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How close are you guys?
I generally don't like anyone who isn't very close to me to get too naggy and prodding (funny considering people think SFJs are the naggy ones :D) but I'd just keep watch from a distant and maybe check in every so often? "Hi, how are you feeling now?" (to show you took on board what was said and that you're there if they want to talk about it). It's a difficult one because you don't want to intrude too much but you don't want to do nothing and we're very slow to open up so we need to feel sort of welcome before we do. So just a little check in every so often so it's not too much for them and causes them to close up?
If that makes sense lol.
Agreed
Being too pushy makes me back off

And if you make it sound like you're obviously checking up rather than just being there for them they might think they've forced you into doing it

Why are we so difficult? Lol
 

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How close are you guys?
I generally don't like anyone who isn't very close to me to get too naggy and prodding (funny considering people think SFJs are the naggy ones :D) but I'd just keep watch from a distant and maybe check in every so often? "Hi, how are you feeling now?" (to show you took on board what was said and that you're there if they want to talk about it). It's a difficult one because you don't want to intrude too much but you don't want to do nothing and we're very slow to open up so we need to feel sort of welcome before we do. So just a little check in every so often so it's not too much for them and causes them to close up?
If that makes sense lol.
Well, as I've already mentioned on this thread, we used to be close. Not anymore, so these days she more often says things in front of me than to me. But I'm still be the one who'd pick up what she says in her so-called-detached-way. Her colleagues mostly don't care as far as I can tell.
Now that you told me that she could very well be all bubbly outside and torn inside, I feel like I have to do something anyhow.
 

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Pretty much what Jenny said
Not like I've ever been that unhappy, nor am i good at hiding my emotions, but...
In public i feel like i have to act a lot more happy than i feel
When working it feels like my job is acting, not teaching, but it's also so natural that it doesn't require so much effort (makes me tired after though, lol)
When i get home I'm a lot less cheerful, and there are very few people i let see that
I think it'd be the same if i was seriously unhappy, but i get overwhelmed be emotions quite easily, so any small thing might tip me over and I'd be a crying wreck, lol

As for death... I'd never consider suicide myself, at least I'd like to think that, but at the same time, we're all going to die, and i think I'm ok with that
If i got a terminal or debilitating illness or something, i think that death would be much more favourable to suffering through it
Like, i don't want to die right now, but i don't particularly see it as a bad thing...

I don't know your friends situation, or exactly what they were saying, but...
I think extra care is always appreciated, and we aren't the kind to ask for it even if we need it
But as Jenny said, i don't think they'd be talking about anything that's still raw
The only way i could imagine considering suicide but being ok talking about it calmly would be if I'd already decided on going through with it and accepted that outcome
As I said, I don't think she's considering suicide. I think she knows someone that's seriously ill and that makes her reflect on her own life. But instead of thinking she's lucky to be safe and healthy, she's having this "I'm so waiting for my turn" reaction, because she's not happy in her life and doesn't have the courage it takes to turn it around.
I tried to help her (just by being there, not actually advising her to change) but my own freedom must have probably frightened her even more and I ended up getting rejected. But we're still in -cautiously- speaking terms because, heh, at the end of the day we still have each other's back.
 

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ISFJ, 9 something?
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As I said, I don't think she's considering suicide. I think she knows someone that's seriously ill and that makes her reflect on her own life. But instead of thinking she's lucky to be safe and healthy, she's having this "I'm so waiting for my turn" reaction, because she's not happy in her life and doesn't have the courage it takes to turn it around.
I tried to help her (just by being there, not actually advising her to change) but my own freedom must have probably frightened her even more and I ended up getting rejected. But we're still in -cautiously- speaking terms because, heh, at the end of the day we still have each other's back.
well, all you can do is make sure she knows youre there if she needs you
for me, thats often enough
i dont particularly feel a need to always be talking to my friends, but if i know theyre there, i feel happier
i usually dont share much with them either, tbh, but it still helps
maybe there are sometimes where i do want to share, but thats kinda difficult for me, so unless the subject is touched upon, i cant really talk about it... if she ever tries to start a conversation on her own, or seems to be wanting to say something, thats where she most needs you to be supportive (assuming shes anywhere near as terrible at sharing as i am, that is)
 

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well, all you can do is make sure she knows youre there if she needs you
for me, thats often enough
i dont particularly feel a need to always be talking to my friends, but if i know theyre there, i feel happier
i usually dont share much with them either, tbh, but it still helps
maybe there are sometimes where i do want to share, but thats kinda difficult for me, so unless the subject is touched upon, i cant really talk about it... if she ever tries to start a conversation on her own, or seems to be wanting to say something, thats where she most needs you to be supportive (assuming shes anywhere near as terrible at sharing as i am, that is)
I agree. I know when I was going through a really rough time I just needed time to process it on my own, but having someone check up on me every now and then helped even if I didn’t share because I knew they cared.

For me, when someone else is honest with me about their own life, it helps me open up more about mine if they ever ask. It helps me feel more comfortable talking to them because I know they feel comfortable talking to me.
 

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I agree. I know when I was going through a really rough time I just needed time to process it on my own, but having someone check up on me every now and then helped even if I didn’t share because I knew they cared.

For me, when someone else is honest with me about their own life, it helps me open up more about mine if they ever ask. It helps me feel more comfortable talking to them because I know they feel comfortable talking to me.
BTW Vicegupi - nice to see another ISFJ. Seems like me and Darc are the only ones around right now!
 

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BTW Vicegupi - nice to see another ISFJ. Seems like me and Darc are the only ones around right now!
I know! Usually I’m not online this much... which, honestly, I feel like that’s sort of an ISFJ thing too. I’m usually too caught up in the real world to get online but... either I’m bored right now or I’m procrastinating other things... maybe both:laughing:
 

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ISFJ, 9 something?
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I agree. I know when I was going through a really rough time I just needed time to process it on my own, but having someone check up on me every now and then helped even if I didn’t share because I knew they cared.

For me, when someone else is honest with me about their own life, it helps me open up more about mine if they ever ask. It helps me feel more comfortable talking to them because I know they feel comfortable talking to me.
Hmm, that might have been what i was thinking of with the needing to be on the subject already for me to be able to share
That's a good way to open up the possibility
Like, I'll never talk about intimate things even with friends, but i might make it a point to agree with them if they say something that ive gone through, and to me that's a big thing XD
But also, i might not want to take the spotlight when it's their story.... I dunno

I know! Usually I’m not online this much... which, honestly, I feel like that’s sort of an ISFJ thing too. I’m usually too caught up in the real world to get online but... either I’m bored right now or I’m procrastinating other things... maybe both:laughing:
I hide from real life by being here, lol
Yaaaay, procrastination
 

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How do you feel about Holidays? Any Holidays you absolutely love and look forward to, or any you hate and absolutely dread? If so, why?
 

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How do you feel about Holidays? Any Holidays you absolutely love and look forward to, or any you hate and absolutely dread? If so, why?
I dunno
Holidays kinda just feel like any other day for me now
Except that you have to do something, so it's more of a pain
I enjoy presents, but at the same time, buying them is a pain
I guess i like pancake Day, except that i usually forget it
 

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How do you feel about Holidays? Any Holidays you absolutely love and look forward to, or any you hate and absolutely dread? If so, why?
Not really.
My birthday is very close to Christmas which is annoying - I always got "joint" gifts and everyone was always too skint to celebrate with me. My mum worked a lot so I generally spent birthdays alone. I don't mind but I do dread when people ask "so what are you doing for your birthday!?" and I know no-one really wants to celebrate it with me.
My exes family were very generous and I would say I didn't want to celebrate my birthday or have/do anything but they would still buy me so much gifts which I found extremely uncomfortable. I've also had someone who tried to force me to spend my birthday with him and I really didn't want to do anything and he couldn't understand that.
For my last birthday I spent it with my boyfriend, he gave me a card and took me out to eat. He said we could do anything and I saw an arcade so we spent it there. It was super low-key but still all for me so it was absolutely perfect. I don't want to start celebrating my birthday but something small with that one special person will be nice for me.

Christmas - I have no-one to celebrate with (I don't live near my family and my brother takes my nephews to his in-laws) and my boyfriend is from a culture that doesn't really celebrate it. I've worked the past few years and intend to do so unless I have children at which point I'd like to spend Christmas celebrating with them (dependent which country/culture we're living in).

Everything else is meh. I don't have any I care about nor dread. I don't like holiday themed parties or things like that because that requires so much money and effort lol.
 

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How do you feel about Holidays? Any Holidays you absolutely love and look forward to, or any you hate and absolutely dread? If so, why?
I’ve always liked thanksgiving, even if my family fights like cats and dogs. I just love being there with everybody and trying to create a sense of harmony. (I guess that’s my type nine kicking in.) I like the tradition aspect of it and the fact that no one will look down on you for completely going over the top with food. Plus it’s an excuse to be lazy.

Halloween’s kinda iffy for me. It gives me bad vibes.
 

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Ok guys, I’ve got another question for you.

Do you consider yourself a good/safe driver? Do you feel confident driving?

I just started driving a year ago, which probably contributes to most of my issues with driving, but I’ve found that I’m just not good at making quick life or death decisions. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. I tend to over analyze things or just completely miss important things in general.
I’m also really directionally challenged.

But how about you?
 

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Ok guys, I’ve got another question for you.

Do you consider yourself a good/safe driver? Do you feel confident driving?

I just started driving a year ago, which probably contributes to most of my issues with driving, but I’ve found that I’m just not good at making quick life or death decisions. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. I tend to over analyze things or just completely miss important things in general.
I’m also really directionally challenged.

But how about you?
I would never have learnt to drive but my mum forced me telling me it was better when I was younger. To begin with I was so nervous.
2 weeks after getting my first car, I reversed into a shipping container, smashing my lights and causing a dent in my bumper.
Hit another car at a car park a few months later (but it wasn't bad and they never pursued action).
I've been driving for around 3.5 years now and enjoy it. When I fought with my ex I loved that I could just get into my car and drive off somewhere, music blaring to take my mind off it. It's really only the past year or so I've become more confident.
I did have a small crash last September but it was bad weather and I was at the very end of an already 3 car pile up. My car was completely fine and I didn't damage the one in front whilst they were all total write off.
I think you just need time to build your confidence. I was always worried about overtaking even a parked car but I now regularly overtake stationary busses or cyclists, things I never thought I'd be able to do lol.

Still can't bloody parallel park :p reverse parking FTW.
 

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Personally i was always afraid of driving and was never forced to it, so never learnt driving.
 
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I've been driving now legally for about 32 years. When I was younger, I enjoyed it a lot; being alone in the car allowed me to clear my head. My favorite cars have always been manuals. Now I have an automatic and don't care for it. I also don't drive unless I have to... use public transit whenever possible. Winters here seem to be getting worse each year (although admittedly it might be because I'm getting older as well).
 

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I learnt as soon as i could because i lived in the country
Was really excited to drive, and never found it scary
I don't consider myself a "good" driver, but I'm good enough
Have all the usual female problems of hating narrow roads if a car comes the other way, and being terrible at reversing and parking
I'm better at parallel parking than reverse though, because that's what i needed to do most
And I've only ever driven manual, so the idea of automatic scares me, even though i know technically it's easier, it just doesn't seem like I'd have any control...

Never really had any accidents either....
Went on a camping road trip once, and drove into the side of the road when i was nearly back... That was shortly after passing my test, but it just damaged the bumper a bit
Other than that, I've lightly reversed into things that i shouldn't have, but no damage from them

Now i live in Japan though, and still haven't changed my licence
It's not really necessary with the trains and that, and Japanese roads are super narrow and busy
My husband keeps pushing for me to drive though, so I'll have to give in soon...
 

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My favorite cars have always been manuals. Now I have an automatic and don't care for it. I also don't drive unless I have to... use public transit whenever possible. Winters here seem to be getting worse each year (although admittedly it might be because I'm getting older as well).
Same. I get incredibly bored driving an automatic since you can't accelerate the way you want to and it just feels less hands-on especially when you want a quick speed boost to over-take another car. Pressing down the pedal hard just doesn't have the same feel as gearing down.

I learnt as soon as i could because i lived in the country
Was really excited to drive, and never found it scary
I don't consider myself a "good" driver, but I'm good enough
Have all the usual female problems of hating narrow roads if a car comes the other way, and being terrible at reversing and parking
I'm better at parallel parking than reverse though, because that's what i needed to do most
And I've only ever driven manual, so the idea of automatic scares me, even though i know technically it's easier, it just doesn't seem like I'd have any control...


It's one of those transitions that are very easy to make. Automatics do have a couple of gear settings where you can keep it from shifting gears if you want to push the engine just a little extra for a speed boost. Or you can press the pedal hard and sometimes it'll shift down etc. But yeah, it's not the same. It can never be the same.

I drove an automatic till a bike accident which rendered my left leg kinda useless and I still miss it.

I have found my niche in fast highway driving and I'd probably drive/go more places if I didn't have issues being alone in a car. Really do not like that at all. I *need* a passenger or a driver. When I was working full-time, I paid a driver even though his salary was 1/5th of my salary lol just so I had a companion with me.

I just started driving a year ago, which probably contributes to most of my issues with driving, but I’ve found that I’m just not good at making quick life or death decisions. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. I tend to over analyze things or just completely miss important things in general.
I’m also really directionally challenged.

But how about you?
Heh. I'm an EXTP and I'm pretty much the opposite of all of this except the sense of direction part. I have the worst sense of direction of anyone I've ever known lol.

I forget if I need to go north/south/east/west. I have no clue where things are at times and even if I've passed by something, I'll forget how to get back there unless I've done it at least 3-4 times regularly.

I'll tell myself to go left a dozen times in my head and still turn right.

As long as it's a regular drive, I know how to do it. But if I have to go somewhere after a few months, it all seems completely new to me.

As far as driving itself goes, I could probably be a decent race driver. I drive fast and driving is as natural to me as any other bodily function. Most of the times when I'm driving, I zone out and focus away from the road because I'm on auto-pilot. In fact, I drive more smoothly (no weaving in and out of traffic and maintaining a regular speed) when I'm distracted by my thoughts.

My reflexes are incredibly good though. Not only have I never been in a car accident in 30 years of driving (my accident was on a bike), I've managed to save others from hitting something by grabbing the wheel and swerving or warning them of danger.

I do always run up a curb though. Fuck curbs.
 

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man. i’m jealous. i don’t know why it’s so hard for me to figure out how to get to places... it’s especially hard for me when there’s another person in the car- i’m focused on them and not the directions a lot of the time. multitasking is just a big struggle for me.

(edit)
now that i think about it, most of the time i’m focused on what’s going on around me and the scenery things. i don’t think about remembering the directions.
 

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Ok guys, I’ve got another question for you.

Do you consider yourself a good/safe driver? Do you feel confident driving?

I just started driving a year ago, which probably contributes to most of my issues with driving, but I’ve found that I’m just not good at making quick life or death decisions. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. I tend to over analyze things or just completely miss important things in general.
I’m also really directionally challenged.

But how about you?
I'd say I'm a good driver, very defensive. I don't ever remember being extremely nervous, but it probably helped that I grew up in a small town and didn't have to worry about getting on a highway or stuck in heavy traffic.
 
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