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MOTM June 2012
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Ever wondered about what it's like to be a man and an INFP? This the place to find out whatever you wanted to know. It can be as serious as to how we view the world, or as mundane as whether we prefer boxers or briefs. Ask and you shall get a reply!
 

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Oh yes. This really, really interests me. What better way to get to know the difference between the sexes than to ask one of your own personality type?

How quickly are INFP males feelings hurt do you think? Examples would be helpful. How do you deal with that outwardly? At what point in a relationship do your feelings take presidence over sexual feelings? Women supposedly fall in love quicker than men so that really interests me.

What are the hardest things for a man who is an INFP? Why is it so difficult? Is it to do with being seen as not 'macho' because of the feelings? Why is that worse for INFPs than for other F types do you think... or isn't it?
 

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what kind of people do you think INFP males are more naturally attracted to? and why?
 
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Are you kind of secretive about things, lying so that you don't have to share? I dated an INFP and he lied to my friend about liking me at first, and then something kind of big happened and he didn't tell me about it... Are you all like that?

Also, are you really flirty? And, like, touchy? Haha just curious if all you male INFP's are like that:)
 

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Oh yes. This really, really interests me. What better way to get to know the difference between the sexes than to ask one of your own personality type?

How quickly are INFP males feelings hurt do you think? Examples would be helpful. How do you deal with that outwardly? At what point in a relationship do your feelings take presidence over sexual feelings? Women supposedly fall in love quicker than men so that really interests me.

What are the hardest things for a man who is an INFP? Why is it so difficult? Is it to do with being seen as not 'macho' because of the feelings? Why is that worse for INFPs than for other F types do you think... or isn't it?
1. It depends really. Some days I'm just ridiculously over-emotional and on others I'm almost like a robot. It's a total mystery when my emotions will be more intense than usual.

2. My feelings toward someone, romantic wise, are always actually more than just focused on sex at the very start. In other words, while sex is a factor, it's actually very little in comparison to having a partner that I can express my feelings towards. If that makes sense.

3. For me, I guess the hardest thing as an INFP male is having all these feelings but very few, if any, outlets. Pretty much as you said. I'm not if only INFP males suffer from this the worst than other F types, but perhaps we are more combustible because we internalize our feelings more so than many. That's a very shaky hypothesis though.
 

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I'm only one of the many INFP males out there and I'm younger than most of them, so take these answers with a pinch of salt.

What are the hardest things for a man who is an INFP? Why is it so difficult? Is it to do with being seen as not 'macho' because of the feelings? Why is that worse for INFPs than for other F types do you think... or isn't it?
The hardest time for me was childhood, because as a child you don't initially care what anybody else thinks. You want to show yourself to the whole world and let everybody know what kind of person you are. This backfired heavily when my personality didn't align with that of a typical young boy. I loved to draw, play fantasy role-play and was often drawn to "girl toys". To be yourself and then be told that it's wrong or weird isn't the most pleasant thing in the world.

Nowadays I think it's pretty awesome to be a male INFP. Maybe I got lucky in making friends similar to me, so I haven't experienced any criticism for my personality in quite a while. People mature and stop caring so much if you don't fit into the plastic mould of a male human being. And if they do, fuck them, it's not my problem.

Overall, though, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. The toughest part is, in general, being unable to be completely yourself without raising some eyebrows. Over time you learn to stop caring, because your happiness is absolutely more important than that of strangers and so-called-friends.

How manly are you?
I wouldn't say I have many traditionally masculine or feminine traits. The most manly thing I do is listen to metal music, and even then plenty of "macho" men listen to mainstream pop.

Hhave you ever thought you were a plight on the people around you?
Every single day, every single hour, every single minute.

Are you kind of secretive about things, lying so that you don't have to share? I dated an INFP and he lied to my friend about liking me at first, and then something kind of big happened and he didn't tell me about it... Are you all like that?
Yeah, I tend to be secretive about things that might hurt somebody's feelings if I tell them. This almost always makes it worse when they actually do find out, but I put it off every time because I just can't stand letting people down or potentially annoying them. The longer I can go without having to do it, the better.

Also, are you really flirty? And, like, touchy? Haha just curious if all you male INFP's are like that:)
My version of flirting involves staring at someone compulsively every single day and hoping they get the hint.
 

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@Kito, how the hell do you multi-quote? :laughing:

I want to answer as many as possible without taking over this thread.
The little icon to the right of "Reply With Quote". Click it on all the posts you want to quote and then click Reply to Thread. :tongue:
 

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The little icon to the right of "Reply With Quote". Click it on all the posts you want to quote and then click Reply to Thread. :tongue:
And to think, I used to do it the manual way, through copying and pasting and quote tags, before discovering that feature recently.

:dry:
 

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How manly are you?
I'm not overtly masculine nor feminine. I have interests that some would apply one label or another towards such as Martial Arts as more masculine, but some of my favorite colors such as purple are labeled feminine, but that's about it. I don't go out of my way to prove to people I'm male. I think my xy chromosome does that job biologically. :laughing:

Or as an alternative answer, I'm so manly that I inspired that "Be A Man" song from Mulan.

what kind of people do you think INFP males are more naturally attracted to? and why?
That varies between individuals too much for me to answer. I couldn't give out a personal answer myself because my list of what I like can change. If it came down to it, I really appreciate it when people take the time to show they care about me, but I think that's most people.

Hhave you ever thought you were a plight on the people around you?
I have. That feeling just hits me every now and then. It most recently happened yesterday in fact.

Are you kind of secretive about things, lying so that you don't have to share? I dated an INFP and he lied to my friend about liking me at first, and then something kind of big happened and he didn't tell me about it... Are you all like that?

Also, are you really flirty? And, like, touchy? Haha just curious if all you male INFP's are like that:)
I can be quite secretive and will lie to avoid upsetting others, but this of course depends on the people involved and how well I know and trust you. I don't want to lie, but if it keeps the peace and isn't extremely serious, then I just don't want to cause any trouble.

I'm actually not that flirty or touchy. I have to feel incredibly close to someone to show that side of me.
 

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How quickly are INFP males feelings hurt do you think? Examples would be helpful.
I think the time's i get hurt are when someone hits something i'm insecure about and i'm not feeling the best already. If i'm in a good mood you're not likely to bother me at all, but I have my moments of down thoughts and that's when i'm likely to get more hurt by others.
How do you deal with that outwardly?
I deal with my emotions alone, I try to push myself to confide in people but in a bad mood it feels redundant and don't think they can help. Plus the sort of thoughts that make me sad I don't really feel comfortable sharing with someone and I can already guess the kind of support they'd give me. One in particular aggravates me a little but I don't explode.
At what point in a relationship do your feelings take presidence over sexual feelings?
When I haven't got an erection?

What are the hardest things for a man who is an INFP? Why is it so difficult? Is it to do with being seen as not 'macho' because of the feelings? Why is that worse for INFPs than for other F types do you think... or isn't it?
My personality along with what I believe to my enneagram type lend itself to me being a quiet, thinking and slow individual. People can call me wise and mature for my age, but the reality is that I lack much of what is expected of someone at my age so far. I struggle with being proactive, some real world applications that seem easy to others are a struggle or at the very least I go slower. So say im in a bad mood and dad makes a joke to my friends about a lack of employment currently it does get to me a little. Because a lot of my feeling of inferiority relates to real world application, results that you can see and measure. It has spurred me into deep thoughts to what makes a person valuable, because from my perspective it really seems a lot of people at the most fundamental level value what results they can enact on the world. What ever value I have at the moment is confined within my own mind and I haven't an impact on the world around me that i deem significant. Hence it I get bothered easier by this.

As for macho stuff, it can bother me sometimes in that I don't wish to play that stupid game of enforcing it, but being who I am in relation to masculinity doesn't mean much to me. I'm not going to be your 'aggressive'/driven ENTJ but a lot of masculinity and its expectations of men lead to flawed human beings I think. Marred in insecurities because they don't want to break away from that identity. Example being I called a friend's girlfriend's friend cute, when my friend described what she looked like to other friends they took her description to be that she was fat. Among my guy friends they seem deathly afraid of any weight on a woman, personally I like that physically just as a thin woman, it doesn't bother me. So if they felt something for a woman who is a bit bigger, they wouldn't act on it because of what others will think. I don't much care for that, things like expressing that you love someone is a vulnerable thing but I don't see it as emasculating, where soon as someone shows interest in someone they get childish in putting a cute voice and elbow nudging etc. I do wonder at what point do they stop that and go oh good for you. It's a quality that should be admired.
I don't think the feeling function makes me weak, it's a strength. It can push me to care about people in a way that's authentic and supportive. I feel more natural doing somethings that my peers are immediately uncomfortable doing. I don't think it's necessarily worse for INFPs than other types but if I was to think how things could make it so INFPs appear this way is because inferior Te not good for criticism and perhaps Fi making one a stuck in the head type where if you stay with your thoughts to long and alone you're more likely to reach a point of negativity. Need human contact, not that those who socialize a lot can't be sad but im sure it helps a bloody lot to spend time with friends for mental well being.
\
How manly are you?
Not very.
what kind of people do you think INFP males are more naturally attracted to? and why?
Well i've certainly haven't experienced all the kinds of people there are out there. But I certainly think kindness comes into it. There can be bluntness but if a person doesn't take care with their own words and actions and it's impact on others then I don't find them appealing regardless of what other positive qualities they possess. An example is I made a point to my friend that I don't like intelligent people if they're a prick. I simply don't want to be around people who are malicious and cruel to others for fun. There is light hearted insults between friends but some people are brutal. The kinds of people who've caught my attention so far seem to be women who I feel I can discuss things openly with. They're not expecting of me to be stoic, that they see an appeal in who I am and their personalities compliments it naturally as we have a lot of fun with one another. Can makes jokes but delve into serious discussions without much discomfort. The why is because they make one feel good, if you can make people around you feel good about who they are, you're gonna be a person people love to be around. Not everyone makes me feel like i'm of value you to them.
Hhave you ever thought you were a plight on the people around you?
Plight? no. I do at times have to challenge my view that when I want to initiate a conversation with someone that they may well want to talk to me and i'm not being annoying. Other times I have viewed myself as a leech in the most unfavourably light, but after a conversation with a friend I understood there was more to it than I could see.
Are you kind of secretive about things, lying so that you don't have to share? I dated an INFP and he lied to my friend about liking me at first, and then something kind of big happened and he didn't tell me about it... Are you all like that?

Also, are you really flirty? And, like, touchy? Haha just curious if all you male INFP's are like that:)
Lied to you about liking you? So he dated you but said he didn't like you?
No type is all like that. You'll hear a lot of how every type would be wonderful if they were mature, well duh hahaha All the MBTI doesn't really account for those who do terrible things exactly. The good and bad behaviours can't be attributed to a type because Jung and MBTI at best can only describe personality traits and this can show it self in different ways as there is diversity.
Flirty, I don't think so. I try to be playful at time but that is exhausting too much if I don't have a kind of natural back and forth with people. Though I hurt someone I used to talk to a lot and cared about a lot by flirting, I didn't understand how as she didn't tell me who she thought I flirted to or what I said so I didn't quite understand the situation but she thought I was quite flirty.
Touchy, no I do not touch people. Too much work figuring out the social etiquette of it that I don't bother and I rather prize my personal space. I may be touchy with someone I was in a relationship with as I would then feel its fine to express affection that way.
 

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I'd like to thank the ever contributing star of the INFP forum @Monsieur Melancholy for putting this little idea together amongst the INFP males and @KindOfBlue06 for starting the thread.

Oh yes. This really, really interests me. What better way to get to know the difference between the sexes than to ask one of your own personality type?

How quickly are INFP males feelings hurt do you think? Examples would be helpful. How do you deal with that outwardly? At what point in a relationship do your feelings take presidence over sexual feelings? Women supposedly fall in love quicker than men so that really interests me.

What are the hardest things for a man who is an INFP? Why is it so difficult? Is it to do with being seen as not 'macho' because of the feelings? Why is that worse for INFPs than for other F types do you think... or isn't it?
Some of us are a lot more sensitive than we let on. We tend not to deal with it outwardly as an emotional man is considered a whimp/loser/weird guy. Usually though it depends on the awareness of the INFP man in question.
If a particular scenario gets too much or there are multiple boundaries crossed we will tend to either get verbally aggressive or completely disregard that person in question.

Basically completely shut them out. An example of which is in the past when a "friend" continued to be verbally abusive to my likes and interests in life I calmly explained that those hold a deep meaning within me and to kindly refrain from insulting them. Due to their own personal egos and the fact that different means weird in some of their eyes the insults continued. At which point I just said fuck it, fuck off I don't need someone in my life who continuously harasses me personally. If the counter argument to this is not to take things so personally, I say why? if people in your life are not willing to accept you, yet you tend to put up with all their hijinks where is the fairness in that?

In my case at least my feelings are intermingled with my sexual feelings. In that my purest expression of love and affection for a woman is through love making. I take it a lot more seriously than most males. In terms of the more physical, I guess it depends greatly on the other person in question. I'm liable to hold back if I feel that things might get a little too hot and steamy and the woman won't appreciate that side very much. Its important in this case that the woman communicates well with regards to it, a fact that isn't such a common occurrence in my experience.

In terms of falling in love, I really find it hard to answer. I look to a particular energy in a woman when appreciating her. Of course everything that usually matters in standard relationships still does, but if you bring before me a woman with her physical characteristics at an above average level, yet she can't speak two sentences very intelligently I'm very likely to completely ignore her.

Hardest thing for a man who is INFP is being a man who is INFP. We break all the norms and societal expectations of the average man. In my case I find it extremely hard to fit in with my own gender at least with the more manliness oriented types. This being the one of many hardships we must face in life. For example our feelings are often times disregarded as in many cases a lot of people only look to women as the ones who are capable and able to express emotion. For example if a woman of my age starting crying in a room full of average people(who have no personal connection) she will be consoled, looked after and cared for. If I break into tears in a room full of the same people it is very likely that I will get looked at like I'm some sort of freak, and looked down upon from that point onwards.
See the dilemma?

Its not worse than other F's. But we tend to feel very deeply. Truth be told the strongest men are those actually capable of being in touch with their emotional side, because it shows that they can handle it relatively better than others.

How manly are you?
Very manly. Wanna see my belt buckle? :cool:


what kind of people do you think INFP males are more naturally attracted to? and why?
Hard to answer as we all have our own little personal preferences. In my case at least I tend to be more attracted to women who have energy within themselves. Its hard to describe, but a woman who is completely honest to the world about who she is and is not afraid to show it as well as who is not afraid to express herself.

In men it would depend on similar values. Just kind and genuine human beings. I have no time for superficial egotistical beings. People who know how to express themselves and treat other humans with the respect that they would want to be treated with basically.


Hhave you ever thought you were a plight on the people around you?
In the past yes, I've come to realize that in most cases its the other way around though.

Are you kind of secretive about things, lying so that you don't have to share? I dated an INFP and he lied to my friend about liking me at first, and then something kind of big happened and he didn't tell me about it... Are you all like that?

Also, are you really flirty? And, like, touchy? Haha just curious if all you male INFP's are like that:)
Yes. Sadly I'm quite easily able to lie about my own state and happiness. Mostly because I'm afraid that no one will understand. In terms of liking someone, when we say like its like "like" like not like "oh I like you because you know you like that cool thing". So its hard to be honest about it because of how deeply its felt.

I am quite guilty of lying about liking someone a few times in the past. The biggest mistake I made was lying to myself as well.

Hmm, if I don't know you and I have no connection with you I'm likely to be stone cold towards you. The more comfortable I am around you the more my inner self will come out.

Inner self - spontaneous, loving, affectionate, very flirty, touchy? if physical affection is on the table then yes very much so. In a relationship this is even further brought out. So you can imagine how fun it is. :tongue:
 

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Hold on, hold on, I got some questions for the INFP blokes too.

1) Do you have trouble asserting yourself, or do you choose not to/would rather you did not have to in a given situation?

2) How do think/act in response to finding out about different moral code in others? How about a very different one?

3) Is there any particular trait you dislike most in yourself? How about one you really like?

Long or short answers, I don't mind, it's just I mix with quite a few INFs (granted, some are INFJ) so it'd be nice to have some more perspective.
 

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Oh yes. This really, really interests me. What better way to get to know the difference between the sexes than to ask one of your own personality type?

How quickly are INFP males feelings hurt do you think? Examples would be helpful. How do you deal with that outwardly? At what point in a relationship do your feelings take presidence over sexual feelings? Women supposedly fall in love quicker than men so that really interests me.

What are the hardest things for a man who is an INFP? Why is it so difficult? Is it to do with being seen as not 'macho' because of the feelings? Why is that worse for INFPs than for other F types do you think... or isn't it?

For me, feelings are hurt quite quickly. I can distinguish whether someone is just joking or not pretty easily, but it is hard to not to feel slighted when something is said that is very cold or if you are left out of something. Thinker types might brush it off and get on with things but intuitive feeler types consider every option and if they feel it's negative, they are likely to be hurt. Just my thoughts. For me feelings come before sexual feelings, because sexual feelings just come and go, I have to feel something for the person, otherwise it's not happening. Hardest thing for an INFP is wanting to be an orignal with your own ideas and imagination, but not feelings like you meet the standards of very macho man. But most INFP men would probably get over this after a while, you can be manly and be an INFP. I don't think it's all that different for any feeler type.
 

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How manly are you?
Pretty manly, in my opinion. Have some chest hair and can take out big spiders all on my own. :tongue:

what kind of people do you think INFP males are more naturally attracted to? and why?
Mmm, probably ENF women. I think all INFPs are supposed to be drawn to other intuitives.

Hhave you ever thought you were a plight on the people around you?
Don't quite understand the question. Do you mean have I ever felt like a burdon to the people around me? If so I would probably say no, I think if I ever feel like that the first thing I do is go somewhere else, there isn't much worse of a feeling than feeling like you are really unwanted somewhere.

[quote]Are you kind of secretive about things, lying so that you don't have to share? I dated an INFP and he lied to my friend about liking me at first, and then something kind of big happened and he didn't tell me about it... Are you all like that?

Also, are you really flirty? And, like, touchy? Haha just curious if all you male INFP's are like that:)[/quote]

I think sometimes I prefer to keep things in, for instance if I feel there is no real need to spill my secrets or tell intimate secrets about myself. I sometimes feel I want to get to know someone before they know much about me, although the problem with that is the time it takes to so called 'get to know' a person, some people have moved on by that time. Am I touchy or flirty? I can be flirty when the mood and tone is right and I am in that mood. Flirting can be very fun but I'm not the kind of guy to go beyond flirting if I have only recently met them. As far as touchiness, if the person seems more at ease with a touch on the arm or shoulder I may, or if they are a touchy person themselves I may reciprocate.
 

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Hold on, hold on, I got some questions for the INFP blokes too.

1) Do you have trouble asserting yourself, or do you choose not to/would rather you did not have to in a given situation?
Well I don't warm up to strangers, it's easy to take on different view points. I prefer to go through different perspectives and be open to new ones and then adjust my view on topics, so I don't very often take on the view point of i'm right you're wrong. But some situations do call for it, i'm less likely the badder I feel. Often though I don't see the effort being rewarded, somethings are worth it, some aren't. I think i'd prefer I didn't have to but I understand that people generally don't give a shit to think about your needs and that would be tiring generally to think that way so you gotta step up for what you believe you deserve.
2) How do think/act in response to finding out about different moral code in others? How about a very different one?
I don't feel I push my morals unto others too much as in hating them for something they consider minor. Though I might take issue with some things and challenge them because it seems wrong to me and want to hear them justify themselves. I try and accept people hold different values and aren't me so I should tolerate some differences but somethings I do find hard to accept. Generally I don't hang around people I find to be immoral naturally, I hang around individuals with a standard of morality where they would shun certain behaviours. If I were to meet someone with a very different moral set I can imagine getting quite riled up with them, I don't believe I hold the true moral value on everything but I certainly spend a lot of time trying to refine my beliefs and values so that they're reasonable but still hold true to what is appears to be important. I suppose this is something that in political differences values of morals can come into play. I can be aggravated by people who dismiss certain aspects of other peoples reality and feel they lack the empathy and understanding to even start contemplating their situation and that pisses me off. I understand some people like to try and apply systems and logical frameworks on reality but if this gets in the way of what is important in terms of human values than I don't much care for them.
Generally I think the divide in such things don't come from not understanding the others point of view but not valuing what they value to put any merit in their POV.

3) Is there any particular trait you dislike most in yourself? How about one you really like?
hhhhmm it's either that i'm not pro-active or that I get stuck in my head with negative thoughts because I tend to think and am somewhat detached from the real world so when things turn to shit in there it's a fight within myself that I struggle with.
I don't treat people like shit I don't think. People feel justified in treating someone poorly because they think they're of a higher status, that they don't like the other person because they can. It's childish and shows poor control and maturity of ones self I believe. If someone insults you, it doesn't necessarily require that you have to stoop to their quality of mind.
I'm still somewhat sick so my thoughts are hazey but hopefully all that rambling is sensical.
 

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Hold on, hold on, I got some questions for the INFP blokes too.

1) Do you have trouble asserting yourself, or do you choose not to/would rather you did not have to in a given situation?

2) How do think/act in response to finding out about different moral code in others? How about a very different one?

3) Is there any particular trait you dislike most in yourself? How about one you really like?

Long or short answers, I don't mind, it's just I mix with quite a few INFs (granted, some are INFJ) so it'd be nice to have some more perspective.
1)
I think assertiveness has more to do with ennergram than personality type. In my case in the past I would let things go in order to maintain the peace. I realize now what a mistake that was, so in terms of asserting myself no I have no qualms, I would only choose not to if I no deep down that there is time better spent elsewhere and if my view is not going to be widely accepted. Purely because I really don't have the time to go about changing perspectives of people who are not open to change or at least open to understanding another perspective.

2)
If it is very different to my own I would try to understand it. If they stand firmly by it and have no intention of changing then it is not my business to do so. I would try my best to explain and try and make them develop a more balanced understanding of the code in question. People believe what they want to believe because they choose to believe it. That doesn't necessarily make it right.
In a relationship stand point I'm very likely to keep that person at arms length or even not include them in my life. In a worst case scenario level I'm liable to get very frustrated with the other person and not be accepting of them.

3)
Not particularily. Dislike I would have to say in a relationship I can get a little too affectionate. Not necessarily a bad thing but some people like a little more and some people like a little less. Also dealing with emotions becomes a chore of sorts in that due to the intensity it can cause me to shut down for periods of time until I can get a grip and deal with it.

I like all aspects of my personality, I don't let it define my actions in life but at the same time it gives me the very unique opportunity to see the world with a very different set eyes.
 
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