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Discussion Starter #1
I read avalanche183's post somewhere, so i was inspired to post about this.

Quoting avalanche:
"I want to find someone I feel inferior to. I want someone more intelligent than me. I want to feel like I have to work for them, yet also hold their respect in a different aspect."

I totally agree with this. It's like it came straight out of my head, but through telepathy, was typed from avalanche's computer. :crazy: I'm attracted to someone I can learn from, someone who can teach me, etc. And I like the idea of constantly growing and learning. Intelligence wise, someone who knows more about the stuff i'm interested in and can teach me. But like avalanche said, I want to hold their respect in another way, not sure exactly what though. (based on this, i now understand why i seem to be attracted to older iNTJ men...)

Do you guys relate to this?!

:blushed:
 

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i tend to find myself having in depth, abstract conversations with my friends moms lol. The problem is that most infjs are far more intelligent than most people their age so its hard to find smarter people in your age range.
 

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I definitely want someone intelligent but I don't know about "older and wiser" - perhaps someone who's wise in other areas so we can bounce ideas off each other and learn from each other. I want an equal regardless of age.
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I've always gotten along better with older people. I remember when I started waitressing back in high school I'd get along better with the older customers that I did my HS friends half the time!! I still go to visit those older people once in a while because they've developed a sense of insightfulness, which most people my age or younger are lacking.

I can kind of relate to what avalanche is saying. I can think of only two guys that have REALLY intrigued me -- one was an INTJ and the other an ENTP. Both challenge me mentally to keep up with them, but clearly it was in a unique way. However, I would not go so far as to say "they are more intelligent than me" because I could run with them, but its just that I am a more sensitive and passionate person while they analyze more.
I want an equal... and I can only see myself having an equal if they are NT.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
im okay with admitting someone is more intelligent or superior to me in their thinking. for me, i think we could be considered "equals" even if i am able to say that he is more intelligent than i am. because the idea is that i am more superior to him or intelligent than him in another aspect.. probably emotional sensitivity or understanding or ability to love maybe? that way there is a balance. but i know definitely that he has to be far more superior to me in intelligence, theories, stuff like that. with peers, i have a hard time... i mean i could respect them as individuals or tolerate them, but i would have a hard time being in a relationship with someone who has an equivalent understanding of things as i do, just because 1) i feel like the older i get, the less i know and 2) because of that, i need to learn more and grow more. So if we're both on the same intelligence level, i would feel like it would just be a growing relationship of laziness and stagnation of the mind.
 

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I think one should try to find a partner that one can be proud of, but putting people on a pedestal in a relationship should be avoided at all costs. So personally I would like to find someone that I could treat as an equal but at the same time be proud of them as a person rather than make it superiority/inferiority deal. I have a problem with philosophy of finding someone who you can "work for" because then the question arises, why can't you do this work for yourself? is your sense of self-worth too low that you need another person to validate you? So here I decided to side with the opposing view that you should work to achieve your own goals and then invite people to share your life with them. Besides I have in past been courted by a guy who adopted that first philosophy of finding girls he could "work for". Lets just say that in between relationships or when things weren't going so well with his girlfriend, he was pretty miserable and even quit his job and sit home and play games all day long because he couldn't motivate himself from his core. It was not a pretty sight.
 

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This is exactly how I feel. I prefer the IDEA of being with someone older and more mature then me. I put my loved ones on a pesdestal though. I don't feel very mature myself, so I like the idea of someone taking care of me
 
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Discussion Starter #9
oh.. i sort of get what you are saying.. i can see how it could be seen as placing someone on a pedestal, especially if it's phrased as "work for." i guess the word choice of superior/inferior is also a bad choice

for me, it's someone that challenges me with ideas and thoughts, to introduce me to think more about things i havent thought about before. and the other way around, where i challenge him with ideas and thoughts about things he hasn't thought about before, but not in the same topic or thing.. it's about avoiding mental stagnation in a relationship like i wrote above. obviously, i'm not in a relationship right now but i'm still pursuing different things, but in a relationship, i dont want to sit there and talk about the things im pursuing. i want to hear about what he has to say, his perspective on these things, and vice versa where we are teaching each other things the other doesnt know about.

when i was younger, i was appalled at the idea of admitting someone knew more than i did, but as i get older, i realize i know less about the world and that is why i am attracted to someone who knows more about certain things. note i said certain things... not everything.

i think it takes a mature person to accept and acknowledge that someone else knows more about them is more knowledgeable about something else. for me, the idea of being "equal" has nothing to do with intelligence. i consider other people my equals, and respect them as human beings or tolerate whoever they are. but i've found friendships/relationships overall more stimulating when we both have something to learn from the other, and hey, i'll be the one to say it, but i definitely don't know everything about the world, and i have no problem admitting this, and wanting to learn more. :happy:
 

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Discussion Starter #10
in response to the poster above mine though, i'd have to disagree with the idea of someone taking care of me. that just makes me want to throw up! :confused:
 

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I need that mental challenge of knowing I have more to learn with the person I am with, the quote pretty much summed it up

I'm attracted to older people greatly, It's so rare I get along with someone my age. ENFPs our great because their mind never stops coming up with brilliant plans. When I think i can predict what they are going to do, they change it up. Stay childlike on the outside yet on the inside..no no no.
 

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I get on better with people who are older than me. At my last job all the people in my office were a lot older than me by at least 20 years and I got on really well with them. I felt like I could have 'mature' conversations with them. I just find it hard to relate to younger people as there always seems to be so much drama all the time. And younger people tend to be more fickle.

I also find that I am attracted to guys who are older than me too. For me it's about finding someone who knows what they want and is confident in his own skin.
 

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Let me say this - I've been in a relationship where I was the wiser of the two. Although it feels great to be needed that way, everyone needs to grow and learn. I struggled to find a common plane in which we could relate then proceed forward learning from each other. I think a relationship has to be a fairly equal give and take. The most rewarding relationship to date was not one where I was the wiser one...but one where we had common ground and we each had various skills that gave us simultaneous growth.
 
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