Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 3299 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,819 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Everyone has questions. But they tend not to get asked. How about a sticky dedicated to asking us ENFJ's any kind of question.

We'll answer them as well as we can.

And as much as we like the believe, we don't have the answers to infinite wisdom and happiness .. and definitely no free rice pudding here :)

But who knows ... if this thread survives long enough. I might bring out the Kool-Aid.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
273 Posts
I like this thread. :3 Especially since I seem to come in here every day with a new question.

My question of the day is - Are ENFJs patient?
I would like to think so, I pratice my patience everday :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,695 Posts
I would like to think so, I pratice my patience everday :)
That's funny you said that....I remember when I decided I would "practice" being patient....and I put myself at the end of the grocery line/let people go in front of me on purpose. lol. I gave up on that. I do tend to be patient with people and slowly and gently helping them along/waiting for them to make a change....on the other hand.....

- I'm usually not patient with people who make it their life's work to demonstrate their idiocy.

- I'm not patient with blatantly disrespectful people.

- I get pretty frustrated/impatient when people make the same mistake three times and wonder why in the world things aren't working out for them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
273 Posts
That's funny you said that....I remember when I decided I would "practice" being patient....and I put myself at the end of the grocery line/let people go in front of me on purpose. lol. I gave up on that. I do tend to be patient with people and slowly and gently helping them along/waiting for them to make a change....on the other hand.....

- I'm usually not patient with people who make it their life's work to demonstrate their idiocy.

- I'm not patient with blatantly disrespectful people.

- I get pretty frustrated/impatient when people make the same mistake three times and wonder why in the world things aren't working out for them.
Giggles intently... I don't go out of my way to let people go in front of me, unless they are elderly or only have a couple items and I have a large amount.. people do this in return where I live so it's common courtesy where I live. I don't really consider that practicing to be patient.

What I meant was that when people who have a difference of opinion, and instead of explaining their point of view begin to use words that would be considered name calling and make comments of negative speculation, I purposely still try to see things from their point of view and why they are talking to me the way they are instead of immediatly ending the conversation or returning the antics or just giving in to their way instead.

I also try to tolerate people who tell me how I should live my life, but they live their lives completely different then what they say life should be lived like (Do as I say, Not as I do types). I listen and hear what they have to say because they may bring up a point somewhere in the midst that is the real reason for the rest of the lecture and explain my opinion on it as so they will understand my choice.

People who are rude and disrespectful, I try to avoid like the plague. However if I am to be in the same space, I will instead try to understand the background from which they came and see if instead of taking it for face value, seek the deeper expression they may not be aware of. This tends to be especially helpful on tough days in fields for teachers/teaching like positions where most of the students are still yet unaware of the words they can use to express themselves appropriatly.

I understand getting frustrated when people keep doing the same things hoping for a different result. It isn't logical but sometimes they may not know the right way to get what they want... I know, I seem overly optimistic especially since I am not a part of the situations that are crossing your mind as you wrote that, but I like to think that people either need some help getting to where they are going, or are just not motivated to get there and don't really want it in the first place.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,819 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
I like this thread. :3 Especially since I seem to come in here every day with a new question.

My question of the day is - Are ENFJs patient?
I created this with you in mind XD [and of course everyone else in the forum]

Now you have a thread ... you can ask to your heart's content :D

[see, ENFJ's always thinking about other people XD]

Hehe ... I'm very, very patience when I need to be.

But I'm a hot-head when I'm challenged. It's impossible for me to control the adrenaline that comes when I can sense a wrong-doing. I have a vicious temper ... though I do count to ten before I respond.

I lost my temper a lot towards the end of my marriage. Because I was manipulated out of everything I loved. Small things, big things. I may have become an extremely unhealthy ISTP towards that time.

Even now .. the hair at the back of my neck stands on end when someone does or says something to offend me.

However, I've learnt to control the anger to the point where I feel like I'm extremely cool. But even in my coolness people can feel the rage coming from me.

However, my rage and anger is usually passive aggressive. I don't lash out directly, or openly at a person.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,695 Posts
However, I've learnt to control the anger to the point where I feel like I'm extremely cool. But even in my coolness people can feel the rage coming from me.

However, my rage and anger is usually passive aggressive. I don't lash out directly, or openly at a person.
Ah, sometimes I feel as though this is one of the primary differences between ENFJs and ESFJs. The ESFJs I know are extremely direct....pretty much all the time (I'm not expressing this as a negative trait).

I, personally, try to rationalize with my feelings. I often avoid speaking out because I don't feel as though I should so strongly about something or I don't want to come off as abrasive to others.

In the end people pick up on it and interpret my intentions as negative. I just tend to avoid making mountains out of molehills, so my natural reaction is to clam up (even if the feelings are there).

It isn't the healthiest way of dealing with things, but my intent isn't malicious.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,819 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
In the end people pick up on it and interpret my intentions as negative. I just tend to avoid making mountains out of molehills, so my natural reaction is to clam up (even if the feelings are there).

It isn't the healthiest way of dealing with things, but my intent isn't malicious.
My intent is to usually strike at the heart of the person's truest intentions. But I can't always get at them because they can usually be deflected as they can be made to look like they're unrelated.

It's the same with all my interactions that lead me to anger. The root cause is always there .. but I can't prove it because to everyone else it seems unrelated. To me .. it's the truth .. and it usually is the truth .. it just comes out at a later stage.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,244 Posts
I created this with you in mind XD [and of course everyone else in the forum]

Now you have a thread ... you can ask to your heart's content :D

[see, ENFJ's always thinking about other people XD]
Yay! :D Thank you so much!

ENFJs really are the most considerate and in-tuned with others, than any type I've met. I had an interesting experience the other night, talking over cam with my ENFJ friend... He said something that bothered me slightly, and my expression changed in the most subtle way ever...and he picked up on it and asked what was wrong. Of course, it wasn't noteworthy enough to mention, but the simple fact that he noticed... I was completely amazed.

Hmm, another question. What hurts an ENFJ the most?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,819 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
Hmm, another question. What hurts an ENFJ the most?
That's an Enneagram question, really.

But if I were to guess, it would be ...

- When we ask for something, we usually do it in a very indirect manner. We never outright tell someone what we want from them. So those aren't really our expectations. When we tell someone something outright and directly to do something for us. Then it's pretty much writ in stone. We'll accept less. And we'll love more. But we also know if a genuine attempt wasn't made at all.

- We don't like being stood up on commitments. If someone has made a commitment, they better live up to it.

- When we express our deepest feelings. We don't really want silence in response ... but we don't always want advice .. we definitely get hurt if someone tells us that we were wrong at that particular point. We're able to pick up our own mistake after given the space. Immediately telling an ENFJ that they were wrong about something is extremely hurtful at that time

- Constantly hearing "No" at the start of every sentence. That one starts pinching after a while. Some people have a habit of just saying no when they respond to anything.

I'm sure other ENFJ's will chime in with more.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
273 Posts
Yay! :D Thank you so much!

ENFJs really are the most considerate and in-tuned with others, than any type I've met. I had an interesting experience the other night, talking over cam with my ENFJ friend... He said something that bothered me slightly, and my expression changed in the most subtle way ever...and he picked up on it and asked what was wrong. Of course, it wasn't noteworthy enough to mention, but the simple fact that he noticed... I was completely amazed.

Hmm, another question. What hurts an ENFJ the most?
I would agree whole-heartedly with Silent Scream (^.^)

My own biggest pains come from:

When someone who is supposed to care a lot about you constantly puts down how you feel, especially just because when your having a great day due to an amazing personal goal accomplishment. Also, when the people you make lots of time and consideration for give you no consideration in return or even appreciate that you are going out of your way for them.

Internal conflict is hard for me to deal with too, when I am trying to please too many people and also myself. For example: when my friend needs help (she is going through a divorce and has taken on the struggle of juggling her mortgage and bills herself) but I also need to have the freedom of my own space to concentrate on my homework. I feel a lot like I am letting her down as a friend, though she doesn't ever even hint as that as how she feels about it but I also can't afford the extra miles to drive back and forth to work and school from her house. I love her to pieces and she understands.

I know this may or may not have anything to do with all the things that come with PerC, but my love language is words of affirmation. So when people say mean hurtful things it stings a lot and makes me feel empty. Some people know how to strike a chord (^.^)

Oh I am very protective of my friends and family. When it comes to me, I can pretty much handle whatever they will dish out but when I see my friends or family hurting because of someone else, it really makes me feel extremely heated. It hurts me to see people I care about hurting.

I'm sure there are other things, but thinking about all the things that hurt is kind of depressing! :p
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,244 Posts
I know this may or may not have anything to do with all the things that come with PerC, but my love language is words of affirmation.
Y'know, I actually would've guessed that Words of Affirmation is a common love language for ENFJs. :D It's true for all three ENFJs I've ever met.

I'm sure there are other things, but thinking about all the things that hurt is kind of depressing! :p
Ackk, I'm sorry. xD
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,819 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Y'know, I actually would've guessed that Words of Affirmation is a common love language for ENFJs. :D It's true for all three ENFJs I've ever met.


Ackk, I'm sorry. xD
I think that's mine as well. Words ... genuine ones mean more that anything else. Also .. recognition and acknowledgement of all that i've done for some else.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
273 Posts
Ackk, I'm sorry. xD
No Biggie... I have a curiousity streak a mile wide (^.^) So I understand wanting to know :) Giggles... I just needed a break from the multitude of thoughts going through my mind.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Nickel

·
Registered
Joined
·
273 Posts
I think that's mine as well. Words ... genuine ones mean more that anything else. Also .. recognition and acknowledgement of all that i've done for some else.
That would be exactly it Silent :) That is exactly what my love language is, I have considered making a thread about it with a link to a website. I have all the books at home too for studying it. I used to do it for my friends who were starting out in relationships so that they could understand each other better and what the love language means. My one set of friends that I sat down with and went through this long process with are happy like me and my Bubbly <3 It also helps though that they are compatible with eachother outside of the love language too. I enjoy little things like this for some strange odd reason giggles.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,819 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
That would be exactly it Silent :) That is exactly what my love language is, I have considered making a thread about it with a link to a website. I have all the books at home too for studying it. I used to do it for my friends who were starting out in relationships so that they could understand each other better and what the love language means. My one set of friends that I sat down with and went through this long process with are happy like me and my Bubbly <3 It also helps though that they are compatible with eachother outside of the love language too. I enjoy little things like this for some strange odd reason giggles.
dont think about making threads ... make 'em :) it's a common discussion on PerC
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
273 Posts
dont think about making threads ... make 'em :) it's a common discussion on PerC
I worry about copyright laws.. I know I should prob ask first and then make sure to give credit to the people who came up with it :) Let me get my books and resources out and I will set it up properly.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,819 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
I worry about copyright laws.. I know I should prob ask first and then make sure to give credit to the people who came up with it :) Let me get my books and resources out and I will set it up properly.
Aah ... that cud be a problem . some material cant be published like that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
273 Posts
Aah ... that cud be a problem . some material cant be published like that.
They do have a website though.. there would not be a copyright law sharing that!
 
1 - 20 of 3299 Posts
Top