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I had my first rage out two years ago. While listening to my boss and his office pet throw my favorite colleague under the bus YET AGAIN in a pathetic attempt to evade accountability, I erupted in volcanic anger.

It progressed like a nuclear meltdown, beginning with aggressive body language, advancing to repudiations of their actions, and culminating in brutal and unrelenting assaults on their identities. My first target was my boss, whose ineptitude and nonexistent skillset had decimated our fundraising strategy. But attacking his professional qualifications failed to break his spirit, which was my singular focus. So I went for the jugular. I exposed his sexual perversions (h/t to a mouthy Board Member) and his fondness for scotch. Lots and lots of scotch. He left the room a broken and humiliated man. Before the other liar could leave the room, I slid my shifted my chair to block the door. Her betrayal of my friend warranted my reelations of her darkest secrets, which included renting a date to our annual gala, her fondness for liposuction, and ultimately a handwritten letter to her family in Pennsylvania that feigned sympathy for having raised a daughter who loathed them for no identifiable reason.I included a photocopied email in which she referred to her mother as a selfish whore. I submitted a scathing letter of resignation and cc'd twenty of the organizations senior staff. They were both fired the following week, after my attorney presented their counsel with her final draft of a class action lawsuit designed to bankrupt the nonprofit.

What I did to these two people was morally contemptible, but I would do it again tomorrow. Justice prevailed.

Never underestimate an ENFJ. We are slow to anger, but our anger doesn't just destroy people. It can destroy multimillion dollar organizations. I don't know where they are now. Last I heard my old, and I do mean old, boss was looking for work in NYC, and his pet was forced to sell her home. After reducing her to a pathetic heap of matronly textiles drenched in tears, her reputation in the city's nonprofit community was destroyed. At least CA has generous unemployment benefits. Not that I care to hear their names eery again.

There's a reason ENFJs are referred as iron fists cloaked in velvet.
WOW... I am beyond impressed! Kudos!
 

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I thought my friend was ENFP, but the ENFP people say no. So is this ENFJ?

Over the past year or so I've started to notice patterns in my friend's behavior. She will judge and talk about people who don't live up to her standards (e.g., workmen who make a mistake, or someone's imperfect spouse). I used to trust her opinions and warnings about people, but now I think she judges too harshly. Meanwhile, she is sometimes cordial to these people in public, even engaging them in long conversations.

She had a problem with a coworker, which turned into a year-long battle with that person, other coworkers, the company, and the union. She had a clear idea of what everyone "should" do, and wouldn't give up, even when it was obvious that all she was doing was making things worse for herself.

In an unrelated work incident, someone had to make a decision that upset some clients (including two of my friend's friends). If the decision had gone the other way, it would have upset other clients. My friend argued about this, saying it was obviously the wrong decision. When I pointed out that both sides had merit, she wouldn't hear it, and now I was wrong too.

I helped my friend write several letters to her company and union. Once I arrived at the agreed-upon time to work on a letter, and another friend showed up unannounced. The other friend seemed to be feeling down, so my friend ignored me and paid attention to the other person instead.

If I sound critical, I don't mean to be. I'd just like to know her type.
 

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I thought my friend was ENFP, but the ENFP people say no. So is this ENFJ?

Over the past year or so I've started to notice patterns in my friend's behavior. She will judge and talk about people who don't live up to her standards (e.g., workmen who make a mistake, or someone's imperfect spouse). I used to trust her opinions and warnings about people, but now I think she judges too harshly. Meanwhile, she is sometimes cordial to these people in public, even engaging them in long conversations.

She had a problem with a coworker, which turned into a year-long battle with that person, other coworkers, the company, and the union. She had a clear idea of what everyone "should" do, and wouldn't give up, even when it was obvious that all she was doing was making things worse for herself.

In an unrelated work incident, someone had to make a decision that upset some clients (including two of my friend's friends). If the decision had gone the other way, it would have upset other clients. My friend argued about this, saying it was obviously the wrong decision. When I pointed out that both sides had merit, she wouldn't hear it, and now I was wrong too.

I helped my friend write several letters to her company and union. Once I arrived at the agreed-upon time to work on a letter, and another friend showed up unannounced. The other friend seemed to be feeling down, so my friend ignored me and paid attention to the other person instead.

If I sound critical, I don't mean to be. I'd just like to know her type.



She sounds a little like an ENFJs but it's hard to say based on these few incidents. She could easily be an ENTJ based on what you've said.
How old is she?Type aside age effects how people respond to situations. his issue she had with her co-worker, do you feel she was at fault?

You've not listed any of her positive traits interestingly. Do you feel these incidents are more telling of her personality or do you not feel she has any positives?
 

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Thank you, @Luna . She's in her 50s. It seems that the coworker was more at fault: aggessive, dishonest, etc. I've only heard one side of the story.

Of course my friend has many wonderful qualities. She's intelligent, insightful, creative, and fun. She's been a good friend over the years. Occasionally I've been puzzled by certain incidents, but it's only in the past year that I've recognized a definite pattern. That's why I'm asking now.

Somehow I don't think she's ENTJ. She seems more motivated by feeling. As in the example above, where my friend prioritized her other friend who showed up announced when my friend and I had an appointment. (The way I see it, they could have arranged to meet later.)

And she is often emotional about things--whether good or bad--in ways that I don't understand.
 

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I thought my friend was ENFP, but the ENFP people say no. So is this ENFJ?

Over the past year or so I've started to notice patterns in my friend's behavior. She will judge and talk about people who don't live up to her standards (e.g., workmen who make a mistake, or someone's imperfect spouse). I used to trust her opinions and warnings about people, but now I think she judges too harshly. Meanwhile, she is sometimes cordial to these people in public, even engaging them in long conversations.

She had a problem with a coworker, which turned into a year-long battle with that person, other coworkers, the company, and the union. She had a clear idea of what everyone "should" do, and wouldn't give up, even when it was obvious that all she was doing was making things worse for herself.

In an unrelated work incident, someone had to make a decision that upset some clients (including two of my friend's friends). If the decision had gone the other way, it would have upset other clients. My friend argued about this, saying it was obviously the wrong decision. When I pointed out that both sides had merit, she wouldn't hear it, and now I was wrong too.

I helped my friend write several letters to her company and union. Once I arrived at the agreed-upon time to work on a letter, and another friend showed up unannounced. The other friend seemed to be feeling down, so my friend ignored me and paid attention to the other person instead.

If I sound critical, I don't mean to be. I'd just like to know her type.

LOL she sounds like several ESFJ I know in real life. Doesn't sound like an ENFJ at all.
 

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My sister is ESFJ, and to me the two people seem very different. I will say that--like my friend--my sister is also very stubborn and won't walk away from a fight. So you might be right.
 

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Thank you, @Luna . She's in her 50s. It seems that the coworker was more at fault: aggessive, dishonest, etc. I've only heard one side of the story.

Of course my friend has many wonderful qualities. She's intelligent, insightful, creative, and fun. She's been a good friend over the years. Occasionally I've been puzzled by certain incidents, but it's only in the past year that I've recognized a definite pattern. That's why I'm asking now.

Somehow I don't think she's ENTJ. She seems more motivated by feeling. As in the example above, where my friend prioritised her other friend who showed up announced when my friend and I had an appointment. (The way I see it, they could have arranged to meet later.)

And she is often emotional about things--whether good or bad--in ways that I don't understand.
So the reason I asked her age was to see maybe if she was just a younger less developed ENFJ. This seems not to be the case.

So I work with alot of ENTJs and the type can vary (as all types really). I once read a good description of the difference between T and F where it said F will service your feelings but will not try to necessarily solve the problem for you, where as T will help you with the practical problem and then leave you service your emotions yourself. When she helps is she more 'let me help you to understand how you can fix this/ let me help you so you can fix this ' or is it more 'let me tell you how to fix this'.

On the other hand as others have said she could be an ESFJ, but I feel sensors are very different to initiatives are are usually easier to differentiate between. Ns are about the idea whereas S's are more about the practice. N's are very about the 'why'.

Also if the pattern is different in just the past year this might not be an indication of type. People change with time (and circumstances can change behaviour). With out knowing any details is it possible change in life events has caused this change?
 

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Thank you again, @Luna1

With regard to helping, I think my friend is more on the F side. When talking about personal problems, she does have some idea of how it's best to let the other person find their own path. But in other contexts she'll just take over. I've learned not to ask her for help with certain things, like physical tasks.

I really do think she's an F. When people in our community suffer a personal tragedy, she's overwhelmed and crying and hugging. (I'm doing practical things behind the scenes, so I notice the contrast.)

We've had many deep conversations, so I think she's an N. She is quite artistic though, so I'm not sure. I'll have to read more about this.

I don't think her pattern has changed in the past year. I think I've just noticed it more as we get to know each other better.

I'd still say she's either ENFP or ENFJ.
 

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Thank you again, @Luna1

With regard to helping, I think my friend is more on the F side. When talking about personal problems, she does have some idea of how it's best to let the other person find their own path. But in other contexts she'll just take over. I've learned not to ask her for help with certain things, like physical tasks.

I really do think she's an F. When people in our community suffer a personal tragedy, she's overwhelmed and crying and hugging. (I'm doing practical things behind the scenes, so I notice the contrast.)

We've had many deep conversations, so I think she's an N. She is quite artistic though, so I'm not sure. I'll have to read more about this.

I don't think her pattern has changed in the past year. I think I've just noticed it more as we get to know each other better.

I'd still say she's either ENFP or ENFJ.
ENFPs are very different to ENFJs, not easy to mistake. It's clear when you see the functions. Fi is caring but will ultimately do what they feel is right, where as Fe will put others first more. Not to say that Fi is selfish or that Fe cannot do what it wants, just there's more of a preference.
ENFPs dislike being confined more and like to be able to do their own things. ENFJs prefer a bit more structure. The biggest sign is the inferior functions. This is introverted thinking for ENFJs and introverted sensing for ENFPs.
ENFPs are all about the possibilities, ENFJs are about the connections and understanding 'why'.
 

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@islandlight


I agree with @Luna1

enfj and enfp are very different - so narrowing it down to those 2 types makes no sense

Enfp are Ne doms - meaning that they are lead by intuition the type tends crave freedom and enjoy doing things on their own . They’re also a perceiving dom which mean they like things open ended and enjoy the journey more than the final destination
They are big picture oriented and it’s likely that the type tends to talk about ideas - theories - connections when you converse with them , if it’s emotionally related they often talk about something personal that happens directly to them or some ethical issues that concerns them . Since it’s a perceiving type / it’s less likely for the type to pay attention to others behavior around them unless they are being attacked directly by that individual. Their second function and 3rd is Fi and Te - those function judge and provide external facts to filter and make sense the enfp’s Ne world of possibilities . Most enfps are social ambivert /introverts - unlike the stereotypical description online most Ne doms are social introvert due to Ne being a function that focuses on external ideas - possibilities-connections- big pictures more so than actual human interactions

Enfj is a judging dom -
The leading function is extroverted feeling- they focus on what’s objective going on around the world - strongly care about what others thinks - achieving harmony and often focus on other people wants before their own , they’re good at reading group emotional atmosphere and tends to adapt themselves to others . The type cares more for harmony - unity and is more group oriented compared to enfp.
Enfj are more grounded, responsible and enjoys narrowing things down to make sense of it unlike enfp who tends to leave things open ended .
Both type value harmony and tends to treat others the way they want to be treated . It’s hard for me to imagine what you described as an enfp or enfj .

But I guess look for the underlying trigger / is she mad at this person bc they might be a harm to society and hurt others around them

Or is she mad at this person bc this person have attacked her directly or invaded her privacy ?

Fi - trust their inner feelings and how they feel about something when finalizing their decision ( this doesn’t mean gut emotions in the moment ) meaning they’ll make a decision and judge it on the future outcome of how they feel about the situation. Can I still live with myself if I make this decision ?

Fe- often time chooses words - and think about what the other person wants to hear or help others improve themselves or feel better .


Another note to keep in mind

Emotional expression and showing of emotions of feeling emotions doesn’t pertain to cognitive functions. I’ve seen Estp crying their eyes out - estj throwing irrational tantrums and intps being sweet and caring etc etc

I think estj make sense - since their Fi is inferior, the type tends to l judge others who don’t fit into their description of being competent or acceptable- emotional out burst are likely more visible from a Thinker > Feeler bc most F type by that age understands and can regulate or separate their emotions( understanding ones emotions and where it derives from is the key to stabilizing it )


Unsure what type she is but I’m quite certain she’s a J type of some sort


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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@ai.tran.75

I think it's an easy enough mistake to make on the surface. Initially ENFPs and ENFJs come off very similar, both high energy ,enthusiastic ,sociable and often good natured. It's when you get to know the types that you realise their motivations are very different. I've gotten to know an ENFP fairly well over the past year and it's interesting to see how different the functions are.
 

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My sister is ESFJ, and to me the two people seem very different. I will say that--like my friend--my sister is also very stubborn and won't walk away from a fight. So you might be right.
One thing I can say about ENFJ is that we are not stubborn.. we are open to reason and logic and other points of view. Stubborness is clinging to your position in spite of evidence proving you're wrong, and that's just plain stupid.

I love ENFP by the way lol... my dad is ENFP and so is one of my best friends.
 

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Question for other ENFJS:

Do you have the need to confess your feelings to people ,regardless of any expectations. That somehow the other person not knowing is deceitful, or that you're being fake.
I've done this in the past with people when leaving the situation I've known them through(like a job or something) and I'll most likely do it with the person who I work with and like (though we have no real world possibilities and I know he has no feelings).I've recently wondered what causes this need, something about things being out the in the open and known. Sometimes it's just wanting the other person to know that I valued them more than they realised. Do any fellow ENFJs have this this?
 

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Question for other ENFJS:

Do you have the need to confess your feelings to people ,regardless of any expectations. That somehow the other person not knowing is deceitful, or that you're being fake.
I've done this in the past with people when leaving the situation I've known them through(like a job or something) and I'll most likely do it with the person who I work with and like (though we have no real world possibilities and I know he has no feelings).I've recently wondered what causes this need, something about things being out the in the open and known. Sometimes it's just wanting the other person to know that I valued them more than they realised. Do any fellow ENFJs have this this?
Question for other ENFJS:

Do you have the need to confess your feelings to people ,regardless of any expectations. That somehow the other person not knowing is deceitful, or that you're being fake.
I've done this in the past with people when leaving the situation I've known them through(like a job or something) and I'll most likely do it with the person who I work with and like (though we have no real world possibilities and I know he has no feelings).I've recently wondered what causes this need, something about things being out the in the open and known. Sometimes it's just wanting the other person to know that I valued them more than they realised. Do any fellow ENFJs have this this?
In general, to answer your question, no. When someome means a lot to me I assume they know this by how I treat them.

But I get your question and get that you enjoy the closure of feeling understood.
 
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