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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was wondering if alot of other similar folks go through this freakout cycle:



1- Getting into a deep friendship or relationship (too) quickly with someone you relate to.

2- The other person, overjoyed at finding you, says "No one else has ever understood me so well! We must be meant for each other!" and becomes completely addicted to you.

3- You don't have the heart to tell them you've had this reaction from several other people before.

4- You can't discern your own feelings because you were caught off guard; too involved in theirs from the beginning.

5- You feel very anxious and trapped, but postpone the breakup as long as possible because you hate hurting anyone. But the more it happens, the faster you get it over with for both your sakes.

6- You start wondering if you are a chronic heartbreaker, even though that's the last thing you intended. :sad:
 

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i had exactly the same experience! i once let it on for 2 years!! and after i had enough, actually, more of after i met someone else who took my heart away, i broke it off and never contacted him again. I felt really cruel.... it happened again a couple of times, but i learnt my mistake and stop it sooner than later. :confused:
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Lately, however, I've been on the other end of the attachment. D:
Me too! But it helps that I recognize what the other person is going through.

The backing off probably wouldn't make sense to me otherwise. :shocked:
 
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Me too! But it helps that I recognize what the other person is going through.

The backing off probably wouldn't make sense to me otherwise. :shocked:
Definitely. If I didn't detach myself from people before, I likely wouldn't have a clue what to do in my current attached state. So I've detached myself to an extent from the other person, but I'm worried I might be going too far. I guess I'm still working on the balance! Any tips?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
i had exactly the same experience! i once let it on for 2 years!! and after i had enough, actually, more of after i met someone else who took my heart away, i broke it off and never contacted him again. I felt really cruel.... it happened again a couple of times, but i learnt my mistake and stop it sooner than later. :confused:
I think it takes a huge amount of courage for someone with alot of empathy to finally end things with someone who's more invested in you, than you are with them. Even if you're angry at them.

You did the right thing for yourself, but yes it does feel incredibly cruel at the time.

From time to time I get tempted to contact people like that again, and I know it's a personality weakness so I look for emotional support from healthy friendships that I need to stop looking back or the same thing will happen over again with feelings hurt worse than before.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Definitely. If I didn't detach myself from people before, I likely wouldn't have a clue what to do in my current attached state. So I've detached myself to an extent from the other person, but I'm worried I might be going too far. I guess I'm still working on the balance! Any tips?
I'm still working on finding that balance of empathy vs. detachment myself...

From my experience, what seems cruel or aloof to us heavy Feelers generally isn't seen that severely by the majority of other people. If it feels a little cruel, you're probably detaching just right. And after all, you really don't want other people to take advantage of you... it's a bit of necessary self-preservation.
 

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Ive never seemed to have this problem. Although for some reason no one really seems to understand me very well and no one really wants to open up to me that much either. Im not sure what it is. Id guess the two are connected and because they dont understand me they dont open up - which means no close relationships/friendships.
Dont get me wrong, I have close friends. It just doesnt happen like that.
 
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OMG yes it's scary sometimes I think it has a lot to do with that natural trait we have of "people pleasing" and not wanting to let anyone down or disappoint...lol! I have done this way too many times. It seems right, it seems natural but deep down you feel like something is off, or missing and don't want to commit but end of doing it sometimes because it "seems" right lol!

Then you feel trapped! :confused:

So I push them away somehow and act cold and distance... but being detached all time has actually hinder me in a lot ways as well, just being able to find a balance and tapping into the positive of the situation and not the negative helps too.

I discover having some type of mental note of what you want helps and when forming those bonds with people or relationships, to go over it mentally and being 100 percent sure, they meet them before moving forward! That way no one gets hurt and you don't have to feel guilt.
 

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This sounds oh so familiar to me too. I find it extremely difficult to date casually. Even if I'm not terribly interested in a person, I will always be extremely empathetic and worried about hurting them.

That super-ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes works against you. They feel like they met somebody that understands them completely and gets along with them swimmingly. Inside your mind it's a completely different story. And of course, it's bloody murder on you to actually tell them that.

The ability to maintain some distance and change your perception of "cruelty" is not easy. But I think necessary at some point...

Flip the coin. Have you ever been strung along?
The not knowing is way worse than an abrupt end, at least for me. I try to keep that in mind as I date. A clean cut with a razor is more painless and heals faster than a jagged wound made over a period of time with a butter knife...
 
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