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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've recently noticed that I've been becoming more and more attracted to damaged people.

My current girlfriend is on both anti depression and anti anxiety meds, she frequently has panic attacks and her relationship with her family is anything but normal, and she has a few other issues, and yet this makes her seem more appealing to me.

Normally, this would indicate I have some burning desire to fix people. I do not however, instead I find that I simply want to comfort.

Are there others out there like me?
 

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They say narcissists love "fixer uppers" because they can control them. I don't necessarily think you're one, though.

I think you should be careful of calling someone "damaged" because they have depression/anxiety. These are extremely common disorders that can be caused by all sorts of things. Some people are just more susceptible. Women have a lower threshold for stress and will tend to go into hypervigilance mode sooner than men will.

Just try not to frame it in your mind like you're the "healthy" one and she isn't. We all have issues, we've all been knocked around by life. Also, avoid thinking you can make things all better.
 

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i know exactly what you mean

i think it comes down to insecurity on your part. you arent happy with yourself, so you go out to fix others who are in need of help. problem is, do they need you, or just your help? for the short term, it probably wont matter since it is benefiting both of you, but what happens long term? when you fix them? will they still need you? or what if they cant be fixed, will you get tired?

i know you what mean because i get this too. with people who seem to have everything 'sorted', i feel i have nothing to offer them, even though myself should be enough in a relationship, when people are happy it can feel i have nothing to give that they dont already have
 
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I think you should be careful of calling someone "damaged" because they have depression/anxiety. These are extremely common disorders that can be caused by all sorts of things. Some people are just more susceptible. Women have a lower threshold for stress and will tend to go into hypervigilance mode sooner than men will.

Just try not to frame it in your mind like you're the "healthy" one and she isn't. We all have issues, we've all been knocked around by life. Also, avoid thinking you can make things all better.
This!
It is harsh to classify some people as 'damaged' just because they struggle in certain areas such as social situations, mood swings or relationships. Almost everyone does, it is just a spectrum.That description also has connotations with the idea of that person being 'damaged goods', which is offensive.

The concept of individuals as damaged however also suggests vulnerability, this could appeal to your caring and nuturing side. Or it could be an exploitative urge, whether consciously or not.
 

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I am prone to mild depression (or just excessive melancholy as I like to call it) and I get incredibly anxious though I havent officially been diagnosed I suppose, but I'd say I function normally as observed by 99.9% of the population. Its sort of funny because my boyfriend even told me that before he knew be better and before I opened up to him, he thought I was perfectly happy all the time and to know that I wasnt anywhere near that actually attracted him more to me. Its sort of odd, but I see where it comes from because I dont LIKE other people's problems, I just want to help them, and am satisfied when I make them happy or help them out.
 

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People who project their damaged-ness are looking for a fixer or someone to need. Sadly, most of us tend to fit that description. When analyzing relationships, you just have to be cold. Pros and cons. If it's hurting you, get out.

I tend to find that I want to fix people. Being needed irritates me, because I like being self-sufficient and I expect my future mate to be like that as well. If someone needs me (family excepted) it means that they aren't functioning properly on their own. <----- not healthy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Just try not to frame it in your mind like you're the "healthy" one and she isn't. We all have issues, we've all been knocked around by life. Also, avoid thinking you can make things all better.
I'm aware I'm not perfect, I've just noticed that I've been becoming increasingly attracted to people that are.... differently normal.

People who project their damaged-ness are looking for a fixer or someone to need. Sadly, most of us tend to fit that description. When analyzing relationships, you just have to be cold. Pros and cons. If it's hurting you, get out.
Thats just it, its not hurting me at all. In fact I do love the girl I'm dating. I think she's amazing, and I love the fact that shes not entirely normal, because it means shes not like most of the other girls I know.

I think I need to be needed a little bit (odd for an INTP, I know), but I think I also find that people that fit the societal definition of mentally stable bore me.
 

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I've recently noticed that I've been becoming more and more attracted to damaged people.

My current girlfriend is on both anti depression and anti anxiety meds, she frequently has panic attacks and her relationship with her family is anything but normal, and she has a few other issues, and yet this makes her seem more appealing to me.

Normally, this would indicate I have some burning desire to fix people. I do not however, instead I find that I simply want to comfort.

Are there others out there like me?
I wouldn't say its the need to "fix", but rather to nurture

I feel i have this same problem. I attract, and am attracted to, guys with big emotoinal issues.

I would spend more time watching her and yourself, and make note of what and why you are actually attracted to in her. IF its specific things about her, then be comforted, but wary. If its the feeling of being with her, the experience of being with her, in a more vague sense, then just be wary.
 

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Maybe relationships seem more real to you when one of the people openly has problems. I used to find myself attracted to that but I think it's because of the way my family was. I thought broken people were more real, and with my experience I can relate to them easier because I've always had to play the fixing role.
 
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