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Lets say you've been MIA for months.
Would it annoy you if someone contacted to check if you're alright?
I personally wouldn't even if I told them not to; but that encounter would be REALLY important. So like if they rub me the wrong way, and it's been a long time, then I'd probably be like - 'okay back into the block list you go'. But usually, even if I say don't talk to me, if they're cool I don't really care all that much.
 

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@Swivelinglight Ahaa I see. Thanks for your reply!
I'll add a little context behind that post.
Lets say you've been MIA for months.
Would it annoy you if someone contacted to check if you're alright?
The reason I'm asking is because I'm stuck.
I was thinking maybe I should just move on, but I can't get myself to forget about someone I once knew. I can't get myself to ignore their existence. I want to check if everything is okay but I'm scared, what if I was seen as an annoyance?
 

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I basically only contact people when contacted first so a lot of people fall off the map for me. If any of them contacted me I would be fine with it though unless they were a horrible person I didn't want to be around in the first place and I would have told them that.
 

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I personally wouldn't even if I told them not to; but that encounter would be REALLY important. So like if they rub me the wrong way, and it's been a long time, then I'd probably be like - 'okay back into the block list you go'. But usually, even if I say don't talk to me, if they're cool I don't really care all that much.
I agree.

Enviado de meu M5c usando o Tapatalk
 

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Lets say you've been MIA for months.
Would it annoy you if someone contacted to check if you're alright?
probably not. if what i'm doing is actually an individual-specific ghost operation i expect i'd be polite but distant.

if it's someone i have no hard feelings towards i'd be pleased to hear from them.

if i am in fact in serious trouble, then i'll tell you if you're a friend but i wouldn't count on me discussing it. as in 'i'm absent because something is going on and i'm mentally busy.' if you're not a friend then naturally i will not. but if you're not a friend i wouldn't invent a 'something is going on' pretext to drag the thing out.
 

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i don't blame him. little bit low on the tact.

I think we over-idealize hope; maybe because this is an era where the allegiance to cbt as silver bullet for everything has seriously outstripped its actual applicability. ime there's an awful lot of people who think that amounts to just training your mind to ignore what your gut's telling you. but not every cluster of gut signals is based on 'erroneous thinking' or needs to be fixed with an override. i blame lululemon as well, naturally :p

hope is important, imo, as a long-range or global position to hold. it's not always the tool that you want in a given moment.
I'd like to share a story.

About 6 years ago I was looking for a job and that same depressed friend I mentioned suggested I go apply at this startup named Medical Marijuana Florida. Their whole shtick was teaching classes on the history of marijuana (most of it exaggerated), about CBD, and instead of teaching people to grow marijuana (illegal) they taught them to grow tomatoes instead. Thousands lined up! We were on the news and the money just rolled in. And due to some erroneous assumptions based on my past performance I was given the IT director position (close to 6figs). That's where I met and became friends with Hazael.

Haz was studying to become a doctor (got to watch brain surgery in person and everything) just like his dad, but wanted to be his own person and do his own thing. He was at the company as a businessman and was going to duplicate and spread what the company was doing to another part of Florida. Unfortunately for us FL decided at that time they didn't want to make CBD or growing pot legal so our company went under. Haz had ties with many people in politics or had power so he wasn't going to just throw in the towel. That's when Haz and I decided to strike out on our own and he introduces me to his friend Harris.

Harris had a bulging forehead, his own lab setup in his beautiful pristine home, and transferred dead bodies for a living... His reading material consists of business magazines and books on famous murderers... The artwork in his home invoked the emotion of being blood frenzied so to speak. When I conversed with him I noticed he would notice my insecurities and speak in a way that would make most people become even more anxious, but for me it just increased my self awareness, made me admit to what he was indirectly communicating releasing me from the anxiety, and doing the exact opposite of what he wanted. It made me laugh and him annoyed, but just made me like him even more. At the time my Fi was still entirely suppressed so I didn't feel like anything was wrong with this situation. Te was starting to wake up so I started looking up words in the dictionary for the first time in my life and was particularly impressed by Harris's company name 'Gilt-edge Consulting'. I was also quite fond of his analogy that killing someone for the first time is like losing your virginity...

The most surprising thing I found about Harris was he "wanted to make the world a better place". I kept thinking WTF, how can you even say that and actually mean it. Well, he felt the world needed more people like him. That's why he wanted kids. That's why he took people like Haz under his wing so that he might teach them how to have an edge over their guilt so to speak. Unfortunately for Haz this was a big factor in him losing his sanity. Haz was drawn to Harris because he felt that suppressing his Fi was the best way to survive. I had no such belief. I was just suppressed. The only way I was able to figure out that this wasn't a good situation was taking psilocybin triggering neurogenesis while in their company. My mind STILL wasn't willing to disclose the whole picture or why I was suppressed (or the fact that I was suppressed) to begin with, but my emotions were overflowing to the point they started attacking my body. I at least could be reflective of that and finally could face the fact that Harris was exactly who he was telling me he was from the very beginning. So I got out of there and was like well that wasn't the answer on to the next adventure (after wallowing in pain for a couple years).

This was all just a long winded way of saying I agree with you. I had the hope that somehow someway I would figure out what was wrong in my life. People are willing to pay a lot of money, or in my case do just about anything, if someone says they have the answer. Hope sells.
 

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I'd like to share a story.
um, just so we're on the same page, cbt stands for cognitive behaviour therapy. in case you were thinking it was short for something else. i enjoyed the spit take i got from this little thumbnail sketch though:

Harris had a bulging forehead, his own lab setup in his beautiful pristine home, and transferred dead bodies for a living
 

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um, just so we're on the same page, cbt stands for cognitive behaviour therapy. in case you were thinking it was short for something else. i enjoyed the spit take i got from this little thumbnail sketch though:
oh oops ya I read it as cbd for some reason. I tried cbt once and seemed to reject it, but was thinking about giving it another shot. My big breakthrough came from my 1st 1 hour session of a form of abreaction.

I'm glad you enjoyed :)
 
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eople are willing to pay a lot of money, or in my case do just about anything, if someone says they have the answer. Hope sells.
this is a specific application of hope, and your point is valid. what's interesting is i was thinking of the exact opposite: when 'hope' becomes a reason to not do anything. or at least hope as a cause of people not doing things.

during my dad's abduction and illness a few years ago, and then ongoing until he died, i came to hate that word hope. for his sake i was brought into overlap and direct day-to-day collaboration with a whole professional population i've never dealt with before. aka social workers.

these people are professional hopers, and they almost killed me. they're a remarkable population, and i'm still processing them. there's no question at all of their integrity, dedication, sincerity or any of all of those other good things. and i think it's a fact that if they hadn't gone and gotten him back from the people who took him, his story would have been very different because the bad guys made it impossible for anyone else to do it.

so they did save his life. but securing his permanent safety once they'd done that was a whole different thing. i could not get them to take the threat seriously, and i could not get them to understand we could not afford 'hope' - they had to act.

it wasn't until my dad went awol from my house on his own and was found by a neighbour halfway up a ladder pulling nails out of a sliding door that he had nailed shut on the second floor. . . THEN they believed he'd never settle down living with me and their work wasn't done :p .

i'm still bitter about their damn optimism, which read to me as flippancy about the very serious damage my dad and i would have suffered - not them. it doesn't keep me from knowing what good people they are, and valuing that. but that's why i think the way i do about it. you can't let hope blind you to realities - fine if it's you who'll pay the price if you're wrong. but it's rarely only one person no matter what the context.
 
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this is a specific application of hope, and your point is valid. what's interesting is i was thinking of the exact opposite: when 'hope' becomes a reason to not do anything. or at least hope as a cause of people not doing things.
Hoping, and waiting, for something or someone else to change is refusing yourself the right to take action. It can stop you from seeing what is really going on around you and prevents you from taking steps to being happy. Harsh reality is better than false hope as at least it is honest. It might not be happy at first glance, but seeing the reality allows you to see what you need and to start working out how to get it. Hope can be a bit of a tease, designed to prevent us from accepting our reality. - Source

This gave me the oddest feeling of symmetry. It took me a couple of tries before I figured out what to put in google.

For the past couple of months I've been able to relate to .. "Professional Hopers". You've given me something to seriously reflect on. Thank you for sharing your story and perspective.
 

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this is a specific application of hope, and your point is valid. what's interesting is i was thinking of the exact opposite: when 'hope' becomes a reason to not do anything. or at least hope as a cause of people not doing things.

during my dad's abduction and illness a few years ago, and then ongoing until he died, i came to hate that word hope. for his sake i was brought into overlap and direct day-to-day collaboration with a whole professional population i've never dealt with before. aka social workers.

these people are professional hopers, and they almost killed me. they're a remarkable population, and i'm still processing them. there's no question at all of their integrity, dedication, sincerity or any of all of those other good things. and i think it's a fact that if they hadn't gone and gotten him back from the people who took him, his story would have been very different because the bad guys made it impossible for anyone else to do it.

so they did save his life. but securing his permanent safety once they'd done that was a whole different thing. i could not get them to take the threat seriously, and i could not get them to understand we could not afford 'hope' - they had to act.

it wasn't until my dad went awol from my house on his own and was found by a neighbour halfway up a ladder pulling nails out of a sliding door that he had nailed shut on the second floor. . . THEN they believed he'd never settle down living with me and their work wasn't done :p .

i'm still bitter about their damn optimism, which read to me as flippancy about the very serious damage my dad and i would have suffered - not them. it doesn't keep me from knowing what good people they are, and valuing that. but that's why i think the way i do about it. you can't let hope blind you to realities - fine if it's you who'll pay the price if you're wrong. but it's rarely only one person no matter what the context.
Interesting. What did your father do that made him a valuable abductee?

Yours is quite a different take on social workers, I must say. I've been making the transition (ever so slowly) from a miserable pessimist to a hopeful optimist, and I can say that the latter is a better way to live because even if you're wrong, you're still better able to bounce back from disappointment and heartbreak. Yours is the first instance (other than the tendency of optimists to be late) I've seen of a negative side to optimism. I can see your point, too, that if you're too optimistic, you might not take threats seriously until it's too late. Perhaps there are evolutionary advantages to both ways of looking at the world and that's why both survive.
 

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Interesting. What did your father do that made him a valuable abductee?

Yours is quite a different take on social workers, I must say. I've been making the transition (ever so slowly) from a miserable pessimist to a hopeful optimist, and I can say that the latter is a better way to live because even if you're wrong, you're still better able to bounce back from disappointment and heartbreak. Yours is the first instance (other than the tendency of optimists to be late) I've seen of a negative side to optimism. I can see your point, too, that if you're too optimistic, you might not take threats seriously until it's too late. Perhaps there are evolutionary advantages to both ways of looking at the world and that's why both survive.
There's also the whole "I'm in a toxic relationship, but I'm very optimistic that things will change even though I'm not doing anything to change them". Optimism blinds you from reality. Pessimism blinds you from reality. Realism is where it's at. "the attitude or practice of accepting a situation as it is and being prepared to deal with it accordingly."


As an example: bipolar disorder. Often those diagnosed with such a disorder (such as myself) feel they are getting better or more normal when they switch from depression to mania when really what they are experiencing is just another symptom of their condition.
 

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Interesting. What did your father do that made him a valuable abductee?
had a house. be'd 92. befriended a woman he thought was in trouble, years ago. then tried to set boundaries. specifically, what set her off was i got involved and after six months of trying by other methods, my dad 'contracted' the job of getting her out of his house to the older-adult services people. this story isn't my dad, but on the nastiness and the abduction levels, it has more parallels than any other case i've read about. and there are more of them that i've read about than you might think. elder abuse is a thing.

that the latter is a better way to live because even if you're wrong, you're still better able to bounce back from disappointment and heartbreak
.

i think hope is important. if you don't honour the good in people, chances are you won't even see it.

(other than the tendency of optimists to be late)
hah. i mean, i work in qa. they don't pay us for optimism. that's the developers' job.

Perhaps there are evolutionary advantages to both ways of looking at the world and that's why both survive.
well, this situation was a) extreme and b) unusual [even though elder abuse is a thing]. in fact, the senior lead on the elder-protection team told me during one of the interminable string of court appearances that 'usually, we find out someone is being abused, we move in and shut down the gravy train . . . and they disappear.' i think it was her left-handed way of letting me know she was starting to know what i'd been saying to them all along: that this time it wasn't going to happen.
 
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Are you more of an organized and neat person, or a messy person who tends to misplace their stuff?
 

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Are you more of an organized and neat person, or a messy person who tends to misplace their stuff?
Messy, but I know where my stuff is (at least where I am working). Similar to @lilysocks
But when I am at home, that's another story lol. It's the opposite. I keep everything relatively clean and tidy, but I often misplace important items (wallets, keys, phone, etc).

One time, I lost my wallet a couple of months ago. The next line of logic in my head was that I potentially threw it out accidentally (I recently took out the garbage when I got home that same day).
So I ended up hopping in the dumpster to get it (luckily, it was recently emptied the day before so it wasn't full). Got some weird looks, but whatever. Didn't find it in there, so that crossed off that possibility.
After a long shower (and throwing those clothes out), I found that I left my wallet in one of my coat pockets. The one coat I forgot to check.
 

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I'm a messy person who usually knows where stuff is.
Messy, but I know where my stuff is (at least where I am working). Similar to @lilysocks
But when I am at home, that's another story lol. It's the opposite. I keep everything relatively clean and tidy, but I often misplace important items (wallets, keys, phone, etc).
I was trying to compare myself with my INTJ dad in that aspect.
Anyone who sees me, the way I look and act, thinks that I'm a very organized person. But I tend to misplace things often as long as others won't notice, aka at home.
My INTJ dad is quite organized, then I noticed his workstation. It can get messy when he's working passionately on a project, and it seems like he knows where everything is.

Thought about asking on the forum and I think I see a pattern, might be an INTJ thing hehe

One time, I lost my wallet a couple of months ago. The next line of logic in my head was that I potentially threw it out accidentally (I recently took out the garbage when I got home that same day).
So I ended up hopping in the dumpster to get it (luckily, it was recently emptied the day before so it wasn't full). Got some weird looks, but whatever. Didn't find it in there, so that crossed off that possibility.
After a long shower (and throwing those clothes out), I found that I left my wallet in one of my coat pockets. The one coat I forgot to check.
Oh my god hahahahaha! I would've lost my mind if I were in your shoes!
Glad you've found it btw!

Reminded me of that one time I lost a cute little gold bracelet. I was so hurt because it was a gift, I flipped the entire house and no luck. After I gave up, I found it in the shower... it was way too close to the drain, thank god it didn't fall in. There were other 2 situation where I lost it and started panicking. After finding it for the third time I stopped wearing it, better stay safe in my drawer.
 
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