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works, I've been 6 years in a relationship with a ESFP and it's great, she's happier than me, she lifts me up when I'm down and supports me, she admires me a lot as I admire her for exactly the opposite things. At the beggining was very difficult but once we learned to accept each other it went smooth... We obviously still argue sometimes but less and less as she acknowledge that she can't win an argument with me with reasons and I can't win against her when she puts the "feelings" factor on the table, so we learned to get along and benefits oursevles from the highlights of eachother. It works, I promise :)
You're totally right. The beginning of the relationship is difficult but over time it gets so much better.
 

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Something that has bothered me in this thread is that no one has mentioned that INTJ and ESFP use the exact same cognitive functions but in a different order.

Ni Te Fi Se
Se Fi Te Ni

For one: Se can look very much like Te (which INTJ uses). Se is very down to earth, and most of all practical.
Versus an ENFP that uses Ne, an ESFP would be MORE likely than an ENFP to get along well with it's NTJ counterparts, "theoretically". Obviously everyone person is different, but in theory, they should get along just fine.

Ne is less practical than Se in some cases. Se doesnt care about possibilities and "what could be", Se cares about what is going on right now, this moment. Its extremely logical in some people. I dont see why an NTJ wouldn't totally indulge in that sort of practicality unless the ESFP the OP is talking about is young and slightly less developed in other function areas.

Yes ESFPs are notorious for some reason to being less intellectual than the notoriously logical INTJ but sorry thats just crap, lol. Function wise they use the same ones. I think ESFP is better with an NTJ type much more than an NFP type.

OP, I hope you get her! I wish you luck <3
 

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Something that has bothered me in this thread is that no one has mentioned that INTJ and ESFP use the exact same cognitive functions but in a different order.

Ni Te Fi Se
Se Fi Te Ni

For one: Se can look very much like Te (which INTJ uses). Se is very down to earth, and most of all practical.
Versus an ENFP that uses Ne, an ESFP would be MORE likely than an ENFP to get along well with it's NTJ counterparts, "theoretically". Obviously everyone person is different, but in theory, they should get along just fine.

Ne is less practical than Se in some cases. Se doesnt care about possibilities and "what could be", Se cares about what is going on right now, this moment. Its extremely logical in some people. I dont see why an NTJ wouldn't totally indulge in that sort of practicality unless the ESFP the OP is talking about is young and slightly less developed in other function areas.

Yes ESFPs are notorious for some reason to being less intellectual than the notoriously logical INTJ but sorry thats just crap, lol. Function wise they use the same ones. I think ESFP is better with an NTJ type much more than an NFP type.

OP, I hope you get her! I wish you luck <3
Really good to bring this up. It is important to understand the whole thing with functions. Thank you!!
 

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You have to flatter the ESFP, first of all. Listen with rapt attention. Also, contrary to popular belief, ESFPs tend to enjoy stimulating conversation, just don't get too theoretical or she will quickly grow bored with the topic. Ask her questions, but nothing too personal. Keep your interactions light and fun. We don't like mood killers.

Also, I've found that ESFPs really appreciate introverts as long as they are willing to try new things and open up to them. I think they like to feel like they are they only ones you will really open up to.
 

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I find this thread intriguing. I myself have an ESFP who I've had my eye on for a while. I agree with some of the INTJ's on this thread; I admire her for the traits that I lack, and vice versa. I don't care if we would have in-depth discussions on determinism or existentialism...I have enough complex thought in my own life, and I find her vibrancy very refreshing. Right now I'm in the awkward "how do I ask her out?" phase.
 

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As the title says. Do you think it is possible for someone like me? What kind of romantic gestures and conversation topics help win you over?

To clarify, she has told me a while back that she found me very handsome, but I'm not sure how to proceed now. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
I date an INTJ. We've been together for 5 years now. His intelligence and humor won me over. It is very possible for you two to get together. Everyone is different though. Ask her what she likes. Show an interest in her. That should be enough to get the ball rolling.
My guy is goofy as hell..and so am I..so if you have something in common..like that...then play on it.
 

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I have been married to my INTJ husband for 11 years, and we were also high school sweethearts!

It is a very rewarding relationship! However, it can be very challenging at times as well. We truly have a lot of fun together. He makes me laugh and I take him on adventures! He also keeps me grounded. Sometimes as an ESFP I can get a little carried away by the wind. He also gives me different perspectives to consider, that I probably would never think about in the time of decision making. He is also a great friend. The biggest challenge we have faced so far is communication. As a ESFP I take criticism very hard and as an INTJ he judges a lot!
Finding out our personality types together we were able to understand a little more about each other. I try not to take things so personal and he try's not to be so critical of every situation.

My advice is, yes this can be a great ,long term satisfying relationship. Like ALL relationships, it what you are willing to put in, is what you will get back.

Listen to your ESFP and let them know they are being heard (we like that)! Quality time is always a good thing. We like surprises, and flowers! Anything can be an adventure if you package it right!!!
Good luck!
 

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Wonder if this works the other way around...

Not that I have any male ESFPs in mind. I'm just naturally curious if the dynamics would be different in that case due to gender roles and all that jazz.
 
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I read somewhere that female INTJs actually find male ESFPs annoying. But then again, the INTJ and ESFP relationship would depend on the individuals and how developed and mature they are.
 

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As the title says. Do you think it is possible for someone like me? What kind of romantic gestures and conversation topics help win you over?

To clarify, she has told me a while back that she found me very handsome, but I'm not sure how to proceed now. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
Old thread, but sure you can. ESFPs are often attracted to INTJs, and vice versa. Just be yourself. I tend to fall for INTJ curiosity and inquisitive mind, and the discussions we lead. And honesty and bluntness.

Both INTJs and ESFPs are part of the Gamma Quadra. Here is a little something on Gamma romance styles:

Romance Styles

Gammas usually have little time for "romance" in the "wooing" meaning of the term; relationships tend to develop rather as the meeting of two individuals interested in a relationship and each other. Elements of "courtship" or "romance" are seen as rituals with less meaning than the feelings involved. Relationships, also friendships, usually develop from exchanges of information, ideas, personal experiences of special significance, and mutual help, proceeding to activities together.

Gamma romantic interactions tend to focus on the longer-term prospects of the relationship in terms of definition, that is, for instance, even if it is to be a temporary relationship, this should be more or less clear, or at least in one's mind, from the beginning. General impatience with flirting for flirting's sake, or for fun; approaches and moves are made with a purpose, which may be altered down the road, nonetheless. Assumption that sexual innuendo and approaches are backed by some sort of emotional attachment. Once a relationship is established as being romantic, interactions tend to focus on physical and somewhat tough interplay and innuendo. Playful power-games, focusing on intensity of interactions and feelings.
Socionics Quadras: Gamma
 
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