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INTJs

Do you ever find your goals far outreach what society can cater for? In a sense that, your dreams or visions are not yet compatible with the way society currently functions and the dream is too dear to compromise so its kept in the closet labeled 'rumination'. How - did it go / is it going?
Quite often some of my goals and dreams are hindered by people. In general, not everyone endorses change.
So I sit and wait, or giggle about when someone else comes along and manages to pull it off a couple of years later.
 

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INTJs

Do you ever find your goals far outreach what society can cater for? In a sense that, your dreams or visions are not yet compatible with the way society currently functions and the dream is too dear to compromise so its kept in the closet labeled 'rumination'. How - did it go / is it going?
I find my biggest obstacle to my goals/dreams is the amount of integrity required from others in order for them to be successful.
 

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your dreams or visions are not yet compatible with the way society currently functions
you imply that i think of myself as ahead of my culture/society, and i don't think that's true. i just see myself as different from it, in the areas where your question sort-of applies.

in general, my goals are pretty self-sufficient to begin with. so the element of dependency isn't as much of a thing anyway.
 

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@contradictionary well noticed. my approach now in this thread is knocking then opening the door to non specific questions i can not help but produce.. very happy xox

@lilysocks na not implying ahead. More like the genre you're into has not yet landed on the DJs 'playing now' but you know its in the playlist and eventually the dance floor then is yours to demonstrate what you have been self sufficient about. Do you feel that?

thanks everyone
 

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@contradictionary well noticed. my approach now in this thread is knocking then opening the door to non specific questions i can not help but produce.. very happy xox

@lilysocks na not implying ahead. More like the genre you're into has not yet landed on the DJs 'playing now' but you know its in the playlist and eventually the dance floor then is yours to demonstrate what you have been self sufficient about. Do you feel that?

thanks everyone
i don't do dance floors :tongue:. no, not really. i'm probably too old to be playing that waiting-for-my-cohort-to-catch-up thing anymore. people my age have mostly done most of the growing up or diversification they're going to do. i don't so much grok people more than 20 years younger than me either. a lot of what they're doing or seeing or whatever might be somethign i remember as well, but it's different lifetimes and cycles. i don't see a lot of connection with it either way.

to me it's more a matter of finding matches than waiting for matches to come up. i don't structure it on a linear format so much. to me, on any given day at any given moment, i might run into any given person who might have some factor in their own background or makeup that will match something from mine. there's a lot of arrows in everyone's quiver.

i think what stands out as a differentiator as far as your question goes is: i don't take a collectivist mindset about it at all. i'm one to one pretty much all the time.
 

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heres a question for you.

if you ask and INTJ if they want to be a couple, eg your bf/gf and they ask you if they can think about it.
how long should you give it before you assume that the answer if no and walk away ??
 
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how long should you give it before you assume that the answer if no and walk away ??
hee. probably longer than most people are comfortable with.

it's pretty hard for me to answer this. i've never made such a transactional entry into any of my relationships. mine have been kiss first, work out the details later. that might make a little more sense if you know that i've never kissed anyone i didn't have Those Kinds Of Feelings towards.

at a wild guess, i'd say at least 48 hours. IF it were me then idk if i can even see myself having an answer to such a question. like, i don't quite understand how it works. 'wanna do this?' 'okay'. and then ... what? you both stand up and take off your clothes to seal the deal? you carry right on like before [whatever that might look like]? i'm not sure i'd get how the earthlings behave in this kind of scenario.
 

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Be patient because if you show impatience, it's a guaranteed no.
i think if this were the case tbh it would be better to withdraw the offer as they would be better off without them

but thank you for sharing
 

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hee. probably longer than most people are comfortable with.

it's pretty hard for me to answer this. i've never made such a transactional entry into any of my relationships. mine have been kiss first, work out the details later. that might make a little more sense if you know that i've never kissed anyone i didn't have Those Kinds Of Feelings towards.

at a wild guess, i'd say at least 48 hours. IF it were me then idk if i can even see myself having an answer to such a question. like, i don't quite understand how it works. 'wanna do this?' 'okay'. and then ... what? you both stand up and take off your clothes to seal the deal? you carry right on like before [whatever that might look like]? i'm not sure i'd get how the earthlings behave in this kind of scenario.
Thank you Lilyscocks, 2 days you think, yes i thought 2 or 3 days would be plenty of time to know if you want to be with someone or not, maybe up to a week at most if they had a lot going on and wasnt sure of their circumstances, but no more.

:thinking2:
 

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Thank you Lilyscocks, 2 days you think, yes i thought 2 or 3 days would be plenty of time to know if you want to be with someone or not, maybe up to a week at most if they had a lot going on and wasnt sure of their circumstances, but no more.

:thinking2:
This exact type of thinking would be offputting to me.

INTJ takes relationships very seriously and for me the beginning stages are full of automatic dq. If someone approached me this way, I would probably push back e.g. there is no number, I'll be done when I'm done. I cannot stand being rushed.

You either need to create a dialogue that doesn't sound pushy, be patient, or realize this might be a sign that this guy isn't for you. Maybe you're not getting a quicker response because the cons you're presenting are equal weight to your pros.
 

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This exact type of thinking would be offputting to me.

INTJ takes relationships very seriously and for me the beginning stages are full of automatic dq. If someone approached me this way, I would probably push back e.g. there is no number, I'll be done when I'm done. I cannot stand being rushed.

You either need to create a dialogue that doesn't sound pushy, be patient, or realize this might be a sign that this guy isn't for you. Maybe you're not getting a quicker response because the cons you're presenting are equal weight to your pros.
i'm glad you would be put off someone like me, because when entering into a relationship its not just all about you and how you want things and doing things when you are ready. it about two people wanting to be together and spending time. someone who only thinks about themselves, what they want and has the attitude of " I'll be done when I'm done" isnt really fit it be with someone as thats rather unhealthy.

Also what makes you think i am asking for myself, so far everything i have said has been in a non personal.
 

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i'm glad you would be put off someone like me, because when entering into a relationship its not just all about you and how you want things and doing things when you are ready. it about two people wanting to be together and spending time. someone who only thinks about themselves, what they want and has the attitude of " I'll be done when I'm done" isnt really fit it be with someone as thats rather unhealthy.

Also what makes you think i am asking for myself, so far everything i have said has been in a non personal.
I have literally no clue why anyone would be so heavily invested in this down to presumptive timelines if it weren't for themselves but hey, maybe someone is so extra specially lucky to have you as a pal. Good for them.

Also, I'm unsure how this mystery person imposing a deadline on someone's personal decision is any less selfish but what do I know. I'm just a fat, bald man in a basement on the internet.
 

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I have literally no clue why anyone would be so heavily invested in this down to presumptive timelines if it weren't for themselves but hey, maybe someone is so extra specially lucky to have you as a pal. Good for them.

Also, I'm unsure how this mystery person imposing a deadline on someone's personal decision is any less selfish but what do I know. I'm just a fat, bald man in a basement on the internet.
look i'm sorry for you that you need to act so defensively towards me, but this is in no way constructive so i am going to stop conversing
 

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heres a question for you.

if you ask and INTJ if they want to be a couple, eg your bf/gf and they ask you if they can think about it.
how long should you give it before you assume that the answer if no and walk away ??
I would say 2 to 3 days tops. Maybe more depending on how busy they are. Sorry I can't be of more help.
 

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heres a question for you.

if you ask and INTJ if they want to be a couple, eg your bf/gf and they ask you if they can think about it.
how long should you give it before you assume that the answer if no and walk away ??
I think I'm personally the type of person who would know right away or not, I can't imagine a scenario where I would need to "think about it" because if I hadn't already, then I'm probably not interested. But maybe others are different. So, I guess like some others said..maybe a couple days.
 

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Thank you Lilyscocks, 2 days you think, yes i thought 2 or 3 days would be plenty of time to know if you want to be with someone or not, maybe up to a week at most if they had a lot going on and wasnt sure of their circumstances, but no more.

:thinking2:
not what i said.
 

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not what i said.
I'm sorry i assumed you were saying that you would wait at least 48 hours at a guess (my 2 days comment) and that you would wouldnt even be that close to someone you didnt like enough to kiss and there fore want to be with. (my if you want to be with them comment).
maybe a little misunderstanding has happened. never mind its of no matter now. the girl has sorted it out with the guy.

thanks anyway guys
 

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I'm sorry i assumed you were saying that you would wait at least 48 hours at a guess
i said that part. but the part where you tacked on 'a week at the most' - i wanted to clarify that wasn't me.

the girl has sorted it out with the guy.
good enough then.
 
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