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Discussion Starter #1
Sooo i've seen this type of thread in the other forums a lot, and seeing as ESxx types aren't that active on PerC, this is a chance for all you other more active types to ask a specific ES type any question! Do try to keep it lighthearted though, nobody of any type likes a thread full of depressing/offensive/angry/just too serious questions. (I'm probably going to be answering most of these seeing as there aren't that many active ESFJs here just like the other ES types, lol)



Bring the questions! (If there are any!!!)
 

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Hello!

How did you see through the massive anti-S and anti-ESFJ bias on this forum to find your true type?

And also why do you have 4 types in your Enneagram tritype? lol. I really need to learn more about Enneagram :)

Also also (I'm sorry I keep thinking of more) did you identify with the NF temperament at first? Most of the ESFJs I know can seem almost ENFx-like at times.
 

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Hello!

How did you see through the massive anti-S and anti-ESFJ bias on this forum to find your true type?

And also why do you have 4 types in your Enneagram tritype? lol. I really need to learn more about Enneagram :)

Also also (I'm sorry I keep thinking of more) did you identify with the NF temperament at first? Most of the ESFJs I know can seem almost ENFx-like at times.
I can answer some of these :)

Those who act like ESFJ's or other S types are the worst types in the world are silly, ignorant, and quite dumb. They fail to grasp that they're working primarily on subjective stereotypes, so they only type those in their lives as ESFJ if they fit the obnoxious stereotypical definitions they hold of ESFJ. And then they go on to assume that every ESFJ who has ever lived in existence for all of eternity is exactly like the 2 or 3 individuals that they think are ESFJ's. Silly, huh? Additionally, I still believe that there are a lot of secret sensors on this website. I've seen people bash sensors like crazy, and then a few years later, they change their type to ESFP or something. I've also seen people who claim vehemently that they're Ni-users, but when you ask them to describe their thought process, they're very clearly describing Si. Basically, I just threw out all those BS personality descriptions because none of them fit me (I most certainly am not emotional, irrational, controlling, superficial, etc.) and just looked exclusively at the cognitive functions and which ones I actually saw that to me.

And yes, I did fit more with the NF descriptions. The first few times I took MBTI I alternated exclusively between ENTJ, ENFJ, and ENFP. I was convinced that I was either ENFJ, ENFP, or INFP. I only ever tested as an ESFJ once! Even now, when I read through the MBTI personality descriptions, I hardly identify with ESFJ characteristics and almost exclusively identify with NF characterstics. You see, I think ESFJs and ENFJs appear far more similar than people online are willing to admit. I feel as though people attribute all the good F-traits to NF's and only emphasize the negative traits when talking about SF's, even though SF's share most of the same traits as NF's! If ESFJs appear more ENFx-ish, it's only because the NF descriptions (or just N descriptions really) are fairer and more balanced than the ridiculous S ones we have to work with.

For me, at the end of the day, do I use Ni? I don't think so...do I utilize Ne? I certainly think so, but I think I use Fe more than Fi, which leaves me with xSFJ.

From what I see of your signature, I think you're just very balanced across your functions. I think I am as well! At any given time I can act like an xSFJ or xNTP, and I don't think that's a bad thing! All the better for you if you refuse to be caged into a box!
 

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@inregardstomyself

Interesting, yeah, I've seen the same thing happen when someone typed as an N type changes their type later haha. To be fair I've also seen it happen the other way, but less frequently. That's a great point about Ni vs Si, I think the bad functions descriptions don't help! Yes the functions are the best way to type, the stereotypes are useless.

Yes, the NF descriptions are overblown, and really just describe any reasonably intelligent F-type (especially an F-dominant type (EFJ/IFP).) The two EFJ types do appear similar, what the outside world sees first is their shared dominant Fe.

From what I see of your signature, I think you're just very balanced across your functions. I think I am as well! At any given time I can act like an xSFJ or xNTP, and I don't think that's a bad thing! All the better for you if you refuse to be caged into a box!
lol balanced? I wish. What are you basing that on, just my signature? I don't think of type as something I can "act like". I also don't think of type as a "cage" or I wouldn't be on a typology forum. Lots of people on here claim they're "balanced" but then you cross them and get a faceful of their inferior function rage, especially if they're Te or Fe inferior, so they're clearly not as balanced as they believe they are.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Hello!

How did you see through the massive anti-S and anti-ESFJ bias on this forum to find your true type?
I didn't read through any anti-Sensor-sounding threads. Lol, why would i? and i know the MBTI community is more biased towards iNtuitive, of course. i learned that without even reading the threads because when i first learned about these personality types, i was biased too. Especially for N vs S - they just make Ns sound so positive! Maybe that's why all the people i talk to about the MBTI choose N, no matter how fair i try to make the descriptions sound - because they aren't fair! I have to thank @inregardstomyself for making a point on that. We can't ever seem to admit this to ourselves, can we? But i have to say that i'm more S, because honestly, abstract things and possibilities don't seem that much of a deal to me.

And also why do you have 4 types in your Enneagram tritype? lol. I really need to learn more about Enneagram :)
Well, i'm having trouble identifying which of the third and fourth are my top three. Still workin on it :)


Also also (I'm sorry I keep thinking of more) did you identify with the NF temperament at first? Most of the ESFJs I know can seem almost ENFx-like at times.
It's okay, we need more questions in fact lol. Well, actually, yes! After i got over my obsession with trying to be "logical" so other people wouldn't make fun of my opinions (long story), i tested as INFP. Again, MBTI biases of whichever kind. But there's this...

You see, I think ESFJs and ENFJs appear far more similar than people online are willing to admit. I feel as though people attribute all the good F-traits to NF's and only emphasize the negative traits when talking about SF's, even though SF's share most of the same traits as NF's! If ESFJs appear more ENFx-ish, it's only because the NF descriptions (or just N descriptions really) are fairer and more balanced than the ridiculous S ones we have to work with.
That is actually really true. Empathy=NF. Good values and morals=NF. Want to make the world a better place=NF. Altruistic=NF. In the MBTI, people identify altruism as in being selfless by their own motivations and not by conforming to the rigid rules of society (meaning to say, like ESFJs) or following trends (meaning to say, like ESFPs) or following purely on-the-spot instincts (meaning to say, like ISFPs) or being too damn "humble" and still conforming to the rigid rules of society (meaning to say, like ISFJs).

SF types are not all that different. (Meaning to say, stupid.)

And the stereotype for ESFJs is that they stereotype themselves, if it makes any sense.

I mean, any type can be manipulative. But NO, it has to be the SFs because they're too effing blind to the "bigger picture" to notice what they're doing. Like, we understand. It's all the better for you if you refuse to be caged in a box, to quote @inregardstomyself. I am ESFJ, but it isn't like i can't do things NTPs or NFJs or whoever does.

I hope that answers all the questions you asked, @ketchup :happy:
 

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Oooh! I'll join in!

Hello!

How did you see through the massive anti-S and anti-ESFJ bias on this forum to find your true type?
Haha, oh man. Well, personally, when I first found out my type, it was through friends who had already been studying type quite intensely, and they were going off of cognitive functions. IMO, MBTI is bologna-- functions are the only thing that matters to me in type theory. And when truly learning what the functions mean outside of the stereotypes, it's actually quite easy to understand that I am Fe, Si, Ne, and Ti in that order. I still have iNtuition, and I am pretty balanced between my Si and Ne. Being a 'Sensor Type' really means nothing, IMO. Everyone is a sensor, intuitive, thinking, and feeling type. Those who stereotype people based on the MBTI acronym clearly don't know enough about what type really means, IMO.

Also, the fact that 'S types' probably aren't the majority of people who write the 'S type' descriptions-- means the descriptions tend to be somewhat inaccurate or focus on one aspect of Si or Se without much depth or perspective-- which people then take as fact and continue to write more descriptions based on such descriptions. I'd like to see that change, and see people from each type write their own descriptions based on a clear understanding of their own functions and how they use them.


Also also (I'm sorry I keep thinking of more) did you identify with the NF temperament at first? Most of the ESFJs I know can seem almost ENFx-like at times.
My friends who typed me knew I had to be an Fe dom, but I think they did lean more toward ENFJ at first, because of the bias you describe. Like I said, we do have Ne. It seems that 'NF' types are always praised for being more open minded and empathetic towards different views and creative, but I think that's just silly. Just because someone uses Ni or Ne (which are incredibly different, BTW, MBTI! lol) as one of their top two functions does not mean that they are inherently better at any of those things. They might do them differently than someone who high Si or Se (Also, soooo different...), but then again, someone who have their perceiving functions in the middle might be quite balanced. It should be way harder to make generalizations and stereotype different types, but because MBTI is the most common understanding of type, it's all too rampant...
 

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In romantic relationships, do you tend to find yourself more often with other extroverts or with introverts? Which do you usually prefer being with, or which relationships tends to be more successful?
I've been with my INTP for over 8 years now, and we're quite happy together. I only had a couple of relationships before him (none too serious), and one was probably an ENTJ, and the other was probably an ENTP. There wasn't much difference as far preference for me with the extraverts. I might have gone to more social gatherings together with the E's, but other than that, the main difference is that my INTP is the best person I know, while the other two turned out to be jerks. As an extravert, being with someone who is quite introverted takes understanding and grace on both sides, but knowing type helps so much. Because my husband and I have the same functions in the opposite order, we tend to balance each other out quite nicely and help support each other's weaknesses.

Also, it may be interesting to know that in my life currently, my closest friends are all introverted. So I also may have something of a preference for introverts overall currently.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
In romantic relationships, do you tend to find yourself more often with other extroverts or with introverts? Which do you usually prefer being with, or which relationships tends to be more successful?
I'm sorry, i'm really too young to be in a real, long-lasting relationship (13), so all i can give you is this:

- most of my friends are Introverted. I swear that 90% of them said they were INFJ.
- with everybody i am a different person because A: I want to balance their POV by applying T when they're a little too emotional, or displaying N when i know they don't mind a little brainstorming to get the stress of work off their shoulders. So i don't really have a preference...
- i've been attracted to an ENFJ who does not act like a healthy ENFJ anymore because he wants people to like him, an ESFP who used to be more sensitive when he wasn't obsessed with being cool. there may have been more, but the reason i stopped liking most of them was that they were just too focused on their social statuses
- also, i think i would like more Introverted guys if they talked to me more. They mostly just ignore me :/

Idk if that helped, but i hope you at least have more info on attraction now :) although plz don't stereotype other ESFJs just because i said this.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Also, the fact that 'S types' probably aren't the majority of people who write the 'S type' descriptions-- means the descriptions tend to be somewhat inaccurate or focus on one aspect of Si or Se without much depth or perspective-- which people then take as fact and continue to write more descriptions based on such descriptions. I'd like to see that change, and see people from each type write their own descriptions based on a clear understanding of their own functions and how they use them.

My friends who typed me knew I had to be an Fe dom, but I think they did lean more toward ENFJ at first, because of the bias you describe. Like I said, we do have Ne. It seems that 'NF' types are always praised for being more open minded and empathetic towards different views and creative, but I think that's just silly. Just because someone uses Ni or Ne (which are incredibly different, BTW, MBTI! lol) as one of their top two functions does not mean that they are inherently better at any of those things. They might do them differently than someone who high Si or Se (Also, soooo different...), but then again, someone who have their perceiving functions in the middle might be quite balanced. It should be way harder to make generalizations and stereotype different types, but because MBTI is the most common understanding of type, it's all too rampant...
Exactly! Most of my time explaining to others about the cognitive functions/MBTI was spent trying to tell them that just because you prefer a function, doesn't mean you're better than anybody else who doesn't prefer that function. I've heard that "INTPs are predicted to do best on IQ tests." Well, that means IQ tests lean more towards Ti and Ne, but as long as you can use those functions well, then it doesn't matter whether you are anything close to INTP because you are predicted to do well on an IQ test as long as you can use Ti and Ne and whatever!

Just because i'm good at logic and debate doesn't mean i'm ENTP. Just because i'm worried about what my friends think of me doesn't mean i'm ENFJ. Just because i think a lot doesn't mean i'm INTP. Just because i'm realistic and confident when leading a group doesn't mean i'm ESTP. #stereotypessuck-_-

Time to stop boxing yourselves in and start to think about what you want to do, what you could possibly do, and what you value, instead of what those function descriptions tell you you can't do! And i don't care if this paragraph made me sound like an xNFP type, because i can do anything other types do, but i just prefer to take on ESFJ traits.

I'm a Fe-dom, but i put things into lists and organizers and apply my logic to the external world, and i imagine what may happen if we destroy all of ISIS, and i follow my physical impulses to chase my dreams, and i intuitively sense what others are feeling, and i know how to pick my values and act on them apart from common social expectations, every single day. If there is anything wrong with that at all, i dare you to argue.

(And NO, i'm not too "conflict-averse" to fight back, in case you're STILL stereotyping me. Sometimes, there are things worth fighting for, and my own voice is one of them. I simply refuse to be overrun by imbecilic, pointless biases and stereotypes.)
 

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I've been with my INTP for over 8 years now, and we're quite happy together. I only had a couple of relationships before him (none too serious), and one was probably an ENTJ, and the other was probably an ENTP. There wasn't much difference as far preference for me with the extraverts. I might have gone to more social gatherings together with the E's, but other than that, the main difference is that my INTP is the best person I know, while the other two turned out to be jerks. As an extravert, being with someone who is quite introverted takes understanding and grace on both sides, but knowing type helps so much. Because my husband and I have the same functions in the opposite order, we tend to balance each other out quite nicely and help support each other's weaknesses.

Also, it may be interesting to know that in my life currently, my closest friends are all introverted. So I also may have something of a preference for introverts overall currently.
Yay! You are my forum twin! ESFJ here, dating an INTP for past 1.5 and you couldn't have worded it better: best person I know. We've had our ups and downs (and downs aren't even really 'down' like what I was used to; more so us figuring out being together because he was scared in general {how cute are the shy ones?!} and a few other bumps along the way), but we've remained in tact and still an amazing friendship when we weren't seeing each other/separate.

The balance of the two is amazing!

Also, how are there no questions about us in here! I do think many introverted people I know (because I love them and seek them usually always) only know a handful of extroverts. Maybe its : know 1, know them all, so none of them have questions for us? lol Hmm...
 

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Also, how are there no questions about us in here! I do think many introverted people I know (because I love them and seek them usually always) only know a handful of extroverts. Maybe its : know 1, know them all, so none of them have questions for us? lol Hmm...
I know about an even mix of introverts and extraverts. IME they're about 50/50 in the population. Although most people seem pretty balanced in terms of E/I.

ESFJ is one of my favorite types. I admire the Fe.

Yeah there are probably lots of ESFJs on here who think they are ENFx lol :p Their loss!!
 

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I know about an even mix of introverts and extraverts. IME they're about 50/50 in the population. Although most people seem pretty balanced in terms of E/I.

ESFJ is one of my favorite types. I admire the Fe.

Yeah there are probably lots of ESFJs on here who think they are ENFx lol :p Their loss!!
I always feel like we are hated, so its nice to meet someone who appreciates us! Thank you!

I take the MBTI test every few months to make sure I am maybe not some other ESxx type. Always ESFJ.
 

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What internet means to you? What do you use internet for?

I ask this because I have an ESFJ friend and she said that she only use internet for looking the email and for study purposes only. She is really active in the real world.
 

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Yay! You are my forum twin! ESFJ here, dating an INTP for past 1.5 and you couldn't have worded it better: best person I know. We've had our ups and downs (and downs aren't even really 'down' like what I was used to; more so us figuring out being together because he was scared in general {how cute are the shy ones?!} and a few other bumps along the way), but we've remained in tact and still an amazing friendship when we weren't seeing each other/separate.

The balance of the two is amazing!

Also, how are there no questions about us in here! I do think many introverted people I know (because I love them and seek them usually always) only know a handful of extroverts. Maybe its : know 1, know them all, so none of them have questions for us? lol Hmm...
Hi, forum twin! It's interesting that we also both gravitate toward introverts. Hmmm...
 

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What are some good ways to show an ESFJ you appreciate them?
Omg this is the best question ever! Seriously, good work. Now, expect a novel.. ;)

All joking aside, some ways to show appreciation from my experience (and keep in mind I'm currently dating an INTP who ranks #1 for aloofness, lol):
-Texting/messaging a link to a song that reminds you of them, or of a band you know they like.
-Once, my guy happened to be going to the store to pick up some soda for himself, and even though he had asked me if I needed anything (I couldn't think of anything and replied I was okay), I came home later from work to see (and this is so silly) a bottle of TUMS (acid relief for heartburn) on the counter for me and my favorite soda in the fridge. He remembered I had been mentioning getting heartburn the night before and picked me up some. (I'm still shocked by this and as someone who doesn't take gifts or material things ever, this still made me smile knowing he wanted to show he cares about me and doesn't want me in any pain).
-Trying to spend time with them. "Let's go on a road trip randomly! You pick the music!"
-If you're dating them, displays of affection like touching their arm or just holding hands in bed cuddled up watching a tv show together.
-If you're up for some cheesiness, perhaps getting a card and writing out "I appreciate all that you do for me." goes a LONG way. Something blunt like that will have me smiling for days.

In all honesty, and I'm sure other ESFJs have other ideas, but we like to be thought of. For others to remember things about us. We just don't expect others to because we are so busy helping and worrying about others. I know I'm taken aback anytime anyone remembers ANYTHING about me. To me, that shows they appreciate me well enough to remember my story and what I like. If that makes sense.
 

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Hi, forum twin! It's interesting that we also both gravitate toward introverts. Hmmm...
YES! I don't know what it is.. Some of my best friends growing up used to say "Oh, you know where to find Scyllla at a party - look for the quietest, shyest guy and she will be right there next to them." LOL.

I think its because at times, I know for me, I am so quiet in my head that I admire introverts for keeping to themselves, well always. I have my quiet days, sure but for most part I find socializing gets me revved up and energized. Like a drug. If i do it all day I get burnt at night but recharge overnight (I know introverts need more time lol). I just find people who are in their heads most of the time to be so damn witty and funny.. I think that's the appeal. Love that wit!
 

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What are some good ways to show an ESFJ you appreciate them?
Pay attention to what they do and verbally acknowledge it, tell them what you like about them/their behavior. Pay attention to how much they are 'giving' of themselves and ask what they need help with, and help with whatever they have taken on as their cause. Care about some of the things they care about-- not to say, fake caring, but more like find something they care about that you can care about to and help them take action on it. Pay attention to small details about them and surprise them-- pay attention to their coffee order and surprise them with 'their drink' sometime.
 

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Omg this is the best question ever! Seriously, good work. Now, expect a novel.. ;)

All joking aside, some ways to show appreciation from my experience (and keep in mind I'm currently dating an INTP who ranks #1 for aloofness, lol):
-Texting/messaging a link to a song that reminds you of them, or of a band you know they like.
-Once, my guy happened to be going to the store to pick up some soda for himself, and even though he had asked me if I needed anything (I couldn't think of anything and replied I was okay), I came home later from work to see (and this is so silly) a bottle of TUMS (acid relief for heartburn) on the counter for me and my favorite soda in the fridge. He remembered I had been mentioning getting heartburn the night before and picked me up some. (I'm still shocked by this and as someone who doesn't take gifts or material things ever, this still made me smile knowing he wanted to show he cares about me and doesn't want me in any pain).
-Trying to spend time with them. "Let's go on a road trip randomly! You pick the music!"
-If you're dating them, displays of affection like touching their arm or just holding hands in bed cuddled up watching a tv show together.
-If you're up for some cheesiness, perhaps getting a card and writing out "I appreciate all that you do for me." goes a LONG way. Something blunt like that will have me smiling for days.

In all honesty, and I'm sure other ESFJs have other ideas, but we like to be thought of. For others to remember things about us. We just don't expect others to because we are so busy helping and worrying about others. I know I'm taken aback anytime anyone remembers ANYTHING about me. To me, that shows they appreciate me well enough to remember my story and what I like. If that makes sense.
Pay attention to what they do and verbally acknowledge it, tell them what you like about them/their behavior. Pay attention to how much they are 'giving' of themselves and ask what they need help with, and help with whatever they have taken on as their cause. Care about some of the things they care about-- not to say, fake caring, but more like find something they care about that you can care about to and help them take action on it. Pay attention to small details about them and surprise them-- pay attention to their coffee order and surprise them with 'their drink' sometime.
Thanks for the responses, ladies. My aunt is an ESFJ and she does so much for me I wanted to make sure I expressed my gratitude in a way best received by her.
 
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