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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
We've been getting a lot of threads asking for relationship advice, so I think one of these is in order.

Are you concerned that your relationship is doomed to failure? Convinced it's been written in the stars? Not sure how to connect with your ENTP family member? Want ENTP date ideas? Worried about excessive arguing in your relationship? Desperate to know if ENTPs are okay with farting in bed?

You have come to the right place, young padawan.


@timeless @Dear Sigmund can we get this stickied?
 

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Since you asked nicely, I have some questions.

ENTPs:

1. How important is it that your partner be able to match you (or keep you otherwise stimulated) on an intellectual level?

2. Can this supersede physical attractiveness?

3. Do you consider type when dating (or, if you haven't, would you in the future)?

4. Do you look to your partners to meet many of your emotional needs? Why or why not?
 

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Grumpy old bastard
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Since you asked nicely, I have some questions.

ENTPs:

1. How important is it that your partner be able to match you (or keep you otherwise stimulated) on an intellectual level?

2. Can this supersede physical attractiveness?

3. Do you consider type when dating (or, if you haven't, would you in the future)?

4. Do you look to your partners to meet many of your emotional needs? Why or why not?
1. I'm pretty bright. I won't date someone I don't respect. See my sig at the bottom of this post.
2. I will not date someone who is not NICE. I will not date someone who is not bright. In my younger years I dated many women who my buddies said were not very pretty, but who I really liked.
3. HELL YES.
4. What are emotional needs? What do they look like?
 

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1. I'm pretty bright. I won't date someone I don't respect. See my sig at the bottom of this post.
2. I will not date someone who is not NICE. I will not date someone who is not bright. In my younger years I dated many women who my buddies said were not very pretty, but who I really liked.
3. HELL YES.
4. What are emotional needs? What do they look like?
Regarding 3: how would you go about doing this?

Regarding 4: to phrase it differently, what sorts of things would you expect from your partner by way of romantic expression, attentiveness, ego-boosting, etc. etc. It's pretty open-ended on purpose, so answer as you see fit.
 

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1. Very. I've had a 4 year relationship end partly because I got extremely bored with my SO. I'll admit i was a terrible partner at the end, but she bored me immensely.

2. Yes. But a gorgeous girl can get away with not being spectacularly intelligent. She needs to be interesting though.

3. I will for sure.

4. Not really. I believe that in order to have a healthy and sane relationship each partner must maintain their own independence and rely mostly on them selves for emotional stability. This is why i keep away from most girls who always seems to be with some new guy. Edit : Clingy is a MAJOR no-no. Call or text me too much in the beginning and i will run away.
 

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1. There is a difference between dumb, and not specially smart (but can carry herself well). The latter, I'm willing to date.

2. Looks-wise, my standards aren't that super high. Anyone above average in looks should be fine. But she should not be dumb.

3. Not really. You can't tell a person's type on the first date, and MBTI is an awkward topic to initially talk about.

4. Yes. If she can't provide, I have friends.
 

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1. There is a difference between dumb, and not specially smart (but can carry herself well). The latter, I'm willing to date.

2. Looks-wise, my standards aren't that super high. Anyone above average in looks should be fine. But she should not be dumb.

3. Not really. You can't tell a person's type on the first date, and MBTI is an awkward topic to initially talk about.

4. Yes. If she can't provide, I have friends.
 

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Regarding 3: how would you go about doing this?

Regarding 4: to phrase it differently, what sorts of things would you expect from your partner by way of romantic expression, attentiveness, ego-boosting, etc. etc. It's pretty open-ended on purpose, so answer as you see fit.
I would discourage Sj's. On my profile, I would say I like spontaneous, and hint I am not very punctual. SJ's hate that stuff, and I hate dating SJ's.

I think I want an SFP next, and they are pretty easy to figure out, and attract. Last minute, accept them, NEVER criticize.

I don't need my ego boosted. I have enough confidence.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Since you asked nicely, I have some questions.
I know, I'm so charming.

ENTPs:

1. How important is it that your partner be able to match you (or keep you otherwise stimulated) on an intellectual level?
Very. If we can't connect on an intellectual level, I can't maintain the relationship. It only partially concerns intelligence: someone can be twice as smart as I am, but if they're uninterested in conjecture and intellectual conversation, it's the equivalent of a twelve-incher with dysfunction. You have to be curious, you have to be able to engage.

2. Can this supersede physical attractiveness?
Yes.

3. Do you consider type when dating (or, if you haven't, would you in the future)?
I'm an equal opportunist.

4. Do you look to your partners to meet many of your emotional needs? Why or why not?
I expect pretty much the same from a partner as I do from a close friend, but they can hold my hand. :p
 

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What do ENTPs think of having an SO that is a bit 'feisty'?

Now this word can be interpreted in different ways so I'll give you an example of what I mean.

Say your SO felt strongly about a cause. To give a random example, let's say it was 'protecting the environment'. Now say they got involved in local politics and started speaking at public meetings, arguing vehemently for their cause in front of a lot of people and arguing and disagreeing strongly (perhaps even getting a bit 'emotional') with those that wanted to harm the environment.

Would this sort of behaviour embarrass you? Would you tolerate it but find it irritating? Would you admire it? Would it put you off her/ him or would it impress? Or perhaps you would be pretty neutral about it. Would love to know your views on this.

Thanks :)
 

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What do ENTPs think of having an SO that is a bit 'feisty'?

Now this word can be interpreted in different ways so I'll give you an example of what I mean.

Say your SO felt strongly about a cause. To give a random example, let's say it was 'protecting the environment'. Now say they got involved in local politics and started speaking at public meetings, arguing vehemently for their cause in front of a lot of people and arguing and disagreeing strongly (perhaps even getting a bit 'emotional') with those that wanted to harm the environment.

Would this sort of behaviour embarrass you? Would you tolerate it but find it irritating? Would you admire it? Would it put you off her/ him or would it impress? Or perhaps you would be pretty neutral about it. Would love to know your views on this.

Thanks :)
Well, as an ENTP, I would look at the cause and the person. If I liked either, I'd offer suggestions to the person on how to go about their project more effectively. If the person seemed receptive to my ideas, I'd jump on board and help them.

If I offered the ideas and the person shot them down because the person didn't think of them first, then I'd move on.

But Helping someone who has a cause is fun as long as we get to control how we get to help. If you TELL us what to do to help you, we'll go away. If you ask us, we will consider it, and see if it makes logical sense, then we will help.

Feisty, and different, and outside the norm is what we LIVE FOR. If you are boring, and just another sheep in life, no thanks.

fair warning, we are much better at systems and THINGS than we are at people.
 

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I've got a question drmiller100 (and other ENTPs):

Along with my other thread in general, how does one go about thoroughly engaging an ENTP in a mildly long distance relationship? Given an ENTPs need for novelty and excitement, I'm a little concerned.

I'm going to be about an hour-and-a-half away for the next half a year and change. This is exacerbated by being a broke law student... I simply don't have the financial resources to take my ENTP partner out every other day on exciting excursions. To what extend does an ENTP need to be engaged to stay interested and is it doom to spend more days in than out?

Heck, is mildly long distance relationships, for a finite amount of time, even tolerable to an ENTP?
 

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I did it in my 20's. A lady I was dating went to England on a Rhoades scholarship.

Do chat. Do skype. text.

it can work.

We need Ne attachment, not so much physical.

that's why we hang out on sites like this!!!!!!!!!!1
 

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Sweet Matrimony.
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I've got a question drmiller100 (and other ENTPs):

Along with my other thread in general, how does one go about thoroughly engaging an ENTP in a mildly long distance relationship? Given an ENTPs need for novelty and excitement, I'm a little concerned.

I'm going to be about an hour-and-a-half away for the next half a year and change. This is exacerbated by being a broke law student... I simply don't have the financial resources to take my ENTP partner out every other day on exciting excursions. To what extend does an ENTP need to be engaged to stay interested and is it doom to spend more days in than out?

Heck, is mildly long distance relationships, for a finite amount of time, even tolerable to an ENTP?
What's her enneagram type? 7W8 by the sounds of it.

Dude, to be honest, if she makes you feel like you can't be yourself in order to keep her interested... doesn't say much about your relationship does it?

Just be yourself. Seriously. Don't be pressured into becoming someone you're not to keep a girl, she'll hate you in the end and you'll hate yourself even more.
 

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What's her enneagram type? 7W8 by the sounds of it.

Dude, to be honest, if she makes you feel like you can't be yourself in order to keep her interested... doesn't say much about your relationship does it?

Just be yourself. Seriously. Don't be pressured into becoming someone you're not to keep a girl, she'll hate you in the end and you'll hate yourself even more.
I'm not sure of her eneagram type. Good question, something I'll look into though.

I agree. So far everything has been natural and has worked flawlessly, I'm just foolishly anticipating something that very well may be a non-issue. Just be me... What a novel concept =p
 

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Another question:

Is it acceptable for an ENTP if there isn't constant interaction with their partner? Is it even preferable? If work, or school, or other such distractions keep the partner of an ENTP occupied, such that phone conversations, texting, or face-to-face time is somewhat limited or comes in chunks rather than continuously, is this okay with an ENTP? I know some types are more loners and others are the very embodiment of "needy."
 

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we are on the loner extreme.

I thought of something else. We DEMAND external stimulation. You will NOT suffice by yourself.

By this I mean your partner will visit many people, and have many acquaintences. Are you the jealous type?

If your partner has male friends because they are interesting, is that ok? I don't mean date, I don't mean kiss, I don't mean flirt. I mean they just like hashing ideas out.

Just like we are doing right here.

If you are not available, she will need to go find others. Even if you are available, she will need OTHERS besides you.

My ISFJ wife believed if she were the perfect wife, I would not need any other female friends. So, she worked tirelessly to be the perfect wife, and felt a failure when I still talked to other women on occasion.

Are you good with that?

This is a big deal, and if you are aware of it, you might be able to deal with it.

Does this make sense?

It killed my marriage. There was no solving it other than me drinking myself into oblivion every night so I could deal with her persistent nagging and her feelings of failure and so I didn't need to socialize.

At least that is my excuse!!!!!!

(smiles!)

Btw, for an INFJ, you are being VERY logical about asking your questions. This is meant as a complement.
 

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we are on the loner extreme.

I thought of something else. We DEMAND external stimulation. You will NOT suffice by yourself.

By this I mean your partner will visit many people, and have many acquaintences. Are you the jealous type?

If your partner has male friends because they are interesting, is that ok? I don't mean date, I don't mean kiss, I don't mean flirt. I mean they just like hashing ideas out.

Just like we are doing right here.

If you are not available, she will need to go find others. Even if you are available, she will need OTHERS besides you.

My ISFJ wife believed if she were the perfect wife, I would not need any other female friends. So, she worked tirelessly to be the perfect wife, and felt a failure when I still talked to other women on occasion.

Are you good with that?

This is a big deal, and if you are aware of it, you might be able to deal with it.

Does this make sense?

It killed my marriage. There was no solving it other than me drinking myself into oblivion every night so I could deal with her persistent nagging and her feelings of failure and so I didn't need to socialize.

At least that is my excuse!!!!!!

(smiles!)

Btw, for an INFJ, you are being VERY logical about asking your questions. This is meant as a complement.
The way I see it, my gut senses jealousy in some capacity, but it is well-tempered by a constant teaching of myself that to really have, you must be willing to lose, and that no measure of control will suffice to command the natural human condition. I've learned, through trial and error, that leadership isn't about orating loudly for your position, but by being meek—not to be confused with weak. Servitude, doing what I believe to be just, being last so that I may be first.

In that respect, I look at the notion of jealousy in the same light. To control by force (or jealousy) is to have already lost. Rather, I've learned to appreciate being true to who I am and hoping that this will be sufficient to keep my partner from wondering off. Love and respect—faithfulness—isn't controlled and demanded, it's earned. Y'know?

I'm telling you, I'm a bizarre INFJ. Maybe it's the male in me (I know male INFJs are exceedingly rare). Maybe it's my difficult past tribulations that've tempered me. But, in any case, my heart operates as an INFJ and the other half of me has learned, through diligent effort, to control my over thinking and impulse in a way that is constructive, rather than destructive. I cannot help but over think, to be irrational and chase emotional impulse over reasoned response, but it's almost like there was another part of me born in all the things I suffered. There's just a different level of wisdom, a different level of understanding, that I've gained from my past. The INFJ would've been eaten up by it all. So while I feel as an INFJ, I've also learned to control it (or at least hide it).

There is no use in my irrational feelings if I can't logically apply it. Thank you for the compliment! =)
 

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Feisty?
Like little princess type feisty? I think that's very cute... so yes.

Keeping up with me intellectually...
Fun... she has a brain too?! You mean I can tinker with it? Yippy!

Looks wise...
I am only interested in hot women. I like cute but I know beautiful when I see it and that's what I want.

Type when dating...
It's been a while since I have really "dated" but to be honest I do not consider type at all... If the individual is funny, attractive, and is open to have a good time then that's pretty much okay. I'm pretty casual to these types of things I suppose.

Emotional needs...
Uh... this is an odd question. In certain situations I suppose... if I am fairly serious about the person I may look for some type of connection through emotion but to be honest I am not very serious with anyone so in almost all my circumstances I am anti-emotion. Emotions tend to cause strange bonds which I do not particularly care to build unless it's with someone I actually do want to remain with for quite some time.
 

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Sweet Matrimony.
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I agree. So far everything has been natural and has worked flawlessly, I'm just foolishly anticipating something that very well may be a non-issue. Just be me... What a novel concept =p
When you do that, remember it's your anxiety, aka your problem, not hers. It's coming from your end and not from anything she's doing.

Another question:

Is it acceptable for an ENTP if there isn't constant interaction with their partner? Is it even preferable? If work, or school, or other such distractions keep the partner of an ENTP occupied, such that phone conversations, texting, or face-to-face time is somewhat limited or comes in chunks rather than continuously, is this okay with an ENTP? I know some types are more loners and others are the very embodiment of "needy."
Dude. You sound incredibly dependant!!!

Seriously, you need to emotionally check out asap!
I have a strange feeling your relationship with this ENTP sparks insecurities similar to the ones you had with your parents. Is this even remotely the case?

Once i realised that my ENTP friend represented to me, everything my parents did, I could understand why she made me so anxious/so needy etc (my relationship with my parents makes me feel needy/anxious) and then I just stopped feeling so... inadequate/desperate, just like that.

I really am not trying to insinuate anything, it's just a connection that you may want to explore. If not, okay fair enough, maybe it's not my place to say such a thing anyway.
 
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