INTJ.
I love INTJ but they always seem to be chasing after our extroverted counterparts. Just curious as to why this is .

^^^^^^^^ yes, please explain!

If you're basing your theory solely upon acitivity in this forum, then there are a lot of biases/other factors involved. I'm not sure about real life because I don't think I know any INFPs, only one other INTJ and a couple of ENFPs who generally go for other extroverts.

Firstly, I personally would be much more likely to form a deep connection with an INFP than an ENFP. In fact, I probably find them to be the most alluring of the types in many ways. In general, I find extroverts to be too draining (as you say) for a close relationship, though they make for great friends. Theoretically, I think the combination would work quite well too. But it depends on the individual as to their preference.

As for this forum, I spend more time in the ENFP forum than the INFP forum for the simple reason that I am morbidly terrified of the INFP forum sometimes. The ENFPs seem much more welcoming and are more light-hearted when in comes to engaging in friendly banter. I've had a much lower rate of response in the INFP forum, the topics are usually overwhelmingly depressing and I got the feeling at one point that a lot of people there don't like other types in their threads so much. This doesn't reflect real life behaviour, of course, but may be one of the reasons that you see less INTJs there than in the ENFP section.

Theoretically, it may also be that the strength of Fi in INFPs is too much for some INTJs to take. I've found that trying to have an unbiased argument with an ENFP friend results in me facedesking on numerous occasions because of the blinding value judgements induced by Fi, and I wonder if maybe this could be more extreme in INFPs. This is merely conjecture though.

 

[Zeitgeist]

Firstly, another question for you INFPs - would you say you are more comfortable expressing your feelings through an intermediate medium than you are directly? For example, indirectly by giving someone quotes, pictures, songs, poetry etc that symbolises how you feel rather than just saying 'I feel x'?





If you're basing your theory solely upon acitivity in this forum, then there are a lot of biases/other factors involved. I'm not sure about real life because I don't think I know any INFPs, only one other INTJ and a couple of ENFPs who generally go for other extroverts.

Firstly, I personally would be much more likely to form a deep connection with an INFP than an ENFP. In fact, I probably find them to be the most alluring of the types in many ways. In general, I find extroverts to be too draining (as you say) for a close relationship, though they make for great friends. Theoretically, I think the combination would work quite well too. But it depends on the individual as to their preference.

As for this forum, I spend more time in the ENFP forum than the INFP forum for the simple reason that I am morbidly terrified of the INFP forum sometimes. The ENFPs seem much more welcoming and are more light-hearted when in comes to engaging in friendly banter. I've had a much lower rate of response in the INFP forum, the topics are usually overwhelmingly depressing and I got the feeling at one point that a lot of people there don't like other types in their threads so much. This doesn't reflect real life behaviour, of course, but may be one of the reasons that you see less INTJs there than in the ENFP section.

Theoretically, it may also be that the strength of Fi in INFPs is too much for some INTJs to take. I've found that trying to have an unbiased argument with an ENFP friend results in me facedesking on numerous occasions because of the blinding value judgements induced by Fi, and I wonder if maybe this could be more extreme in INFPs. This is merely conjecture though.

INFPs are almost always writers and being socially awkward/oblivious IRL, we are much better at expessing ourselves through writing than verbally. Case in point, I can have a lot to say to you via e-mail but if you call me, I might just clam up and have no idea what to say. I do like to dedicate songs to people and create playlists but by far my favorite medium is beautiful prose, such as a love letter. I may even express myself through the research I do or simply share excerpts from my journal. One sure fire way to know that I really love you (or like you a lot) is if I share an excerpt from my journal.

I've noticed something else too, the speech patterns which differ an INFP from an ENFP. ENFPs as a general rule, talk a lot more but even if they don't, they almost always talk very LOUD, and this has been true for almost all ENFPs I've ever known. INFPs, by contrast, have similar speech patterns to INTJs (oddly enough). We speak much slower with pauses in between thoughts at a significantly lower volume. Lack of Fe makes us sound like a rational when we're not talking about super emotional topics and long modes of seriousness may be abruptly punctuated by emotionally heated assertions or loud silliness. As I get older, my heated assertions become rare and I'm more likely to maintain a consistent mode of gentle candor. Not related but I did find it interesting.

I have noticed the same thing you did about INFP forums. They tend to be too depressing. I have no idea where all of this emo stuff is coming from. It's no fun talking about how much you hate yourself. I have no clue why INFPs on here engage in so much of that. It's kind of annoying bullshit, really. I would hang out in the ENFP forums more often too. As for being unwelcoming, my guess is you came off too strong for them so they ignored you or complained that you're too insensitive.

Real life INFPs are much more fun to be around. I don't talk about depressing shit at all, in fact I come off as laid back and playfully optimistic. In an intense relationship, Fi may take over and turn me into a frightened mouse clutching a stuffed animal. It's very frustrating, I imagine, to try to confront unacceptable behavior only to feel like a bastard for traumatizing a fragile INFP. it is very hard to stay mad at us for very long because we just look so goddamn pathetic. We don't do this on purpose, that's genuine trauma you're seeing. Best way to deal with an INFP is with gentle reasoning. Talk about things from an "I" perspective, let us know cause and effect (you did x and it made me feel like x). Be very communicative and solution-oriented in a positive way. INFPs LOVE the hell out of positive solutions, at least I do.

 

[Adasta]

@Blue Ocean

I just want to point out that INFPs that "don't do critical reasoning" are not representative of INFPs; they are representative of lazy people that do not want to challenge themselves.

You should be aware that the INTJs I know almost always point out something that I haven't considered before. Usually it's along the same lines as what I've been thinking about, but from a slightly different angle. Now, whiny INFPs will take this "clarification" as an attack. In almost all circumstances, it isn't. I know that INTJs can't really engage with a subject if they haven't considered all of the permutations. For us, not having considered something isn't a detracting factor from any argument, as long as the base seems robust (be that intellectually, emotionally, judiciously, etc.). INTJs can bring something up and I'll consider it very quickly, sort it, categorise it, and assign it a level of relative worth relating to my argument. I might start looking things up later on, after the conversation is over; for the moment, the conversation is enough.

My overall point is that average to unhealthy INFPs will frequently take INTJ questioning to be aggressive when often it's intellectual engagement.

 

[Kintsugi]

I've noticed something else too, the speech patterns which differ an INFP from an ENFP. ENFPs as a general rule, talk a lot more but even if they don't, they almost always talk very LOUD, and this has been true for almost all ENFPs I've ever known. INFPs, by contrast, have similar speech patterns to INTJs (oddly enough). We speak much slower with pauses in between thoughts at a significantly lower volume. Lack of Fe makes us sound like a rational when we're not talking about super emotional topics and long modes of seriousness may be abruptly punctuated by emotionally heated assertions or loud silliness. As I get older, my heated assertions become rare and I'm more likely to maintain a consistent mode of gentle candor. Not related but I did find it interesting.

The part I highlighted is something that I don't think you can attribute to type neccessarily. I know some ENFPs are actually very soft spoken and have speech patterns that are similar to how you describe INFPs (in particular, I've noticed this trend with ENFPs who have type 4 Egram...but that's just a random side-thought :tongue

MBTI is a tool that can be used to understand how the mind processes information. I'm not sure if someones speech pattern should neccessarily be linked to type alone. Other factors have to be considered; for example, what if the INFP in question had ADHD, or the ENFP in question has Aspergers?

I think my point here is that some of these so-called 'differences' and/or 'similarities' are being judged quite superficially by looking at behaviour patterns, and not the individual thought processes.

I have found that INFP and ENFP are often confused. At least, I know a handful of ENFPs on these forums have questioned whether or not they are in fact INFPs at some point or other (myself included) The only sure way I could make this distinction myself was through determining if I was Ne or Fi dominant (this was actually quite difficult as they are both quite strong in my case) The next step, was to work out what my inferior function was, which in my case, is quite clearly Si (hence why I am ENFP not INFP)

As for the whole 'type compatibility' question; personally, I would say that this has much more to do with the maturity of the individual and personal preference, than it is about 'type.' Some INTJs will like INFPs, some will prefer ENFPS. There will also be some who dislike NFPs altogether! I try not to read too much into these theories anyway.

 

[tannguyen1]

Here's a question for the INFP's, how do you feel about the future, and how do plan for the future, unless you do not?

 

[Adasta]

Here's a question for the INFP's, how do you feel about the future, and how do plan for the future, unless you do not?

Crumbs - now there's a question.

INFPs have problems with time. It's hard to affix time to anything since my thoughts are not time-bound. In that sense, I don't plan for the future. What I do know is what I don't want to be in the future, which somewhat guides my actions in the present.

My main concern is sacrificing my youth in order to acquire things for my old age. You can't buy youth. I resent the fact that I am behooved to play the game of caring about every little move in life, as if everything I do is a building block towards retirement. Should I care about building a "nest egg" when the economy is such that I'll never be able to afford a nest? Also, when you look back over the past five years, could you have predicted most of it? Any of it? The vast majority of life is quite unpredicatable. Therefore, I find it hard to focus. All you can do is set very broad parameters, and see how things pan out. I'm moving towards a state of setting myself "year goals", since I think that's how I view life: year-by-year.

I usually identify a path that I think seems beneficial, and pursue that. I generally just see how it goes, and get out of it when I feel I'm not getting anything out if it anymore. The worst thing to my mind would be ending up trapped in an emotionally deleterious situation, like on a 2 year course for something you hate but have already paid out for. The very idea of slogging it out in misery to hit an arbitrary objective makes me feel awful.

 

[SadLuckDame]

@Blue Ocean
I prefer to put messages in a form that is more removed, such as poetry, story or reference.

I wish more INTJs did visit the INFP forum. Maybe more INFPs would interact there, like myself, if it didn't seem so often the same expressing in the environment.

@tannguyen1 I don't really make attempts at time either, what is future when present is all time included. Present is past, present, future. To plan for a future seems a wasted time to me when there are many scenarios that could be and that I can work with any given scenarios on their arrival. To plan would be to limit.

 

[Flora]

Firstly, another question for you INFPs - would you say you are more comfortable expressing your feelings through an intermediate medium than you are directly? For example, indirectly by giving someone quotes, pictures, songs, poetry etc that symbolises how you feel rather than just saying 'I feel x'?

Depends, I think I can be quite articulate if I want to and if I don't express my feelings clearly it's not because I am not able to, but because I don't want to or I can't (for fear of rejection for example). I also love talking in metaphores and images, so it's not that I prefer to be indirect it's that sometimes it's nicer that way. I find directness a bit unnerving too, I'm better at hinting and hoping the other person completes the picture.

As for this forum, I spend more time in the ENFP forum than the INFP forum for the simple reason that I am morbidly terrified of the INFP forum sometimes. The ENFPs seem much more welcoming and are more light-hearted when in comes to engaging in friendly banter. I've had a much lower rate of response in the INFP forum, the topics are usually overwhelmingly depressing and I got the feeling at one point that a lot of people there don't like other types in their threads so much. This doesn't reflect real life behaviour, of course, but may be one of the reasons that you see less INTJs there than in the ENFP section.

Heh I know what you mean "nudge nudge wink wink", I agree with that. It doesn't terrify, but I feel like banging my head a bit.

I think the unwelcoming INFPs are just a very vocal minority, shame that the impression they give to "visitors".

Theoretically, it may also be that the strength of Fi in INFPs is too much for some INTJs to take. I've found that trying to have an unbiased argument with an ENFP friend results in me facedesking on numerous occasions because of the blinding value judgements induced by Fi, and I wonder if maybe this could be more extreme in INFPs. This is merely conjecture though.

Yes, Fi can be a bit overwhelming, which is why I think ENFPs tend to be more popular here.