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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm just looking for advice. There is a somewhat mutual attraction I have with someone who works in a different part of the building. She is divorced with a 9 year old son and has joint custody. I know she's interested, and I find her fun and attractive but if I were honest with myself, it's a situation that would quickly become complicated more than I would like.
What would you want to be told? I'm honestly just trying to be tactful because I do like her but am very hesitant about getting involved.
 

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Just to make this clear: Did you post this in the INFJ section because you like our advise the best or because you believe her to be an INFJ? It is somewhat unclear from your post.
 

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The Germans are taking over! RUN!

Uhm... on topic:

In what way do you fear that situation will become complicated?
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Just to make this clear: Did you post this in the INFJ section because you like our advise the best or because you believe her to be an INFJ? It is somewhat unclear from your post.
I like INFJ advice the best on this type of stuff. I think she is ESFP (and the ESFP forum is very sparse as you may notice). @PlushWitch 1) We work in the same building and I'm very private and hate gossip. 2) I believe one of my co-workers is also interested. 3) I'm open about dating someone who is divorced if I have a general idea of the reasoning, but when it comes to kids, I'm a little more hesitant to become involved because I am not certain how I feel about having kids of my own or being involved with someone who already has kids. I'm wishy washy at best, I guess.
 

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Depends how far along the relationship is. If you are just acquaintances or casual friends just keep it that way, or if you feel like you can't do that slowly back away. If you have a romantic relationship already I'd recommend honesty as the best policy. It might piss her off but it's better knowing it's her motherly status that has you freaked out and not her per se.
 

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Referral Princess
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How long has she been divorced? At least the kid isn't a toddler.... I would want to be told it's a crush that is nice from afar but that can get too emotionally messy up close (with the kid and all). If you're not ready for that kind of complexity in a relationship - just stay as friends for now. In fact, you might enjoy her more as that during this time. I wouldn't force anything....
 
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I would just become friends casually and see where it goes. That way you guys get a better 'feel' for one another without diving in head deep and sorting out the drama and complicatedness as it comes up. When you go the friend route, it'll either progress romantically or not, and there's ample time to decide you don't like what you see and cross relationship off the list with minimal hurt feelings.
 

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ahahaha... friend route... if at least one person is actually interested romantically....omg... something like that doesn't work out. I mean... how? Can't think of a way. It will always be the same as if you were slowly starting to date her without forcing too much...but the the thought "will there be more?" will be omnipresent. That's not friendship...imo.

1) We work in the same building and I'm very private and hate gossip.
Then be open about it from the beginning. So gossip will be futile.


2) I believe one of my co-workers is also interested.
If she's interested in YOU, you'll be the one who's got the right to be with her if you want to. And if that guy is not some kind of brute there shouldn't be a problem apart from him being hurt... but that's life.


3) I'm open about dating someone who is divorced if I have a general idea of the reasoning, but when it comes to kids, I'm a little more hesitant to become involved because I am not certain how I feel about having kids of my own or being involved with someone who already has kids. I'm wishy washy at best, I guess.
Find out what you want and then act accordingly.
If you're sure you don't want that kind of situation, tell her. If you're sure you want to try and that you want to handle it, then just let it happen.
But if you start dating her and still aren't sure about your stance it'll probably turn out to be quite painful for her in case she thinks you two are a good match ect.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Ya - I'm not a fan of the friend route - although I've done that before with INFJs actually. That just naturally evolved though because it wasn't really forced either way.
The co-worker actually got me the job and my dad is currently selling his house because he himself just went through a divorce. That's what is giving me pause because normally it's pretty much every man for himself.
Of course - just now she asked me to go hiking this weekend . . .
So I guess I'll see how that goes.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
How long has she been divorced? At least the kid isn't a toddler.... I would want to be told it's a crush that is nice from afar but that can get too emotionally messy up close (with the kid and all). If you're not ready for that kind of complexity in a relationship - just stay as friends for now. In fact, you might enjoy her more as that during this time. I wouldn't force anything....
I'm not sure how long - but it's been a long while. She also just got out of a relationship, so my antennae are up, as I assume hers would be if I were in the same situation. A friendship may just be the default resolution if we hang out this time and there isn't a lot of chemistry, which would be ok I suppose.
 

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Of course - just now she asked me to go hiking this weekend . . .
So I guess I'll see how that goes.
It seems like you're just going with the flow on this anyway....why stop? Just an observation.
 
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
It seems like you're just going with the flow on this anyway....why stop? Just an observation.
She smells like clovers. If I go with the flow something bad will probably happen.
 

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She smells like clovers. If I go with the flow something bad will probably happen.
Like ending up in bed with her, deciding you don't want to be with her when there's that child...abandoning her and not being able to go to work anymore because ... and stuff?
 
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Like ending up in bed with her, deciding you don't want to be with her when there's that child...abandoning her and not being able to go to work anymore because ... and stuff?
Yep all that stuff. See you know. Although I never "end up in bed" with anyone before a whole lot of talking. Honestly someone would have to rip my clothes off before I even realize what's going on.
 

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Yep all that stuff. See you know. Although I never "end up in bed" with anyone before a whole lot of talking. Honestly someone would have to rip my clothes off before I even realize what's going on.
If she's really an ESFP and if the stereotype is true she most definitely WILL rip your clothes off. :wink:...oh well... ...sorry. :laughing:
 
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Auntie Duckie
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Have you met her son and does he like you? If he likes you it could make things easier. If he dislikes you, I think you would be in for a new type of Hell that you may not be prepared for.

I'd suggest being honest and up front with her. No need for surprises later on in the relationship.

One last thought... if you did have a relationship, and then it ended, would you still be OK working at the same place together?

Just my $.02

-ZDD
 

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I like INFJ advice the best on this type of stuff. I think she is ESFP (and the ESFP forum is very sparse as you may notice). @PlushWitch 1) We work in the same building and I'm very private and hate gossip. 2) I believe one of my co-workers is also interested. 3) I'm open about dating someone who is divorced if I have a general idea of the reasoning, but when it comes to kids, I'm a little more hesitant to become involved because I am not certain how I feel about having kids of my own or being involved with someone who already has kids. I'm wishy washy at best, I guess.
I would say pursue with great caution and slowly. You may find, if and when you come to spend more time with this woman, that the child becomes somewhat less of an issue because she's worth it and you can accept they come as a package - obviously do not meet the child until you are certain you can cope with it. You may find she's not what you're after - and presumably she wouldn't have even attempted introducing you to her child and thus, you don't have to worry about the childs feelings etc at that point...

As a previously single mother, I would definitely say DO NOT GET INVOLVED as I would be PISSED if some guy showed interest, I then reciprocated and he THEN decided actually, he couldnt be arsed with my kids. And I mean PISSED.
 
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