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I didn't see a similar thread in our forum so I guess this is stolen from the other type's forums. It's pretty self-explanatory, so go ahead. Ask.
 

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What does an ISTP really mean when they say: I love you and other things
I am new to this site for a couple months. It has been sanity saving in dealing with my ISTP girlfriend. We have been together for 2.5 years on and off.. mainly on. The only times apart were one season for a few months when i truly didn't understand what was going on during a "silent time". Excuse my ignorance as I learn about the personality differences between us.. I am an INFJ for sure and have learned through much wisdom on this site how to navigate with her. She is wonderful (most of the time) but is a horrible communicator. Doesn't like questions etc as we all know. Each time apart she has came back to me in full chase mode. I am quite able to give her the space she needs up to a point. A few months ago she went silent again.. she is a full time student at 45 yoa and has been divorced for 15 years. I have been divorced for 10 years. We have tons in common and have the best times together. She is trying to get her degree and struggles very much with her studies. I try to be supportive with whatever she may need. I try to be near but not too near during the heavy class times. Her day job is stressful as well and she is a very hard worker. Back to the story.. about 2 months ago after several weeks of time to herself (we would still chat). She asked to go out.. i was prepared to tell her this wasn't working.. during the evening we had about 3 drinks and she just opened up and said she loved me and that i was everything she wanted and wanted to marry me someday, to just be patient with her. This was the first time she had ever expressed this to me. I asked why now and she said she wanted me to know and that she knew she was losing me. The past months since then have been better than before and amazing. School is starting and she got angry over something very simple and now is in the silent mode.. I just don't know what to do or believe. Please help.. Thanks ahead of time of all ISTPs who read and respond and to those who have been in a similar situation.
 

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What does an ISTP really mean when they say: I love you and other things.
usually, if an istp says they love you, it is certainly sincere. I know at least for me, that i don't really throw it around. Saying it all the time gives less meaning for me. i show it with my actions. At least with me.
although i am unfamiliar in the ways of alcohol.
 

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What does an ISTP really mean when they say: I love you and other things
I am new to this site for a couple months. It has been sanity saving in dealing with my ISTP girlfriend. We have been together for 2.5 years on and off.. mainly on. The only times apart were one season for a few months when i truly didn't understand what was going on during a "silent time". Excuse my ignorance as I learn about the personality differences between us.. I am an INFJ for sure and have learned through much wisdom on this site how to navigate with her. She is wonderful (most of the time) but is a horrible communicator. Doesn't like questions etc as we all know. Each time apart she has came back to me in full chase mode. I am quite able to give her the space she needs up to a point. A few months ago she went silent again.. she is a full time student at 45 yoa and has been divorced for 15 years. I have been divorced for 10 years. We have tons in common and have the best times together. She is trying to get her degree and struggles very much with her studies. I try to be supportive with whatever she may need. I try to be near but not too near during the heavy class times. Her day job is stressful as well and she is a very hard worker. Back to the story.. about 2 months ago after several weeks of time to herself (we would still chat). She asked to go out.. i was prepared to tell her this wasn't working.. during the evening we had about 3 drinks and she just opened up and said she loved me and that i was everything she wanted and wanted to marry me someday, to just be patient with her. This was the first time she had ever expressed this to me. I asked why now and she said she wanted me to know and that she knew she was losing me. The past months since then have been better than before and amazing. School is starting and she got angry over something very simple and now is in the silent mode.. I just don't know what to do or believe. Please help.. Thanks ahead of time of all ISTPs who read and respond and to those who have been in a similar situation.
ISTPs aren't really likely to start flinging affectionate terms like candy. So if we say "I love you," then we mean it.
 

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What're the main differences between ISTP and INFP. :D

Like how do I detect one..?


I don't know much 'bout personality types...
 

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@dbmadison
She loves you. She just has other priorities. 'We' tend to have a certain level of tunnel vision. Clearly her focus is school and that is where she directs her energy because its important to her. She conveyed what she did to you because she cares. She did relay to you her needs which is that she needs to focus on this stuff right now, but does want you for the long haul. I would not confuse the short run. If she is stressed about school starting up and short and more distant. You already conveyed you know the reasons. So then stop dwelling on something momentary is my suggestion. If you focus too much on these things it could push her away. That said you are human and have needs too. So I would maybe convey that you understand the need for her focus to be on school work primarily for now and that over all you do not plan on disrupting that, but that you hope for her to compromise just a bit so you can have the quality time with her you value even if only for a little bit once a week.

I dont know not to be rude but you seem to be maybe being slightly hypersensitive and emotionally reactive to her just going thru a busy time in her life. I know I sound biased as ISTP, but I am not saying that as ISTP. I am saying that just as a person hearing your worry over this. I am not sure I get it.

I think she wants you in her life but does not want pressure right now to prioritize you when shes working on her degree. (You must be able to understand that?). Guessing since she is 45 years old, and divorced 15 years that she obviously put her education off earlier in life maybe raising a family or tending to hubby, and now is her time to pursue her dreams putting herself first, right? (imagining anyways-frankly I can relate to that if thats the case and commend her approach to fulfilling her enrichment needs before putting others first later in life) You were married previous hopefully you have your own enrichment goals and growth you want that has nothing to do with her that you can pursue? Instead of focusing on where she is so much?
 

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What're the main differences between ISTP and INFP. :D

Like how do I detect one..?


I don't know much 'bout personality types...
quite a bit of differences. In this general bio of both types i have here, you can already make quite the list

Portrait of an INFP

Portrait of an ISTP

the biggest difference i'd say is with empathy. ISTP's have less empathy, or just don't focus on empathy as much as INFP's.
 

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What does an ISTP really mean when they say: I love you and other things
She loves you for sure. I agree with @InsertCreativeNameHere. 'We' don't say such things frivolously or easily. This might be why she used alcohol, to make it easier to say. She cared enough and paid enough attention to know she was losing you, and took the focus from her priority to stop you from going. If you want her too, do as she asked . . be patient.
 

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Thanks cinnamon and mightmin. your insight is much appreciated. I will take your advice. The long term is what i am more concerned with. as you know about infj types. a bit hypersensitive and reactive is true. a bit raw as i have explained clearly my goals to her and it seems at times she has no care or concern for them. I have been very open and patient for quite some time and hardly ever confront her about anything. she talks of living together in fun conversation and marriage plans in the same light way. I soooo appreciated your time and words
 

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I didn't see a similar thread in our forum so I guess this is stolen from the other type's forums. It's pretty self-explanatory, so go ahead. Ask.
Probably because they die, due our tendancy to avoid questions. Especially when the questions are repeative, which is what happens.
 

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What does an ISTP really mean when they say: I love you and other things
The ISTP likely just finished constructing the great wall of China, a pyramid, or another similarly scaled structure in their mind - which is why it takes so long to get those few words out of them in the first place. Those words are also intended to last about the same amount of time as one of those structures, though life is unpredictable. Saying 'I love you' is close to announcing some universal truth - we wanna be pretty damn sure about it.

We can go from lazing around doing nothing to obsessively consuming every last detail we can find about a subject that caught our interest, while forgetting (aka, currently not giving a damn about) most other things. Give us a place we can always come back at the end of whatever excursion we just went on, and we're pretty much set.


There is the whole 'learning to care for the partner's needs' thing, which doesn't come easily (especially the deep down emotional needs), but everybody has stuff they need to work on.
 

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that helps me understand very much. .. but i do have a general question about istps... how do you tell if their silence is "me time", anger, or rejection? That is the million dollar question for me. if i could get this clue i would shout.
 

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that helps me understand very much. .. but i do have a general question about istps... how do you tell if their silence is "me time", anger, or rejection? That is the million dollar question for me. if i could get this clue i would shout.
I think the only available method I could think of at the moment is by looking at the ISTP's body language. Most of the time "me time" is about lounging around, being relaxed or actively indulging in some activity of interest. In anger, you have to look for contempt, either by an ISTP ignoring your presence constantly or turning his/her back on you. As for rejection, you may have to look out for lose of interest in things, people or places he/she used to be fully obsess with. Is there an uncharacteristic change or is it a temporary thing that would return to normal within a few days?
 

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Discussion Starter #17
that helps me understand very much. .. but i do have a general question about istps... how do you tell if their silence is "me time", anger, or rejection? That is the million dollar question for me. if i could get this clue i would shout.
I can't answer for whoever you are asking, but with me there is a clear difference. You can tell it's me time because I'll say 'I need to go away now'. If it's anger or rejection I'll say 'you need to go away now'. If you need clarification, ask for it and take the answer you're given. Repeated questions might turn me time into anger.
 

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Is there an uncharacteristic change or is it a temporary thing that would return to normal within a few days?
not really anything uncharacteristic.. just find it a bit confusing when your girlfriend doesn't talk to you the whole weekend. maybe it an istp thing... this has happened before and she comes back and picks up right where we left off... i am trying to understand but its surely her pattern...
 

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If you need clarification, ask for it and take the answer you're given. Repeated questions might turn me time into anger.
questions to her are not usually answered except with everything is fine, she seems confused that i would ask. I am never pushy and have learned to not ask questions.. I am trying to get smarter and this site is helping tremendously , its like turning on the lights in a dark room.
 
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