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MOTM Feb 2012
ISTJ 9w1
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Discussion Starter #1
Hello fellow enneagram enthusiasts!

I was wondering if it is particularly common to be attracted to others whose main type is your wing and vice versa. Generalized, this would mean an XwY attracted to a YwX.

Do you have any experience in relationships (friendship/romantic) with your "opposite"? Have you heard of any compatibility theory like this? Do you have any random thoughts on the subject? If so, please share. :happy:
 

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Old Man
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Mirrored I suppose, I do not know a 4w3 other than my sister.

I'm an ENTP 3w4
Her an ENFP 4w3.

Incredibly volatile teenage/preteen years, as adults we get along fantastically.

By Enneagram type; I'm technically closer to a 4w5 (consider my 3w4(sw4w5)), I could easily love/friend a 4. I love how similar we can be, but have a completely unaligned center.
 

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I have many random thoughts on the subject. My sisters last boyfriend since 7 years was a 9w8. My last girlfrient was a 9w8. My mums last two guys were 9w1's. My sister is a 7w6. I've found it hard/impossible to be attracted to 7w6/6w7.

I think because familiarity & predictability kills attraction. There are also a set of completely non-sexual behaviours acquired over a lifetime rigged into my nervous system against somone of that type. It's really hard to break out of.

Thats why attraction can still be present to non bloodrelated cousins, they don't know so well. Humans can smell whether immune systems are compatible or not. Compatible means "different". There are 6 switches that can be ither "this" or "this", if all of them differ, attraction is maximum. If all the same (like with ur brother/sister), its at its lowest :shocked:
 

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MOTM Feb 2012
ISTJ 9w1
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Discussion Starter #4
I have many random thoughts on the subject. My sisters last boyfriend since 7 years was a 9w8. My last girlfrient was a 9w8. My mums last two guys were 9w1's. My sister is a 7w6. I've found it hard/impossible to be attracted to 7w6/6w7.

I think because familiarity & predictability kills attraction. There are also a set of completely non-sexual behaviours acquired over a lifetime rigged into my nervous system against somone of that type. It's really hard to break out of.

Thats why attraction can still be present to non bloodrelated cousins, they don't know so well. Humans can smell whether immune systems are compatible or not. Compatible means "different". There are 6 switches that can be ither "this" or "this", if all of them differ, attraction is maximum. If all the same (like with ur brother/sister), its at its lowest :shocked:
Interesting. I've heard something like this before, with regards to the MHC. But then again, do you think such biological things are related to type? I assumed enneagram was a largely "nurture" theory, while MBTI was largely "nature". Thus, there is likely no correlation between enneagram type and MHC dissimilarity (and thus attractiveness). Which also seems to disprove my hypothesis, but I'd still like to hear from others about their personal experiences.
 

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MOTM Feb 2012
ISTJ 9w1
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Discussion Starter #5
Okay, well I guess I'll share my observations.

The reason I say this is because I believe my parents are ISFJ 6w5 and INTP 5w6 (although my mom could be 6w7). On Myers Briggs terms, they seemingly wouldn't get along very well at all (and they don't) but they are still together after all of these years. I think part of the initial spark could have been the fact that they saw a little bit of themselves in each other's wing, as well as being intrigued by their almost-opposite.

As a 9w1, I seem to get along with 1w9s, but they also can stress me out sometimes with their superego. I am always striving to increase the strength of my 1 wing.

What are other theories? That you get along with your others of the type you integrate to? (That doesn't sound right because one person's integration is the other person's disintegration.)
 

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I'm a 1w9, and 9w1s and I just don't really click for relationships. I had one long-standing friendship with a 9w1, but eventually it fizzled due to the superego stuff you mentioned. I've had one relationship with a 9w8, and it was a bit better (though conflict often was a bit rocky).

My friends tend to be E5s and E4s, for the most part.

Also, this chart might help you out with regards to marriage statistics, at least.
 

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Interesting. I've heard something like this before, with regards to the MHC. But then again, do you think such biological things are related to type? I assumed enneagram was a largely "nurture" theory, while MBTI was largely "nature". Thus, there is likely no correlation between enneagram type and MHC dissimilarity (and thus attractiveness). Which also seems to disprove my hypothesis, but I'd still like to hear from others about their personal experiences.
The enneagram is VERY inheritable. VERY. IMTB is also very inheritable. Of all relationships that I know both enneagram types. I know 1 that share 1 wing. 0 that shares pure type. The sharing ones are man 8w9, wife 9w1. So they dont SHARE wing, but they have E 9 in common.

They talk a lot about upbringing
so on in the theory of Enneagram. I a sense, it should be NURTUE since it the EGO we are talking about. I think that is the thought.
 

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I do think I am very attracted to Type 7s (which I should integrate to as a type one). So maybe there is something to the theory about being attracted to the type you integrate to. Maybe I could also be attracted to Type 4s, but I don't know of any to see if that is true.

I couldn't really answer for you if I am attracted to any 9w1s though, because I am not sure if I know of any in real life.
 

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What are other theories? That you get along with your others of the type you integrate to?
Noooooo! D: I don't get along with the Sixes I know in real life at all. Not an issue of "I hate the type because of the few people I know of that type," but of "So many of these people repel me, and they just happen to be an unhealthy mutation that type."

I've heard of idolizing people of your second fix, which makes a lot more sense to me.

As for 4w3... I've never typed anyone irl 4w3. My subwing is 3w2, though, and a huge chunk of my friends are that type.
 

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I do think I am very attracted to Type 7s (which I should integrate to as a type one). So maybe there is something to the theory about being attracted to the type you integrate to. Maybe I could also be attracted to Type 4s, but I don't know of any to see if that is true.

I couldn't really answer for you if I am attracted to any 9w1s though, because I am not sure if I know of any in real life.
Don't care about sevens. Ask yourself: were you ever attracted to a 1? Second question: were you even attracted to someone (after knowing their personality) who had a 1 wing?

I've found attraction can be there, as it is very physical for guys. It's just hard to get "it on" in a conversation. The sassy back-and-forth conversation is hard to get. Takes a lot more energy/work. You seldom get the VERY UNEXPECTED comebacks you often get from types that differ, since their whole way of function is different.
 

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I've heard of idolizing people of your second fix, which makes a lot more sense to me.
Can you share more on this?

@MBTI Enthusiast. I'm not sure. I'm currently involved with someone who I think is either a 8w7 or 8w9. Haven't been able to tell which wing yet. All I can say is I have an uncanny attraction to him. Nothing like I've had before. So, I dunno.

However, I find myself compatible with Eights in general. My theory is that I am most compatible to: my wing - Eights, my integration point - Fives, my disintegration point: Ones.

As a side note I'm also compatible with Twos maybe because Eights integrate to Two and 8w7 is in my tri-type. Now, I'm wondering if I'm 3w4 or 3w2 in my tri-type. I need to look into this one more.

Great thread. I hope others will weigh in on this topic.
 

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Can you share more on this?
My second fix is 1w2, which happens to be the type of people I look up to.

I found this today, btw http://personalitycafe.com/enneagram-personality-theory-forum/31918-enneagram-demographics.html#post687965 and here are the stats themselves Demographics

Marriage patterns are not random. For example, of all female 8s, 37% of them married male 9s, even though only 19% of all men were 9s. There are a lot of such pairings that happen at far above chance levels...

People marry along a line of integration 38% more often than chance. For example, 7-1 and 3-6 marriages were common, as were male 2s-female 4s, male 3s-female 9s, and several other such combinations...

Although people avoided marrying their own types, they did not show any avoidance of adjacent (wing) types. A preference for wing types was not seen either...
 

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MOTM Jan 2012
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Interesting. I've heard something like this before, with regards to the MHC. But then again, do you think such biological things are related to type? I assumed enneagram was a largely "nurture" theory, while MBTI was largely "nature". Thus, there is likely no correlation between enneagram type and MHC dissimilarity (and thus attractiveness). Which also seems to disprove my hypothesis, but I'd still like to hear from others about their personal experiences.
I have a feeling that all of my immediate family is a gut fixer, i.e. we all have anger problems. How's that for nurture? haha

I could see how I would be attracted to an 8, because I've noticed that I find "weakness" very unattractive.
 

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@Nomenclature

I've heard of idolizing people of your second fix, which makes a lot more sense to me.

I know I idolize my wing a lot. E 5 that is. Do you guys find yourself idolize your second wing a lot? I also idolize T-attributes in myers-briggs.
 

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MOTM Jan 2012
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^ I don't know if I would call it idolizing, but I do wish I were an 8.
 
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MOTM Feb 2012
ISTJ 9w1
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Discussion Starter #16
@Nomenclature

I've heard of idolizing people of your second fix, which makes a lot more sense to me.

I know I idolize my wing a lot. E 5 that is. Do you guys find yourself idolize your second wing a lot? I also idolize T-attributes in myers-briggs.
I do idolize 1s. They are the "real" ISTJs I aspire to be. I don't know if I idolize 3s. I can't say I've met one IRL, but I think I'd idolize my wing more than my second fix.
 

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huh. this is interesting! i wish i could contribute more to the discussion but i havent had
much experiences with 6w5s... but anyway if it helps i just read the 6w5 description and it seems really likeable! it sounds like someone who i would want to get to know

going to lurk this thread to see what others say...
 

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I've talked to many 5s, especially 5w6s and it's always fun. They help bring out my 5 wing and we usually end up talking for hours on multiple intellectual subjects. I wouldn't mind befriending more, but a relationship with one? I'm a bit suspicious, as they seem to have many of the same faults I do, and those differences might corrode the relationship. I can see us becoming paranoid of each other, but there's also the arrogant, withdrawn, and judgmental factors to consider as well. Not saying it can't work, but it would take a lot of effort, especially if they're unhealthy.

I seem to get along better with 9s, which is logical, considering that 6s move toward that level (growth), and we seem to compliment each other while having enough differences to keep things interesting.

huh. this is interesting! i wish i could contribute more to the discussion but i havent had
much experiences with 6w5s... but anyway if it helps i just read the 6w5 description and it seems really likeable! it sounds like someone who i would want to get to know

going to lurk this thread to see what others say...
6w5 here. Questions? Ask away.
 
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hmm...i don't think so. i'm 5w4 and i have never been attracted to a male type 4. i think it's because i don't like emotionalism at all...and seeing it in a guy is a turn off for me. i have a very heavy 4 wing and have always had trouble fighting my moods...i hate the feeling i get when i can sense my emotion is taking over rather than being able to remain rational.

i would find it extremely frustrating to have to be in a relationship with someone who was at all moody or allowed feelings to override logic. that would not bode well for conflict resolution and i can't just sweep problems under the rug.

i have noticed that i do prefer a guy who is not super strong on the thinking/analytical side. he needs to be able to have the gift of empathy as i don't see it readily learned or acquired behavior.

i think i would be most attracted to a healthy 8 and secondly a healthy 5. (health level is key as the unhealthy male 8s and 5s i avoid). the 4w5 male just seems too effeminate for me.
 
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