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YES. I'm not arrogant; I just feel strongly about certain topics and it comes across the wrong way sometimes. And then I get upset because it causes conflicts with people.
 
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I can relate to this, although I've had more trouble with my confidence coming off as arrogance. Most of my life I just slip beneath the surface, am pretty low key compared to most people. In a way I feel incompetent compared to others in a lot of ways.

So when I finally do achieve some kind of success, praise, I like to embrace it because it feels like a real achievement. It seems inauthentic to me to pretend I'm not happy that I've achieved something worthwhile. Yet, people sometimes seem to think I'm acting arrogant, like I'm too eager to accept this success. Maybe I'm just too impractical, and should learn how to project false humility at those moments. o_O
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I can relate to this, although I've had more trouble with my confidence coming off as arrogance. Most of my life I just slip beneath the surface, am pretty low key compared to most people. In a way I feel incompetent compared to others in a lot of ways.

So when I finally do achieve some kind of success, praise, I like to embrace it because it feels like a real achievement. It seems inauthentic to me to pretend I'm not happy that I've achieved something worthwhile. Yet, people sometimes seem to think I'm acting arrogant, like I'm too eager to accept this success. Maybe I'm just too impractical, and should learn how to project false humility at those moments. o_O
I wasn't thinking about that when I opened this topic (but your comment is quite pertinent), but you made me think about another thing: sometimes people blame me for being airy about speaking freely about some qualities I've got that I take for granted.
@notmonday: it's like nobody expects from us any kind of assertiveness :p
 

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I wasn't thinking about that when I opened this topic (but your comment is quite pertinent), but you made me think about another thing: sometimes people blame me for being airy about speaking freely about some qualities I've got that I take for granted.
@notmonday: it's like nobody expects from us any kind of assertiveness :p
It is strange, being a nine I often feel a bit like a nobody in the big scheme of things. So, it is strange when people treat me like I'm exhibiting qualities of arrogance, self-entitlement. It surprises me greatly as I honestly don't think I'm very special, and I don't think I act like I do. Perhaps I lack awareness of how I present myself.
 

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I don't think most people would seriously consider me arrogant, even on the rare occasion I would defend a position to the death, no. Stubborn, yes, insolent not so much. I think a lot of it is in how you say something rather than what you say.
 

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Heretic
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Well you can't be assertive without being convinced that you are important enough to deserve whatever you assert.
You somehow feel entiteled.
So you claim whatever it is.
By doing so you show strenght, by winning become superior.
By being superior one can make a case of arrogance.

Not that it isn't stretching the term slightly, but any losing party will gladly make the claim.
If nothing else to shame you into being less assertive the next time.
It is the neverending dilemma of the one who demands his rights,
the ones who would deny you those rights will come to despise you.
 

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No, I don't think this has really happened. At least, not with assertiveness. I once made a comment my mum mistook for me looking down on people, but I quickly took it back. I can be assertive, but it's always in a kind of quiet way, which people tend not to judge as arrogance purely because I'm not making a lot of noise.
 

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I don't think I've been described as arrogant, but people have called me belligerent and verbally aggressive at various times. I think it's partially me over-compensating for my usual lack of assertiveness. I'm normally so laid-back and live and let live, that when I do care deeply about something I feel like I have to prove it. I feel like people won't take me seriously if I don't. I can get really intense when I act like this, and I think it really scares people. Perhaps that comes across as arrogant too.
 

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Has this ever happened to you?

This is something pretty common. Sometimes I over-react (even if I haven't got this feeling) and other people think I'm arrogant and insolent, while I just wanted to keep my position.

Do you relate?
it's interesting to hear a 9 experiencing this problem, as, in my experience, they're usually the one on the other end. typically, it's the 9s that are accusing me of being too arrogant and I'm the one like "whatever, take it or leave it" (6s, 5s and 4s are also somewhat prone to this).

that said, I could see how the more quiet confidence and sometimes smug expressions of a 9w8 could be mistaken for arrogance.

 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I usually see other people being arrogant more often than myself, but that's probably because I judge a lot even if I would not. I can't see myself from outside so I can't tell you if I actually am arrogant, but I think I am, now and then.

I think it's about the fact that we (9s, especially 9w8s maybe?) are usually quite peaceful and calm, but when certain things (for me: freedom or independence, my true desires, etc) are trampled there's no way other people could convince me, so I just shut the dialogue with conclusive sentences that may seem arrogant. These are the only situations in which I enjoy conflict: doesn't matter what they say, I know what I want, it's useless to keep chatting
 

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Happens often, drives me nuts.


These are the only situations in which I enjoy conflict: doesn't matter what they say

I can't witness abuse or bullying without doing SOMETHING about it. I hate conflict, but that stirs something deep inside me with an intense passion.


-ZDD
 
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