[LawyersAdvocate]

Does attention ever bother you?

In social settings, I tend to attract a lot of attention with the things I say, which gets really exhausting, to be honest. My inquisitive nature and out-of-the-box reasoning tends to manifest itself in the form of mildly shocking rhetoric sometimes. I like when it leads to further discussion or to other people coming up with even more outlandish responses, but sometimes it just gets a big laugh. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it, but sometimes I fear that people may see it as an entertaining performance, as opposed to a chance for everyone in the conversation to engage and have fun with it.

Can anyone else relate?

 

[Coldspot]

I have anxiety about being paid attention to. I don't like others to know too much about me. The way I see it, the more people pay attention, the more that is revealed to them. For this reason, I have tried to keep a very low profile wherever I am (and much to my dismay, it seems people remember me no matter what).

 

[Bluity]

It depends on the kind of attention. Suddenly being put on the spot can be unnerving, especially when I thought no one was watching me. Long sustained attention on me, like interviews, make me break out in anxious sweats.

Brief stints of attention, like being thanked or my name being called, I don't mind so much.

I can't say I draw attention to what I say, because I don't speak much. But my silence invites all sorts of misconceptions about me, so when I do talk it can be surprising, not because of my "out of the box reasoning" but because I am usually nothing like what they expected.

 

[Umber]

For me having people attentive of me works in theory, however it doesn't work in practice.

 

[Entropic]

Can't say I relate, no. I'm so oblivious to this stuff. Of course, sudden focus on me only makes me nervous because it makes me wonder if I did a social faux pas but I don't mind holding speeches for example. I can be quite daring and aggressive in some aspects of my life.

 

[sleepyhead]

Does attention ever bother you?

In social settings, I tend to attract a lot of attention with the things I say, which gets really exhausting, to be honest. My inquisitive nature and out-of-the-box reasoning tends to manifest itself in the form of mildly shocking rhetoric sometimes. I like when it leads to further discussion or to other people coming up with even more outlandish responses, but sometimes it just gets a big laugh. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it, but sometimes I fear that people may see it as an entertaining performance, as opposed to a chance for everyone in the conversation to engage and have fun with it.

Can anyone else relate?

Like others have said, it really depends on the context and circumstances. I feel pretty confident in my work expertise so I don't usually have a big issue being the center of attention in that arena whether facilitating or giving a speech or having a conversation about practices. Due to some circumstances when I was younger I ended up giving a number of speeches at conferences and never found it to be a particularly stressful experience.

With close friends I can get into fairly intense discussions and not feel the least bit self conscious. I can get pretty loud and raucous and off the wall, but again, only a very small number of people get to see that.

I don't like being the center of attention when I don't have a specific role. In social settings I'm pretty likely to be hanging off to the side, listening to different conversations, taking it all in - but unless I'm somewhat comfortable with the people or fairly well versed in the subject matter I won't usually contribute. When the focus goes onto me when I'm not prepared I can get extremely self conscious, but sometimes I surprise myself and can hold my own fairly well.

 

[CataclysmSolace]

It bothers me to a degree. When I have anger flaring, I want nothing more to get attention and interact. However, at the same time I know I need to distance myself to avoid it becoming out of hand. The latter part is very similar to me experiencing any emotion. Overall, I dislike having attention.

If I feel the action is worthy enough, and I don't get much recognition; I do crave some attention to a degree. Over recognition/ attention that I find annoying, I try to subconsciously ignore it.

People do give me an adequate amount of attention, but I feel they know it is able to make me uncomfortable if they over do it. I try my best to not seem egocentric,arrogant, and blunt with others. I know some people in my life that have those qualities all the time, and I strongly dislike the attitude. I am able to place my opinions to the side however to interact with others.

If I find a valid reason to interact with another person, I will. Most of my days are shrouded in my veil of introversion. It feels nice to converse with others every once in a while.

 

[outofplace]

I avoid being the center of attention. It makes me very uncomfortable to be in the "spotlight" be it at work or at social gatherings.

 

[bluhorizon]

I don't mind attention for the most part I think, but it depends.

When I think about public speaking, the thought doesn't seem daunting. However, if I'm out there and everyone is watching me, that is intimidating. I don't care for that kind of attention.

In general, I never thought people paid much attention to me and what I do, but I don't think that's true. I think a lot of people pay more attention than what I use to think. I'm in my own head a lot so I don't notice unless it's right "in my face." I don't notice a lot of things some others may notice about be unless we're friends/family or it's a very big change.

If I want to talk, then I welcome the attention because I assume they're listening, and I want to be listened to when I am speaking. I don't think most attention unnerving unless it's that public speaking thing, or it's negative like I'm being made fun of or the brunt of a rude joke.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it, but sometimes I fear that people may see it as an entertaining performance, as opposed to a chance for everyone in the conversation to engage and have fun with it.

Now that does bother me. I remember in school when I started talking more that a lot of the time people laughed. I always seemed to make people laugh easily, whether I was trying to or not. It didn't bother me with friends, but sometimes there would be some smartass asking me some off the wall question--usually with some kind of audience, just to get a rise to see what I would say. I don't know if it's my voice, the things I say, or a combination with something else, but I never see what is so funny.

 

[LawyersAdvocate]

Now that does bother me. I remember in school when I started talking more that a lot of the time people laughed. I always seemed to make people laugh easily, whether I was trying to or not. It didn't bother me with friends, but sometimes there would be some smartass asking me some off the wall question--usually with some kind of audience, just to get a rise to see what I would say. I don't know if it's my voice, the things I say, or a combination with something else, but I never see what is so funny.

I see what you mean. In my case, I don't mind being the clown. I like the opportunity to catch people off-guard or make them laugh. What bothers me most are the moments when instead of laughing and carrying on with the conversation, people crack up, and the conversation ends. Most people I know would be thrilled with that kind of reaction, having the last word and delivering the punchline of the night. I just have this little (and possibly irrational) voice in the back of my mind saying, "Don't be too funny or people will start thinking you're just doing it for the attention." In all likelihood, it's probably just insecurity or the result of my hating people who desperately seek attention and hoping never to seen as one of them.

 

[epistemophile]

I kinda have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, if I am unprepared or don't have any role to play, I'm very uncomfortable with being the center of attention. On the other hand, if I know what to do, say, or have not so much a script as a repository of knowledge and experience to draw from, I really don't mind it, and can enjoy it sometimes. As far as the last laugh - it's more the conversation or jokes being over that unsettles me. I find that surprising, particularly when it's abrupt.

 

[Queen Qualia]

For me having people attentive of me works in theory, however it doesn't work in practice.

Yes, this, and I would say that I feel a strong desire, or impulse, for attention, but when I receive it, I'm never prepared: it's always unexpected or not how I thought it would be. And then I remember how much I hate it, and why did I want it again in the first place??? Can never come up with a good answer to that. I also get irritated if attention is drawn to something that wasn't what I wanted attention for. If I love my outfit for being springy and expressing how I feel today and being what I'm like, and these two someones compliment me, saying I look classy (that's rather subjective!), in that little second of exchange, I'm going to feel very frustrated: only realizing WHY later. It's ridiculous. That actually happened. And also that it was in front of other people they said it makes it worse. I don't know why. Being acknowledged or appreciated for intelligence or capability is less awkward for me than "tastes." If they had complimented me for "knowing how to put it together je ne sais quois, what made you think to do that?" would have been much easier than "you're so classy" with these Fe looks that are so intimidating to me, confusing, like there's something I'm supposed to be doing that's existence I'm not aware of. O_O

So much that I think and like and say and do is attention-getting by nature, consciously or subconsiously. Yet I never know what to do with the attention received and I repel from it, it overwhelms me: my face expressing that with a wince, going mute, blank: shutting down. And then seconds later I feel rude and crazy, and so get avoidant, acting all ashamed over almost nothing, which them proceeds to hurt the Fe friends. So perhaps if I can't handle attention, I should purposefully tone down a lot. But that's rather stifling! Yikes. I shouldn't enjoy what I enjoy because people won't leave me alone about it?

I would say overall, I don't like attention because it confuses me: so much to think about (and blocking it out and going along is painful, I will just get the feeling I missed something, and that feels irresponsible.) How can I tell if admiration is genuine? Or if I've made a mistake, and they're just being nice? Or if I'm a total idiot? How could I know without asking, which then draws MORE attention, and I am left asking the same questions all over again? It's so messy, lol. The best cure I find is to not have expectations of people's reactions, trying not to measure their reactions so much, and just don't be afraid to get cocky about whatever it is they like, it relieves pressure for everyone. But that's all draining, too. For an introvert.

 

[Jamie.Ether]

I wonder if this is a reason why it's hard to stay in the healthy range for type 5's. 5w4=The Iconoclast and when you integrate you act more like a type 8, brave, assertive, direct, taking charge. The iconoclast position with boldness is bound to get you a lot of attention, whether you want it or not. I feel like I take charge of my life and become convicted and strong, kicking butt pretty much. Then at some point I realize there are all these people looking at me, looking to me for answers and direction perhaps. There becomes this pressure and it's hard not to withdraw or at least get nervous and start making mistakes.

 

[Froody Blue Gem]

I don't really like being the center of attention, and try to avoid it as much as possible. It causes a lot of anxiety and it's one situation in life that I'm barely prepared for. If there are people in the group who don't know me well, the wrong impression will be given when I'm put in those types of situations. I prefer other people to be the center while I'm doing the listening, or I get to sit back and observe the people involved. I want to contribute and not to be completely ignored, but all eyes on me, just no. It's especially an uncomfortable experience when people start asking me a million questions when I'm the center of attention that I'm not prepared to answer.

It puts me on the spot, and I don't like people prying and overstepping boundaries. I prefer to get to know people at a slow pace. Not the other way around with other people watching me like an animal on a nature documentary. It's generally a draining experience too. If it's over something positive, or being recognized as a creative/competent person, that is an instance when I do appreciate it, only positive attention though. If it goes on for a long time, I don't know what to say and shrink away.

 

[Dare]

If I could have my way I'd be invisible (until I chose not to be). I half hate attention but I also half don't care about it either --> zero issues public speaking/dancing etc. I think the rub is more specific for me: can I control the attention I receive? If yes, it's fine, whatever. If no, ugh, that's harder.

So when I'm doing my moth-colored-clothes/low presence etc routine and I can pass fairly invisibly I'm happy, just as I'm fine with eyeballs noticing my more 'Dare' moments (even though I'm never doing that explicitly for attention). If I'm getting significant unwanted attention and I can't control it, that's likely to lead to me pulling a 'you think that deserves attention? Let me give you something truly deserving attention' moment (which I then quickly/coldly shut off to show both control and that their attention means absolutely nothing to me).



I guess I don't like being a 'victim' of attention, lol -- I realize attention is pleasureable to some, to me it's a security risk, especially when you know just being visible gets the tall-poppy-cutters at the ready, sharpening their scissors. The attention I receive in a professional setting congruent with my position/achievements is fine, but even then one of the (fantastically successful) people I admire most, seemingly a fellow 5, quoted Amimal Farm in response to being asked why he doesn't do more interviews:

"God gave me a tail to keep off the flies. But I'd rather of had no tail and no flies."

I've never hoped for attention/fame and have always looked forward to living somewhere I can neither see neighbors, nor can they see me. I've always been attracted to the depth & intricacies of a rich 'private life'. Public life feels fake, insubstantial -- when it doesn't seem like a script/act, it often seems like a race to the lowest common denominator (no doubt a non 5/non social blind/non introvert will see these things very differently). My 5 brain also seems to believe there is power, or perhaps at least freedom, in anonymity (weird, especially in this social media age, I know).

Of course, given my introversion, my perspective could be somewhat wishful thinking. I've had odd encounters like being asked where I live by someone in a neighboring town and then this completely random person I've never met before says "there's a girl who lives their who....." and, wtf, I am that girl! I've also had embarrassing experiences where people know me somewhat when I don't ever recall having met. Maybe I'm the one not looking (and then projecting blindness). I could very well be the bird who's happy she's invisible (and got it under control -- yeah!) while others wonder why this ostrich has her head in the sand. "We can see you, you know". Le sigh.

All I know is I like my privacy & control, not attention (even if I don't care enough about attention to actually hate it).

 

[Eu_citzen]

While I in general prefer not to be in the center of attention (unless i choose so), I do not mind it terribly much. You can kind of get used to it.
Typically it doesn't last long enough that I can't get some rest afterwards.

Public speaking, etc is not an issue for me either.

 

[d e c a d e n t]

I like attention... on my terms. :happy:

 

[nonnaci]

Closer to instinctual typing. I feel that group conversations are overly constrained (common denominator low, have to pay attention many cues, turn waiting, etc) and typically get trapped into shitty small-talk scenarios about topics that are merely acceptable. I also know SO first types who are great story tells that love having an audience. Personally, I try to either break apart the group conversation into smaller ones (2-3 other people) or just do 1-1 (SX > SO)