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What do you like to read ?? Also, why do you read ?? Pleasure or to improve your understanding of something ??
Reading is good for learning or escaping imo.

Learning wise I usually read about History or Horticulture related topics. Gardening type stuff.

If it's escaping it's something related to (or is) apart of the LoTR series. Or a horror novel. Dean Koontz is pretty snazzy in that regard. Probably one the only writers that I've consistently followed. "The Taking" is probably my favorite by him.

I don't enjoy reading. When I read it is to improve my understanding of something.
Agreeable.
 

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I don't mean to hijack this thread, but you need to know that matters of the heart are EXTREMELY serious. Don't downplay your feelings and think that they will just miraculously disappear.
Yeah. Maybe it will, but also maybe it won't totally. He's the kind of crush I don't really want to forget--perhaps the one I can say is worth thinking about. I mean, I'm not thinking lewd stuff or anything like that. It just seems I've invested so much feelings into this seemingly precious person that isn't mine and won't be.

I was starting to think that, in my affection for him, what is truly important is that I can one day accept that his heart is somewhere else.
 
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Yeah. Maybe it will, but also maybe it won't totally. He's the kind of crush I don't really want to forget--perhaps the one I can say is worth thinking about. I mean, I'm not thinking lewd stuff or anything like that. It just seems I've invested so much feelings into this seemingly precious person that isn't mine and won't be.

I was starting to think that, in my affection for him, what is truly important is that I can one day accept that his heart is somewhere else.
I understand where you're coming from. The girl I still have my attachment to is currently living somewhere in Vietnam. I check her facebook from time to time but I try not to pry too much into it. There's a part of me that's happy that she appears to be happy, but there's a bitter sweetness that comes with it. I'm assuming she has a boyfriend now (I mean... it has been over 20 years), but I haven't seen anything that collaborates my assumption. Honestly... I think it would devastate me in ways I'm never knew were possible. Back when we were still talking through Aol Instant Messenger, she told me I would eventually forget her. Clearly, I never did. And clearly, I never will.
 

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ISFJ's, if you're in a relationship is it important that your partner cooks for you every other day? or does some other little things on a daily basis for you?
 

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ISFJ's, if you're in a relationship is it important that your partner cooks for you every other day? or does some other little things on a daily basis for you?
It depends. Is he a good cook? Does he see things the way that I do and therefore is capable of cleaning things properly? Is it just a Sentimental thing or is he actually interested in helping me keep the place the way that I keep it? Basically does he care as much as I do? These are all questions that I would need to know before I could say yes to things around this relationship. Do I like help around the house? Yes but it has to be help that is actually help and not just done sloppily to be nice because I wouldn't feel cared about if someone did that. It's hard to explain all this without coming off uncaring maybe but the reality is for me and I suspect many sfj's, I want to feel cared for for sure but I don't want to put any undue pressure on everyone else to care for me if it's not something they would naturally come to. IE, I don't want them to be fake. Ingenuine or otherwise. I also don't want them to be overbearing. As this would stress me out. I think a lot of people misunderstand isfjs when they read the type and hear people's stories and that bothers me because it's really more nuanced than it is perceived to be a lot of the times. Just like a lot of the other types all are very nuanced and can't be categorized as a caricature of themselves. Again I need more background information and situational things but in general yes I would like help if it's real help and coming from their heart. And also doing some things around the house like cooking especially if they liked cooking and loved me at the same time would make for some really good food I would imagine :)

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It depends. Is he a good cook? Does he see things the way that I do and therefore is capable of cleaning things properly? Is it just a Sentimental thing or is he actually interested in helping me keep the place the way that I keep it? Basically does he care as much as I do? These are all questions that I would need to know before I could say yes to things around this relationship. Do I like help around the house? Yes but it has to be help that is actually help and not just done sloppily to be nice because I wouldn't feel cared about if someone did that. It's hard to explain all this without coming off uncaring maybe but the reality is for me and I suspect many sfj's, I want to feel cared for for sure but I don't want to put any undue pressure on everyone else to care for me if it's not something they would naturally come to. IE, I don't want them to be fake. Ingenuine or otherwise. I also don't want them to be overbearing. As this would stress me out. I think a lot of people misunderstand isfjs when they read the type and hear people's stories and that bothers me because it's really more nuanced than it is perceived to be a lot of the times. Just like a lot of the other types all are very nuanced and can't be categorized as a caricature of themselves. Again I need more background information and situational things but in general yes I would like help if it's real help and coming from their heart. And also doing some things around the house like cooking especially if they liked cooking and loved me at the same time would make for some really good food I would imagine :)

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Thanks for your answer! Am I a good cook? I think so! Though I guess it's subjective. I hope I am. I of course don't want to help just to look nice, I want to accomplish something useful, so I don't think that would be a problem. The crux of my question was more about... whether it would matter very much if say I didn't feel like doing anything special, in regards to cooking or any other daily activities, on a certain day, because I had low energy/enthusiasm, whether it would be a letdown to the ISFJ. I'm thinking no, but maybe it's a silly question.
 

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It might be.
So more so wondering whether you could not have to basically? that depends on the kind of person you are most of the time.
If you are someone who is looking for the least you can do in a relationship I'm sure there are unhealthy isfj is out there who wouldn't care to noticed your shortcomings but the healthy ones make for better relationships.
There's a difference in my opinion between having a need and just not wanting to.
Are you usually worried about this out the gate? Not really a good sign in any good relationship where someone is concerned about how much they're going to have to contribute already LOL.

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You're sitting across someone (let's say your date), and you look at them and smile, silently, for quite a long stretch of time (let's say 2-5 seconds straight).

(1) What are you thinking?
(2) Is the silence making you comfortable or uncomfortable?
(3) Do you feel the need to talk, or don't you feel the need to talk?
 

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You're sitting across someone (let's say your date), and you look at them and smile, silently, for quite a long stretch of time (let's say 2-5 seconds straight).

(1) What are you thinking?
(2) Is the silence making you comfortable or uncomfortable?
(3) Do you feel the need to talk, or don't you feel the need to talk?
1. If I'm just staring and smiling I'm probably not thinking of anything, just admiring and seeing your facial reactions to it.
2. I'm comfortable. It's pretty hard to make me uncomfortable.
3. I'd usually wait. Anytime there's an extended silence, both people seem to try and break it at the same time and end up speaking over one another.
 

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Here's my question, a copy of a post I actually made in the thread that was discussing if ISFJ's are "nice but not kind"... I'm very interested in your advice:

I work with an ISFJ who I actually have a crush on, however, I have SEVERAL times as his co-worker felt really hurt and even a bit USED by some of his behavior. I don’t know if it would be good to try to talk to him about it or if it would make it worse. But this very concept of “nice but not kind” rings insanely true for me, at least with his behavior at times that has left me very hurt. I guess because for me, my type ENFP, genuinely feel like we’re all friends! And buddies! And of course, we’re all here to help each other, etc. But both I and another co-worker have noticed his duality in behavior... Some examples: when he’s at work he can have the BIGGEST warmest smile to see you, show interest for a time in your life, be nice, etc. But (for example) my other male coworker will text him and my ISFJ coworker will completely ignore his text. Completely brush him off etc.
Here’s another example: if he needs to leave early for something and yet it will put me into a majorly awkward position with our boss if he leaves early, as long as I say that I’m ok if he leaves, he never cares or seems to realize what it does to me. Or the bad effects it has on me. As long as his needs are met, he really doesn’t seem to care how it can completely ruin my day.
Lots of examples like this, where he’s VERY NICE, but often not thoughtful about how his actions hurt me or leave me in the lurch. Hence me feeling confused, hurt, and used because I thought we were friends. If any ISFJ’s reads this: What’s your advice? I know I’m not his family or in his inner circle of trust. But like I said, I really like him and I’m trying so hard to build trust with him, but at the same time, I’m often left just feeling like it’s just hurting me. Because of how he often serves his own needs first while I’m doing the opposite... trying to serve everyone’s needs around me, whether they’re close to me or not, as long as I care about them.
 

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Here's my question, a copy of a post I actually made in the thread that was discussing if ISFJ's are "nice but not kind"... I'm very interested in your advice:

I work with an ISFJ who I actually have a crush on, however, I have SEVERAL times as his co-worker felt really hurt and even a bit USED by some of his behavior. I don’t know if it would be good to try to talk to him about it or if it would make it worse. But this very concept of “nice but not kind” rings insanely true for me, at least with his behavior at times that has left me very hurt. I guess because for me, my type ENFP, genuinely feel like we’re all friends! And buddies! And of course, we’re all here to help each other, etc. But both I and another co-worker have noticed his duality in behavior... Some examples: when he’s at work he can have the BIGGEST warmest smile to see you, show interest for a time in your life, be nice, etc. But (for example) my other male coworker will text him and my ISFJ coworker will completely ignore his text. Completely brush him off etc.
Here’s another example: if he needs to leave early for something and yet it will put me into a majorly awkward position with our boss if he leaves early, as long as I say that I’m ok if he leaves, he never cares or seems to realize what it does to me. Or the bad effects it has on me. As long as his needs are met, he really doesn’t seem to care how it can completely ruin my day.
Lots of examples like this, where he’s VERY NICE, but often not thoughtful about how his actions hurt me or leave me in the lurch. Hence me feeling confused, hurt, and used because I thought we were friends. If any ISFJ’s reads this: What’s your advice? I know I’m not his family or in his inner circle of trust. But like I said, I really like him and I’m trying so hard to build trust with him, but at the same time, I’m often left just feeling like it’s just hurting me. Because of how he often serves his own needs first while I’m doing the opposite... trying to serve everyone’s needs around me, whether they’re close to me or not, as long as I care about them.
It's possible he senses you have a crush on him and he's not interested? Therefore deliberately hurting you so you don't like him in such a way? ISFJs don't have the need to feel like everyone is a friend. We only strive for a harmonious environment. In the workplace, our focus is work and being as productive as possible (so him leaving you to do his job, doesn't sound very ISFJish to me ... we're usually the ones doing everyone else's work silently.) "Nice but not kind" sounds more ISTJ to me (not dissing on ISTJs bc I'm married to one.) Now that I reread your whole entry ... ISTJ makes more sense. I say this b/c you have to deliberately TELL an ISTJ things, they can't read your mind (well no one can really read your mind but you). I wouldn't say I'm a mind reader as an ISFJ, but I have a good "feeling" about things ... if people are bothered, etc. To an ISTJ, if you tell them things are fine ... they will assume they are fine. You can't blame them for that.

I would focus first on addressing your needs at work, and making things better. If they don't improve, then I wouldn't think about more than a work relationship with this fellow.
 

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When you were in high school, what were your opinions of the different social groups? I'm most interested in your opinion about the cool kids, the outcasts, and of a random group that had no easily identifiable trait.
 

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I'm not sure why you're asking why, but I'll try to guess-
because I'm curious at how ISFJs perceive themselves within society and how they perceive the outliers of society. I also want to know how and why an ISFJ would adapt when speaking with different people.
 

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I'm not sure why you're asking why, but I'll try to guess-
because I'm curious at how ISFJs perceive themselves within society and how they perceive the outliers of society. I also want to know how and why an ISFJ would adapt when speaking with different people.
I probably shouldn't answer then because I was kind of messed up as a teenager, so I don't think my answers would be representative of ISFJs. TBH, I perceived myself as an outlier and barely felt accepted anywhere, although my peers probably didn't see me that way. That probably sounds pretty weird, so I'll explain myself this way:

How other students probably saw me:

868334


Basically, little miss nicey-nice goody-two-shoes... a squeaky-clean striver, trying to get straight As and rack up extracurricular activities for her college resume, blah blah blah.

How I actually felt:

868335


A chip-on-the-shoulder outcast often getting picked on by the latest bully who has come onto the scene.
 
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