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At what point do you say to yourself "I'm not going to hang out with them anymore"?

I've been thinking a lot lately about friends I have that I hang out with when I go out (which is not often). Unfortunately, some of these relationships I have with these people aren't so great because many of them like to go out all the time. They don't understand why I don't want to do this all the time, or very often for that matter.

So as a result, a lot of my friends seem to think I'm not interested in hanging out with them. So when I do want to do something a lot of them aren't interested. I tend to think I am the "really boring guy" to hang out with.

Honestly I feel frustrated and sometimes I feel ostracized by them. I know part of it is the tendency to overthink things, whereas they probably forget the moment they hang up the phone.

Has anyone else felt this way? What have you done about it? :unsure:
 

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My "friends" know I need my quiet time. They all honor and respect it as well. (my roommate doesn't freak out when he comes downstairs, I'm in my rocking chair listening to my ipod, it's 4 a.m., and everything is turned off).

That's as simple and basic as I can lay it out. You need to explain yourself or make new friends. I could never imagine calling anyone "friend" who didn't know this about me.
 

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I had this problem ALL the time in school...and now I don't have any friends at all. I will be starting University in September so I'm hoping to 'start again' and try to find people I can really connect with.

My problem was not only did I find socialising draining but because I lived quite a distance away from school and from friends there was no public transport where I lived so I couldn't just pop to my friends house for an hour and catch a bus home. I had to rely on my mum to take me EVERYWHERE. Everything has to be planned. My mum worked (and still works) full-time and she too is INFX (not sure if she is J or P) and does not socialise and having to take me out in the evening was very hard for her and in the end I gave up.

So...my friends basically stopped asking me if I wanted to hang out with them because they assumed that I didn't want to socialise with them.

In answer to your question 'what have you done about it' well as soon as I finished school I never socialised with them again. I'm facebook friends with them but that's about it.
 

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I always feel like the boring one! What I've learned, though, is that there are people who find me interesting and witty and amusing. I try to spend time with the people who make me feel good about myself - the people who value the same things I value about myself. But sometimes it's hard to find those people.

I hang out when it suits me. If people are offended or hurt that I don't hang out with them more, then I don't worry about it. The people worth having as friends are those who are happy when I am around, not upset when I'm not.

I feel I'm in the middle of a constant battle between having genuine friends (hard to find) and acceptable friends, those people you have around just so you're not completely alone. Do you stick it out and remain a loner until if and/or when you find genuine friends, or do you take what you can get? That's always my struggle.
 

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I recently had this problem while I was in Taiwan. At one point I basically thought that everyone I associated with hated me. I thought I was the most boring person there.

Turns out they all mostly like me and really enjoyed spending time with me, but just wish I had spent more time with them (I'm very introverted). One person said 'we all laugh more and have a better time when you're around.' I was confused/taken back by it a bit. Of course, my inner cynicism tells me 'familiarity breeds contempt', but their words didn't reflect that, at least.

You might be super boring, I guess, but there's also the chance that you're being really stupid and reading into things in completely the wrong way like I was. Do yourself a favor and don't jump to conclusions. Try to figure out for real how they perceive you, then made a decision.
 

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I understand your problem. I get in moods where I want to do things for a week, then I'm sitting in my room for a week and happy about it.

I'm typically the cautious one, or the one who doesn't really feel like doing something irresponsible every night and I, too, feel like my friends sit there when I decide to lay back from certain activities that I'm completely lame and a killjoy. And I'm honestly not, my friends are just really stupid. :laughing:

The whole, when I want to hang out, they don't necessarily want to thing that happened to me as well. Just keep trying and if they keep acting that way simply because you don't always feel like going out, they're probably not very good friends. There is no point in doing something you don't want to do, but maybe try to go a little more when they do ask if you're not totally opposed to it at that moment. Or maybe try to explain it to them?
 
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I use that phrase when I think the people I'm hanging out with drain my energy more than anybody ever does. Therefore, I leave them be 'cause I know and they know that I'm not worth their time.
 

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I had this problem growing up. Many of my friends invited me out often, but I wouldn't go and so the invitations stopped.

In order to curb the problem, sometimes I will go out and do something even when I'm not feeling up to it. I can't always expect them to hang out with me when I'm 'ready' just as they can't expect me to hang out with them every time they are as well. It's about compromising. It's a compromise on their part and yours. Sometimes they may have to settle with you not always being there, and you'll have to settle with having to hang out with them when you don't want to either.

It's really not fair to the other party if I'm only going to hang out with them when "I'm ready".

There is an understanding with my close inner circle of friends as a result of 10+ years in the making lol. They get me. They know I need time to relax, and I know they need time to hang out. There's no problems there.

With my new friends, it's something I've had to compromise to keep. There are times I've gone to things when I didn't feel so up to, but it's kept that line of communication open. They know it's worth inviting me just incase I'll show up because I've made it a point to show up enough to keep the invitations coming. I've also made it a point to show them that I'm invested in their friendship. If you're unwilling to make that compromise or if they're unwilling to, there is no need to keep the friendship going. Just walk away, don't regret the choice; it's just the way life is. You'll eventually find somebody who understands that about you and can respect it; keep your chin up.
 

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I have had this exact circumstance. Once I realized my own well being was more important than subjecting myself to my "friend's" whims I was able to take control of my own life. Let's face it, we are not always going to be hanging out with our friends boozing it up and staying out until 6am. My breaking point came and I finally said...enough. I realized as an INFJ I'm seen a little differently and even misunderstood most the time. I voiced the fact I always felt like I was the butt of most jokes and teasing, didn't at all enjoy the smoke filled air and quite frankly, I couldn't keep up with the alcohol drinking because I have a very low tolerance. I noted that life was too short to be hanging out in a bar with a bunch of 30 and 40-somethings. I refused to be pulled in that direction any longer and noted how I was going to separate myself from things that brought me down. 2 weeks after I walked away from it all, my friend called me. She changed her tune and came back to say how much she valued our friendship and she didn't want anything to get in the way of that. I stood my ground and I received what it was I needed all along - respect. Since then, things have been great! I no longer have to subject myself to the endless nights of smoke and drunkeness. We still plan to do things together but better yet, we now have an unspoken acceptance of each other. As is true with everyone - we are all different. They key is learning to accept people for their differences and respecting the decisions they make for themselves.

My advice...make more friends...spread your wings and stay true to yourself.
 
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I'd say do what you think is right. Just hang out with them when you're not busy or find the time for it. If they keep nagging and being dicks around you, then stop hanging out with them. There's better people out there and you deserve better.
 
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