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Assertiveness confused with arrogance

2359 Views 12 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  Zombie Devil Duckie
Has this ever happened to you?

This is something pretty common. Sometimes I over-react (even if I haven't got this feeling) and other people think I'm arrogant and insolent, while I just wanted to keep my position.

Do you relate?
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I wasn't thinking about that when I opened this topic (but your comment is quite pertinent), but you made me think about another thing: sometimes people blame me for being airy about speaking freely about some qualities I've got that I take for granted.
@notmonday: it's like nobody expects from us any kind of assertiveness :p
I can relate to this, although I've had more trouble with my confidence coming off as arrogance. Most of my life I just slip beneath the surface, am pretty low key compared to most people. In a way I feel incompetent compared to others in a lot of ways.

So when I finally do achieve some kind of success, praise, I like to embrace it because it feels like a real achievement. It seems inauthentic to me to pretend I'm not happy that I've achieved something worthwhile. Yet, people sometimes seem to think I'm acting arrogant, like I'm too eager to accept this success. Maybe I'm just too impractical, and should learn how to project false humility at those moments. o_O
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I usually see other people being arrogant more often than myself, but that's probably because I judge a lot even if I would not. I can't see myself from outside so I can't tell you if I actually am arrogant, but I think I am, now and then.

I think it's about the fact that we (9s, especially 9w8s maybe?) are usually quite peaceful and calm, but when certain things (for me: freedom or independence, my true desires, etc) are trampled there's no way other people could convince me, so I just shut the dialogue with conclusive sentences that may seem arrogant. These are the only situations in which I enjoy conflict: doesn't matter what they say, I know what I want, it's useless to keep chatting
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