This is a thread to ask relationship questions of 8's. It is open to anyone, and obviously anyone can answer.
How old? I'm going to assume early 20's.....Since I'm his only close female friend, I'm not sure if he is interested in me or just treating me as one of the boys.
Another thing that I am curious about is his protectiveness of me. If a guy likes me (and it isn't reciprocated by me), he fantasizes about going over to him and beating him up if he doesn't stop talking to me. I'm not sure why he likes to do this, but it gets him all riled to think about it. He also gets kind of riled up if I am busy all the time. A few days ago, he started getting upset at how late I came back home after a day full of work, because he said that there was no need for someone to be that busy. People around us had to tell him to calm down. I'm not sure why he does this -- is it projecting his own need for independence from obligation onto me?
I'm a pretty hardcore, uncaring bastard for the most part, but the stuff you shared is pretty fucking traumatic for many people. For him to make promises, and not keep them is really fucked up.Many months ago an E8 chased me down a flight of stairs to ask me out, s
The stuff I left in his quote describes me. I like dating someone who has the feels. I like someone who can be VERY feminine in our relationship, and in the context of dating me, that involves the feels., but I do need someone who is more emotional and permeable than myself as well. I can't stand being around someone that's not a little feelsy, I think, because I need that to make me open up. I don't find it satisfying otherwise, but I also don't think being feelsy or more permeable means being weak. You can have strong feelings and a strong will as a result. At the same time I also want to feel that there's someone to take care of, nurture and protect.
Stackings could definitely play a huge role since I am sx so I focus a lot on my relationship.
Hm, that sounds like a very different kind of scenario, yeah, and difficult in a different way. In a way I suppose it could feel comforting to be in a less emotional environment since it's definitely simpler that way, but it also doesn't propel you to go outside your comfort zone nearly as much.I'd tend to show and tell. I'm the person you can call at five in the morning and I'll still be there, but I'm also the type to like being very affectionate in a far more showy fashion, like planning a getaway, or making something for the person. Of course I wouldn't do any of that unless I felt very emotional towards that person. I am a pretty intense person in a relationship, but one needs to get to that intensity first. Most people would never see it. I don't personally have an issue expressing said affection, if the person makes me want to be affectionate towards them, it's just for the most part I lack the desire, so it has to be a pretty exceptional person. Though I do have an affection related issue, and that issue would be in the receiving of affection. I can plan an interesting and exciting Valentine's day for instance, (And I'd put a lot more effort in than bunging someone into a fancy diner or some shit. That to me, speaks of laziness.) but god forbid anyone else do that for me. I'd get awkward and uncomfortable. Though my partner is also in the exact same boat (also sp/sx even though he is a 1w9). Giving wasn't the issue for either of us, it was allowing ourselves to receive. Before each other we tended to gravitate towards more, submissive and compliant people, emotional too, and we'd both have a tendency to be rather controlling there. What made it possible was that we both had nearly the exact same barriers to work past and so our tendencies to distrust were nullified by that, and the fact we both see each other as strong reliable people. I can catch anyone, but who can I trust to catch me? I'm heavier and fall harder than most. Same with him. We're both still slightly uncomfortable receiving affection but those barriers are eroding all the time.
Yeah, the part about a normal life is something I experience is becoming a hurdle as well, now that I'm working through my shit and I'm trying to reintegrate in society, for better and worse. I realize that the more I speak to people as I become less withdrawn which I always become when I get boggled down with some shit, I just kind of shut down and shut myself in over time, I just can't quite connect with people because they don't have my experiences or my particular outlook. It's not even enneagram-related but just a part of being human. I speak to a guy I think is a 2 at my job sometimes, we get along decently and all but it's difficult to cultivate depth since he's had a fairly simple life and the way I see it, he's not taking his job seriously enough. I've been through a lot of things and thought about a lot of things concerning life and society and well, he just hasn't, because he's never had to. Bad stuff that happens is kind of like bad news on TV, not because I'm trying to say he wouldn't downplay people's bad experiences would he run into someone in a genuinely sore spot (still a 2, lol), but he doesn't understand or relate to that experiential depth either, and I find this to be true with most people I run into.ou've pretty much described my best friend, but she can manage push comes to shove. Unfortunately she's the only four I can stand, and from a relationship standpoint she's way too ....emo (not emotional as such, think emoey) for me. I'm too laid back for that. That, or the issues that most people face seem like nothing to me. I couldn't get stressed over exam results, for instance and those that do befuddle me. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who'd had a relatively normal and easy life (lack of understanding of my circumstances on their part, and they wouldn't get the desired response out of me for their circumstances) and I can just about stand it with friends, though I'm more inclined to think that's an issue of mine rather than a failing of theirs.
Ok, interesting thing to say that you think you're not the right person to make them open up. I actually don't care so much whether people open up or not as much as I care about to connect at a more personal level. That doesn't mean having to open up to me, though it can certainly involve it as well.Even the coldest person opens up if they perceive to be trustworthy, it's what I've found. If they don't, then I'm not right for them. There's no specific time frame, but I know when I'm being let in and being kept out. Everyone needs someone, no matter how hard they try to pretend they don't, even though I'd say out of all the enneagram types, that's more our lesson to learn than the others.
That song is pretty interesting, but I guess for me it's not the case.
Some of that, and more. In a good space, I am an 8, and sometimes I do just need time by myself. I do get energy from helping and loving someone else, but another type of energy I need is to remember what and who I am, and I retreat to a 5ish type person on occasion to reflect, and recharge, and just shut my brain and gut off.I was reading the chapter on Eights in Helen Palmer’s Guide of the Enneagram -there is a whole section on their love relationships- and it reminded me of this thread and the story of @lauraernst, because H.P. talks about the dual disconcerting hot intensity/cold withdrawal, which is based on two apparently opposite needs:
When Eights (at least some of them) protect and care for a Special Other, they focus their attention on that so intensely -the other becoming almost like another part of themselves, it can become quite exhausting and they feel the need to withdraw and be alone time to time.
The other reason of wanting to be alone is because they subconsciously feel if they show their vulnerability and softer feelings, their SO will be disgusted and reject them, because they were attracted in the first place by the Eight’ strength and energy, not their soft side.
Agreed, that was an excellent post. You really dug deep down into the recesses of your inner being and touched the fundamental essence of your eightish-ness.Thank you for sharing your deeper feelings, @drmiller100. I receive it as a valuable gift.
Good news, bad news. Good news is he likes you. a LOT. Bad news, is he likes you, a LOT.He told me he missed me at a party, and later that night drunkenly told me how scared he was at screwing this up, then didn't see me for two weeks. We just spent a wonderful weekend together, and when I told HIM I would miss him (circumstances won't let us see eachother for at least 2 weeks), he went "I know," kissed me, and practically turned on his heel to walk to his car.
say that. that's fair. if he bails, he wasn't ready for someone yet. he sounds young. He'll grow up."hey I really don't like it when you
your mom wants to meet me (he's said that) then ghost for a week or so..."
l.